Friends (season 2) Quotes

Friends is a television program that first aired in 1995 on NBC. Friends stopped airing in 1996.

Friends lasted 24 episodes.

The cast includes: Matthew Perry as Chandler, Matt LeBlanc as Joey, Jennifer Aniston as Rachel, Matt LeBlanc as Joey Tribbiani, Courteney Cox as Monica, David Schwimmer as Ross, Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe, Ron Leibman as Ben, Maggie Wheeler as Janice, James Michael Tyler as Gunther, Courteney Cox as Mona, Julia Roberts as Susie, Tom Selleck as Richard, Elliott Gould as Jack Geller, Michael McKean as Waiter, Christina Pickles as Judy Geller, Jessica Hecht as Susan, Adam Goldberg as Eddie, Brooke Shields as Erica, Maggie Wheeler as Janine, Matt LeBlanc as Gloria Tribbiani, Lauren Tom as Julie, Jane Sibbett as Carol, Phil Leeds as Mark, and Ron Leibman as Dr. Leonard Green.

Friends Quotes

Courteney Cox as Monica

• (Courteney Cox) "Listen, Rachel, I appreciate your situation but this is Valentine's Day. So, if you don't mind, would you please just go back home?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "What are you talking about? I live here."
• (David Schwimmer) "Happy Valentine's Day."
• (David Schwimmer) "Or, something to remember me by --"

• (Courteney Cox) "Chandler, you're panicking."
• (Matthew Perry) "Uh huh. Join me, won't you?"

• (Courteney Cox) "My motto is get out before they go down."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "That is so not my motto."

• (Courteney Cox) "I am so jealous."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "You guys are really just right there.Aren't you?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yes -- Right where?"
• (Courteney Cox) "The beginning, where it's all sex and talking and sex and talking --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah you gotta love the talking."
• (Courteney Cox) "And the sex?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Alright we hadn't have sex yet. Okay. What's the big deal?This is special. I want our love to grow before moving to the next level."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, chandler, that is so nice."
• (David Schwimmer) "That is really nice -- Lying. No way is that the reason."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Why? Just because you're not mature enough to understand something like that?"
• (Matthew Perry) "He's right. I'm totally lying."
• (Courteney Cox) "Then what is it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Kathy's last boyfriend was Joey."
• (David Schwimmer) "And you're afraid you won't be able to fill his shoes?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No. I'm afraid I won't be able to make love as well as him."
• (David Schwimmer) "I was going for the metaphor."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yes and I was saying the actual words."
• (Courteney Cox) "Big deal. So Joey has had a lot of girlfriends. That doesn't mean he's great in bed."
• (Matthew Perry) "We share a wall. So either is great in bed, or she just liked to agree with him a lot."
• (Courteney Cox) "With you it's gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great because you guys are in love."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Just go for it Chandler."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah you should."
• (Matthew Perry) "All right. All right. I'll sleep with my girlfriend. But I'm just doing it for you guys."

• (Courteney Cox) "Chandler, it's okay. You don't have to be so macho all the time."
• (Matthew Perry) "I'm not macho."
• (Courteney Cox) "You're right. I don't know what I was thinking."

• (Courteney Cox) "Now come on, Chandler, the Miami Vice soundtrack? Really?"
• (Matthew Perry) "They were just giving it away at the mall --"
• (Matthew Perry) "-- in exchange for money."

• (Courteney Cox) "Thanks for showing me your semi-precious stone collection. You got 300 of them. It was fascinating. So, we still on for tonight?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Sure."
• (Courteney Cox) "Ok. Bye."
• (David Schwimmer) "Bye."
• (Matthew Perry) "Wow, you must be great in bed."

• (Courteney Cox) "I use my breasts to get people's attention."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "We both do that."

• (Courteney Cox) "There are no jobs for me."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Wait, here's one. Um, would you be willing to cook naked?"
• (Courteney Cox) "There's an ad for a naked chef?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "No. But if you'd be willing to COOK naked, you might be willing to DANCE naked."

• (Courteney Cox) "Guys can fake it? Unbelievable. The one thing that's ours."

• (Courteney Cox) "Come on, I see you looking at other women's breasts all the time."
• (Matthew Perry) "You see that?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Do you see this?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Duhhhhhh?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Stick out your tongue."
• (Matthew Perry) "Take off your shirt."

• (Courteney Cox) "Damn the jellyfish. Damn ALL the jellyfish."

• (Courteney Cox) "You don't like the game, because you suck at it."
• (Matthew Perry) "I don't suck at it. It sucks. And you suck."

• (Courteney Cox) "Rach, it's the Visa card people."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, God, ask them what they want."
• (Courteney Cox) "Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? Yes, hold on."
• (Courteney Cox) "Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "But I haven't used my card in weeks."
• (Courteney Cox) "That is the unusual activity."

• (Courteney Cox) "Okay, just don't go swimming right after you eat."
• (Matthew Perry) "You know that's not really true."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Try telling that to my Uncle Vinnie."
• (Matthew Perry) "Why? What happened to him?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Nothing; he just really believes that."

• (Courteney Cox) "I think I'd be great in a war. I'd, like, get all the medals."
• (Matthew Perry) "Before or after you're executed by your own troops?"

