Van Wilder Quotes

Van Wilder is a TV program that was first aired in 1970 . Van Wilder ended its run in 1970.

It features Peter Abrams, and Robert L. Levy as producer, David Lawrence (composer) in charge of musical score, and James Bagdonas as head of cinematography.

Van Wilder is recorded in English and originally aired in Germany, and United States. Each episode of Van Wilder is 93 minutes long. Van Wilder is distributed by Artisan Entertainment.

The cast includes: Ryan Reynolds as Van Wilder, Tara Reid as Gwen, Teck Holmes as Hutch, Kal Penn as Taj, Daniel Cosgrove as Richard, Sophia Bush as Sally, Emily Rutherfurd as Jeannie, Curtis Armstrong as Campus Cop, Lamar Odom as Kid, and Ryan Reynolds as Van.

Van Wilder Quotes

Ryan Reynolds as Van

• (Ryan Reynolds) "I'll bet he's a tighty whitey guy."
• (Tara Reid) "Excuse me?"
• (Ryan Reynolds) "White, elastic band, constricting. You can tell a lot about a person by the kind of drawers they wear. Like you; granny panties I bet."
• (Tara Reid) "Does that allude to me being the plain, boring type?"
• (Ryan Reynolds) "Mmmm, no."
• (Ryan Reynolds) "I just wanted the visual."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "Well, you haven't lived until you've shot-putted blitzed on Jager.""

• (Ryan Reynolds) "Her name's Naomi. That's "I moan" backwards."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "Richard, you rascal, you never told me you were a DIK."
• (Ryan Reynolds) "Not that you had to."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "I'm sorry, fellas. The bakery's closed."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "Don't be a fool, stay in school."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "I'm all out of love. I'm so lost without you. I know you were right. Believing for so long."
• (Sophia Bush) "Dope song. What's it called?"
• (Ryan Reynolds) "Gwen Used Me For Her Story, Then Married an Ass Wipe -- and Ran Over My Heart With a Big Metaphorical Truck. Originally performed by Air Supply."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "Blue; it brings out your eyes. The kid has killer eyes, not unlike yourself; anyone ever tell you that?"
• (Tara Reid) "Yes, my boyfriend."
• (Ryan Reynolds) "Your boyfriend? What's his name?"
• (Tara Reid) "I don't think that's any of your business."
• (Ryan Reynolds) "You're right"

• (Ryan Reynolds) "You think about the future too much and you kinda forget about the present. Obviously."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "Write that down."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "Was that a --"
• (Ryan Reynolds) "Judges ruling? Uh huh. Yeah."
• (Ryan Reynolds) "I do believe that was a joke."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "Wow, If he's here, who's running hell?"

• (Ryan Reynolds) "I'd like you to meet Sherri and Terri. Two girls utterly infatuated with men who have larger than normal -- medulla oblongatas."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "Looks like all he needed was a little TLC"

• (Ryan Reynolds) "All this time I thought I was more to you than a flaccid story."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "Are you stalking me? Because that would be super."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "Taj, your first blow job."
• (Kal Penn) "In my country, a woman's mastery of her gastronomical releases is considered the ultimate aphrodisiac."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "I'm sorry, Taj. I'm gonna have to let you go. I don't have the resources to pay for your services anymore."
• (Kal Penn) "A good soldier does not leave his commander just because he lies wounded, arms torn off at the sockets, intestines spilling out onto the mud, picked at by the birds. I will stay on at no charge."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "It's a date."
• (Tara Reid) "It's an interview, not a date."
• (Ryan Reynolds) "Gwen, first dates are interviews."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "Sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you -- even if you know its someplace you know you're not suppossed to be."
• (Tara Reid) "And how many times has your heart led you into the women's locker room?"
• (Ryan Reynolds) "This would be a first."
• (Tara Reid) "Why do I find that hard to believe?"
• (Ryan Reynolds) "I'm not saying this is the first time I've been in here, just usually it is another part of my anatomy that does the leading."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "But you know what I've learned in my seven years here at Coolidge -- Timmy? I've learned that you can't treat every situation as a life-and-death matter because you'll die a lot of times. Write that down."
• (Suicidal Freshman) "I don't have a pen."
• (Ryan Reynolds) "Well remember that then. And you know something, Timmy? I think you've got the balls to make it here. Call me nuts, but I believe in you."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "Hey look. I read the damn article all right. But don't tell anyone because if word gets out that I read my reputation shot to hell."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "Those circus midgets can NOT hold their booze."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "Don't be a fool, wrap your tool."

• (McDoogle) "I've been waiting all these years for you to realize your potential."
• (Ryan Reynolds) "That's why you and I had friction? God, I always thought it was 'cause, 'cause I fooled around with your daughter freshman year."
• (McDoogle) "Why, what -- You fooled around with my daughter?"
• (Ryan Reynolds) "What?"

• (Ryan Reynolds) "What is wrong with people today?"
• (Teck Holmes) "It's the internet dude, it fries their brain cells."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "Congratulations Taj, your first blow job."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "Crazy kids with their crazy VDs."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "What's that intoxicating scent you're wearing Doris?"
• (Ms. Doris Haver) "I have cats."
• (Ryan Reynolds) "Meow."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "Dinner for two. Me and you. Clothing optional."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "Well just take a look at this -- ya -- doodles -- I attended class today just about stayed the whole time too."
• (Tara Reid) "I'm glad you went to all your classes today."
• (Ryan Reynolds) "And a few that weren't mine, I stepped in the wrong room, liked what I heard -- stayed."
• (Tara Reid) "That's great."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere."

