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Forgetting Sarah Marshall Quotes

Forgetting Sarah Marshall is a television program that first aired in 1970 . Forgetting Sarah Marshall completed its run in 1970.

It features Judd Apatow; Shauna Robertson; Rodney Rothman as producer, Lyle Workman in charge of musical score, and Russ T. Alsobrook as head of cinematography.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Forgetting Sarah Marshall is 111 minutes long. Forgetting Sarah Marshall is distributed by Universal Pictures.

The cast includes: Russell Brand as Aldous Snow, Kristen Bell as Sarah Marshall, Jack McBrayer as Darald, Teila Tuli as Kemo, Mila Kunis as Rachel Jansen, Bill Hader as Brian, Jonah Hill as Matthew, Jack McBrayer as Ray, and Jason Bateman as Animal Instincts Detective.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall Quotes

Russell Brand as Aldous Snow

  • (Russell Brand) "Actually, Peter, I wanted to tell you, I was listening to Sarah's iPod the other day, and amidst the interminable dross that's on that thing, I found one track that I quite liked. So I checked what it was, and it was actually one of yours, and it kind of reminded me of a dark, gothic Neil Diamond. It's great."
  • (Peter Bretter) "That's, like, exactly what I'm going for."
  • (Russell Brand) "Right, yeah."
  • (Peter Bretter) "f*** you're cool. It's so hard to say, because, like, I hate you in so many ways."
  • (Russell Brand) "How you served five years under her, I don't know. You deserve a medal, or a holiday or at least a cuddle from somebody."
  • (Russell Brand) "I've lost a shoe -- have you seen it anywhere? Excuse me, missus, I've lost a shoe -- like this one. It's like this one's fellow -- it's sort of the exact opposite in fact of that; not an evil version but just, you know, a shoe like this -- but for the other foot. Otherwise I'd have two right --"
  • (Russell Brand) "Look at my limo driver. I'm going to have sex with her. Alright."
  • (Russell Brand) "Oh God, please take my eyes, but not the shirt."
  • (Russell Brand) "Awful bloody film. I say, it's just a ridiculous premise. What would happen if your mobile phone killed you? Why would a mobile phone kill anyone? Doesn't make sense. How can a mobile phone have an agenda and kill people --"
  • (Peter Bretter) "I told her that when she read the script"
  • (Russell Brand) "Yeah, you were the voice of reason, mate."
  • (Peter Bretter) "I tried to be, but she didn't listen."
  • (Russell Brand) "Going around killing people. A mobile phone, like doing murders."
  • (Peter Bretter) "Why couldn't you just take the battery out of the phone?"
  • (Russell Brand) "Right. That's it. The battle's over."
  • (Peter Bretter) "Yeah, we've won."
  • (Russell Brand) "I hated it."
  • (Kristen Bell) "Well, it's not for everyone, but it --"
  • (Peter Bretter) "No, it's ridiculous. Here's my favorite scene. Hello?"
  • (Russell Brand) "Right. I could never happen."
  • (Kristen Bell) "It's a metaphor for addiction to technology."
  • (Mila Kunis) "For society, how we're reliant on technology. I get it. I'm with you."
  • (Russell Brand) "It's a metaphor for a crap movie."
  • (Russell Brand) "I would rather have my testicles spread out like a wafer and then have them covered in a layer of honey and then have wasps come and sting me and then have them covered in another layer of vinegar and then have it worn as a swimming cap by a Nazi. I'd rather have that than spend another second with her."
  • (Russell Brand) "I mean, I've heard that women do fake orgasms, but I've never seen it -- It really, deeply upset me."
  • (Russell Brand) "Yeah, I had a girl cheat on me once, with both Liam Gallagher and Noel Gallagher."
  • (Russell Brand) "Come on tour with me. I'll serenade you every night in front of thousands of women."
  • (Kristen Bell) "I didn't know you were going on tour."
  • (Russell Brand) "Yeah, I'm going in two weeks. It's like an 18 month tour, 43 countries, Infant Sorrow, and it's gonna be a massive tour."
  • (Kristen Bell) "Yeah, I can't come cause I have a job. I'm a working actress."
  • (Russell Brand) "Not anymore. You're an unemployed actress. Perfect. You could be the queen of the groupies, queen of the Sorrow Suckers."
  • (Kristen Bell) "The Sorrow Suckers?"
  • (Russell Brand) "Sorrow Suckers. I don't know why they call them that."
  • (Russell Brand) "You're still involved with him next door, ain't ya?"
  • (Kristen Bell) "Excuse me?"
  • (Russell Brand) "You should've seen yourself at dinner, Sarah. Then you came back here and put on that ghastly performance. I mean I've heard that women do fake orgasms, but I've never seen one. It really deeply upset me."
  • (Kristen Bell) "You should've seen yourself at dinner."
  • (Kristen Bell) ""Oh, I'm Aldous Snow. Bulls***, bulls***, bulls***, bulls***. Oh no drinks for me thanks. Bulls***, bulls***, bulls***.""
  • (Kristen Bell) "And you know what? Let me tell you something about these tattoos, okay. That is Buddhist, that is Nordic, that is Hindu, that's just gibberish. They are completely conflicting ideologies, and that does not make you a citizen of the world, it makes you full of s***."
  • (Russell Brand) "Was that genuine or did you fake that? Right, I'm probably gonna clear off now. I'll have a little sleep for a few hours, then I'm probably gonna go in the morning. Okay."
  • (Kristen Bell) "I hate your music."
  • (Russell Brand) "Yeah, well I f***ed the housekeeper, the other day."
  • (Russell Brand) "Thank you. What a lovely introduction -- from an eccentric and confident young man."
  • (Russell Brand) "Oh f*** me, this is a small resort."
  • (Peter Bretter) "I can see why Sarah likes you."
  • (Russell Brand) "No accounting for taste, I suppose, in her case, anyway."
  • (Peter Bretter) "Well, she was with me for five years, so there you go."
  • (Russell Brand) "Yeah, you got four on me then, mate."
  • (Peter Bretter) "You slept with Sarah a year ago?"
  • (Russell Brand) "I thought you knew. Peter, please, don't take it seriously."
  • (Peter Bretter) "What the f***, man. You --"
  • (Russell Brand) "Don't get offended by that."
  • (Peter Bretter) "You can't be so casual about this. This isn't Europe, okay? There are rules here."

