(Article is below...)

The Twelve Chairs (1970 film) Quotes

The Twelve Chairs (1970 film) is a TV program that appeared on TV in 1970 . The Twelve Chairs stopped airing in 1970.

It features Ron Gilbert; Michael Hertzberg as producer, John Morris (composer) in charge of musical score, and Djordje Nikolic as head of cinematography.

The Twelve Chairs (1970 film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Twelve Chairs (1970 film) is 93 minutes long. The Twelve Chairs (1970 film) is distributed by UMC (Universal Marion Corporation) Pictures (US).

The cast includes: Frank Langella as Ostap Bender, Ron Moody as Ippolit Vorobyaninov, Dom DeLuise as Father Fyodor, Andreas Voutsinas as Nikolai Sestrin, Mel Brooks as Tikon, and Diana Coupland as Madam Bruns.

The Twelve Chairs (1970 film) Quotes

Dom DeLuise as Father Fyodor

  • (Dom DeLuise) "My dear lady -- don't you understand?"
  • (Dom DeLuise) "I need those chairs."
  • (Dom DeLuise) "Oh, God. You're so strict."
  • (Dom DeLuise) "What detail. What fine workmanship. What a gorgeous chairrrrr."
  • (Dom DeLuise) "I am Vorobyaninov's son."
  • (Dom DeLuise) "His first-born. He was like a father to me."
  • (Frank Langella) "So -- you are Vorobyaninov's son."
  • (Dom DeLuise) "Yes, I am."
  • (Frank Langella) "How old are you?"
  • (Dom DeLuise) "46 -- 44."
  • (Frank Langella) "Which is it?"
  • (Dom DeLuise) "42 -- 42."
  • (Frank Langella) "According to our records, Vorobyaninov is 53. That means that when you were born, your father was -- 11."
  • (Dom DeLuise) "C'mon, brain."
  • (Dom DeLuise) "Oh Lord -- oh Lord, if this is your pun -- ish -- ment --"
  • (Dom DeLuise) "How did I get here? There's no way down -- there's absolutely no way down. I'm gonna need a great deal of help to get down."
  • (Dom DeLuise) "Boys. Oh, boys. Yoo-hoo, Vorobyaninov. I have always liked you, you know that? We come from the same village. For twenty-five years, I have been your priest -- oh, for Christ's sake, get me down."
  • (Dom DeLuise) "Get -- me -- down."

Mel Brooks as Tikon

  • (Mel Brooks) "You're smart and you're gorgeous."
  • (Mel Brooks) "It's an old-age home for wery old ladies. They tippy-toe in, they have a little bowl of porridge and --"
  • (Mel Brooks) "that's it."

Ron Moody as Ippolit Vorobyaninov

  • (Ron Moody) "Bozhe moi, that poor woman. That poor woman. Who is going to care of me?"
  • (Ron Moody) "Why are you after my chair?"
  • (Dom DeLuise) "It's not yours."
  • (Ron Moody) "Then who's is it?"
  • (Dom DeLuise) "It's nationalized property. It belongs to the workers?"
  • (Ron Moody) "Did you say "the workers"?"
  • (Dom DeLuise) "Yes, the workers."
  • (Ron Moody) "Maybe the Holy Father is a member of the Communist Party?"
  • (Dom DeLuise) "Maybe --"
  • (Ron Moody) "But the Party is for atheists. How can a priest join the PARTY?"
  • (Dom DeLuise) "Mm -- The Church must keep up with the times --"
  • (Ron Moody) "It's very quiet -- what do you supposed he's doing? Do you think he found the jewels?"
  • (Frank Langella) "In a moment, the jury will bring in a verdict."
  • (Dom DeLuise) "Oh Lord, you're so strict."
  • (Ron Moody) "You're not worth spitting on."
  • (Dom DeLuise) "Oh yeah? Well, you are."
  • (Ron Moody) "Heaven knows who may sit in that chair -- if it's still a chair."
  • (Ron Moody) "How did you find out about the jewels?"
  • (Dom DeLuise) "People talk."
  • (Ron Moody) "Why, you disgusting creature. You used the sacred sacrement of confession to further your own ends."
  • (Dom DeLuise) "Not really."
  • (Ron Moody) "Well, you are just about the most contemptible creature it has even been my misfortune to meet. You're not worth spitting on."
  • (Dom DeLuise) "Well, you are."
  • (Ron Moody) "This is disgusting."
  • (Ron Moody) "Why are you after my chair?"
  • (Dom DeLuise) "It's not yours."
  • (Ron Moody) "Then whose is it?"
  • (Dom DeLuise) "It's nationalized property. It belongs to the workers"
  • (Ron Moody) "Did you said the workers?"
  • (Dom DeLuise) "Yes, the workers."
  • (Ron Moody) "Maybe the holy father is a member of the communist party."
  • (Dom DeLuise) "Maybe."
  • (Ron Moody) "But the party is for atheists. How can a priest join the party?"
  • (Dom DeLuise) "The church must keep up with the times."
  • (Ron Moody) "I am cousin Kiev, from Vorobyaninov. All of the Michaels are dead."