• (Courteney Cox) "You are just going to have to stop pissing me off."

• (Courteney Cox) "Sex."
• (Matthew Perry) "Seriously. Answer faster."
• (Courteney Cox) "I'm sorry, sweetie. When she said "sex" I wasn't thinking of sex with you."
• (Matthew Perry) "It's like a big hug."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ross, how about you? Sex or food?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Sex."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "What about sex or dinosaurs?"
• (David Schwimmer) "My God, it's like Sophie's Choice."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Joey, if you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I don't know it's too hard."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Come on, you have to answer."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay -- sex. No, food. No, uh -- I want both. I want girls on bread."

• (Courteney Cox) "So you wanna?"
• (Matthew Perry) "OK."
• (Matthew Perry) "I can't."
• (Courteney Cox) "Well you're not 18 anymore, but give it a minute."
• (Matthew Perry) "I can't because of Emma."
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh, Emma, Sweetie, I forgot you were here."

• (Courteney Cox) "What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, right --. Y'serious?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, yeah."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Everything you need to know is in that first kiss."
• (Courteney Cox) "Absolutely."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out."
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that -- that's not why we bought the ticket."
• (Matthew Perry) "The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic -- basically just trying to stay awake."

• (Courteney Cox) "Okay. Wait-wait-wait. Shhh."
• (Courteney Cox) "Okay, umm, I just wanna say that -- I love you guys so-so much and-and thank you for being here on my special night."
• (Courteney Cox) "Our special night. I mean it just wouldn't be my-our-our night, if you all weren't here to celebrate with me-us-Damnit."

• (Courteney Cox) "Whose little ball of paper is this?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, it's mine. I wrote a note to myself, and then I realized I didn't need, so I balled it up --"
• (Matthew Perry) "And now I wish I was dead."

• (Courteney Cox) "I'm Rachel. I love Ross. I hate Ross. I love Ross. I hate Ross."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "I'm Monica. I can't get a boyfriend so I'll stumble across the hall and sleep with the first guy I find there."

• (Courteney Cox) "So if your parents had stayed together you'd be able to answer a question like a normal person?"

• (Courteney Cox) ""Throbbing pens"? Don't wanna be around when he writes with those."

• (Courteney Cox) "What about friends of your grandmother's? Wouldn't they have the recipe?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, you know I may have relatives in France who would know. My grandmother said she got the recipe from her grandmother,"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Nestlé Toulouse."
• (Courteney Cox) "What was her name?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Nestlé Toulehouse."
• (Courteney Cox) "Nestle Toll House?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, you Americans always butcher the French language."

• (Courteney Cox) "Hey. Where's Joey?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Okay, I've got a leg, three breasts, and a wing."
• (Matthew Perry) "How do you find clothes that fit?"

• (Courteney Cox) "That's probably because their nerves are deadened from being so stupid."

• (Courteney Cox) "Whoa. Where you going in those pants? 1982?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Can you help me fold these napkins?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Sure."
• (Courteney Cox) "I'm gonna go across the hall and check on the yams."
• (Courteney Cox) "No -- no honey -- Not like that, we're not a barn dance. You wanna fold them like swans like I showed you at Christmas, remember?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah. It all came screaming back to me."

• (Courteney Cox) "I can't believe my dad saw us having sex. He didn't make it to one of my piano recitals, but this he sees."

• (Courteney Cox) "Darn it. There's no more soda."
• (Matthew Perry) "I'll go get some."
• (Courteney Cox) "Really?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, I would,"
• (Matthew Perry) "but I'm not your boyfriend."

• (Courteney Cox) "I'll never have a first kiss again."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You'll have a last kiss."

• (Courteney Cox) "Wow. You're a really good kisser."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, I have kissed more than four women."

• (Courteney Cox) "Chandler. You're smoking again?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, yesterday I was smoking again, and today -- I'm smoking still --"

• (Courteney Cox) "We have to talk."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, I'm getting a deja-vous. All right no I'm not."
• (Courteney Cox) "All right, we have to talk."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "There it is."

• (Courteney Cox) "Pack your things, we're going to Vegas."
• (Matthew Perry) "You mean, we're just gonna elope? This is great. We're gonna save so much money. And, no more pain-in-the-ass planning."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, we're not going to elope. We have so much money, could our wedding please be bigger?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I'd probably kill myself."
• (Courteney Cox) "Excuse me?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, if "Little Joey"'s dead, then I got no reason to live."
• (David Schwimmer) "Uh, Joey -- Omnipotent."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You are? Ross, I'm sorry."

• (Courteney Cox) "Can't we tell your parents first?"
• (Tom Selleck) "They're both dead."
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh, you are so lucky."

• (Courteney Cox) "You can't fire me. I make your decisions and I say, "I'm not fired." Ha."

