(Article is below...)

Artie Lange's Beer League Quotes

Artie Lange's Beer League is a TV show that first aired in 1970 . Artie Lange's Beer League ended its run in 1970.

It features Artie Lange as producer, John Debney in charge of musical score, and David Phillips (cinematographer) as head of cinematography.

Each episode of Artie Lange's Beer League is 86 min. long. Artie Lange's Beer League is distributed by Echo Bridge Entertainment.

The cast includes: Jimmy Palumbo as Johnny Trinno, Seymour Cassel as Dirt, Elizabeth Regen as Gina, Ralph Macchio as Maz, Artie Lange as Artie DeVanzo, Mary Birdsong as Rhonda, Cara Buono as Linda Salvo, Anthony DeSando as Dennis Mangenelli, and Michael Deeg as Alfonse.

Artie Lange's Beer League Quotes

Artie Lange as Artie DeVanzo

  • (Artie Lange) "If you put a construction hat on that order, it could be one of the village people."
  • (Artie Lange) "Hey, are we done here? 'Cause I'm losing my buzz."
  • (Artie Lange) "Come on let's get this guy. Let's get this punk. He's nothin'. He's a loser. He's an asshole. A cock sucker. He's a total piece a s***."
  • (Anthony DeSando) "You shut up fatso."
  • (Artie Lange) "Hey, watch the name-calling."
  • (Artie Lange) "Ohh. Alright, listen up. Anybody that doesn't do a pregame shot with me is a f***in' p*****."
  • (Anthony DeSando) "Jerk off."
  • (Artie Lange) "Hey, did this jerk off just call me a jerk off?"
  • (Artie Lange) "Your attention please, now pitching for Mangenelli: Number 1, Needle Dick,"
  • (Artie Lange) "Number 1"
  • (Anthony DeSando) "Yeah, all right."
  • (Artie Lange) "Needle Dick."
  • (Artie Lange) "You know, Dave, you might be a lefty."

Anthony DeSando as Dennis Mangenelli

  • (Anthony DeSando) "Hey, DaVanzo"
  • (Artie Lange) "If you're gonna ask if you can suck my left nut, the answer's maybe."

Cara Buono as Linda Salvo

  • (Cara Buono) "I'm so embarrassed right now."
  • (Artie Lange) "You're embarrassed? I just got cock-blocked by my mom."
  • (Cara Buono) "Alright listen, if you're really quick I'll give you a blowjob, but you gotta be quick."
  • (Artie Lange) "Kidding me? I hear ya. When blowjobs go on too long it's like you chicks forget guys' dicks get tired."
  • (Cara Buono) "Stop with the jokes, I gotta be up for work early tomorrow so concentrate, okay?"
  • (Artie Lange) "I'll be Hugh f***ing Downs."
  • (Cara Buono) "Who the f*** is that?"
  • (Artie Lange) "He was the host of Concentration just blow me."
  • (Artie's Mom) "I made tiramisu, you kids wants some?"
  • (Artie Lange) "No mom, go back inside."
  • (Artie's Mom) "It's in the fridge, you change your mind."
  • (Artie Lange) "Back inside."
  • (Cara Buono) "I'm so embarrassed right now."
  • (Artie Lange) "You're embarrassed I just got cock blocked by my mom."

Seymour Cassel as Dirt

  • (Seymour Cassel) "You look like a bunch of Monkeys trying f*** a football."
  • (Seymour Cassel) "You're a fat f***ing disgrace."
  • (Seymour Cassel) "Don't eyeball me tough guy. When I was in the joint, I f***ed guys bigger than you."
  • (Artie Lange) "What the hell are we waiting for-hey did Dirt just say he use to f*** guys?"

Jimmy Palumbo as Johnny Trinno

  • (Jimmy Palumbo) "Now coming to bat is Artie DeVanzo. Last season was a fine one for DeVanzo, we all know that. He batted 420 with 45 RBIs. He enters today's game with a Blood Alcohol Content of.16. If you kids scoring at home, that is an impressive twice the legal limit."
  • (Jimmy Palumbo) "So to recap, throughout it all, there's been a lot of laughter, and a few tears. But in the end the clouds parted, and the good Lord himself decided it was meant to be. And that's how I finished the regular season batting.706."
  • (Jimmy Palumbo) "Let me get a bacon egg and cheese on a hard roll with a side order of fries, cheese, and gravy and a bowl of gravy on the side."
  • (Artie Lange) "I'll have the same thing, plus pancakes."
  • (Mary Birdsong) "Chocolate milk?"
  • (Artie Lange) "You know it honey."

Ralph Macchio as Maz

  • (Ralph Macchio) "He's Gina's cousin, he's going to be there, and don't start any trouble."
  • (Artie Lange) "Hey, I'm not one to start trouble."
  • (Jimmy Palumbo) "Oh my God you fat f***in' liar."
  • (Ralph Macchio) "Alright, Dirt. Just throw it in there, baby. Come on."
  • (Artie Lange) "Whatta you say now Dirt, you character."

Elizabeth Regen as Gina

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Michael Deeg as Alfonse

  • (Michael Deeg) "Check it out, my new italiano mit."
  • (Ralph Macchio) "That's cool, Alfonse."
  • (Jimmy Palumbo) "How much of a guido could you possibly be?"

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.

Additional Film and TV Quotes

True Q Quotes | My Way Home (Scrubs) Quotes | To Catch a Virgin Ghost Quotes | Fearless (2006 film) Quotes | Virgin Stripped Bare by Her Bachelors Quotes | Dance with the Wind Quotes | Minoriteam Quotes | The Unit Quotes | Rescue Dawn Quotes | Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa Quotes | High, Wide, and Handsome Quotes | Amor real Quotes | Chain of Command (Star Trek: The Next Generation) Quotes | A Fool There Was (1915 film) Quotes | Usop Sontorian Quotes | The Great Locomotive Chase Quotes | Vegetable Soup (TV series) Quotes | The Biggest Loser (Australian TV series) Quotes | House of Strangers Quotes | The Guinea Pig (film) Quotes | All About Lily Chou-Chou Quotes | Resurrection of the Little Match Girl Quotes | Friday Night Games Quotes | Samurai Vampire Bikers from Hell Quotes | Fuck (film) Quotes |