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This Is Spinal Tap Quotes

This Is Spinal Tap is a television show that was first aired in 1970 . This Is Spinal Tap stopped airing in 1970.

It features Karen Murphy (producer) as producer, Christopher Guest, Michael McKean, Harry Shearer, and Rob Reiner in charge of musical score, and Peter Smokler as head of cinematography.

This Is Spinal Tap is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of This Is Spinal Tap is 82 minutes long. This Is Spinal Tap is distributed by Embassy Pictures.

The cast includes: Christopher Guest as Nigel Tufnel, Rob Reiner as Marty DiBergi, Michael McKean as David St. Hubbins, Tony Hendra as Ian Faith, Harry Shearer as Derek Smalls, Fran Drescher as Bobbi Flekman, Fred Willard as Lt. Hookstratten, David Kaff as Viv Savage, Ric Parnell, as Mick Shrimpton, June Chadwick as Jeanine Pettibone, Howard Hesseman as Terry Ladd, and Howard Hesseman as Duke Fame.

This Is Spinal Tap Quotes

Rob Reiner as Marty DiBergi

  • (Tommy Pischedda) "Excuse me -- are you reading "Yes I Can"?"
  • (Limo Groupie) "Yeah, have you read it?"
  • (Tommy Pischedda) "Yeah, by Sammy Davis, Jr.?"
  • (Limo Groupie) "Yeah."
  • (Tommy Pischedda) "You know what the title of that book should be? "Yes, I Can If Frank Sinatra Says It's OK". 'Cause Frank calls the shots for all of those guys. Did you get to the part yet where uh -- Sammy is coming out of the Copa -- it's about 3 o'clock in the morning and, uh, he sees Frank? Frank's walking down Broadway by himself --"
  • (Tommy Pischedda) "f***in' limeys."
  • (Rob Reiner) "Well, you know, they're not, uh, used to that world."
  • (Tommy Pischedda) "Yeah, yeah."
  • (Rob Reiner) "You know, Frank Sinatra, it's a different world that they're in."
  • (Tommy Pischedda) "You know, it's just that people like this -- you know -- they get all they want so they really don't understand, you know -- about a life like Frank's. I mean, when you've loved and lost the way Frank has, then you, uh, you know what life's about."
  • (Rob Reiner) "You two were at school together?"
  • (Christopher Guest) "We're not university material."
  • (Michael McKean) "What's that on your finger?"
  • (Christopher Guest) "It's my gum."
  • (Michael McKean) "What are you doing with it on your finger?"
  • (Christopher Guest) "I might need it later."
  • (Michael McKean) "Put it on the table, that's terrible."
  • (Christopher Guest) "No, I might forget it on the table."
  • (Michael McKean) "f***ing awful, you can't take him anywhere."
  • (Rob Reiner) "Do you feel that playing rock 'n' roll music keeps you a child? That is, keeps you in a state of arrested development?"
  • (Harry Shearer) "No. No. No. I feel it's like, it's more like going, going to a, a national park or something. And there's, you know, they preserve the moose. And that's, that's my childhood up there on stage. That moose, you know."
  • (Rob Reiner) "So when you're playing you feel like a preserved moose on stage?"
  • (Harry Shearer) "Yeah."
  • (Rob Reiner) "David St. Hubbins -- I must admit I've never heard anybody with that name."
  • (Michael McKean) "It's an unusual name, well, he was an unusual saint, he's not a very well known saint."
  • (Rob Reiner) "Oh, there actually is, uh -- there was a Saint Hubbins?"
  • (Michael McKean) "That's right, yes."
  • (Rob Reiner) "What was he the saint of?"
  • (Michael McKean) "He was the patron saint of quality footwear."
  • (Rob Reiner) "Do you have any sort of creed or philosophy that you live by?"
  • (David Kaff) "Have -- a good -- time -- all the time. That's my philosophy, Marty."
  • (Rob Reiner) "Given the history of Spinal Tap drummers, uh, in the past, do you have any fears, uh, for your life?"
  • (Ric Parnell,) "When I did join, you know, they did tell me; they kind of took me aside and said, "Well, Mick. It's, you know, it's like this -- " And it did kind of freak me out a bit. But it can't always happen to every, can it? I mean, really --"
  • (Rob Reiner) "Because the law of averages --"
  • (Ric Parnell,) "-- The law of averages --"
  • (Rob Reiner) "-- Says you will survive."
  • (Ric Parnell,) "Yeh."