• (Courteney Cox) "Hi."
• (Matthew Perry) "You are not gonna believe what I did today."
• (Courteney Cox) "Well, clearly you didn't shower or shave."
• (Matthew Perry) "I got good. I played this game all day and now I rule. They should change the name to Ms. Chandler."
• (Matthew Perry) "Although, I hope they don't."
• (Courteney Cox) "Wait a minute, you staid home all day playing Ms. Pacman, while I was at work like some kind of chump?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, and I got all the top ten scores and erased Phoebe off the board. High five."
• (Courteney Cox) "What is the matter with your hand?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, I've been playing for like eight hours. It'll loosen up, come on check out the scores. Oh, and also look at the initials, their dirty words."
• (Courteney Cox) "Chandler, why would you do that?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because it's awesome."
• (Courteney Cox) "You think this is clever?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, they only give you three letters, so after A.S.S., it is a bit of a challenge."
• (Courteney Cox) "Wait a minute, this one's not dirty."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, it is, when you put it together with that one."
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh, well, if you don't clear this off, you wont be getting those from me. Ben's coming tomorrow over to play this game, this can't be there."
• (Matthew Perry) "Come on, he wont even know what they mean."
• (Courteney Cox) "He's seven, not stupid."
• (Matthew Perry) "Have you talked to him lately?"
• (Courteney Cox) "All right, I'm just going to unplug it --"
• (Matthew Perry) "No, no, no, if you'll unplug it, then there will be nothing to show from my day. It would be like I was at work."
• (Matthew Perry) "Look at that, look at that, it's still there, this thing must have a primitive ROM chip."
• (Courteney Cox) "You gotta beat your scores."
• (Matthew Perry) "With the claw?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Fine, I'll do it. We gotta get this off the screen. Carol and Susan are still upset that you taught him "Pull my finger"."
• (Matthew Perry) "Pull my finger -- my hand is messed up."

• (Courteney Cox) "Did you know she has like a hundred pairs of shoes, and she'll let you borrow them?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah, and then you stretch them out with your big ol' clown feet --"
• (Courteney Cox) "You want to sleep outside, 'cos it's getting cold."

• (Courteney Cox) "Why must your family be Scottish?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Why must your family be Ross ?"

• (Courteney Cox) "The sun is out."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, remember when I had corneas?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Chandler. It happens to lots of guys. You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, don't worry about it."
• (Matthew Perry) "I'm not worried, I'm uh, I'm fascinated. Y'know it's like uh, Biology. Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me."

• (Courteney Cox) "Is it me? Is it like I have a beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?"

Matthew Perry as Chandler

• (Matthew Perry) "My dad slept with Mr. Gribaldi."
• (Courteney Cox) "Who's Mr. Gribaldi?"
• (Matthew Perry) "DOES IT MATTER?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Oh hey listen, don't be mad at him, it's our fault. I'm sorry we've been hoggin so much of his time."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, he's just really great to hang around with."
• (Tom Selleck) "Well --"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "No, I'm serious. Chandler and I were just talkin' about this. He is so much cooler than our dads."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I mean, you know, our dads are okay, you know? But Richard is just- ow, ow."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What are you kickin' me for, huh? I'm tryin' to talk here."

• (Matthew Perry) "You wanna tell secrets? Okay. In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers."
• (David Schwimmer) "All right. Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ross came in fourth and cried."
• (David Schwimmer) "Chandler got drunk one night and slept with the woman who cleaned our dorm."
• (Matthew Perry) "That was you."
• (David Schwimmer) "Whatever dude. You kissed a guy."

• (Matthew Perry) "If you can't do it you can't do it. That's the great thing about this game, it makes you want to kill yourself."

• (Matthew Perry) "How do you not fall down more often?"

• (Matthew Perry) "What? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?"
• (David Schwimmer) "A little louder, okay? I think there's a man on the twelfth floor; in a COMA; who didn't hear you."

• (Matthew Perry) "Now, remember, Ben, keep your balance."
• (Ron Leibman) "Thanks, daddy."
• (David Schwimmer) "No, remember, Ben, two mommies, one daddy."

• (Matthew Perry) "Eww, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock in my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too."
• (David Schwimmer) "Okay, I think it's time to change someone's nicotine patch."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now."

• (Matthew Perry) "All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for."

• (Matthew Perry) "You have to stop the Q-Tip when there's resistance."

• (Matthew Perry) "You can't come in."
• (Courteney Cox) "Why not?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because, uh, Ross is naked."
• (David Schwimmer) "What?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, I couldn't tell her I was naked. She's allowed to see me naked."
• (David Schwimmer) "Why does anyone have to be naked?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Just reach over and pick it up --"
• (Matthew Perry) "There we go. Good save. Now it's all good and you're -- chewing someone else's gum. Oh, my God. Oh, my God."
• (Matthew Perry) "And now you're choking."
• (Jill Goodacre) "Are you okay?"

• (Matthew Perry) "I'm not so good with the advice -- Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Could we BE more white trash?"

• (Matthew Perry) "You kissed my best Ross."

• (Matthew Perry) "At least your middle name isn't Murial."
• (David Schwimmer) "Chandler M Bing? Your parents never gave you a chance, did they?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Too many jokes. Must mock Joey."

• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you know, I have had it with you guys and your "cancer" and your "emphysema" and your "heart disease." The bottom line is smoking is cool and you know it."

• (Matthew Perry) "Stay -- stay. Good fake dog."

• (Matthew Perry) "You made my girlfriend think."

• (Matthew Perry) "That's no good, I'm starting to yearn."

