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Absolutely Fabulous (series 5) Quotes

Absolutely Fabulous is a TV show that first aired in 2003 on BBC One. Absolutely Fabulous ended in 2003.

Absolutely Fabulous lasted 8 episodes.

The cast includes: Joanna Lumley as Patsy, Julia Sawalha as Saffie, Perou as Gran, Jane Horrocks as Bubble, Naoko Mori as Sarah, and Mo Gaffney as Bo.

Absolutely Fabulous Quotes

Julia Sawalha as Saffie

  • (Julia Sawalha) "I didn't know you still had the shop."
  • (Eddie) "Oh, still got it, darling, but it's not doing very well. The supply's dropped off. You know -- India's: had it, been there -- Africa's dried up completely now -- It's ridiculous -- Thank God for Grozny. Honestly. Well, darling, if it wasn't for that lovely little Russian army advancing, thrashing out all those gorgeous little heirlooms in my direction, I don't know what I'd do -- Oh, you should see, darling, in the shop I've got at the moment this fabulous little samovar with a little old woman still attached to it, sweetie. Clinging on for dear life. Having to lure her off with dry bread crumbs so that I could get a decent price --"
  • (Julia Sawalha) "You look like a haggis with pointed toes. A tight old bladder skin holding together some rotting offal."
  • (Julia Sawalha) "My life just flashed before my eyes."
  • (Eddie) "What was it like? A Bergman film without the jokes?"
  • (Julia Sawalha) "I am getting married."
  • (Mo Gaffney) "Hallellujah. Praise the Lord. Let's speak in tongues; boolooloolooloolooloo."
  • (Julia Sawalha) "I'm sorry, mum, but I've never seen what it is that you actually do."
  • (Eddie) "PRrr."
  • (Julia Sawalha) "Yes, but --"
  • (Eddie) "PR. I PR things. People. Places. Concepts --"
  • (Joanna Lumley) "-- Lulu."
  • (Eddie) "Lulu -- I make the fabulous -- I make the crap into credible. I make the dull into --"
  • (Joanna Lumley) "-- Delicious."
  • (Julia Sawalha) "Mum, what is the problem? I have my life and you have yours. This is what you wanted."
  • (Eddie) "I feel orphaned, you know."
  • (Julia Sawalha) "What is the matter? Has the deal fallen through?"
  • (Eddie) "No the deal. Not the deal. Not that. It's just --"
  • (Julia Sawalha) "What?"
  • (Eddie) "Well, darling, you have just sort of abandoned me in this sort of wilderness of potential greatness and fabulousness, haven't you? All my walls have gone "flop", "flop" -- I'm just like this kind of prisoner that's released -- RELEASED PRISONER, darling, that is walking out into the squinting sun. I mean, you've cast me adrift with no oars."
  • (Julia Sawalha) "You have oars."
  • (Eddie) "I haven't."
  • (Julia Sawalha) "You have. You're just too lazy and fat to use them."
  • (Eddie) "All right, time for another little drinkie before we go?"
  • (Julia Sawalha) "Where are you going?"
  • (Eddie) "New York."
  • (Julia Sawalha) "I didn't think they let people with convictions in."
  • (Eddie) "Darling, it's not a conviction."
  • (Joanna Lumley) "Just a firm belief."
  • (Eddie) "Yes."
  • (Eddie) "I did tell you the facts of life, didn't I, sweetie?"
  • (Julia Sawalha) "If you mean that time you sat on my bed and shook me awake at two in the morning, stoned out of your brain, and slurred into my ear 'By the way, sweetie, people have it off,' then yes, you told me the facts of life."

