Hello, Dolly! (film) Quotes

Hello, Dolly! (film) is a TV show that appeared on TV in 1970 . Hello, Dolly! ended its run in 1970.

It features Ernest Lehman as producer, Jerry Herman in charge of musical score, and Harry Stradling Sr. as head of cinematography.

Hello, Dolly! (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Hello, Dolly! (film) is 148 minutes long. Hello, Dolly! (film) is distributed by 20th Century Fox.

The cast includes: Walter Matthau as Horace, Barbra Streisand as Dolly Levi, Danny Lockin as Barnaby Tucker, Michael Crawford as Cornelius Hackl, Tommy Tune as Ambrose Kemper, Marianne McAndrew as Irene Molloy, E. J. Peaker as Minnie Fay, David Hurst as Rudolph Reisenweber, Judy Knaiz as Gussie Granger, and Joyce Ames as Ermengarde Vandergelder.

Hello, Dolly! (film) Quotes

Walter Matthau as Horace

• (Walter Matthau) "Eighty percent of the people in the world are fools and the rest of us are in danger of contamination."

• (Walter Matthau) "Any man who goes to a big city deserves what happens to him."

• (Walter Matthau) "I'm going to march in the 14th street parade with the only kind of people I can trust: 700 men."

• (Walter Matthau) "Mrs. Malloy, I shan't bother you again. And I hope vice versa."

• (Walter Matthau) "Dolly Levi, you are a damned exasperating woman."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Why Horace Vandergelder. That is the nicest thing you have ever said to me. Ha ha."

• (Walter Matthau) "Advice is cheap, Ms. Molloy. It's the things that come gift wrapped that count."

• (Walter Matthau) "Corneilius Hackl. What are you doing in New York?"
• (Michael Crawford) "Oh, I'm just delivering some oats."
• (Walter Matthau) "Delivering some oats? With my former intended? You're discharged."
• (Michael Crawford) "You can't fire me. I quit."
• (Marianne McAndrew) "So do I."
• (Walter Matthau) "Barnaby Tucker, you're discharged."
• (Danny Lockin) "You can't fire me. I quit."
• (E. J. Peaker) "So do I."

• (Walter Matthau) "It takes a woman all powdered and pink to joyously clean out the drain in the sink."

Judy Knaiz as Gussie Granger

• (Judy Knaiz) "What do you mean, oysters aren't in season ? Anyone can have oysters in season, I want them out of season."
• (Walter Matthau) "They don't have any Miss Simple."
• (Judy Knaiz) "Then tell them to go out and dig for some."

Barbra Streisand as Dolly Levi

• (Barbra Streisand) "Here, let me cut your wings."
• (Walter Matthau) "I don't want my wings cut."
• (Barbra Streisand) "No man does, Horace, no man does."

• (Barbra Streisand) "It takes a woman to quietly plan to take him and change him to her kind of man and to gently lead him where fortune can find him and not let him know that the power behind him was that dainty woman, that fragile woman, that sweetheart, that mistress, that wife."

• (Barbra Streisand) "Money, pardon the expression, is like manure. It's not worth a thing unless it's spread around, encouraging young things to grow."

• (Barbra Streisand) "Mr. Kemper, do you mind if we go inside? I'm feeling an updraft in my underpants."

• (Barbra Streisand) "As my late husband, Ephraim Levi, used to say, 'If you have to live from hand-to-mouth, you'd better be ambidextrous.'"

• (Barbra Streisand) "And on those cold winter nights, Horace, you can snuggle up to your cash register. It's a little lumpy, but it rings."

• (Unnamed) "Where to, Dolly?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Yonkers, New York, to handle a highly personal matter for Mr. Horace Vandergelder, the well-known, unmarried, half-a-millionaire."
• (Unnamed) "Gonna marry him yourself, Dolly?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Why, Mr. Sullivan, what ever put such a preposterous idea into my head -- er, your head."

Michael Crawford as Cornelius Hackl

• (Michael Crawford) "Look, I'm dancing."
• (Michael Crawford) "Uh, I was."

• (Michael Crawford) "Barnaby, you don't know anything about women."
• (Danny Lockin) "Only that we can't afford them."

• (Michael Crawford) "I've never touched a woman before."
• (Marianne McAndrew) "You still haven't. That's my corset."

• (Michael Crawford) "Smile Barnaby."
• (Danny Lockin) "I'm smiling."
• (Michael Crawford) "Look rich, gay, and charming."
• (Danny Lockin) "I'm looking gay and charming."

• (Michael Crawford) "Well, you see, we're two ladies about town and we're looking for a had to Malloy and --"
• (Danny Lockin) "We're hats, you see, and we're looking for a lady to Malloy with for the af --"
• (Michael Crawford) "We want a hat."

• (Unnamed) "And what would you like, sir."
• (Michael Crawford) "Six months off for good behavior."

• (Michael Crawford) "Cornelius Hackl here."
• (Danny Lockin) "Barnaby Tucker here."
• (Marianne McAndrew) "Irene Malloy here."

• (Michael Crawford) "We're gonna close the store."
• (Danny Lockin) "Close the store?"
• (Michael Crawford) "We have to, 'cause some rotten cans of chicken mash are going to explode."
• (Danny Lockin) "Holy cabooses, how do you know?"
• (Michael Crawford) "Because I'm gonna light some candles under them."

Marianne McAndrew as Irene Molloy

• (Marianne McAndrew) "How beautiful."
• (E. J. Peaker) "How elegant."
• (Danny Lockin) "How much?"

• (Marianne McAndrew) "What's this? A return from Miss Mortimer again?"
• (E. J. Peaker) "Same old story, cherries and feathers, cherries and feathers. To catch a beau I suppose."
• (Marianne McAndrew) "If you ask me, she'd do better with a heavy veil."

• (Marianne McAndrew) "Do get done with that, Minnie. The men are eyeing us for the wrong reasons."
• (E. J. Peaker) "A banana a day keeps the doctor away."
• (Marianne McAndrew) "You mean an apple a day."
• (E. J. Peaker) "Who ever heard of a doctor slipping on an apple peel?"

David Hurst as Rudolph Reisenweber

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Tommy Tune as Ambrose Kemper

• (Tommy Tune) "If you're going to spend the whole evening acting like a scared rabbit, maybe I'd better order some lettuce."

• (Tommy Tune) "This doesn't concern her."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Mr. Kemper, everything concerns Dolly Levi."

Joyce Ames as Ermengarde Vandergelder

• (Joyce Ames) "But if I can't marry Ambrose, I know I'll die."
• (Walter Matthau) "Of what?"
• (Joyce Ames) "A broken heart."
• (Walter Matthau) "Never heard of it."

Danny Lockin as Barnaby Tucker

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.