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The Wedding Singer Quotes

The Wedding Singer is a TV show that appeared on TV in 1970 . The Wedding Singer completed its run in 1970.

It features Robert Simonds as producer, Teddy Castellucci in charge of musical score, and Tim Suhrstedt as head of cinematography.

The Wedding Singer is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Wedding Singer is 96 minutes long. The Wedding Singer is distributed by New Line Cinema.

The cast includes: Adam Sandler as Robbie, Angela Featherstone as Linda, Kevin Nealon as Mr. Simms, Drew Barrymore as Julia, Ellen Albertini Dow as Rosie, Jon Lovitz as Jimmie Moore, Allen Covert as Sammy, Matthew Glave as Glenn, Christine Taylor as Holly, Frank Sivero as Andy, Jodi Thelen as Kate, and Robert Smigel as Andre.

The Wedding Singer Quotes

Adam Sandler as Robbie

  • (Adam Sandler) "Who'd like to dance with this lovely young lady?"
  • (Grandpa at Bar Mitzvah) "I'd like to do more than dance with her."
  • (Adam Sandler) "All right, everybody out on the dance floor. No exceptions. Look at all the happy couples."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Hey, somebody get some pants on this kid."
  • (Adam Sandler) "That's it, man, starting right now, me and you are going to be free and happy the rest of our lives."
  • (Allen Covert) "I'm not happy. I'm miserable."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Wha; what?"
  • (Allen Covert) "See -- I grew up idolizing guys like Fonzie and Vinnie Barbarino because they got a lot of chicks. You know what happened to Fonzie and Vinnie Barbarino?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "Yeah, I read that Fonzie wants to be a director and Barbarino, I think -- the mechanical bull movie? I didn't see it yet."
  • (Allen Covert) "Their shows got canceled. Because no one wants to see a fifty-year-old guy hitting on chicks."
  • (Adam Sandler) "So what are you saying?"
  • (Allen Covert) "What I'm saying is all I really want is someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be all right."
  • (Old man in bar) "Everything is going to be all right."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Hey. I kissed her, but it didn't mean anything, I just brought her the jacket."
  • (Matthew Glave) "Kissed who?"
  • (Christine Taylor) "Oh, me."
  • (Matthew Glave) "Who hasn't?"
  • (Unnamed) "Hey, do you like A Flock Of Seagulls?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "I can see YOU do."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Hey, psycho, I'm not gonna feel better about this, it's over. Now please get out of my Van Halen T-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up."
  • (Angela Featherstone) "Oh, okay, so you're still pissed about that wedding thing?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad / Carry you around when your arthritis is bad / All I wanna do is grow old with you. / I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches / build you a fire if the furnace breaks / Oh it could be so nice, growin old with you. / I'll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold. / Need you, feed you, I'll even let you hold the remote control. / So let me do the dishes in the kitchen sink / Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink. / Oh I could be the man to grow old with you. / I wanna grow old with you."
  • (Adam Sandler) "That is a luscious ass right there isn't it? Mmm. My God."
  • (Matthew Glave) "That's Grade A top choice meat."
  • (Adam Sandler) "I'd like to bite right through that thing, arg. You know, chew on it."
  • (Adam Sandler) "But we can't get chicks like that anymore. We're too old."
  • (Matthew Glave) "Speak for yourself. I'm not too old. I can still get chicks like that."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Not that hot though, right?"
  • (Matthew Glave) "Gotten hotter."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Ten years ago."
  • (Matthew Glave) "Try ten days ago."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Really -- As hot as that?"
  • (Matthew Glave) "Hotter, and younger."
  • (Adam Sandler) "How do you do it, man? I mean how do you do it without getting caught?"
  • (Matthew Glave) "Julia's totally preoccupied with the wedding. She doesn't know what's going on."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Oh man. You know what sucks though? Once you get married, the party's over, right?"
  • (Matthew Glave) "I work in the city, man. And I work long hours."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Can I borrow your credit card?"
  • (Allen Covert) "You're gonna pay me back, right?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "No. But if you don't give it to me, I'm gonna tell everyone what you said at the bar."
  • (Adam Sandler) "You love her/ but she loves him/ but he loves somebody else/ you just can win/ and so it goes until the day you die/ this thing called love is going to make you cry. I hate you/ I've had the blues the reds and the pinks/ One thing's for sure."
  • (Fat Man) "Love stinks?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "Love stinks/ Yeah yeah"
  • (Fat Man) "Love stinks."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Love stinks/ Yeah, yeah"
  • (Sideburns Lady) "Love stinks."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Love stinks. Yeah yeah."
  • (Unnamed) "Love stinks."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Love stinks/ Yeah yeah."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Love stinks/ Love stinks/ Love stinks."
  • (Father of the Bride) "You are the worst wedding singer in the world, buddy."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Sir, one more outburst, I will strangle you with my microphone wire. You understand me."