  • (Rob Reiner) "Hello; my name is Marty DiBergi. I'm a filmmaker. I make a lot of commercials. That little dog that chases the covered wagon underneath the sink? That was mine. In 1966, I went down to Greenwich Village, New York City to a rock club called Electric Banana. Don't look for it; it's not there anymore. But that night, I heard a band that for me redefined the word "rock and roll". I remember being knocked out by their -- their exuberance, their raw power; and their punctuality. That band was Britain's now-legendary Spinal Tap. Seventeen years and fifteen albums later, Spinal Tap is still going strong. And they've earned a distinguished place in rock history as one of England's loudest bands. So in the late fall of 1982, when I heard that Tap was releasing a new album called "Smell the Glove", and was planning their first tour of the United States in almost six years to promote that album, well needless to say I jumped at the chance to make the documentary; the, if you will, "rockumentary"; that you're about to see. I wanted to capture the -- the sights, the sounds -- the smells of a hard-working rock band, on the road. And I got that; I got more -- a lot more. But hey, enough of my yakkin'; whaddaya say? Let's boogie."
  • (Rob Reiner) "What would you do if you couldn't play music anymore?"
  • (Ric Parnell,) "Well, as long as there's, y'know, sex and drugs, I could do without the rock & roll."
  • (Rob Reiner) ""This pretentious ponderous collection of religious rock psalms is enough to prompt the question, 'What day did the Lord create Spinal Tap, and couldn't he have rested on that day too?'""
  • (Rob Reiner) "It's such an interesting concept, mixing mime and food."
  • (Morty the Mime) "It's a kick isn't it? Well, I used to be an actor but I could never remember my lines, so I thought "just shut up", you know? Don't say nothing. And my father used to say the same thing to me every dinner time, he used to say to me "shut up and eat", so that's what we do and that's the name of the company "shut up and eat"."
  • (Rob Reiner) "The review you had on "Shark Sandwich", which was merely a two word review, just said "s*** Sandwich"."
  • (Rob Reiner) "Now, during the Flower People period, who was your drummer?"
  • (Michael McKean) "Stumpy's replacement, Peter James Bond. He also died in mysterious circumstances. We were playing a, uh --"
  • (Christopher Guest) "-- Festival."
  • (Michael McKean) "Jazz blues festival. Where was that?"
  • (Christopher Guest) "Blues jazz, really."
  • (Harry Shearer) "Blues jazz festival. Misnamed."
  • (Christopher Guest) "It was in the Isle of, uh --"
  • (Michael McKean) "Isle of Lucy. The Isle of Lucy jazz and blues festival."
  • (Christopher Guest) "And, uh, it was tragic, really. He exploded on stage."
  • (Harry Shearer) "Just like that."
  • (Michael McKean) "He just went up."
  • (Christopher Guest) "He just was like a flash of green light -- And that was it. Nothing was left."
  • (Michael McKean) "Look at his face."
  • (Christopher Guest) "Well, there was --"
  • (Michael McKean) "It's true, this really did happen."
  • (Christopher Guest) "It's true. There was a little green globule on his drum seat."
  • (Michael McKean) "Like a stain, really."
  • (Christopher Guest) "It was more of a stain than a globule, actually."
  • (Michael McKean) "You know, several, you know, dozens of people spontaneously combust each year. It's just not really widely reported."
  • (Rob Reiner) "It's very pretty."
  • (Christopher Guest) "Yeah, I've been fooling around with it for a few months."
  • (Rob Reiner) "It's a bit of a departure from what you normally play."
  • (Christopher Guest) "It's part of a trilogy, a musical trilogy I'm working on in D minor which is the saddest of all keys, I find. People weep instantly when they hear it, and I don't know why."
  • (Rob Reiner) "It's very nice."
  • (Christopher Guest) "You know, just simple lines intertwining, you know, very much like; I'm really influenced by Mozart and Bach, and it's sort of in between those, really. It's like a Mach piece, really. It's sort of --"
  • (Rob Reiner) "What do you call this?"
  • (Christopher Guest) "Well, this piece is called "Lick My Love Pump"."