• (Matthew Perry) "Where is Ross at? Hasn't he checked out yet?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Are you kidding me? It's not 11:00 yet that means Ross still has 11 mins to check out of the hotel, and Ross has NEVER checked out of a hotel early."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh yeah that's right. One time Ross and I were at a hotel and we got a late check out -- Ross was so happy it was the best sex we ever had."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ohhhhhhh."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "That is until he screamed out RADISON at the end."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah that'll kill it."

• (Matthew Perry) "I was being Shelley Winters from the Poseidon Adventure."
• (David Schwimmer) "I know."

• (Matthew Perry) "Can you see my nipples through this shirt?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No, but don't worry. I'm sure they're still there."

• (Matthew Perry) "I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of out secrets."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What secrets?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh no-no, Joey, I am not going to tell you because I am an excellent secret keeper."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You'll tell me later?"
• (Matthew Perry) "You already know."

• (Matthew Perry) "Did you do it on our invitations?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Not on the ones we sent out."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, so it was on the ones, we had framed."

• (Matthew Perry) "Aaaaaand -- Hernia."

• (Matthew Perry) "We're getting a house."
• (Courteney Cox) "We're getting a baby."
• (Matthew Perry) "We're growing up."
• (Courteney Cox) "We sure are."
• (Matthew Perry) "So who's going to tell them?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Not it."
• (Matthew Perry) "Not it. Damn it."

• (Matthew Perry) "When I get back it's going to be Chair City, and I'll be the one who's sitting on chairs."

• (Matthew Perry) "Now, honey, I know you don't like to relinquish control --"
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh. Relinquish is just a fancy word for "lose"."

• (Matthew Perry) "Monica, come on do you really think that she would steal from us, then come back and wear it right in front of you?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Don't you see? It's the PERFECT crime."
• (Matthew Perry) "She must have been planning this for years."

• (Matthew Perry) "Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew. Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster."

• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, I know it must be important to you when you start chattering like a monkey."

• (Matthew Perry) "And this from the cry-for-help department: Are you wearing makeup?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman."

• (Matthew Perry) "What are you guys like a gang or something?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, we are."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "We're the Cobras."

• (Matthew Perry) "That was pretty intense, huh?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah. Hey, I hope Ross didn't think that we just went in there because we were uncomfortable being out here."
• (Matthew Perry) "I hope he did."

• (Matthew Perry) "You know what they say, ask your slippers a question -- you're going crazy."

• (Matthew Perry) "Fowl? No. Women? -- No."

• (Matthew Perry) "We just think Emily might be being a bit -- unreasonable."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yes. Yes. Unreasonable."

• (Matthew Perry) "Were your parents HAPPY or something?"

• (Matthew Perry) "-- And I'm not sure about this actor guy, because when he left a message and he heard my name "Chandler Bing", he said "Woah. Short message.""

• (Matthew Perry) "The only way I would've said six would have been if I had said, "Let's meet at seven, not at six.""
• (Courteney Cox) "The only way I would've said seven, would have been if I had said, 'Wow, my boyfriend is such a wiseass -- Seven.'"

• (Matthew Perry) "You know if your not careful, you could not get married at all this year."

• (Unnamed) "Now, Chandler, I'm going to need this back on Tuesday."
• (Matthew Perry) "If you say so, Sir."

• (Matthew Perry) "I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name."

• (Matthew Perry) "How can I dump this woman on Valentine's Day?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh man. In my next life I'm comin' back as a toilet brush."
• (Maggie Wheeler) "Hello Funny Valentine."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hello, Just Janice."

• (Matthew Perry) "Ding dong, the psycho's gone."

• (Matthew Perry) "Rachel, it's the Visa card people."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, okay. Will you take my place?"
• (Matthew Perry) "All right."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yes, this is Rachel."

• (Matthew Perry) "All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers -- it doesn't make much of a difference."

• (Matthew Perry) "When I get back it'll be Chair City, and I'll be the one who's sitting on Chairs."

• (Matthew Perry) "You know, you're a great guy, Richard."
• (Tom Selleck) "Yeah. I hate that."

• (Matthew Perry) "All right. You guys don't have to stop having fun just 'cause I'm here. You don't have to feel bad, either. Kathy didn't cheat on all of you --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, except you."

• (Matthew Perry) "You rent out these tuxes to celebrities for award shows."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah."
• (Matthew Perry) "You mean these tuxes have been down the red carpet with people screaming "Wow. You look fabulous." at them?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Honey, could I recommend watching a little bit more "ESPN" and a little less "E."?"

• (Matthew Perry) "You took your eggs and you left. Do you really expect me never to find new eggs?"

• (Nora Bing) "Hi, Chandler. This is Dennis. He's a great guy --"
• (Nora Bing) "-- and a fantastic lover."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hello, Dennis. Thank you for pleasing my mother so."

• (Matthew Perry) "And by the way, Count Rushmore doesn't exist."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh yeah? Then who's the guy who painted all the faces on the mountain?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Do you have the revised Annual Network Usage Summary?"
• (Unnamed) "We haven't seen an ANUS this bad since the 70s."

• (Matthew Perry) "Whoa, whoa, so I'm guessing you didn't get the part -- or Italy called and said it was hungry."

• (Matthew Perry) "Goodbye, you fruit drying psychopath."

