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Hot Rod (film) Quotes

Hot Rod (film) is a television show that debuted in 1970 . Hot Rod ended its run in 1970.

It features John Goldwyn as producer, Trevor Rabin in charge of musical score, and Andrew Dunn (cinematographer) as head of cinematography.

Each episode of Hot Rod (film) is 88 minutes long. Hot Rod (film) is distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The cast includes: Andy Samberg as Rod Kimble, Bill Hader as Dave, Danny McBride as Rico, Jorma Taccone as Kevin Powell, Isla Fisher as Denise, Sissy Spacek as Marie Powell, Alvin Sanders as Furious Boss, Will Arnett as Jonathan, Chris Parnell as Barry Pasternak, Ian McShane as Frank Powell, Britt Irvin as Cathy, and Chester Tam as Richardson.

Hot Rod (film) Quotes

Andy Samberg as Rod Kimble

  • (Andy Samberg) "Hey, everybody. I got some awesome news. We have a new crew member today, Denise. So I thought it would be fun if we all went around and said our name and a little something about ourselves. I'll start. My name is Rod, and I like to party. All right, Dave, you're up."
  • (Bill Hader) "Uh, hi. Uh, my name is Dave, and uh -- I like to party."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Uh, no, Dave. I just said that I party, so maybe you could do something different from me."
  • (Bill Hader) "My name is Dave, and I -- am the stuntman."
  • (Andy Samberg) "You know what? Let's move on. Rico, you're up."
  • (Danny McBride) "Uh, hello. I'm Rico, and I like to party."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Yeah, uh, Rico, what did I just say to Dave?"
  • (Danny McBride) "Who?"
  • (Andy Samberg) "Dave."
  • (Jorma Taccone) "I like to party. I'm Rod."
  • (Andy Samberg) "No. You're Kevin."
  • (Jorma Taccone) "Right, Kevin. I party."
  • (Andy Samberg) "No, no, you don't. Okay, nobody parties but me."
  • (Bill Hader) "Yes, and we party."
  • (Andy Samberg) "No."
  • (Danny McBride) "Yeah, just Rod --"
  • (Andy Samberg) "Yes."
  • (Danny McBride) "-- and me."
  • (Andy Samberg) "No. I'm the only one who parties."
  • (Jorma Taccone) "I'm pretty sure I've partied before."
  • (Andy Samberg) "No, Kevin, I know for a fact you don't party. Okay? You do not party."
  • (Jorma Taccone) "You're right. Dave's the party guy."
  • (Bill Hader) "Haha, sweet."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Oh, my God, shut up. Okay? I'm just gonna do it for you."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Have fun being married to SATAN."
  • (Andy Samberg) "So, Denise, tell me about Jonathan. What's that dude all about?"
  • (Isla Fisher) "Well, we've been going out for about a year."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Mhmm, and it's going well?"
  • (Isla Fisher) "Yeah, yeah. I mean, every relationship has it's ups and downs, but --"
  • (Andy Samberg) "Right. I've heard that. And he's a nice guy?"
  • (Isla Fisher) "Oh, yeah. I mean, he's really smart. He's actually in line to become a junior partner at his law firm."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Right, totally. You guys should break up."
  • (Isla Fisher) "What?"
  • (Andy Samberg) "Nothing. Hey, Dave's back."
  • (Bill Hader) "You guys, the bathroom here is nuts."
  • (Andy Samberg) "You have only to believe if you wish to achieve. That rhymed. Unintentional."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Ancestors protect me."
  • (Jorma Taccone) "May they protect you."
  • (Andy Samberg) "I needed to think about last night. So I galloped into a wooded glen, and after punch-dancing out my rage and suffering an extremely long and very painful fall, I realized what has to be done."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Mom, have you seen my hip pads?"
  • (Sissy Spacek) "In the kitchen."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Gods of War."
  • (Jorma Taccone) "May your hammer be mighty."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Please believe, I do my laundry with no pants on."
  • (Andy Samberg) "We don't talk much, do we? Kathy, was it? My name's Rod. I do awesome stunts all the time with my friends. You probably didn't know that. And you probably have lots of cool stuff about you that I don't know. Point is, if you don't sit down with someone and really talk and get to know them you'll never find those things out. So what do you say? Wanna make this thing official?"
  • (Andy Samberg) "Funky Fresh."
  • (Andy Samberg) "I'm officially kicking off Phase Two: Operation Fiscal Jackhammer."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Who wants to see me do a big-ass stunt?"
  • (Andy Samberg) "Hoobastank."
  • (Andy Samberg) "All great men have mustaches."
  • (Ian McShane) "Yeah, but real men actually grow them."
  • (Andy Samberg) "You know I have a hormone disorder."
  • (Ian McShane) "Ooh."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Did you reinforce the take-off ramp?"
  • (Danny McBride) "No, we didn't have time."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Cool."
  • (Andy Samberg) "So how did he die?"
  • (Sissy Spacek) "He choked on some pie."
  • (Andy Samberg) "What? Come on. Seriously?"
  • (Andy Samberg) "Life is pain; we've got to scrape the joy from it every chance we get."
  • (Andy Samberg) "You're wrong, Frank. I'm not a kid, I'm a man. I am gonna get you better, and then I'm gonna beat you to death."
  • (Andy Samberg) "I used to be legit. I was too legit. I was too legit to quit. but now I'm not legit. I'm unlegit. And for that reason, I must quit."
  • (Andy Samberg) "You look pretty."
  • (Isla Fisher) "What?"
  • (Andy Samberg) "I said you look s***ty."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Hey, Denise, have I ever shown you a picture of my dead dad?"
  • (Isla Fisher) "No."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Oh, you've gotta see it. He's super dead."
  • (Isla Fisher) "That's him? He looks so nice. He was a stuntman?"
  • (Andy Samberg) "Oh, yeah. He used to work for Evel Knievel, testing his bikes before big jumps. He would do the jumps first to make sure they were safe and let Evel come in and get all the glory. After a while the old man said, "To hell with that. I want the credit I deserve." So one afternoon, he set out to jump ten milk trucks. He nailed the take-off, but when he landed, something terrible happened. His front tire exploded like a cannonball, and his handle bars went straight through his head. Blood was everywhere. His teeth were ground down to a powder, and the front of his face exploded out the back of his skull. He died instantly -- the next day."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Here I am, Frank. Get ready to meet your maker."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Oh, God. We hadn't even started yet."
  • (Ian McShane) "Never underestimate your opponent."

