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The Road to Wellville (film) Quotes

The Road to Wellville (film) is a television program that first aired in 1970 . The Road to Wellville stopped airing in 1970.

It features Alan Parker as producer, Rachel Portman in charge of musical score, and Peter Biziou as head of cinematography.

The Road to Wellville (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Road to Wellville (film) is 118 minutes long. The Road to Wellville (film) is distributed by Columbia Pictures.

The cast includes: Anthony Hopkins as Dr. John Harvey Kellogg, Matthew Broderick as William Lightbody, Camryn Manheim as Virginia Cranehill, Bridget Fonda as Eleanor Lightbody, Colm Meaney as Dr. Lionel Badger, John Cusack as Charles Ossining, Dana Carvey as George Kellogg, John Neville as Endymion Hart-Jones, Lara Flynn Boyle as Ida Muntz, John Cusack as Charles, and Michael Lerner as Goodloe Bender.

The Road to Wellville (film) Quotes

Matthew Broderick as William Lightbody

  • (Matthew Broderick) "Oh, no, no, I can't eat fifteen gallons of yoghurt."
  • (Anthony Hopkins) "Oh, it's not going in that end, Mr. Lightbody."
  • (Matthew Broderick) "They're dead. They've been electrocuted."
  • (John Neville) "Rather a severe cure for flatulence, I do admit."
  • (Matthew Broderick) "You were masturbating."
  • (Colm Meaney) "I was not. I was massaging my colon."
  • (Matthew Broderick) "Massaging your colon. I know where the colon is and it doesn't stick up in the air."
  • (Waiter) "What would you like for dinner?"
  • (Matthew Broderick) "Toast."
  • (Waiter) "And how would you like that, sir?"
  • (Matthew Broderick) "Toasted."

Anthony Hopkins as Dr. John Harvey Kellogg

  • (Anthony Hopkins) "Poult, I believe you've suffered a heart attack."
  • (Anthony Hopkins) "Worse, much worse, you're dead, sir. Could you have picked a better place to die, Poult? Instead of out here in the street in front of everybody? Some poster child for biological living you are."
  • (Unnamed) "Sir, how often should one evacuate one's bowels?"
  • (Anthony Hopkins) "One should never, ever, interrupt one's desire to defecate. I have inquired at the Bronx and London Zoos as to the daily bowel evacuations of primates. It is not once, twice, or three times, sir, but four. At the end of an average day, their cages are filled with a veritable mountain of natural health."
  • (Unnamed) "And, sex?"
  • (Anthony Hopkins) "Sex is the sewer drain of a healthy body, sir. Any use of the sexual act other than procreation is a waste of vital energy. Wasted seeds are wasted lives."
  • (Unnamed) "Uh, eating meat?"
  • (Anthony Hopkins) ""He that killeth the ox is as if he slew a man." Each juicy morsel of meat is alive, and swarming with the same filth as found in the carcass of a dead rat. Meat eaters, sir, are drowning in a tide of gore. What is a sausage? A sausage is an indigestible balloon of decayed beef, riddled with tuberculosis. Eat and die. For I have seen many a repentant meat glutton his body full of uric acid and remorse, his soul adrift on the raft in the ocean of poisonous slime, sloshin' against the walls of the body's kitchen."
  • (Unnamed) "Smoking?"
  • (Anthony Hopkins) "The liver is the only thing standing between the smoker and death. Also certain other things have to be avoided -- like, uh, feather beds, and romantic novels -- and the, uh, touching of one's organs. Masturbation is the silent killer of the night. The vilest sin of self-pollution. It is the sin of Onan."
  • (Unnamed) "Uh, Dr. Kellogg, how did you come to invent the corn flake?"
  • (Anthony Hopkins) "The corn flake, sir, is just one of my 75 creations for heathy livin', among them peanut butter and the electric blanket."
  • (Unnamed) "And what about your imitators? There are 103 other corn flakes presently being manufactured here in Battle Creek."
  • (Anthony Hopkins) "Sir, corn is the injuns gift to the new world, and the corn flake is my gift to the entire world."
  • (Unnamed) "And what do you think about your brother?"
  • (Anthony Hopkins) "My brother, W.K. Kellogg, worked for me as a low-paid assistant for many years. Now he's off on his own and amassin' fortunes with my corn flake invention. Unfortunately, he has chosen the family name to promote it. But the whole world knows only one Kellogg: me, Dr. John Harvey Kellogg. Surgeon, inventor, author, and crusader for biological livin'. I do not seek monetary rewards, for I am called to a greater glory. Here at the Battle Creek Sanitarium, the spirits soar, the mind is educated, and the bowels; -the bowels are born again."
  • (Anthony Hopkins) "My own stools, Sir, are gigantic and have no more odor than a hot biscuit."
  • (Anthony Hopkins) "An erection is a flagpole on your grave."
  • (Anthony Hopkins) "Build up your resolve, not your genitals."

John Cusack as Charles Ossining

  • (John Cusack) "You hooked me like a fish, Bender. You scaled me, you gutted me, you stuffed me and fried me, chewed me up, swallowed me, and shat me out again."
  • (Ernest O'Reilly) "You Charlie Ossining?"
  • (John Cusack) "Yes."
  • (Ernest O'Reilly) "Mr. Bender says you're to come with me."
  • (John Cusack) "Good God boy, where's the cab?"
  • (Ernest O'Reilly) "No cab, Mr. Bender says to walk."
  • (John Cusack) "Is it far?"
  • (Ernest O'Reilly) "It wouldn't be if we weren't walking."
  • (John Cusack) "The doctor is a very great man."
  • (Dana Carvey) "He's a f*** pig. I hate him."
  • (John Cusack) "With friends like you, who needs enemas?"

Camryn Manheim as Virginia Cranehill

  • (Camryn Manheim) "The fresh air, the exercise, and the pleasure of a leather saddle between one's thighs."
  • (Bridget Fonda) "Why, Virginia, what do you mean?"
  • (Camryn Manheim) "Bicycle smile, I believe they call it."
  • (Camryn Manheim) "Marriage is just legalized prostitution, my dear."

Michael Lerner as Goodloe Bender

  • (Michael Lerner) "Health. The 'open sesame' to the sucker's purse."

Lara Flynn Boyle as Ida Muntz

  • (Lara Flynn Boyle) "Do you masticate, Mr. Lightbody?"

Bridget Fonda as Eleanor Lightbody

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

John Neville as Endymion Hart-Jones

  • (John Neville) "The enemas take some getting used to, but, in time, you'll learn to look forward to them like an old friend with a cold nose."

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