Kristen Bell as Sarah Marshall

  • (Kristen Bell) "Remember how we thought the killer masturbated before commiting his crimes?"
  • (Detective Hunter Rush) "Yes?"
  • (Kristen Bell) "Take a look --"
  • (Detective Hunter Rush) "-- Looks like where he's going he'll need to know how to masturbate."
  • (Kristen Bell) "Life's a bitch."
  • (Jason Bateman) "And where you're going, that's what you'll be."
  • (Kristen Bell) "It got really hard taking care of you when you stopped taking care of yourself, I tried everything to get you off your little island, the couch."
  • (Kristen Bell) "Do you want to put some clothes on."
  • (Peter Bretter) "Oh, would you like to pick out the outfit that you break up with me in."
  • (Peter Bretter) "I love Hawaii."
  • (Kristen Bell) "Yeah, it's nice, but I think for like a week, tops. Any more than that and I know that I'd go crazy, because I think that Hawaii is a place to escape for people who can't deal with the real world."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Yeah, you know, there's so few personal shoppers and pet therapists. Gosh, it's such a hard life."
  • (Kristen Bell) "Oh, I'm Aldous Snow, bulls***, bulls***, bulls*** --"
  • (Kristen Bell) "When were you planning on telling me this?"
  • (Russell Brand) "I just told you, then."
  • (Kristen Bell) "Yeah. No, I know. But telling me now isn't really the same as telling me."
  • (Russell Brand) "Well, look, you know, I've not told you I've got genital herpes, because it's not inflamed at the moment --"
  • (Kristen Bell) "What do you think, Rush?"
  • (Detective Hunter Rush) "It's going to be hard for her to reenter the pageant -- without a face."
  • (Kristen Bell) "I hate your music."
  • (Russell Brand) "Yeah well, I f***ed the housekeeper the other day."
  • (Kristen Bell) "I took love seminars, sex seminars, so don't you dare sit here and tell me I didn't try because I tried really hard, you were just too stupid to notice."
  • (Kristen Bell) "Seemingly, the only actresses that can survive are the ones that show their cooter and I refuse to that. Excuse me, but I have a little dignity."
  • (Kristen Bell) "What are you doing here?"
  • (Peter Bretter) "Came here to murder you"

Bill Hader as Brian

  • (Bill Hader) "You gotta get your s*** together, man."
  • (Peter Bretter) "I'm trying to. It's so hard here. Brian, everywhere I look I'm reminded of her, okay? Like, she got me this, okay because I would always leave my cereal boxes open, and the cereal would get stale, and so one day I came home, and she had this waiting for me, because it keeps my cereal fresh. And now I have the freshest cereal."
  • (Bill Hader) "What's up with that hat -- what are you in the Buena Vista Social Club?"
  • (Peter Bretter) "This is a nice hat."
  • (Bill Hader) "What member of the brat pack are you? You look like one of those guys suspected of killing JFK."
  • (Bill Hader) "You don't need to put your P in a V right now."
  • (Peter Bretter) "No, I need to B my L on someone's T's."