• (Matthew Perry) "I got a job in advertising. Well, not a paying job. More of an internship. But, they hire people they like."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, we got interns on "Days of Our Lives"."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, it's the same thing -- except, less sex with you."

• (Matthew Perry) "I am holding up these cushions as a symbol of my remorse. Though you may haveth anger now --"

• (Matthew Perry) "She's on the other line, gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back."
• (Courteney Cox) "Don't you still have to pee?"
• (Matthew Perry) "That's why I'm dancing."

• (Matthew Perry) "Now you stay out here and you think about what you did."
• (David Schwimmer) "That's a duck."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's a bad duck."

• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream."
• (David Schwimmer) "Ah, the lesser known "I Don't Have a Dream" speech."

• (Matthew Perry) "I can't say hump or screw in front of the b-a-b-y -- I just spelled the wrong words didn't I?"

• (Matthew Perry) "You know, I'm really glad we decided not to sleep together before the wedding."
• (Courteney Cox) "Me too."
• (Matthew Perry) "You know, I was, uh, thinking. If you and I had a big fight and broke up for a few hours --"
• (Courteney Cox) "Yeah?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Technically we could have sex again. So, what do you think -- bossy and domineering?"
• (Courteney Cox) "The wedding's off, sloppy and immature."
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh, wait. We can't, my cousin Cassie is in the guest room."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, get rid of her, obsessive and shrill."
• (Courteney Cox) "Shrill? The wedding's back on."

• (Matthew Perry) "Oh she should not be wearing those pants. I say push her down the stairs."

• (Matthew Perry) "Come on, I'll show you to my room -- Wow, that sounds weird when it's not followed by "No thanks, it's late"."

• (Matthew Perry) "Condoms?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "We don't know how long we're gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world."
• (Matthew Perry) "And condoms are the way to do that?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Who's the Bitterest man in the living room/ the Bitterest man in the living room? Hello, Neighbour."

• (Matthew Perry) "Aw -- oh that's right, I have no-one."

• (Matthew Perry) "So, when's the big game gonna start?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You don't have to do that, Ross and Joey aren't here, you can watch the parade."

• (Matthew Perry) "I'm thinking of having an affair with your wife. Oh, you know what, I just did."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Really?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No, freak show. She's fictional."

• (Matthew Perry) "I got her machine."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Her answering machine?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No. Interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up."

• (Matthew Perry) "Well actually, gum would be perfection."
• (Matthew Perry) "Gum would be perfection? Where did that come from? Coulda said thanks, coulda said I'll have a stick but no, for me, gum would be perfection. I loathe myself."

Christina Pickles as Judy Geller

• (Christina Pickles) "Well, we'll get going."
• (Elliott Gould) "Bye."
• (Courteney Cox) "Hey. How come they get to leave?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, Jack is a great man. He fought for our country."
• (Courteney Cox) "No, he didn't. He pretended to be a Quaker to get out of Korea."

Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe

• (Unnamed) "I like that. what's your name?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Pheobe. That's, P, as in Phoebe, H, as in heobe, O as in oebe, E, as in ebe, B, as in bebe, and E as in -- Ello there mate."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "They're coming. Run."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Where?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Mexico."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "We're -- just saying Goodbye to the Hotel. We LOVE you, Paradise Hotel, Golf Resort and Spa."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "You name one woman that you broke up with for a real reason."
• (Matthew Perry) "Maureen Rosilla."
• (David Schwimmer) ""'Cause she doesn't hate Yanni" is not a real reason."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, I can't believe you. You've been so good, for three years."
• (Matthew Perry) "And this- is my reward."
• (David Schwimmer) "Hold on a second, all right? Just think about what you went through the last time you quit."
• (Matthew Perry) "Okay, so this time I won't quit."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Look, Joey, I know about your feelings."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh, you do?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah, and I don't think it could happen."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I know. I mean it's not just my friend Rachel, it's my pregnant with Ross's child friend Rachel."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Uhh -- Yeah, Rachel, I mean you two are friends."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Kick me in the stomach why don't you."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Nothing. You know, maybe it's just a crush, it doesn't mean you love her."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You think?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah. I mean I've had them for you guys -- except for Ross and Chandler. I'm sure you had them for us before, right?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "No, not really."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Throw me a friggin' bone here, will ya?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "That's it? "We were on a break." "No we weren't." What happened to you two?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "If I don't hold my hair, my head will fall off."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Today is Mike and my one year anniversary."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh. What's it the anniversary of? Your first date? Your first kiss? The first time you had sex?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I may play the fool at times but I'm a little more than just a pretty blonde girl with an ass that won't quit."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, my God. The foster puppets."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Okay, now we need the sage branches and the sacramental wine."
• (Courteney Cox) "All I have is oregano and a Fresca."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "That's okay."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "All right, now we need the semen of a righteous man."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "OK, Pheebs, you know what? If we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I think the most romantic song is the one that Elton John wrote for that guy from "who's the Boss?""
• (Courteney Cox) "Which one was that?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You know, uh, "Hold me closer, Tony Danza -- "."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I'm going to get a coffee. Anybody want anything?"
• (Courteney Cox) "I'll have a latte."
• (David Schwimmer) "I'll have a blueberry muffin, with a decaf."
• (Matthew Perry) "I'll have a bagel with a little --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You know I was just being polite."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hey. Why isn't it Spidermen? You know, like Goldmen, Silvermen."
• (Matthew Perry) "Because, it -- it's not his last name."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "It isn't?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No. It's not like Phil Spidermen. He's a spider man. You know, like Goldmen is a last name but there's no gold man."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, oh okay --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "There should be a gold man."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Charlotte? You know, with the web? She has babies, then she dies. It's like, "Hey, mom, welcome home from the hospital." THUD."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "There was a crooked man, who had a crooked smile, who lived in a shoe, for a -- while --"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "And then what happened?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ooooh."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hi Joey."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "This isn't over."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I remember the day I got my first paycheck. There was a cave-in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed."
• (Courteney Cox) "Wow, you; you worked in a mine?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "No, I worked in a Dairy Queen. Why?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ok, I need to get this right so give me a sec --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yo, dude. Eleven o'clock, totally hot babe checkin' you out."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "It's because of stuff like this that you're BURNING IN HELL."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap, asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap. He said all you need is to write them a song. Now you haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along. No don't sing along. Monica, Monica, have a happy Hannukah. I saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross. And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy. And Rachel and Chandler -- have a"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "handlerrrrr."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "There's no such thing as an innocent Burger."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Why would you kill his fish?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because, Phoebe, sometimes after you sleep with someone you have to kill a fish."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hey, if we were in prison, you guys would be like my bitches."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen."
• (Matthew Perry) "Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback."