Alvin Sanders as Furious Boss

  • (Alvin Sanders) "You're a terrible stuntman."
  • (Andy Samberg) "What?"
  • (Alvin Sanders) "You're a terrible stuntman."
  • (Andy Samberg) "What?"
  • (Alvin Sanders) "You're a terrible stuntman."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Haha, I'm just kidding. I could hear you. It was just really mean."

Bill Hader as Dave

  • (Bill Hader) "He's going in circles."
  • (Bill Hader) "Oh, man, he hit his ass with a parking cone. Nice."
  • (Bill Hader) "Balls, man. We just ran over a small bus."
  • (Bill Hader) "Come on, Richardson, you're being a tool."
  • (Chester Tam) "There are no tools; in this pool."
  • (Bill Hader) "Oh, whoa, wait, what? Why is Rod kissing his sister?"
  • (Jorma Taccone) "Oh, Denise isn't his sister."
  • (Bill Hader) "She's not?"
  • (Jorma Taccone) "No"
  • (Bill Hader) "Oh. That shatters my entire universe."
  • (Bill Hader) "Whatever happened to "Live as a team. Die as a team"?"
  • (Andy Samberg) "It's a sham, okay? There's no such thing as a team. You live and die alone."
  • (Danny McBride) "Do you see what you're doing to him? You're making him upset. How important is this to you, huh? I don't even cry, and look at me. You're about to make tears come out of my face."
  • (Danny McBride) "Who am I supposed to build ramps for? Who am I supposed to build ramps for now?"
  • (Bill Hader) "You know, pools are perfect for holding water --"
  • (Bill Hader) "Hey, Rod, thanks for the ride."
  • (Bill Hader) "Hey, buddy. How's it going?"
  • (Andy Samberg) "Dave, what happened to your eye?"
  • (Bill Hader) "This? Is it really noticeable?"
  • (Andy Samberg) "Yeah."
  • (Bill Hader) "Is it really noticeable?"
  • (Andy Samberg) "Yeah."
  • (Bill Hader) "Oh, man, it's totally serendipitous. Well, I got off work early, and you know my buddy Derrick? Well he was like, "I've got this acid, but I can't do it." And I was all like, "Well, I'll do it." So I did it. And by the time I got on my banana board, man, I was -- I was tripping balls pretty hard, man. So I decided to get on my bench grinder, and a piece of metal flew up and hit me right in the eye. It was pretty awesome. And that brings us to now."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Yeah, well, just try and relax."
  • (Bill Hader) "Can do, man. Can do. I'm gonna be honest with you, Rod. You look like a giant eagle with fire all around you, and you've got a mountain for a face."
  • (Andy Samberg) "I'm guessing that's the drugs, Dave."
  • (Bill Hader) "Yeah, but it's also just kind of weird seeing you drive this minivan."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Yeah, well, it's my mom's."
  • (Bill Hader) "Balls, man. We just ran over a small bus. This really small bus, we just ran over it."
  • (Andy Samberg) "I didn't see anything."
  • (Bill Hader) "Hey, we're here. Seriously, man, this is one of the top-ten nicest things anybody has ever done for me."

