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You Can't Cheat an Honest Man Quotes

You Can't Cheat an Honest Man is a TV program that first aired in 1970 . You Can't Cheat an Honest Man stopped airing in 1970.

It features Lester Cowan as producer, and Milton R. Krasner as head of cinematography.

You Can't Cheat an Honest Man is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of You Can't Cheat an Honest Man is 79 mins. long. You Can't Cheat an Honest Man is distributed by Universal Pictures.

The cast includes: W. C. Fields as Whipsnade.

You Can't Cheat an Honest Man Quotes

W. C. Fields as Whipsnade

  • (W. C. Fields) "This way, ladies and gentlemen, this way. Right up on this platform. The world's greatest novelty. The Pronkwonk Twins. Elwood and Brentwood. Elwood is ten minutes older than Brentwood and has been in a hurry ever since. Ladies and gentlemen, Brentwood is the smallest giant in the world, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science."
  • (W. C. Fields) "You kids are disgusting. Standing around here all day, reeking of popcorn and lollipops."
  • (W. C. Fields) "As my dear old grandfather Litvak said (just before they swung the trap), he said "You can't cheat an honest man. Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump.""
  • (W. C. Fields) "You know, getting married is like buying a new horse -- going into a strange saloon --"
  • (W. C. Fields) "Never trust a ventriloquist or a barber."
  • (W. C. Fields) "I shall send over a couple of pet beavers to romp with you."
  • (W. C. Fields) "Wherever the people speak a civilized tongue, the name of Whipsnade is a household word."
  • (Unnamed) "Would you like to make a few honest dollars for yourself?"
  • (W. C. Fields) "Do they have to be honest?"
  • (W. C. Fields) "I'm taking on the personality of a Mexican jumping bean. First the contortionist gets rheumatism. Then the sword-swallower gets tonsilitis. Hope nothing happens to that fan dancer -- not 'til I get rid of this cold, anyway."
  • (Unnamed) "You absent yourself from this house immediately. You pharisee -- you pecksniff -- you egregious tartuffle."
  • (W. C. Fields) "Tartuffle? Is that good or bad?"
  • (Unnamed) "You're a fraud, a charlatan and a rogue, sir."
  • (W. C. Fields) "Oh, is that in my favor?"
  • (Unnamed) "Does your father play ping pong?"
  • (W. C. Fields) "Do I play ping pong?"
  • (W. C. Fields) "I didn't get you the first time. I was one-time champion of the Tri-state league and the Lesser Antilles. Didn't know one card from the other when I started -- but I stayed up at night marking with a pen."
  • (W. C. Fields) "You must come down with me; after the show; to the lumberyard -- and ride piggyback on the buzzsaw."
  • (W. C. Fields) "I'd rather have two girls / At twenty-one each / Than one girl at forty-two."

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