• (Lisa Kudrow) ""Oh, I slept with Billy Joel." Who hasn't?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Leave me behind. I'm just a machine."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "She's going through her fourth month of pregnancy. Remember when I was in my fourth month?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Yes, that was the Evander Holyfield period. You know, you were so hard up, you even came on to me."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Did not."
• (Courteney Cox) "Yes, you did."
• (Courteney Cox) "Listen, Phoebe, I could have had you if I had wanted you."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, yeah? Well, bring it on."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Guys. Stop it. This is even turning me on."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Aww Pheebs."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Honey, that's your name."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, Pheebs is short for Phoebe I thought that's just what we called each other."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "At first they're so cute and soft to the touch/ Then they grow up and resent you so much/ Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why/ and you cry and you cry and you cry/ and you cry and you cry and you cry and you cry -- Thanks Ross."
• (David Schwimmer) "I'm paying you to STOP."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "You still love Rachel."
• (David Schwimmer) "No, I don't."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You got married to her."
• (David Schwimmer) "In Vegas. I was so drunk, I could've married Joey."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hey. You could do a lot worse than Joey Tribianni."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Where's Chandler?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "He's grieving."
• (Matthew Perry) "I'M FREE. I AM FREE."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "We can be guys. Come on, let us be guys."
• (Matthew Perry) "You don't want to be guys, you'd be all hairy and you wouldn't live as long."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hello, my name is Clunkers. May I please stay with you nice people?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Look, I had a hard life. My mother was killed by a drug dealer."
• (Courteney Cox) "Phoebe, your mom killed herself."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "She was a drug dealer."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Stop, you guys. Look what you're doing to Chandler."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "This is big. No this is huge. No this is like really really -- all right what's bigger than huge?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Uh, this?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Soap Opera Digest. That's one of my favorite digests."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Please don't kill yourself. My mother did, I know what I'm talking about. And besides, I wasn't even meant to be working today. Don't you see that the Universe wants you to live?"
• (Unnamed) "Do you hear that? I don't need you people. The Universe cares about me. The whole Universe. Ha-ha-ha."
• (Unnamed) "I wish they cared a little bit --"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "A person's wedding is important. And especially to me. OK? I didn't have a graduation party. And I didn't go to Prom. And I spent my sweet sixteen being chased round a tyre yard by an escaped mental patient who in his own words wanted to "kill me, or whatever." So I deserve a real celebration and I am not gonna let some sweaty little man make me feel badly about it."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "What happens to the old Christmas trees?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "They go into the chipper."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Why do I get the feeling that's not as happy as it sounds?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Sting's pen --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "-- that he gave to Phoebe."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I've done some research, and it turns out mink aren't very nice."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "You know, this reminds me of the time I was living on the street and this guy said he'd buy me food if I slept with him. Because that was a real problem and this is just some High School crap."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "You know, we thought you were different. But I guess it was just the coma."

• (Unnamed) "Come on, tell me about it."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, it's my friends. They have a liking problem. With you. In that -- they don't."
• (Unnamed) "Oh."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "But I do. Me, Phoebe."
• (Unnamed) "Well, I can't say I'm surprised. It's what I've come to expect from this kind of co-dependent, dysfunctional group dynamic, this sitting around in your Coffee House drinking from Cups which, I'm sorry, may as well have nipples on them. Saying "Oh, define me, define me. Love me, I need love.""

