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The Whole Nine Yards (film) Quotes

The Whole Nine Yards (film) is a TV show that appeared on TV in 1970 . The Whole Nine Yards ended in 1970.

It features Allan Kaufman as producer, Randy Edelman in charge of musical score, and David Franco as head of cinematography.

The Whole Nine Yards (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Whole Nine Yards (film) is 98 minutes long. The Whole Nine Yards (film) is distributed by Warner Bros..

The cast includes: Natasha Henstridge as Cynthia, Matthew Perry as Oz, Amanda Peet as Jill St. Claire, Bruce Willis as Jimmy, Michael Clarke Duncan as Frankie Figs, Kevin Pollak as Janni Gogolack, Matthew Perry as Nicholas "Oz" Oseransky, Rosanna Arquette as Sophie Oseransky, and Bruce Willis as Jimmy 'The Tulip' Tudeski.

The Whole Nine Yards (film) Quotes

Bruce Willis as Jimmy

  • (Bruce Willis) "You sure you're a dentist?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yeah. Why?"
  • (Bruce Willis) "Because I've never met a dentist I liked."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well, I try to keep things as painless as possible."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Me, too."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Everyone dies."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Sooner or later."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Every red-blooded American knows that the only condiment that you are ever supposed to put on a hamburger is KETCHUP. Or MAYBE some of that SPECIAL SAUCE you like so much here in Canada; which I think has a little bit of mayonnaise in it too. But I swear to God when they start slapping that mayonnaise on there I could kill somebody."
  • (Bruce Willis) "I'm telling you this like a friend because if you screw this up; I would hate to -- I would really hate to have to kill you. I would hate it more than mayonnaise. You know how much I hate mayonnaise."
  • (Bruce Willis) "But just so you know, I am disappointed, Oz. I am extremely disappointed with you."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Believe me, you are the last person I would ever want to disappoint, but everything I everything I did, was for love."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Yeah, whatever."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Hey Oz, since I'm new here I was wondering if you could show me the sites, you know?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Now?"
  • (Bruce Willis) "Yeah, don't worry it's not gonna kill ya."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Promise?"
  • (Bruce Willis) "I take it you're not Canadian."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Only by marriage."
  • (Bruce Willis) "My wife? You shtupped my wife, Oz?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "I wouldn't exactly phrase it that way, exactly --"
  • (Bruce Willis) "No, no, no. Let me get this straight. You went down to Chicago and engaged in sexual CONGRESS with my wife? Is that what you're telling me?"
  • (Amanda Peet) "Jimmy, Jimmy, calm down."
  • (Bruce Willis) "IS IT? I SWEAR TO GOD --."
  • (Matthew Perry) "He's a little upset. I've managed to upset a mass murderer."
  • (Bruce Willis) "FIND OUT WHERE HE IS."
  • (Bruce Willis) "JUST STAY RIGHT THERE."
  • (Bruce Willis) "It's a DISGRACE --"
  • (Amanda Peet) "Oz, you stud, you."
  • (Michael Clarke Duncan) "Gonna be a DEAD stud."
  • (Bruce Willis) "It's not important how many people I've killed. What's important is how I get along with the people who are still alive."
  • (Bruce Willis) "You like living in Canada?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "No, I live here with my wife."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Friends do not engage in sexual congress with each other's wives."
  • (Bruce Willis) "I'll tell you one thing. You got balls."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yeah. Who knew?"
  • (Bruce Willis) "You are the most chivalrous guy I've ever met."
  • (Amanda Peet) "Do you see why I couldn't kill him?"
  • (Bruce Willis) "I love him."
  • (Bruce Willis) "The great and powerful Oz."
  • (Bruce Willis) "You're a dentist?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Afraid so."
  • (Bruce Willis) "You suicidal?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Why would you say that?"
  • (Bruce Willis) "Well, I read that dentists are prone to suicide."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Look, Jimmy, I may hate my life, but I certainly don't want to die."
  • (Bruce Willis) "You know this whole -- sneaking into the house thing, to try to kill me? You guys are really good. You really -- heh heh heh -- bye, Janni."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Will you listen to yourself? What are you talkin' about, you love her? You just met her."
  • (Bruce Willis) "He said he's in love with Cynthia."
  • (Michael Clarke Duncan) "No s***."
  • (Amanda Peet) "So SHE'S the one."
  • (Bruce Willis) "She's the one what?"
  • (Amanda Peet) "The one he schtupped in Chicago."
  • (Bruce Willis) "The one he --"

Rosanna Arquette as Sophie Oseransky

  • (Rosanna Arquette) "You do this for me, and I give you your divorce. And if you don't do this for me, I swear I'll make your life so damn miserable it will make these past few years look like a pleasure cruise."