  • (Petey) "Hey Linda, you're a bitch."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Thanks Petey, go back into the house. He might have Tourette Syndrome. We're looking into it."
  • (Adam Sandler) "You seem kinda sad. Why don't you go over there and dance, buddy?"
  • (Studliest Kid at Bar Mitzvah) "I asked that girl over there. She turned me down. She said she doesn't dance with losers."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Oh man, that hurts. But you know, why would you want to dance with somebody who doesn't want to dance with you, right? Listen, don't worry. You're gonna meet a girl who treats you right someday, I promise you. Okay, buddy?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "You're late."
  • (Angela Featherstone) "I'm sorry -- I just couldn't do it."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Well, if you need more time, I guess I could wait."
  • (Angela Featherstone) "No -- I don't need more time, Robbie. I don't ever want to marry you."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Gee, you know that information -- really would've been more useful to me yesterday."
  • (Angela Featherstone) "I've been talking with my friends the last few days --"
  • (Adam Sandler) "Oh, boy, here it comes."
  • (Angela Featherstone) "-- and I think I've figured out what's been bothering me. I'm not in love with Robbie, now. I'm in love with Robbie, six years ago. Robbie, the lead singer of Final Warning; I used to come watch you when you were in your silk shirt and Spandex pants, and you would sing into the microphone like you were David Lee Roth."
  • (Adam Sandler) "I've still got the Spandex; I'll put 'em on right now."
  • (Angela Featherstone) "The point is, I woke up this morning and realized I'm about to get married to a wedding singer? I am never gonna leave Richfield."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Why do you need to leave Richfield? We grew up here. All our friends are here; it's the perfect place to raise a family."
  • (Angela Featherstone) "Oh, yeah; sure. Living in your sister's basement with five kids while you're off every weekends doing wedding gigs at a whoppin' sixty bucks a pop?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "Once again, things that could've been brought to my attention YESTERDAY."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Are you drinking, too?"
  • (Drew Barrymore) "No, it's Coca-Cola."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Are you sure? There's no rum in that Coca-Cola?"
  • (Drew Barrymore) "I'm not a big drinker. And if it was, I'd probably be puking more than that kid."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Oh, I don't think anybody could puke more than than kid. I think I saw a boot come out of him."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Hey, the goofball brothers."
  • (Tyler) "Is it true you're in the middle of a nervous breakdown?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "What? No."
  • (Petey) "Nervous breakdown. Nervous breakdown."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Who said that?"
  • (Tyler) "Everybody's been saying that."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Everybody? You're eight years old -- the only people you know are your parents."
  • (Tyler) "Is it true you're going to end up in a mental institution?"
  • (Petey) "Cuckoo's nest. Cuckoo's nest."
  • (Father of the Bride) "Hey, buddy, I'm not paying you to hear your thoughts on life. I'm paying you to sing."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Well, I have a microphone, and you don't, SO YOU WILL LISTEN TO EVERY DAMN WORD I HAVE TO SAY."
  • (Adam Sandler) "How did you know that Glenn was the right one?"
  • (Drew Barrymore) "The right one, ah -- I always just envisioned the right one being someone I could see myself growing old with."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Yeah."
  • (Drew Barrymore) "And -- Glenn would be a really good-looking older man. Like Blake Carrington."
  • (Adam Sandler) "I'm gonna probably look like Buddy Hackett."
  • (Adam Sandler) "All right, remember; alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you."
  • (Adam Sandler) "We're living in a material world and I am a material girl -- or boy."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Now let's cut the stupid cake because I know the fat guy's gonna have a heart attack if we don't eat again soon --"
  • (Adam Sandler) "And while we do that here's a little mood music for you."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Sleep it off, pal. All right."
  • (David 'Dave' Veltri) "Hey, you know, wedding singer -- Aroooo."
  • (Adam Sandler) "You hit two cones back there. Those could have been people -- they could have been guests at her wedding."
  • (Allen Covert) "They were cones."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Cindy and Scott are newlyweds. Whoopee-dee-doo."
  • (Adam Sandler) "He loves her. And she loves this guy right here. And he loves somebody else. You just can't win. And so it goes til the day you die, this thing they call love is gonna make you cry."
  • (Adam Sandler) "I hate you."
  • (Glenn's buddy) "Robbie Hart? Oh, man, I heard what happened to you at your wedding, that was so cold. You must've felt like s***."
  • (Adam Sandler) "No, it felt real good, thanks for bringing that up, man. Hey, my parents died when I was ten, would you like to talk about that?"
  • (Glenn's buddy) "No, why would I wanna talk about that?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "I don't know."
  • (Adam Sandler) "I don't even know your last name."
  • (Matthew Glave) "It's Guglia."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Guglia? Oh, so Julia's last name's gonna be Guglia. Julia Guglia. That's funny."
  • (Matthew Glave) "Why is that funny?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "I; don't know."