Mila Kunis as Rachel Jansen

  • (Peter Bretter) "Are you sleeping?"
  • (Mila Kunis) "Not anymore."
  • (Peter Bretter) "I really enjoyed spending time with you"
  • (Mila Kunis) "Me too."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Why Dracula?"
  • (Peter Bretter) "Because he's a man like anyone else. He just wants to be loved. And every time he gets close to a human woman, he ends up smothering and killing her, which is a feeling I am familiar with."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Why don't you press your feet up against the rock, and like shoot yourself off."
  • (Peter Bretter) "What, like a frog?"
  • (Mila Kunis) "I don't know Peter, just get off the f***ing rock."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Peter"
  • (Peter Bretter) "Sarah?"
  • (Mila Kunis) "No, Rachel Jansen from the front desk whats going on up there, we're getting calls about a woman crying hysterically"
  • (Peter Bretter) "Yeah, y'know,I hear it too, it sounds like she's having a tough time, I think its coming from the floor above me"
  • (Mila Kunis) "You're on the top floor."
  • (Peter Bretter) "I'll try to keep it down."
  • (Mila Kunis) "You've got that magic newlywed dust all over you."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Oh, come on, Peter. I can see your vagina from here."
  • (Mila Kunis) "I can see your hoohah."
  • (Dwayne the Bartender) "I don't understand what there is to think about."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Because, Dee -- he --"
  • (Dwayne the Bartender) "She licked the tip. That doesn't count."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Of course it counts, he --"
  • (Dwayne the Bartender) "He what? He refused a blow job from his ex-girlfriend mid blow job. Do you know what that's like for a man? It's called blue balls, Rachel. This guy's like Gandhi, but better; he likes puppets. I love puppets. I love Fraggle Rock. I love Lamb Chop. I love Elmo, Sesame Street, Burt and Ernie, Snuffleupagus? f***s my s*** UP."
  • (Peter Bretter) "Is she coming this way?"
  • (Mila Kunis) "Yep."
  • (Peter Bretter) "I wish I wasn't wearing this f***ing shirt."
  • (Peter Bretter) "I'm not done yet."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Shut up."
  • (Peter Bretter) "Okay."
  • (Mila Kunis) "I thought I told you to stay on your island."
  • (Jack McBrayer) "The deal was off April 9th."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Well the deal's back on."
  • (Jack McBrayer) "You think you're the chief of this island. I'm the chief of this island."
  • (Peter Bretter) "I know his friend, let me handle it"
  • (Mila Kunis) "Fine."
  • (Peter Bretter) "Hey man you remember me?"
  • (Helpful Hawaiian Waiter) "The cocktail guy"
  • (Teila Tuli) "Ray what are you doing here?"

Teila Tuli as Kemo

  • (Teila Tuli) "You can stop crying now. He's dead already."
  • (Peter Bretter) "I'm not crying. You should stop crying."
  • (Teila Tuli) "I don't cry. I'm not a baby."
  • (Peter Bretter) "Really? Because you look like a gigantic baby. I'm sorry, I didn't mean that at all."
  • (Teila Tuli) "Are those sad tissues or happy tissues?"

Jonah Hill as Matthew

  • (Jonah Hill) "Hey, how's it going?"
  • (Peter Bretter) "Hey, I'd like to grab some dinner, please."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Okay, great. Is your wife gonna meet you?"
  • (Peter Bretter) "No."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Your girlfriend?"
  • (Peter Bretter) "No, I don't have a girlfriend, so --"
  • (Jonah Hill) "You're just by yourself?"
  • (Peter Bretter) "Yeah."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Sucks. Okay, so just one. Here's your wine list, your menu, come on. You want, like, a magazine or something? It's gonna be boring if you're just sitting by yourself."
  • (Peter Bretter) "No, I'll be alright. Thank you."
  • (Jonah Hill) "I would just be so depressed."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Alright so i came here, to give you my demo. I just -- I -- I -- I worship you and I just wanted to give you my demo. Just, take a listen, and --"
  • (Jonah Hill) "ok. 'Cuz you know what, you don't wanna be the guy sittin' there, watchin' BBC, and sayin,"
  • (Jonah Hill) ""Oh. I saw that guy. He was my waiter and I totally dismissed him like everybody else does -- in his life. And I totally, she was wrong cuz he's a major, major, major influence on me now -- and I feel terrible.""
  • (Russell Brand) "That stupid English voice, was that, me?"
  • (Jonah Hill) "Unfortunately, yes."
  • (Jonah Hill) "I just went from six to midnight."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Well I would love to sell you some weed, Jeremy, but I'm at my f***ing job right now. Obviously, because you called me at work, you know that I'm at my place of work, so I can't just leave here and sell you some weed. I can sell you some weed when I'm done."

Jack McBrayer as Ray

  • (Jack McBrayer) "Off to find the mythical clitoris."
  • (Peter Bretter) "How are things going with the lady?"
  • (Jack McBrayer) "Not awesome. She's complicated, like the Da Vinci Code, except harder to crack."
  • (Peter Bretter) "Maybe this is a sign from God that I should forget her."
  • (Jack McBrayer) "Maybe this is a sign that you should be with her. I love her show. When they mix the sexuality and the violence, I like it."
  • (Jack McBrayer) "God put our mouths on our head for a reason. No."
  • (Jack McBrayer) "Let me just say that if God was a city planner he would not put a playground next to a sewage system."
  • (Jack McBrayer) "What's the state fish of Hawaii?"
  • (Dwayne the Bartender) "The Humuhumunukunukuapua'a. Yeah, bitch."
  • (Jack McBrayer) "You have Christ between your thighs -- only with a shorter beard."

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