Matthew Perry as Nicholas "Oz" Oseransky

  • (Matthew Perry) "I swear, I am not gonna let anybody kill you."
  • (Natasha Henstridge) "Under the circumstances, I think that's probably the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Thanks."
  • (Unnamed) "Don't do anything stupid."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Why would you say that?"
  • (Unnamed) "You married Sophie."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Why did you kill him?"
  • (Bruce Willis) "Well, I had to kill one of you."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well, then you definitely made the right decision. But why did you have to kill him?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Oh, and don't forget the corpses."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Uh -- it's room service. Before I vomited I ordered scotch."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Damn it, Jimmy. What the hell did you have to go and move in next door to me?"
  • (Bruce Willis) "Oz, do you know what kind of soil they have in this back yard? I've been here two days and I've got little tomato plants --"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Oh my God."
  • (Matthew Perry) "All right, maybe he won't come after us. Maybe he'll just let us go."
  • (Matthew Perry) "All right, maybe I can talk with him, reason with him. I mean, we're friends now, right?"
  • (Natasha Henstridge) "That's what Harry Lefkowitz thought."
  • (Matthew Perry) "What happened to Harry Lefkowitz?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "I don't want to know what happened to Harry Lefkowitz."
  • (Matthew Perry) "OK, OK. Let's say that he did make a pass at you. The guy's been in prison for five years. He's desperate. He'd sleep with a meat grinder."
  • (Matthew Perry) "This would be sad if it wasn't so pathetic."

Kevin Pollak as Janni Gogolack

  • (Kevin Pollak) "You know I have this same car?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Really?"
  • (Kevin Pollak) "No."
  • (Kevin Pollak) "Expecting a call?"
  • (Natasha Henstridge) "Explain to me how that's any of your business."
  • (Kevin Pollak) "I vant you to understand, when it comes to Yimmy Tudeski, we're not talking about a human being. We're talking about a rodent. We're talking about wermin."
  • (Kevin Pollak) "Where was I?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Wermin, I think. Wermin."
  • (Kevin Pollak) "We're talking about someone; SCREW THAT.; some THING that doesn't deserve to be breathing. The AIR."

Michael Clarke Duncan as Frankie Figs

  • (Michael Clarke Duncan) "Oz, I just wanted to be sure it was you. Everybody's inside. By the way,"
  • (Michael Clarke Duncan) "Huevos grandes, amigo."
  • (Michael Clarke Duncan) "You what? You told Jimmy? What the hell did you do that for?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "I felt sorry for him. I like him. Well, I liked him?"
  • (Michael Clarke Duncan) "So you don't like him no more?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well, it's a little hard to maintain a friendship with a man who wants to kill you."
  • (Michael Clarke Duncan) "If you sold my ass out to Janni, then told me about it, I'd want to ice your ass, too."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I know."
  • (Matthew Perry) "You know, I can close that gap for you."
  • (Michael Clarke Duncan) "Really?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, you'd be in and out."
  • (Michael Clarke Duncan) "You're kidding. This thing right here?"

Amanda Peet as Jill St. Claire

  • (Amanda Peet) "Are you going alone?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yes."
  • (Amanda Peet) "Good, can you do me a huge favor while you're there? Go out, and get laid."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Jill."
  • (Amanda Peet) "And call me the second you get back. Better yet, call me right after. Call me during. I want all the details."
  • (Amanda Peet) "I'm still a virgin. I mean I haven't killed anyone yet."
  • (Amanda Peet) "You know, you'd be doing the world a favor if you just had her whacked."
  • (Amanda Peet) "You don't like the Walther?"
  • (Bruce Willis) "I think you should go with what you're comfortable with."
  • (Amanda Peet) "It's what James Bond uses."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Really?"
  • (Amanda Peet) "Yeah."
  • (Amanda Peet) "Your wife is not a nice person."
  • (Matthew Perry) "You're expecting an arguement?"
  • (Amanda Peet) "What do you think?"
  • (Natasha Henstridge) "I think -- I know, that if we did, Jimmy would kill Oz."
  • (Amanda Peet) "So what? Think about it, Cynthia. We're talking about five million dollars each, here."
  • (Natasha Henstridge) "The thing is -- I think I love him."
  • (Amanda Peet) "You think? Sweetheart, for five million dollars, you'd better be damn sure."
  • (Natasha Henstridge) "I am. I'm sorry, but -- I love him."
  • (Amanda Peet) "You do?"
  • (Natasha Henstridge) "Yeah."
  • (Amanda Peet) "That's the right answer."

Natasha Henstridge as Cynthia

  • (Natasha Henstridge) "Promise me something."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Anything."
  • (Natasha Henstridge) "You'll go slow. I haven't made love in five years."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Neither have I. I've been married."
  • (Natasha Henstridge) "You really meant it, didn't you? What you said?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "About loving you? Of course. What did you think this was all about?"
  • (Natasha Henstridge) "Sex. I mean, GREAT sex --"
  • (Matthew Perry) "It was pretty good -- is that all this has meant to you?"
  • (Natasha Henstridge) "Don't get me wrong, Oz. I like you a lot --"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well, that's great to hear, but I've got news for you. I don't generally go around risking my life for people who just like me."
  • (Natasha Henstridge) "But he knows I don't want to be married to him anymore, and like I said, he doesn't believe in divorce."
  • (Matthew Perry) "But murder he's okay with.?"
  • (Natasha Henstridge) "It's what he does."

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