Drew Barrymore as Julia

  • (Drew Barrymore) "Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm Julia Guglia."
  • (Drew Barrymore) "Julia Guglia. Hi, it's nice to meet you I'm Julia Guglia --"
  • (Drew Barrymore) "Hello, it's nice to meet you. I'm Mrs. Robbie Hart."
  • (Drew Barrymore) "Robbie and I are so pleased you could come to our wedding --"
  • (Drew Barrymore) "Not porno tongue. Church tongue."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Church tongue, I like that."
  • (Drew Barrymore) "Hey, Glenn, do you mind if we switch seats so I sat in the window seat?"
  • (Matthew Glave) "Mmm. I hate the aisle seat. Every time that drink cart comes by it bangs me in the elbows."
  • (Drew Barrymore) "I puked."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Okay. Don't worry."
  • (Drew Barrymore) "I vomited in my hair."
  • (Adam Sandler) "All right."
  • (Drew Barrymore) "Does my hair smell bad?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "No, it smells good, actually."
  • (Drew Barrymore) "May I ask what happened with Linda?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "She wasn't the right one, I guess."
  • (Drew Barrymore) "Did you have any idea she wasn't the right one when you were together?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "I should have. Uh, I remember we went to the Grand Canyon one time. We were flying there and I'd never been there before and Linda had, so you would think that she would give me the window seat but she didn't and -- not that that's a big deal, you know. It's just there were a lot of little things like that. I know that sounds stupid --"
  • (Drew Barrymore) "Not at all. I think it's the little things that count."
  • (Drew Barrymore) "Can I get some more prime rib?"
  • (Robert Smigel) "Prime rib, always the prime rib. Make them eat the fish."
  • (Christine Taylor) "Four more prime ribs."
  • (Robert Smigel) "Your wish is my command, my darling."
  • (Drew Barrymore) "How come he's so nice to you?"
  • (Christine Taylor) "I let him look at my boobs at the Christmas party last year. Not my finest half hour, but its been a pleasant working environment ever since."
  • (Drew Barrymore) "No."
  • (Drew Barrymore) "You must be Linda."
  • (Angela Featherstone) "Yeah, that's me, Robbie's fiance. Who are you?"
  • (Drew Barrymore) "I'm Julia Sullivan. Would you tell him that I came by to see him?"
  • (Angela Featherstone) "Oh yeah, surely will, Jennifer."
  • (Drew Barrymore) "Hey, it's Julia;"

Jodi Thelen as Kate

  • (Jodi Thelen) "Come on, Andy. Move your ass."
  • (Frank Sivero) "Hang on, hon. I'm watching Dallas. I think J.R. might be dead or something; they shot him."

Robert Smigel as Andre

  • (Robert Smigel) "Hey, you know what you must do --"
  • (Robert Smigel) "relax; don't do it."