Tony Hendra as Ian Faith

  • (Tony Hendra) "I'm not talking to this twisted fruit anymore."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm -- just as God made me, Sir."
  • (Tony Hendra) "f*** the napkin."
  • (Tony Hendra) "Certainly, in the topsy-turvy world of heavy rock, having a good solid piece of wood in your hand is often useful."
  • (Tony Hendra) "I've got a small piece of bad news."
  • (Ric Parnell,) "For a change."
  • (Tony Hendra) "We're cancelled here."
  • (Harry Shearer) "At the hotel?"
  • (Tony Hendra) "No. The gig is cancelled."
  • (Ric Parnell,) "f***."
  • (Tony Hendra) "It say's "Memphis show cancelled due to lack of advertising funds.""
  • (Tony Hendra) "You know what? I quit."
  • (Tony Hendra) "Sir Denis Eton-Hogg is being knighted for founding Hogwood, a Summer Camp for Pale Young Boys --"
  • (Tony Hendra) "The Boston gig has been cancelled --"
  • (Michael McKean) "What?"
  • (Tony Hendra) "Yeah. I wouldn't worry about it though, it's not a big college town."
  • (Tony Hendra) "They're not gonna release the album -- because they have decided that the cover is sexist."
  • (Christopher Guest) "Well, so what? What's wrong with bein' sexy? I mean there's no --"
  • (Tony Hendra) "Sex-IST."
  • (Michael McKean) "IST."
  • (Tony Hendra) "Nigel gave me a drawing that said 18 inches. Now, whether or not he knows the difference between feet and inches is not my problem. I do what I'm told."
  • (Michael McKean) "But you're not as confused as him are you. I mean, it's not your job to be as confused as Nigel."

