Trading Places Quotes

Trading Places is a television show that debuted in 1970 . Trading Places completed its run in 1970.

It features Aaron Russo as producer, Elmer Bernstein in charge of musical score, and Robert Paynter as head of cinematography.

Trading Places is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Trading Places is 116 minutes long. Trading Places is distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The cast includes: Dan Aykroyd as Louis, Eddie Murphy as Billy Ray, Eddie Murphy as Billy Ray Valentine, Dan Aykroyd as Louis Winthorpe III, Denholm Elliott as Coleman, Ralph Bellamy as Randolph Duke, Don Ameche as Mortimer Duke, Jamie Lee Curtis as Ophelia, and Paul Gleason as Clarence Beeks.

Trading Places Quotes

Dan Aykroyd as Louis Winthorpe III

• (Corrupt Cop) "One cellophane bag --"
• (Dan Aykroyd) "Now that's not mine. I've never seen that before in my life."
• (Corrupt Cop) "That's PCP. Phencyclidine. Angel dust. You ever seen what this stuff does to kids? You are looking at three to five MANDATORY; Louis."

• (Pawnbroker) "Burnt my fingers, man."
• (Dan Aykroyd) "I beg your pardon?"
• (Pawnbroker) "Man, that watch is so hot, it's smokin'."
• (Dan Aykroyd) "Hot? Do you mean to imply stolen?"
• (Pawnbroker) "I'll give you 50 bucks for it."
• (Dan Aykroyd) "Fifty bucks? No, no, no. This is a Rouchefoucauld. The thinnest water-resistant watch in the world. Singularly unique, sculptured in design, hand-crafted in Switzerland, and water resistant to three atmospheres. This is the sports watch of the '80s. Six thousand, nine hundred and fifty five dollars retail."
• (Pawnbroker) "You got a receipt?"
• (Dan Aykroyd) "Look, it tells time simultaneously in Monte Carlo, Beverly Hills, London, Paris, Rome, and Gstaad."
• (Pawnbroker) "In Philadelphia, it's worth 50 bucks."
• (Dan Aykroyd) "Just give me the money."
• (Dan Aykroyd) "How much for the gun?"

• (Dan Aykroyd) "Who is it?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "Open the door, man."

• (Dan Aykroyd) "Think big, think positive, never show any sign of weakness. Always go for the throat. Buy low, sell high. Fear? That's the other guy's problem. Nothing you have ever experienced will prepare you for the absolute carnage you are about to witness. Super Bowl, World Series; they don't know what pressure is. In this building, it's either kill or be killed. You make no friends in the pits and you take no prisoners. One minute you're up half a million in soybeans and the next, boom, your kids don't go to college and they've repossessed your Bentley. Are you with me?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "Yeah, we got to kill the motherf --; we got to kill 'em."

• (Dan Aykroyd) "Nenge? Nenge Mboko? It is me, Lionel Joseph."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Lionel. From the African Education Conference."
• (Dan Aykroyd) "Yah, mon, I was Director of Cultural Activities at the Haile Selassie Pavilion."
• (Eddie Murphy) "I remember the pavilion; we had big fun there."
• (Unnamed) "Boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, hah. Boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, hah."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Oh, memories."

• (Dan Aykroyd) "He was wearing my Harvard tie. Can you believe it? My Harvard tie. Like oh, sure he went to Harvard."

• (Dan Aykroyd) "My God. The Dukes are going to corner the entire frozen orange juice market."
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "Unless somebody STOPS them."
• (Denholm Elliott) "Or beats them TO it."
• (Denholm Elliott) "Eggnog?"

• (Dan Aykroyd) "Randolph. Mortimer."
• (Don Ameche) "Winthorpe, my boy, what have you got for us?"
• (Dan Aykroyd) "Well, it's that time of the month again. Payroll checks for our employees, which require your signatures. And no forgetting to sign the big ones."
• (Don Ameche) "We seem to be paying some of our employees an awful lot of money."
• (Dan Aykroyd) "Can't get around the old minimum wage, Mortimer."

• (Dan Aykroyd) "Happy New Year."
• (Ralph Bellamy) "Winthorpe."
• (Don Ameche) "Valentine."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Hey. How'd y'all make out today?"
• (Don Ameche) "How could you do this to us after everything we've done for you?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "Oh, see, I made Louis a bet here. See, Louis bet me that we couldn't both get rich and put y'all in the poor house at the same time. He didn't think we could do it. I won."
• (Dan Aykroyd) "I lost -- One dollar."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Thank you, Louis."
• (Dan Aykroyd) "After you."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Certainly."