• (Ms. Doris Haver) "Oh yeah -- that's the s***."
• (Ryan Reynolds) "You know -- I think I'm getting a little coldsore come on -- so maybe we shouldn't do this for 3 to 6 weeks?"
• (Ms. Doris Haver) "Shut up, bitch and give me some sugar."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "You guys have had the best GPS the last 50 years."
• (Panos Patakos) "Indeed. But believe it or not, best GPA doesn't get you laid."
• (Ryan Reynolds) "Damn well should."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "If Milty Mingleton can shove himself into that weenie bikini, then you don't need to be shy about making your donations to the swim team."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "These things could raise the Titanic."

• (Ryan Reynolds) "We'll be accepting donations in the form of cash, visa, and full frontal nudity."

Sophia Bush as Sally

• (Sophia Bush) "You must be Gwen, the truck driver"
• (Ryan Reynolds) "Gwen?"
• (Tara Reid) "What were you doing up there?"
• (Ryan Reynolds) "As smashed as I am, I'm pretty sure that was my room --"
• (Ryan Reynolds) "Wasn't it?"
• (Tara Reid) "What was that girl, a freshman?"
• (Ryan Reynolds) "She reads at a sophomore level."

Kal Penn as Taj

• (Kal Penn) "Is that all you people think about? Now, I admit I applied for this job because I wanted to cut loose and shake my rump, but I do not believe that this dilemma can be solved by partying."

• (Kal Penn) "We are truly up the Ganga river without a bamboo oar."

• (Kal Penn) "You have shown me a live I could only dream about back home while masturbating in my father's woodshed."

• (Kal Penn) "I would like very much to spend my remaining days here as your assistant."
• (Ryan Reynolds) "Okay, we're just going do a little word association. Say the first thing that comes to your mind. Milk."
• (Kal Penn) "Tit. Oh, mommy. Most Indians would say "cow" because they are sacred, but I hear "milk," I think giant jugs. You see, I cannot go home a virgin. I came here to study the great American art of muff diving. To smack clam, munch rug, dine at just one American pink taco stand. You know, I wanted to, how is it, park the porpoise. You know? I want to take it through the car wash, baby. And get it waxed. I want to wax it. Wax it. You know, and air dry. Air dry that s***, yeah. And I would like to be your assistant very much, Mr. Van Wilder."

• (Kal Penn) "WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT?"
• (Teck Holmes) "In your room a few days ago. I'm trying to spark this bong, but the damn thing won't light."
• (Kal Penn) "That's no bong -- It's for my shlong."
• (Teck Holmes) "Hold up, I just put my mouth on your cock-pump?"
• (Teck Holmes) "Oh damn."

Emily Rutherfurd as Jeannie

• (Emily Rutherfurd) "This party so rocks, Richard."
• (Daniel Cosgrove) "This party sucks rectum, Jeannie."

• (Emily Rutherfurd) "Oh my god. We make such a fab team. Last Night, I was so like Bonnie, and you were so like Clyde. And now this."
• (Daniel Cosgrove) "Would you shut up? I'm trying to pleasure you."
• (Emily Rutherfurd) "Sorry, Richard. Plesure away. PS, this is an awesome room."
• (Daniel Cosgrove) "PS, shut the f*** up."

• (Emily Rutherfurd) "Then we bumped uglies. It was the best ten seconds ever."

Tara Reid as Gwen

• (Tara Reid) "Relax, guys. They're just Doritos."

• (Tara Reid) "Is it true this is your seventh year at Coolidge?"
• (Ryan Reynolds) "Carry the two, yes that's correct."

• (Tara Reid) "I'm doing a human interest piece -- on you."
• (Ryan Reynolds) "I'm flattered, I'd love for your piece to be on me."
• (Ryan Reynolds) "-- But sadly I don't do interviews, never have, never will. Do lunch though."

• (Tara Reid) "What are you doing here?"
• (Ryan Reynolds) "I don't know."

• (Tara Reid) "Well I think it takes a lot more then the kind of underwear one wears to define them as a person."
• (Ryan Reynolds) "Like what?"

Daniel Cosgrove as Richard

• (Daniel Cosgrove) "How bad do you want to be a Delta? Would you stand on broken glass? Let the shards into your Archilles tendon, causing acute achondroplasia, which could lead to non-congenital dwarfism as you got older?"

• (Daniel Cosgrove) "Gwen, what are you doing here?"
• (Ryan Reynolds) "You two know each other?"
• (Daniel Cosgrove) "That's my girlfriend, gluteus erecti."

• (Daniel Cosgrove) "You're going to miss the biggest party of the year."

• (Daniel Cosgrove) "You do not call her that, Gonad."

Curtis Armstrong as Campus Cop

• (Curtis Armstrong) "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to back away from Van's vehicle."

• (Curtis Armstrong) "We've got a jumper."

Teck Holmes as Hutch

• (Unnamed) "It's ridicoulous, it's preposterous, it's ludicrous -- By God it's impetuous."
• (Teck Holmes) "So does that mean you gonna help us?"
• (Unnamed) "Oh it's on."

• (Teck Holmes) "I've got a plan. Let's go get f***ed up."
• (Ryan Reynolds) "Sounds good."

Lamar Odom as Kid

• (Lamar Odom) "This tastes like s***. You got any scotch?"

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