Ian McShane as Frank Powell

  • (Ian McShane) "Never sneak up on a man who's been in a chemical fire."

Chris Parnell as Barry Pasternak

  • (Chris Parnell) "Rod's crew is running to his side. I, for one, hope none of them had a fight with Rod this morning because he is more than likely dead."
  • (Chris Parnell) "Now I don't want to say that kiss was hot, but if the boner police are here, I want a lawyer."

Will Arnett as Jonathan

  • (Will Arnett) "I'm going in for a Vitamin Water, should I make that dos?"
  • (Isla Fisher) "No, I'm good, thanks."
  • (Will Arnett) "Well, maybe I'll pick up a box of dong bags so we can knock boots later."
  • (Will Arnett) "Looks like you got stood up, huh?"
  • (Andy Samberg) "No, she's coming."
  • (Will Arnett) "Okay."
  • (Will Arnett) "Is that Sully? Babe I gotta go say what up to Sully."
  • (Isla Fisher) "Okay"
  • (Will Arnett) "Hey Sullivan, you chode. I owe you a shot in the nuts --"

Isla Fisher as Denise

  • (Isla Fisher) "Tai Chi teaches that if you focus your body and mind you'll be able to perform at the peak of your abilities."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Yes, sensei."
  • (Isla Fisher) "You don't have to call me sensei, Rod."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Got it. Sensei, I have a question: Is there a Tai Chi move that would make a grown man crap his pants and not know why?"
  • (Isla Fisher) "I'm not gonna lie to you, Rod. That move does exist. But you're not ready for it yet."
  • (Isla Fisher) "I'm sorry, Rod. What were you going to ask me?"
  • (Andy Samberg) "Um, I was gonna ask you who you think would win in a fight between -- a grilled cheese sandwich and a taco."
  • (Isla Fisher) "Is that what you were really going to ask me?"
  • (Andy Samberg) "Of course."
  • (Isla Fisher) "Well, I think the grilled cheese sandwich; in a fair fight. But if it was prison rules, I'd put my money on the taco."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Wow, that's pretty racist but correct. I'll see you later."
  • (Isla Fisher) "Who cares what anyone thinks?"
  • (Andy Samberg) "You don't get it, do you Denise? I used to be legit. In fact, I was too legit. I was too legit to quit. But now I'm not legit. I'm un-legit. And for that reason I must quit."
  • (Isla Fisher) "You don't mean that."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Yeah, I do -- Stay Sweet."

Danny McBride as Rico

  • (Danny McBride) "I'm freakin pumped. I've been drinking green tea all god**** day."
  • (Danny McBride) "God I go to church every god**** Sunday. You gonna bring the demons out of me."
  • (Danny McBride) "Yoo-hoo, s*** heads, I found this bag of fireworks in the men's restroom. Would you guys like to light them off?"
  • (Danny McBride) "I'm kinda grumpy today, dude. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I was having those dreams again. Ya know, how it's just me in a castle and I gotta fight, like, a thousand wizards and the only way to beat them is to punch them as hard as I can in their faces. Then, when I'm done, all their little wizard wives came out and wanted me to have sex with them; which is kinda weird."
  • (Danny McBride) "This is my hat now. This is totally my hat."

Britt Irvin as Cathy

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Jorma Taccone as Kevin Powell

  • (Jorma Taccone) "Wow, Rod, I can't believe she said yes."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Yeah, well, you have only to believe if you wish to achieve, Kevin. That rhymed. Unintentional."
  • (Bill Hader) "Man, Rod. I am just green with jealous rage right now."
  • (Jorma Taccone) "Wow, Rod. I can't believe she said yes."
  • (Andy Samberg) "Yeah Kevin. You've only to believe if you wish to achieve. That rhymed. Unintentional."
  • (Isla Fisher) "Wow. She's really pretty, Rod."
  • (Andy Samberg) "I know, D. But it's more than that me and Kathy. It's emotional. She gets me."
  • (Bill Hader) "Wow, Rod. I am just green with jealous rage right now."
  • (Jorma Taccone) "Hey, Rod, what's that song about a grandma getting run over by a reindeer?"
  • (Andy Samberg) ""Grandma Got Run over by a Reindeer"?"
  • (Jorma Taccone) "noooo --."
  • (Jorma Taccone) "It's bouncing around the Web like a beachball at a Nickelback concert."

Sissy Spacek as Marie Powell

  • (Sissy Spacek) "It's nice to see him smiling again."
  • (Andy Samberg) "He won't be smiling - --"
  • (Andy Samberg) "WHEN I MURDER HIM."

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