• (Dan Aykroyd) "I had the most absurd nightmare. I was poor and no one liked me. I lost my job, I lost my house, Penelope hated me, and it was all because of this terrible, awful Negro."

• (Dan Aykroyd) "Looking good, Billy Ray."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Feeling good, Louis."

• (Dan Aykroyd) "Those men wanted to have sex with me."

Ralph Bellamy as Randolph Duke

• (Ralph Bellamy) "Exactly why do you think the price of pork bellies is going to keep going down, William?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "Okay. Pork belly prices have been dropping all morning, which means that everybody's waiting for it to hit rock bottom so they can buy cheap and go long. Which means that the people who own the pork belly contracts are goin' bat-s***. They're saying, "Hey, we're losing all our god**** money, and Christmas is just around the corner, and I ain't gonna have no money to buy my son the G.I. Joe with the kung-fu grip, right? And my wife won't f -- my wife won't make love to me 'cuz I ain't got no money, right?" So they're panicking right now, they're screaming "SELL. SELL." to get out before the price keeps dropping. They're panicking out there right now. I can feel it. They out there."
• (Ralph Bellamy) "He's right, Mortimer. My God, look at it."
• (Eddie Murphy) "I'd wait until you get to around sixty-four, THEN I'd buy. You'll have cleared out all the suckers by then."
• (Ralph Bellamy) "This is Randolph Duke. Advise our clients interested in bellies to buy at sixty-four. Mr. Valentine has set the price."
• (Ralph Bellamy) "Do you realize how much money he just saved us?"
• (Don Ameche) "Money isn't everything, Randolph."

• (Ralph Bellamy) "Money isn't everything, Mortimer."
• (Don Ameche) "Oh, grow up."
• (Ralph Bellamy) "Mother always said you were greedy."
• (Don Ameche) "She meant it as a compliment."

• (Ralph Bellamy) "Ezra. Right on time. I'll bet you thought I'd forgotten your Christmas bonus. There you are."
• (Ezra) "Five dollars. Maybe I'll go to the movies -- by myself."
• (Don Ameche) "Half of it is from me."
• (Ezra) "Thank you, Mr. Mortimer."
• (Ezra) "Asshole."

Eddie Murphy as Billy Ray Valentine

• (Eddie Murphy) "Get the f*** out."

• (Eddie Murphy) "lt; was; the; Dukes. lt; was; the; Dukes."
• (Dan Aykroyd) "YOU'RE A DEAD MAN, VALENTINE."
• (Eddie Murphy) "The Dukes used us as guinea pigs, man. It was an experiment, to see how our lives would turn out. They made a bet."
• (Denholm Elliott) "I'm afraid it's true, sir."
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "I believe him, Louie."
• (Dan Aykroyd) "The Dukes -- ruined my life -- over a bet. For how much?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "A dollar."
• (Dan Aykroyd) "One dollar. Fine. That's the way they want it; no problem."

• (Eddie Murphy) "Beef jerky time. Ya want some beef jerky?"
• (Paul Gleason) "No, please."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Der's plenty, ya know."

• (Even Bigger Black Guy) "It was a stone groove, my man. You are, the most, righteous --"
• (Eddie Murphy) "Yeah right, just get the f*** out, man. Let's go."

• (Eddie Murphy) "Hey, sorry about that."
• (Ralph Bellamy) "It's perfectly all right William. It was your vase."
• (Eddie Murphy) "That was a cheap vase, right? That was a fake? Right?"
• (Ralph Bellamy) "I believe we paid $35,000. But if I remember correctly, we valued it for the insurance company at $50,000. You see, Mortimer? William has already made $15,000."
• (Eddie Murphy) "You want me to break something else?"
• (Denholm Elliott) "NO."

• (Unnamed) "In charge of security is Mr. Clarence Beeks, head of Lyndhurst Security --"
• (Eddie Murphy) "Clarence Beeks."
• (Dan Aykroyd) "Clarence Beeks."

• (Even Bigger Black Guy) "I mean you beatin' 10 cops? You putting a man in the hospital? How come I don't see no bruises on you?"
• (Big Black Guy) "Yeah."
• (Eddie Murphy) "'Cause I'm a karate man. And a karate man bruises on the inside. They don't show their weakness. But you don't know that because you're a big Barry White looking motherf***er. So get outta my face."