Christine Taylor as Holly

  • (Christine Taylor) "I'm going to go out with him."
  • (Matthew Glave) "Going out with who?"
  • (Christine Taylor) "Robbie."
  • (Matthew Glave) "Good, that guy needs to get laid."
  • (Christine Taylor) "Excuse me. Just because I go out with him doesn't mean he'll get laid."
  • (Christine Taylor) ". OK, he probably will."
  • (Christine Taylor) "Robbie, I have to talk to you."
  • (Adam Sandler) "I can't talk right now."
  • (Christine Taylor) "Are you back with Linda?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "No. Why? Who said that?"
  • (Christine Taylor) "Julia. She went to your house to tell you she was falling for you and Linda answered the door in her underwear. She was so upset, she and Glenn just jumped a plane to Vegas."
  • (Adam Sandler) "What do you mean? They're getting married tomorrow."
  • (Christine Taylor) "Apparently that wasn't soon enough."
  • (Christine Taylor) "Don't worry, I told him why you were marrying him."
  • (Drew Barrymore) "Why did you tell him I was marrying him?"
  • (Christine Taylor) "Because you love him."
  • (Christine Taylor) "-- And because, with Glenn you'll have security."
  • (Drew Barrymore) "But that's not why I'm marrying him."
  • (Christine Taylor) "Then why are you?"
  • (Christine Taylor) "I mean, you know why she's marrying him, don't you?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "The money thing? Security? A nice house? I guess that's important to some people."
  • (Christine Taylor) "No, it's not important to some people, Robbie. It's important to ALL people."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Really? Well, then I guess I'm in big trouble."
  • (Christine Taylor) "No one will ever solve that."
  • (Christine Taylor) "Listen, I know you're shy and I know you've been hurt, so I'm going to make this really easy on you. If you come upstairs, you're gonna get laid."
  • (Christine Taylor) "Oh, my God -- I can't believe I never noticed it before. You've got a thing for Julia."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Oh. No, I don't."
  • (Adam Sandler) "I don't. I think she's a beautiful girl, but she's about to marry that jerk-off."

Kevin Nealon as Mr. Simms

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Matthew Glave as Glenn

  • (Matthew Glave) "You better get out of my way, Billy, or you're gonna get hurt."
  • (Matthew Glave) "Hey, asswipe, don't go snitching to Julia about this. I know you got a little crush on her, but you gotta face the facts: she'd rather go to bed with a REAL man. Not some poor singing orphan."
  • (Adam Sandler) "All right, s***head. I haven't been in a fight since I was in the fifth grade, but I beat the s*** out of that kid, so now I'm going to beat the s*** out of you."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Hey, what are you doing, man?"
  • (Old Man in Bar) "I'm sorry. I used to be much stronger."
  • (Matthew Glave) "This is a great idea. I'm glad you came around. You want to do some gambling and have some fun right away, or you just want to get married?"
  • (Matthew Glave) "You know, you should write a song about this. You could call it "I got punched in the nose for sticking my face in other people's business"."
  • (Old man in bar) "Sounds like a country song."
  • (Matthew Glave) "Who are you going out with?"
  • (Christine Taylor) "Robbie."
  • (Matthew Glave) "Oh good, that guy needs to get laid."
  • (Christine Taylor) "Excuse me. Just because he's going out with me doesn't mean he's going to get laid."
  • (Christine Taylor) "-- All right, he probably will."

Allen Covert as Sammy

  • (Allen Covert) "Somebody left a jacket in the back."
  • (Adam Sandler) "That's Julia's jacket. She took off on Notson Street, remember? She said it wasn't jacket weather anymore."
  • (Allen Covert) "Uh-oh -- You like her."
  • (Adam Sandler) "No, I don't."
  • (Allen Covert) "Of course you do. She's a cool chick with a hot ass."
  • (Adam Sandler) "How about this? You talk about her ass again, I'll break your neck."
  • (Allen Covert) "Hey, how do I look?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "I don't know, man. I would lose that glove. You look nuts."

Ellen Albertini Dow as Rosie

  • (Ellen Albertini Dow) ": He wants to make money. You know; live in a nice house with wide windows and locks. You can't expect him to live forever with his sister and the nipple-twisting that goes on there."
  • (Ellen Albertini Dow) "Are you nervous?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "I'm actually not that nervous. I've been around lots of weddings before, so I figure it won't be very different."
  • (Ellen Albertini Dow) "I didn't mean about the wedding. I meant about the wedding night. Will this be your first time with intercourse?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "Uh --"
  • (Ellen Albertini Dow) "Well, don't be ashamed. You know, when I got married, I wasn't a virgin. I'd already had intercourse with eight men."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Now, that's something I didn't wanna know about."
  • (Ellen Albertini Dow) "That was a lot back then; it'd be like two hundred today."
  • (Ellen Albertini Dow) "I'll be a beautiful young woman, and you be Robbie. Now, ask me out."
  • (Adam Sandler) "You know, I'm really not comfortable --"
  • (Ellen Albertini Dow) "Hello, sir. Was there something you wanted to ask me?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "Fine. Would you like to go out on a date with me?"
  • (Ellen Albertini Dow) "No. Your penis is too small."

Jon Lovitz as Jimmie Moore

  • (Jon Lovitz) "He's losing his mind."
  • (Jon Lovitz) "And I'm reaping all the benefits."

Frank Sivero as Andy

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