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The Laughing Policeman (film) Quotes

The Laughing Policeman (film) is a TV program that first aired in 1970 . The Laughing Policeman completed its run in 1970.

It features Stuart Rosenberg as producer, Charles Fox (composer) in charge of musical score, and David M. Walsh as head of cinematography.

The Laughing Policeman (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Laughing Policeman (film) is 112 minutes long. The Laughing Policeman (film) is distributed by 20th Century Fox.

The cast includes: Bruce Dern as Insp. Leo Larsen SFPD, Walter Matthau as Sgt. Jake Martin SFPD, and Louis Gossett, Jr. as Insp. James Larrimore SFPD.

The Laughing Policeman (film) Quotes

Bruce Dern as Insp. Leo Larsen SFPD

  • (Bruce Dern) "Know what I mean?"
  • (Bruce Dern) "We got a man farting in silk and playing all day."
  • (Walter Matthau) "I talked to Frank at the lab, and he got an FBI report on Gus Niles' prints from his service record."
  • (Bruce Dern) "Uh, are you just making conversation now?"
  • (Walter Matthau) "Gus Niles used to be Andrew Medford, and he was in business with Camarero for awhile. You wanna take a guess who was Camarero's alibi at the Teresa inquest?"
  • (Bruce Dern) "How come you didn't make that in the original investigation?"
  • (Walter Matthau) "Because Gus Niles was still alive then, but that's a nice question, Leo. You're using your head."
  • (Bruce Dern) "Have you ever thought of having your own radio talk-show?"
  • (Bruce Dern) "I hope you're not jerking us, Haygood. Cause if you are, by the time you come back, smack'll be legal. Know what I mean?"
  • (Bruce Dern) "Terrific. We can tell the chief that we've got a fruiter that runs when he's chased."
  • (Bruce Dern) "Know what you can do for us, Rodney? You're gonna walk down the street, you're gonna get in the back seat of that white car, or I'm gonna kick your nuts up around your neck. Know what I mean, boy?"
  • (Louis Gossett, Jr.) "Partner, go to the car and get on the radio."
  • (Bruce Dern) "What did I do, break another rule?"
  • (Bruce Dern) "What are you gonna do, son? Eyeball me to death?"

Walter Matthau as Sgt. Jake Martin SFPD

  • (Walter Matthau) "Evans was working the Teresa thing on his own time. He's killed on the same bus with Gus Niles who's looking for a grease gun that happens to be the weapon used."
  • (Bruce Dern) "And then his girlfriend winds up dead on the floor with the needle -- Jake, you realize what you just did? You do it to me all the time, now you heard what the man said upstairs."
  • (Walter Matthau) "I heard him, I was up there, he's a nice man, he shoots in the low 80s, but he plays too close to the vest."
  • (Bruce Dern) "Then what are you laying all that crap on ME FOR? WHY DON'T YOU STOP IT FOR ONCE? That's YOUR personal hangup, it does NOT happen to be mine."
  • (Walter Matthau) "Can't you see it?"
  • (Bruce Dern) "I see one thing, I see why you're such a good cop, and one reason only, because you're so screwed up otherwise. You're beyond human belief, you understand that? You've got nothing else, no personal life, nothing."
  • (Walter Matthau) "And what the hell are YOU worried about, your god****ed pension?"
  • (Bruce Dern) "That's exactly it. Put in my twenty-five and collect my fifty-five."
  • (Walter Matthau) "All I'm asking you to do is help me tail a guy for a few days, it's routine."
  • (Walter Matthau) "I want you to help me follow Henry Camarero for a few days, that's all."
  • (Bruce Dern) "Why?"
  • (Walter Matthau) "Well he knows me from the original Teresa investigation --"
  • (Bruce Dern) "No, I mean why do you suddenly need me for anything? You've been doing this all by yourself all along. I've seen you. You never even bothered to show me the picture you showed the man upstairs just now."
  • (Walter Matthau) "Evans was following Gus Niles, right? Well I think Niles wanted Evans to follow him."
  • (Bruce Dern) "You mean you think he was setting the kid up?"
  • (Walter Matthau) "That's exactly what I think."
  • (Bruce Dern) "For what?"
  • (Walter Matthau) "Well Evans nearly had it, he just hadn't figured out Camarero yet, that's all. He was trying to spook Niles."
  • (Walter Matthau) "She left for lunch yesterday afternoon and hasn't been heard from since. What do you think?"
  • (Bruce Dern) "I'm only allowed one think a day."
  • (Walter Matthau) "I'm looking for Samuel Avakian."
  • (Porno Cashier) "Christ, I've never heard him called that before. What's Sammy up to now?"
  • (Walter Matthau) "Where is he?"
  • (Porno Cashier) "He's probably in his office, making believe he's a winner."

Louis Gossett, Jr. as Insp. James Larrimore SFPD

  • (Louis Gossett, Jr.) "What ever you are reaching for better be a sandwich coz you're gonna have to eat it."
  • (Louis Gossett, Jr.) "Now you got three choices: you can either go to the morgue, the hospital, or you can get in that car. The decision is yours."

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