Joanna Lumley as Patsy

  • (Joanna Lumley) "I can get you a man."
  • (Eddie) "Well, how?"
  • (Joanna Lumley) "Pay."
  • (Eddie) "Pats. Pats. You know, like, when you are in a room or something, and you think someone is like staring at you --"
  • (Joanna Lumley) "In a room?"
  • (Eddie) "Or in a plane. Anywhere -- anywhere -- And you are sort of doing things because you think someone is looking at you like people are looking at you, you know?"
  • (Joanna Lumley) "On a plane?"
  • (Eddie) "Well, anywhere -- anywhere -- And then you look at them and they are just sort of asleep but their head is flopped in your direction, you know? Well, I don't want THAT to happen. I don't want THAT to be my life, you know. The whole world asleep."
  • (Eddie) "What do you see when you look in the mirror, darling?"
  • (Joanna Lumley) "Me looking fabulous. What do you see?"
  • (Eddie) "Yeah -- Just the room."
  • (Joanna Lumley) "Easy going sex with gorgeous, underage youths --"
  • (Eddie) "Yeaaah."
  • (Joanna Lumley) "Take a holiday, darling. South of France."
  • (Magda) "I don't do holidays. Everybody's a nobody in a bikini."
  • (Joanna Lumley) "I thought a little mosey down Bond Street, a little sniff around Gucci, sidle up to Ralph Lauren, pass through Browns and on to Quags for a light lunch."
  • (Joanna Lumley) "It's fabulous, darling."
  • (Joanna Lumley) "You piece of filth."
  • (Eddie) "Is champers all right with you, Pats?"
  • (Joanna Lumley) "Lovely, darling."
  • (Eddie) "Should we finish off the beluga or should we have some smoked salmon nibbly things?"
  • (Joanna Lumley) "Oh, whatever, sweetie."
  • (Eddie) "All right, we'll finish off the beluga."
  • (Eddie) "Sweetie, what are you drinking?"
  • (Joanna Lumley) "Oh, this? Chanel No. 5."
  • (Joanna Lumley) "They want you filleted and splayed on the butcher's block so they can photograph all your organs for "Heat" magazine."
  • (Joanna Lumley) "Be careful of wigs."
  • (Eddie) "With any luck we'd get Roman Polanski interested in you."
  • (Joanna Lumley) "She was never young enough for him."
  • (Joanna Lumley) "Welcome back, Marshall."
  • (Joanna Lumley) "Miserable little turnip."
  • (Joanna Lumley) "Oh, Eddie -- is it -- Is it a bee?"
  • (Joanna Lumley) "I'm not happy."
  • (Eddie) "They don't matter, do they, darling? -- Awards, Pats?"
  • (Joanna Lumley) "Oh, Eddy. We've been here before."
  • (Eddie) "It's just -- you know -- I WANT one. I don't just want one, darling, I NEED one. My career is on a toboggan run of failure at the moment -- I just need one. It's the only thing that seems to mean ANYthing these days -- I need one now before the menopause drags me into her gaping jaws. Before my creative hormonal oil-well dribbles to a halt. Before my bottom becomes just a patch-work quilt of monkey glands, darling."
  • (Julia Sawalha) "But, Mom, menopause can be a very exhilarating and positive experience for a woman."
  • (Eddie) "Oooh, yes. And the curse is a blessing and childbirth is painless. No. Unless that gaping hole on my mantle piece is filled pretty soon, darling, I might as well -- I might as well lick this light-switch and do us all a favour, darling --"
  • (Joanna Lumley) "Oh you little BITCH TROLL FROM HELL."
  • (Eddie) "The word on the old grave marker, the words on your grave marker. What is that?"
  • (Joanna Lumley) "Oh, your epitomb."
  • (Eddie) "Your epitomb. What is it that you want on your epitomb?"
  • (Joanna Lumley) "I want: "She was fantastic." -- "Patsy was here.""
  • (Eddie) "No, darling, you can just have "Patsy Stone"."
  • (Joanna Lumley) "Oh, Eddy, Eddy. Wait for this. Wait for this: "Eddy: Still no thinner.""
  • (Eddie) "These are really funny. We could sell those."

Naoko Mori as Sarah

  • (Naoko Mori) "Does your mother know you write plays and things?"
  • (Julia Sawalha) "No, and I don't want her to either, so don't say anything."
  • (Naoko Mori) "Oh, you don't need to worry. I don't speak to her anymore. Not since she gave me that chemical peel."
  • (Julia Sawalha) "Well, it wasn't so much chemical. And not so much peel. She set fire to your pig-tails."
  • (Naoko Mori) "It's good job I'm thick-skinned -- Well, except for the shoulder."

Jane Horrocks as Bubble

  • (Jane Horrocks) "Don't ask me. I for sure don't know."
  • (Jane Horrocks) "Ooo -- Bear with me, see, I am HOPELESS with names, faces and people."
  • (Jane Horrocks) "I turned on the, ah, watchamacallit this morning. I want to say telephone. No, that's not right. You look at it."
  • (Eddie) "Television?"
  • (Jane Horrocks) "That's it."
  • (Jane Horrocks) "Black matter is dragging us all towards eternal dalmatian -- And before long we will all be cloned and turned into sheep. So, to avoid this fate, I am being picked up by a spaceship that is hidden in the tail of an approaching comet."
  • (Jane Horrocks) "That'll be them buzzing now."
  • (Eddie) "I thought I told you to buy a laptop."
  • (Jane Horrocks) "A lap -- top? Top?"
  • (Eddie) "Get rid of it."
  • (Jane Horrocks) "Oh. But I've grown so fond. And it's SO cute. And -- it's not just for life. It's for Christmas."

Perou as Gran

  • (Perou) "Talking to yourself dear? That's the first sign of madness, you know."
  • (Eddie) "Really? I thought it was talking to you."
  • (Eddie) "What? This is all my stuff you're using?"
  • (Perou) "What, dear?"
  • (Eddie) "All this. This wheat powder -- what's -- This."
  • (Perou) "Flour, dear?"
  • (Eddie) "Flour. Yes. All this is mine, is it? I mean, I am now paying for old people to eat cake."
  • (Perou) "You're not eating, Patsy?"
  • (Joanna Lumley) "No. Liquid lunch for me Mrs M."

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