Christopher Guest as Nigel Tufnel

  • (Christopher Guest) "You can go have a bite and"
  • (Christopher Guest) "you'd still be hearing that."
  • (Christopher Guest) "You like this?"
  • (Rob Reiner) "It's very nice. It looks like hollow wood."
  • (Christopher Guest) "This is my exact inner structure, done in a tee shirt. Exactly medically accurate. See?"
  • (Rob Reiner) "So in other words if we were to take all your flesh and blood --"
  • (Christopher Guest) "Take them off. This is what you'd see."
  • (Rob Reiner) "It wouldn't be green though."
  • (Christopher Guest) "It is green. You see how your blood looks blue."
  • (Rob Reiner) "Yeah, well that's just the vein. That's the color of the vein. The blood is actually red."
  • (Christopher Guest) "Oh then, maybe it's not green. Anyway this is what I sleep in sometimes."
  • (Christopher Guest) "You can't f***ing concentrate because your f***ing wife. Simple as that, alright? It's your f***ing wife."
  • (Michael McKean) "She's not my wife."
  • (Christopher Guest) "Well whatever f*** she is, alright? You can't concentrate."
  • (Christopher Guest) "Well, I suppose I could, uh, work in a shop of some kind, or -- or do, uh, freelance, uh, selling of some sort of, uh, product. You know --"
  • (Rob Reiner) "A salesman?"
  • (Christopher Guest) "A salesman, like maybe in a, uh, haberdasher, or maybe like a, uh, um -- a chapeau shop or something. You know, like, "Would you -- what size do you wear, sir?" And then you answer me."
  • (Rob Reiner) "Uh -- seven and a quarter."
  • (Christopher Guest) ""I think we have that." See, something like that I could do."
  • (Rob Reiner) "Yeah -- you think you'd be happy doing something like- --"
  • (Christopher Guest) ""No; we're all out. Do you wear black?" See, that sort of thing I think I could probably -- muster up."
  • (Rob Reiner) "Do you think you'd be happy doing that?"
  • (Christopher Guest) "Well, I don't know; wh-wh- -- what're the hours?"
  • (Christopher Guest) "Look -- still has the old tag on, never even played it."
  • (Rob Reiner) "You've never played?"
  • (Christopher Guest) "Don't touch it."
  • (Rob Reiner) "We'll I wasn't going to touch it, I was just pointing at it."
  • (Christopher Guest) "Well -- don't point. It can't be played."
  • (Rob Reiner) "Don't point, okay. Can I look at it?"
  • (Christopher Guest) "No. no. That's it, you've seen enough of that one."
  • (Christopher Guest) "It's like, how much more black could this be? and the answer is none. None more black."
  • (Christopher Guest) "Look, this. This miniture bread, it like -- I've been working with this now for about half an hour and i can't figure out -- let's say I wanted a bite, right. You got this --"
  • (Tony Hendra) "You'd like bigger bread?"
  • (Christopher Guest) "Exactly. I don't under stand how --"
  • (Tony Hendra) "You could just fold this -- though."
  • (Christopher Guest) "Well, no -- then it's half the size --"
  • (Tony Hendra) "No, not the bread."
  • (Tony Hendra) "You could fold the meat --"
  • (Christopher Guest) "Yeah, but then it breaks up. It breaks apart like this --"
  • (Tony Hendra) "No, no, no -- you put it on the bread like this; see?"
  • (Christopher Guest) "But if you keep folding it, then it keeps breaking --"
  • (Tony Hendra) "Why would you keep folding it?"
  • (Christopher Guest) "-- and then everything has to be folded -- and then you have"
  • (Christopher Guest) "-- this. And I don't want this. I want large bread, so I can put this --"
  • (Christopher Guest) "-- so then it's like this. But this doesn't work, because then it's all --"
  • (Tony Hendra) "Because it hangs out like that?"
  • (Christopher Guest) "Look. would you be holding this?"
  • (Tony Hendra) "No. I wouldn't want to eat --"
  • (Christopher Guest) "No. Alright, A. Exhibit, exhibit A."
  • (Christopher Guest) "And now we move onto this --"
  • (Christopher Guest) "Look, look; who's in here? No one."
  • (Christopher Guest) "And in here, there's a little guy, look. So, it's a complete catastrophe."
  • (Tony Hendra) "Alright, Nigel, Nigel -- calm down --"
  • (Christopher Guest) "Look -- no, it's no big deal, It's a joke -- it's really -- it's a joke."
  • (Tony Hendra) "I'm sorry, it's just some prat at university, you know? I really -- I don't want it to affect your performance."
  • (Christopher Guest) "It's not going to affect my performance, don't worry about that. I just hate it -- it really, it does disturb me, but i'll rise above it; I'm a professional."
  • (Christopher Guest) "The sustain, listen to it."
  • (Rob Reiner) "I don't hear anything."
  • (Christopher Guest) "Well you would though, if it were playing."
  • (Christopher Guest) "In ancient times, hundreds of years before the dawn of history, an ancient race of people -- the Druids. No one knows who they were or what they were doing --"
  • (Christopher Guest) "We've got Armadillos in our trousers. It's really quite frightening."
  • (Christopher Guest) "The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and --"
  • (Rob Reiner) "Oh, I see. And most amps go up to ten?"
  • (Christopher Guest) "Exactly."
  • (Rob Reiner) "Does that mean it's louder? Is it any louder?"
  • (Christopher Guest) "Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not ten. You see, most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten. You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where?"
  • (Rob Reiner) "I don't know."
  • (Christopher Guest) "Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do?"
  • (Rob Reiner) "Put it up to eleven."
  • (Christopher Guest) "Eleven. Exactly. One louder."
  • (Rob Reiner) "Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder?"
  • (Christopher Guest) "These go to eleven."