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ok, I got an idea. If it's a girl, Phoebe, naturally. And, if it's a boy -- Phoebo."
• (David Schwimmer) "Uhh -- Sure, but let's not limit ourselves to just one name."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ok, I got one. If it's a girl -- Sandrine. It's French."
• (David Schwimmer) "That's a great name -- for an industrial solvent."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ok, you got a better one?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah, check this out. If it's a boy; Darwin."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yes, Ross, I do want a son who'll be regularly beaten in the schoolyard."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "By Sandrine."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hey, can we turn on the TV? I think it's raining outside."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "PICK UP THE SOCK. PICK UP THE SOCK. PICK UP THE SOCK."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "My mom used to stick her head in the oven. Actually she only did it the once, but it was pretty weird."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "You got a haircut."
• (David) "Yeah, well, I got like, thirty of 'em."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, look. Ugly Naked Guy is decorating his Christmas tree. Wow, you should see the size of his Christmas balls."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, my god. You had sex."
• (Courteney Cox) "No, we didn't."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I know YOU didn't, I'm saying she did."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Come on, Ross we've got to think like Chandler."
• (David Schwimmer) "So where's the one place he'd never expect us to look?"
• (David Schwimmer) "So THIS is your Office?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Come on Ross, you're a paleontologist, dig a little deeper."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "A plate of brownies once told me a Limerick."
• (Matthew Perry) "Let me ask you, Phoebe: were these "funny brownies"?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Not particularly. Although I do think they had pot in them."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, I'm a pacifist. But, when the revolution comes, I'll destroy all of you."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Except for you, Joey."

David Schwimmer as Ross

• (David Schwimmer) "Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and won."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ross came fourth and cried."

• (David Schwimmer) "You're going to destroy the Whole Illusion of the Party."

• (David Schwimmer) "Because women never like Joey. You know, I hear he's a virgin?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Mississippilessly?"

• (David Schwimmer) "NO FALAFEL FOR YOU."

• (David Schwimmer) "I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's nice."
• (David Schwimmer) "No, no, with him. I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby. I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defense is comin' right at me."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Tampa Bay's got a terrible team."
• (David Schwimmer) "Right, but, it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us. And so I uh, I just heave it downfield."
• (Matthew Perry) "What are you crazy? That's a baby."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "He should take the sack?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Anyway, suddenly I'm downfield, and I realize that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when I woke up. See, I am so not ready to be a father."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need better blocking."

• (David Schwimmer) "I think it'll be a boy."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I think it'll be a girl."
• (David Schwimmer) "Phoebe, you thought Ben would be a girl."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Have you seen him throw a ball?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Hey, Pheebs, you gonna have the rest of that Pop-Tart? Pheebs?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Hey, I might."

• (David Schwimmer) "The door's closed. I can't see anything with the door closed."
• (Matthew Perry) "And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave."

• (David Schwimmer) "I'm FINE."

• (David Schwimmer) "Cat."

• (David Schwimmer) "I want someone who gets my heart pounding"
• (David Schwimmer) "-- Someone who --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Little play things with yarn?"
• (David Schwimmer) "What?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Could you want her more?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Who?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Dee the sarcastic sister from "What's Happening"."

• (David Schwimmer) "Did you see the kid on that nose?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Does little Ross like dinosaurs by any chance?"
• (Mr. Zelner) "Yeah, they're all he talks about, why?"
• (David Schwimmer) "How would he like to come with me to the Museum of Natural History after everyone else has left, just the two of us, and he can touch anything he wants."
• (David Schwimmer) "I just heard it as you must have heard it and that's not good. Let me start again. I'm a paleontologist, you'll be there with us and the touching refers only to bones; fossils."

• (David Schwimmer) "First divorce: wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn't let you get married when you're that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada's fault."

• (David Schwimmer) "What the hell are you doing, you scared the crap out of me."

• (David Schwimmer) "Heating device."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Radiator."
• (David Schwimmer) "Five letters."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Rdatr."

• (David Schwimmer) "Oh, really? Well, I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City."
• (Matthew Perry) "Du-ude."
• (Courteney Cox) "What happened in Atlantic City?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Well, Chandler and I are in a bar --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Did you not hear me say, "Du-ude"?"
• (David Schwimmer) "-- and this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after a while he just goes over to her and, uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what you're thinking. Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls. And you're right. Chandler's not the type of guy just goes to bars and makes out with girls."
• (Courteney Cox) "You kissed a guy? Oh my God."
• (Matthew Perry) "In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy."

• (David Schwimmer) "We were on a break."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, my God. If you say that one more time, I'm going to break up with you."

• (David Schwimmer) "Say something. Say anything. Nothing you say could make this situation worse. Oh my God, this is the longest that anyone has not spoken EVER."
• (David Schwimmer) "I haven't had sex in a very long time."
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah you really shouldn't have said anything."

• (David Schwimmer) "All right, I'll tell you why you're a bad driver. You're fast and irresponsible."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Well, excuse me but in high school that made me head cheerleader."

• (David Schwimmer) "I grew up in a house with Monica, okay. If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat."

• (David Schwimmer) "No divorces in '99."

• (David Schwimmer) "So, uh, what did the insurance company say?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, they said uh, "You don't have insurance here so stop calling us.""

• (David Schwimmer) "So I don't know if he's testing me or just acting out but my monkey is OUT OF CONTROL --. He keeps erasing the messages on my machine."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh yeah -- I've done that"
• (David Schwimmer) "And a few days ago he got to the newspaper before I did and peed all over the crossword."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "I've never done that"
• (David Schwimmer) "And last night I don't know what he did but there were capers EVERYWHERE."

• (David Schwimmer) "We were on a break."

