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Dinner for Schmucks Quotes

Dinner for Schmucks is a television show that debuted in 1970 . Dinner for Schmucks stopped airing in 1970.

It features Walter F. Parkes, Laurie MacDonald, and Jay Roach as producer, Theodore Shapiro (composer) in charge of musical score, and Jim Deult as head of cinematography.

Dinner for Schmucks is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Dinner for Schmucks is 114 minutes long. Dinner for Schmucks is distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The cast includes: Steve Carell as Barry, Paul Rudd as Tim, Jemaine Clement as Kieran, P. J. Byrne as Davenport, Lucy Punch as Darla, Stéphanie Szostak as Julie, Zach Galifianakis as Therman, Andrea Savage as Robin, and David Walliams as Müeller.

Dinner for Schmucks Quotes

Zach Galifianakis as Therman

  • (Zach Galifianakis) "I want you to say, "You can eat my pudding.""
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Now tell us, Barry, why did your wife leave? Spit it out of your mouth. Say it. Say it, boy."
  • (Steve Carell) "I lost her clitoris."
  • (Andrea Savage) "You lost her clitoris?"
  • (Steve Carell) "She got mad because I couldn't find it, and I said 'It's probably in your purse,' because nine times out of 10 when she loses something, that's where they end up."
  • (Andrea Savage) "Barry, do you even know what that is?"
  • (Steve Carell) "I don't know what half the stuff in her purse is."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Don't worry Barry. I found it. It was in her purse. It was in her naughty purse."
  • (Andrea Savage) "Wow. Well thank God somebody found it, right?"
  • (Steve Carell) "I thought I found it under the couch. Turns out it was just an old piece of chewing gum."

Steve Carell as Barry

  • (Steve Carell) "I know everything. I have laid eggs -- inside of your brain."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Get them out of my head."
  • (Steve Carell) "You are no longer in control of me. I control you,and you are under my power."
  • (Steve Carell) "I know everything. And I release you."
  • (Steve Carell) "In the words of John Lennon, "you may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not.""
  • (Paul Rudd) "-- the only one."
  • (Steve Carell) "The only what?"
  • (Paul Rudd) "No, that's the lyric: "You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.""
  • (Steve Carell) "Oh, OK Tim."
  • (Steve Carell) "SWITZERLAND. I LOVE SWITZERLAND. And your cheese, Does the cheese come out of the cow with the holes?"
  • (Steve Carell) "He's friends with Morgan Freeman."
  • (Steve Carell) "Vincent Van Gogh. Everyone said to him, "You can't be a great painter, you only have one ear." And you know what he said? "I can't hear you.""
  • (Steve Carell) "Well, I try to look at the bright side. I guess you could say I'm an eternal optometrist."
  • (Steve Carell) "When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Unless you don't have any water or sugar. And then you just eat the lemons, and the rind will give you diarrhea."
  • (Steve Carell) "Well, these people invited us here to make fun of us. This is a contest for the biggest idiot --"
  • (Steve Carell) "which I nailed."
  • (Steve Carell) "OK, may I give you some advice too? Do not wear fishnets on New Year's Eve. It's too cold. When the wind blows, you gotta go with the hose."

Lucy Punch as Darla

  • (Lucy Punch) "I'm a naughty schoolgirl."
  • (Steve Carell) "You look a little old to be a schoolgirl."
  • (Lucy Punch) "I'm a naughty little schoolgirl --"
  • (Steve Carell) "You look a little old to be a schoolgirl."
  • (Lucy Punch) "I need to be punished. I cheated in class. Don't you want to be my school teacher?"
  • (Steve Carell) "I'm really not qualified I work for the IRS."
  • (Lucy Punch) "Not tonight --"
  • (Steve Carell) "No, all the time. I work --"
  • (Lucy Punch) "Ok, ok. You work for the IRS and I have been very, very bad. I haven't paid my taxes and I need to be spanked, NOW."
  • (Steve Carell) "Well, that's really not the way it works, you probably just have to pay the difference, plus interest --"

Paul Rudd as Tim

  • (Paul Rudd) "My back. My back. My back."
  • (Steve Carell) "Is it your back?"

Stéphanie Szostak as Julie

  • (Stéphanie Szostak) "Kieran, You remember Tim?"
  • (Jemaine Clement) "-- the stock broker."
  • (Paul Rudd) "No, no. I work for a private equity firm that specializes in distressed assets."
  • (Jemaine Clement) "So, kind of a stock broker."
  • (Paul Rudd) "Almost nothing like a stock broker."

Jemaine Clement as Kieran

  • (Jemaine Clement) "Sometimes I'll be working on a piece, and I'll think, "No, this is bulls***." So I will literally rub bull excrement on the piece as a metaphor."
  • (Jemaine Clement) "Have you ever lived among a herd of goats, for months at a time, as one of them?"
  • (Steve Carell) "No."
  • (Jemaine Clement) "That surprises me."

David Walliams as Müeller

  • (David Walliams) "It's my wife's favorite finger."

P. J. Byrne as Davenport

  • (Marco - Blind Swordsman) "I love to paint."
  • (P. J. Byrne) "Oh wow, are you any good?"
  • (Marco - Blind Swordsman) "I don't know."

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