Michael McKean as David St. Hubbins

  • (Michael McKean) "Here lies David St. Hubbins -- and why not?"
  • (Michael McKean) "It's such a fine line between stupid, and uh --"
  • (Christopher Guest) "Clever."
  • (Michael McKean) "Yeah, and clever."
  • (Michael McKean) "He died in a bizarre gardening accident --"
  • (Christopher Guest) "Authorities said -- best leave it -- unsolved."
  • (Michael McKean) "I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem may have been, that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being crushed by a dwarf. Alright? That tended to understate the hugeness of the object."
  • (Tony Hendra) "I really think you're just making much too big a thing out of it."
  • (Harry Shearer) "Making a big thing out of it would have been a good idea."
  • (Michael McKean) "They were still booing him when we came on stage."
  • (Michael McKean) "We're in the group. We're in the group that's playing tonight."
  • (Janitor) "You go right straight through this door here, down the hall --"
  • (Michael McKean) "Yeah."
  • (Janitor) "turn right --"
  • (Michael McKean) "Yeah."
  • (Janitor) "and then there's a little jog there, about thirty feet."
  • (Harry Shearer) "A jog?"
  • (Janitor) "jog to the left --"
  • (Michael McKean) "A jog?"
  • (Harry Shearer) "We don't have time for that."
  • (Janitor) "go straight ahead --"
  • (Michael McKean) "We trust you. We trust you."
  • (Janitor) "go straight ahead, go straight ahead, turn right the next two corners, and the first door the sign "Authorized Personnel Only" --"
  • (Michael McKean) "Yeah."
  • (Janitor) "Open that door, that's the stage."
  • (Michael McKean) "You think so?"
  • (Janitor) "You're authorized. You're musicians aren't you?"
  • (Michael McKean) "We've got guitars yeah."
  • (Michael McKean) "Big bottom, big bottom / Talk about mud flaps, my girl's got 'em."
  • (Michael McKean) "We say, "Love your brother." We don't say it really, but --"
  • (Christopher Guest) "We don't literally say it."
  • (Michael McKean) "No, we don't say it."
  • (Christopher Guest) "We don't really, literally mean it."
  • (Michael McKean) "No, we don't believe it either, but --"
  • (Christopher Guest) "But we're not racists."
  • (Michael McKean) "But that message should be clear, anyway."
  • (Christopher Guest) "We're anything but racists."
  • (Artie Fufkin) "You know what I want you to do? Will you do something for me?"
  • (Michael McKean) "What?"
  • (Artie Fufkin) "Do me a favor. Just kick my ass, okay? Kick this ass for a man, that's all. Kick my ass. Enjoy. Come on. I'm not asking, I'm telling with this. Kick my ass."
  • (Michael McKean) "I believe virtually everything I read, and I think that is what makes me more of a selective human than someone who doesn't believe anything."
  • (Michael McKean) "We are Spinal Tap from the UK; you must be the USA."
  • (Michael McKean) "I'm tired of sticking up for his intelligence."

David Kaff as Viv Savage

  • (David Kaff) "Have -- a good time -- all the time."
  • (David Kaff) "Quite exciting, this computer magic."