• (David Schwimmer) "So, uh, how long are you going to punish him?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Five years."
• (David Schwimmer) "You've sentenced him?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, don't do the crime if you can't do the time."

• (David Schwimmer) "OK, how about Ruth?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, I'm sorry, are we having an 89 year old woman?"

• (David Schwimmer) "I can't wait to play with you all day, and to hear your first words."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Why are you letting him talk to your crotch that way?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "He's talking to the baby."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, that's good. Because when I heard, "I can't wait to hear your first words" I thought, "Boy that's some trick.""

• (David Schwimmer) "Hey, remember when I had a monkey? Yeah, what was I thinking?"

• (David Schwimmer) "You guys won't believe what I have to do for work today."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yes, but Ross you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs."

• (David Schwimmer) ""Ooh, I must Take a Mental Picture"."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You were making fun of Parker? Okay so he's Positive and Energetic and maybe that's a bit much, but I like that about him. You wanna know what I think? I think your collective dating record reads like a Who's Who of Human Crap."
• (David Schwimmer) "-- What was wrong with Mona?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Hey who is this Casey? Why's he calling Rachel?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance -- You know make a little love -- Well pretty much get down tonight --"

• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah, Tony, hold on."
• (David Schwimmer) "Hello? Yeah, she's right here. Hold on."
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah, Tony I'll call you back. It's my sister's boyfriend."
• (Courteney Cox) "Give me that."
• (Courteney Cox) "Hi sweetie. Before I forget, did I leave my diaphragm at your house?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh, hi mom."

• (David Schwimmer) "I mean, last year Elizabeth now-now this kid. What-what-what-what is it? Am I giving out some kind of -- sexy professor vibe?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Not right now."

• (David Schwimmer) "You got me a cola drink."
• (Matthew Perry) "And a LEMON LIME."
• (David Schwimmer) "You shouldn't have. I feel like I should get you another sweater."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "And last but not least."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "They're RIBBED FOR YOUR PLEASURE."

• (David Schwimmer) "Hi --"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Pfft -- This guy says, "Hello, " I wanna kill myself."

• (Mike Hanigan) "You're not gonna try and make me join a cult are you?"
• (David Schwimmer) "No --"
• (Mike Hanigan) "Oh okay. You just have that look."
• (David Schwimmer) "Damn SuperCuts."

• (David Schwimmer) "Wow, Joey, that's a steamy picture."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, I know. The magazine said it was for my gay fans."
• (David Schwimmer) "Why'd you wink at me?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Don't look at me. You're the one who like the picture so much."

• (David Schwimmer) "I went through the same thing with Carol and you know what I did? I got dressed really quickly."

• (David Schwimmer) "Oh my God. Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "I got off the plane."

• (David Schwimmer) "Can I borrow your blue tie? Emma spit on mine."
• (Matthew Perry) "Okay, but you'll have to give it back when I get a job. Of course, by then, ties will be obsolete and we'll all be wearing silver jumpsuits."

• (David Schwimmer) "Oh. Oh. Thank God, most women don't even feel them."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Okay, no uterus, no opinion."

• (David Schwimmer) "I figured after work, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over there, and try to -- woo her."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you know what you should do? Take her back to the 1800's when that phrase was last used."

• (David Schwimmer) "Oh, I gotta go, kids -- I got Lamaze class."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh. And I got Earth Science but I'll catch you in gym?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Rachel won't talk to me. She won't even let me in the apartment."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hmmm, I wonder why, pervert?"
• (David Schwimmer) "I'm not a pervert."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Please, that's the pervert motto. They have you raise your right hand, put your left hand in your pants and say that."

• (David Schwimmer) "Ugly Baby Judges you."

• (David Schwimmer) "It's Joey, I love Joey."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Joey lives with a duck."

• (David Schwimmer) "This is so exciting, I haven't seen my monkey in almost a year."
• (Matthew Perry) "What, you never look down in the shower?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, please. I'm not allowed to make one joke in the monkey-is-penis genre?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Stupid British snack food."
• (Matthew Perry) "Did they teach you that in your anger management class?"

• (David Schwimmer) "I made Marcel's favorite: Banana cake --"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Mmm."
• (David Schwimmer) "-- with mealworm."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Ugh."

• (David Schwimmer) "Uhh, excuse me. If I could have everybody's attention. I'm Ross Geller."
• (Elliott Gould) "DR. Ross Geller."
• (David Schwimmer) "Dad -- Please. Anyway, as I was saying, I'm Dr. Ross Geller --"

• (David Schwimmer) "My dad wanted to know if you wanted to play racquetball with us."
• (Courteney Cox) "Wow. That's great. Dad must really like you, he doesn't ask just anyone to play."
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah and he didn't really ask for you, he asked for Chancy, I assumed he meant you."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, did-did you correct him?"
• (David Schwimmer) "No, I-I thought it would be more fun this way."

• (Unnamed) "Watch out for this guy. They say he's looking for some kind of Hot Girl."
• (David Schwimmer) "Who isn't?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Hi, I'm Ross, I'm new to the building."
• (Unnamed) "Yes, you were the one who didn't chip in for the handyman."
• (David Schwimmer) "Never mind."
• (Unnamed) "Actually, I thought it was unfair the way ev

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