• (Eddie Murphy) "You know, you can't just go around and shoot people in the kneecaps with a double-barreled shotgun 'cause you pissed at 'em."
• (Dan Aykroyd) "Why not?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "It's called assault with a deadly weapon. You get twenty years for that s***."
• (Dan Aykroyd) "Listen, do you have any better ideas?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "Yeah. You know, it occurs to me that the best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people."
• (Denholm Elliott) "You have to admit, sir, you didn't like it yourself a bit."

• (Eddie Murphy) "What if I can't do this job, Coleman? What if I'm not what they expected?"
• (Denholm Elliott) "Just be yourself, sir. Whatever happens, they can't take that away from you."

• (Eddie Murphy) "Hey that's the motherf- I mean -- that's the gentleman that had me busted."

• (Eddie Murphy) "Merry New Year."
• (Paul Gleason) "That's "happy." In this country we say "Happy New Year.""
• (Eddie Murphy) "Oh, ho, ho, thank you for correcting my English which stinks."

• (Eddie Murphy) "Hey, man. I really don't appreciate this. I don't care what it is. A spiced ham. Anything. Some crackers."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Thanks a lot. How'd you like a stump up your ass?"
• (Heritage Club Doorman) "Stay outta here."
• (Eddie Murphy) "You got a lotta soul. 'Preciate it."

• (Eddie Murphy) "Hey, baby, what's happening? How are ya doing? Once you have a man with no legs, you never go back, baby. I know what you're thinkin'. Is he funky in bed?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "We can make it, baby. Me and you --. You BITCH."

• (Eddie Murphy) "That's called the "quart of blood" technique. You do that, a quart of blood will drop out of a man's body."

• (Eddie Murphy) "May I suggest using your night stick officer?"

Denholm Elliott as Coleman

• (Denholm Elliott) "My life's savings, sir. Try not to lose it."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Lose it? Why, in a couple hours you gonna be the richest butler that ever lived, man."
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "I worked real hard for this, Louie. I hope you know what you're doing."
• (Dan Aykroyd) "Thank you, Ophelia."
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "What are you doing?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "That's us, Louie."
• (Dan Aykroyd) "Coleman, could you hold this?"
• (Denholm Elliott) "I could use a stiff drink. Would you care to join me?"

• (Denholm Elliott) "Would you like a sip of whiskey?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "I do not drink, it is against my religion."
• (Denholm Elliott) "Religion is a good thing I say, taken in moderation."

• (Denholm Elliott) "Your breakfast, sir."

Jamie Lee Curtis as Ophelia

• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "The only thing I've got going for me, is this body, this face, and what I got up here. I don't do drugs. And I don't have a pimp."
• (Dan Aykroyd) "You're a; PROSTITUTE."
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "This place is a dump -- but it's cheap, it's clean, and it's all mine."

• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "By the way, food and rent aren't the only things around here that cost money. You sleep on the couch."

Don Ameche as Mortimer Duke

• (Don Ameche) "You and your Nobel Prize. You IDIOT."
• (Ralph Bellamy) "Where's Beeks? Where in the hell is Beeks?"
• (Dan Aykroyd) "Beeks."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Yeah, I forgot all about THAT guy."

• (Don Ameche) "This is an outrage. I demand an investigation. You can't sell our seats. A Duke has been sitting on this exchange since it was FOUNDED. WE FOUNDED THIS EXCHANGE. IT'S OURS. IT BELONGS TO US."

• (Official #2) "Mortimer, your brother is not well. We better call an ambulance."
• (Don Ameche) "f*** him. Now, you listen to me. I want trading reopened right now. Get those brokers back in here. Turn those machines back on."
• (Don Ameche) "Turn those machines back on."

• (Don Ameche) "I have no money to give you."

Paul Gleason as Clarence Beeks

• (Paul Gleason) "This is as far as we go. No more cockamamie cigar smoke. No more Swedish meatballs there, tootsie. And no more phony Irish whiskey. No more god**** jerky beef. The party's over."
• (Harvey) "Party's OVER? Hey, come on. What do you mean, the party's over? It's not even;"
• (Harvey) "- ten o'clock, you asshole. Hey, come on, loosen up, man. It's almost New Year's Eve."

• (Paul Gleason) "Hey. Back off. I'll rip out your eyes and piss on your brain."

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