Harry Shearer as Derek Smalls

  • (Harry Shearer) "Remember at Luton Palace we were talking about writing a rock musical based on the life of Jack the Ripper."
  • (Michael McKean) "Yeah."
  • (Michael McKean) "You're a naughty one --"
  • (Michael McKean) "Saucy Jack --"
  • (Michael McKean) "You're a haughty one, saucy Jack."
  • (Harry Shearer) "That's not to say I haven't had my visionary moments. I've taken acid seventy -- five, seventy-six times."
  • (Rob Reiner) "76?"
  • (Harry Shearer) "Yeah, so I've had my moments in the sky."
  • (Harry Shearer) "We're taking a sophisticated view of sex --"
  • (Rob Reiner) "Down on a farm."
  • (Harry Shearer) "Yeah."
  • (Harry Shearer) "Isn't there a law against this sort of thing? Surely you can't just buy a full page ad in the music papers and publish your divorce demands."
  • (Harry Shearer) "What do you mean 'I paid for it'?"
  • (Harry Shearer) "Joint account. f***. Can't we just have her killed? You know people."
  • (Harry Shearer) "Can I raise a practical question at this point? Are we gonna do "Stonehenge" tomorrow?"
  • (Michael McKean) "NO, we're not gonna f***ing do "Stonehenge"."
  • (Harry Shearer) "We're very lucky in the band in that we have two visionaries, David and Nigel, they're like poets, like Shelley and Byron. They're two distinct types of visionaries, it's like fire and ice, basically. I feel my role in the band is to be somewhere in the middle of that, kind of like lukewarm water."
  • (Harry Shearer) "He doesn't look Italian, does he?"
  • (Christopher Guest) "I think his real last name is DiBergarmo."
  • (Michael McKean) "No."
  • (Harry Shearer) "No, his real last name is DiBergowitz."
  • (Christopher Guest) "Yeah. DiBergowitz."
  • (Michael McKean) "No. He's like one of those --"
  • (Harry Shearer) "Yeah, he is one of those. Check it out: DiBergowitz."

Howard Hesseman as Duke Fame

  • (Howard Hesseman) "Yeah, listen, we'd love to stand around and chat, but we've gotta -- sit down in the lobby and wait for the limo."
  • (Harry Shearer) "Ok."
  • (Michael McKean) "OK. Great. Duke, great to see you. Great to see you again Terry."
  • (Harry Shearer) "We'll catch up with you on the road."
  • (Howard Hesseman) "Cheers."
  • (Michael McKean) "Duke. Great to see you. See ya. See you, Duke. Good days. Good days."
  • (Michael McKean) "f***in' wanker."
  • (Christopher Guest) "What a wanker."
  • (Michael McKean) "What a wanker."
  • (Harry Shearer) "Total no talent sod."

Fran Drescher as Bobbi Flekman

  • (Fran Drescher) "Money talks, and bulls*** walks."
  • (Fran Drescher) "You put a greased naked woman on all fours with a dog collar around her neck, and a leash, and a man's arm extended out up to here, holding onto the leash, and pushing a black glove in her face to sniff it. You don't find that offensive? You don't find that sexist?"
  • (Tony Hendra) "This is 1982, Bobbi, c'mon."
  • (Fran Drescher) "That's right, it's 1982. Get out of the '60s. We don't have this mentality anymore."
  • (Tony Hendra) "Well, you should have seen the cover they wanted to do. It wasn't a glove, believe me."

Fred Willard as Lt. Hookstratten

  • (Fred Willard) "May I start by saying how thrilled we are to have you here. We are such fans of your music and all of your records. I'm not speaking of yours personally, but the whole genre of the rock and roll."
  • (Fred Willard) "I would like to get the playing on about nineteen-hundred hours, if that's satisfactory."
  • (Harry Shearer) "When would that be?"
  • (Fred Willard) "I make it now it's about eighteen-hundred and thirty hours."
  • (Harry Shearer) "So that's what, 50 hours?"
  • (Michael McKean) "120 hours?"
  • (Fred Willard) "That's actually 30 minutes. About a half-hour. Give or take just a few minutes. I don't want to rush you."

June Chadwick as Jeanine Pettibone

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Ric Parnell, as Mick Shrimpton

  • (Ric Parnell,) "As long as there's, you know, sex and drugs, I can do without the rock and roll."

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