Frank Langella as Ostap Bender

  • (Frank Langella) "Remember the famous Russian proverb: "The hungrier you get, the tastier the meal." On the other hand, the French have a proverb: merde."
  • (Frank Langella) "Epilepsy, my friends, epilepsy. The same deseace that strucked down our own beloved Dostoyevski. Give, give. From the bottom of your hearts."
  • (Young Woman) "Do you love me?"
  • (Frank Langella) "Let's just say that I am very much in lust with you."
  • (Frank Langella) "Listen, tell me. Tell me. Who lived here in the old days?"
  • (Mel Brooks) "Oh, in the old days was my master: Ippolit Matveyevich Vorobyaninov. He was a Marshal of the nobility. I loved him. He hardly ever beat us."
  • (Frank Langella) "Oh, and whatever became of your "lovable master"?"
  • (Mel Brooks) "One night about ten years ago was a fearful noise. It was bombs and cannons and soldiers shooting. It was terrible, terrible."
  • (Frank Langella) "Oh, yes, I think it was called "The Revolution"."
  • (Mel Brooks) "That was it: The Revolution -- You're smart. You're smart and you're gorgeous. You're okay. Anyways -- they all run away."
  • (Frank Langella) "Well, come on, old boy. Let us see how drunk two Russians can get on one ruble."
  • (Mel Brooks) "I like that: two Russians, one ruble."
  • (Frank Langella) "Tell me -- what goes on in this great house?"
  • (Mel Brooks) "Mostly dying."
  • (Frank Langella) "Parasite. Parasite, parasite. Disgusting, helpless, inept, bloodsucking parasite. Vorobyaninovs never beg? I begged all my life."
  • (Frank Langella) "Are you trying to bribe a Soviet official?"
  • (Dom DeLuise) "Oh, no, no, no, no, no -- I was hoping for the best."

Andreas Voutsinas as Nikolai Sestrin

  • (Andreas Voutsinas) "I hate people I don't like."

Diana Coupland as Madam Bruns

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.

Additional Film and TV Quotes

C.R.A.Z.Y. Quotes | Clerks: The Animated Series Quotes | A Picture of Britain Quotes | House of Games Quotes | Mister T (TV series) Quotes | Ready, Willing, and Disabled Quotes | Brian Wallows and Peter's Swallows Quotes | Time Bomb (Angel) Quotes | Damage (Angel) Quotes | Hell Comes to Frogtown Quotes | God of Gamblers II Quotes | French Connection II Quotes | An American Tail: The Mystery of the Night Monster Quotes | An American Tail: The Treasure of Manhattan Island Quotes | Take This Job and Shove It (film) Quotes | The Mighty Heroes Quotes | Omen III: The Final Conflict Quotes | Simon, King of the Witches Quotes | Fullmetal Alchemist the Movie: Conqueror of Shamballa Quotes | Distant Thunder (1988 film) Quotes | Showtime (film) Quotes | Objects in Space Quotes | Heart of Gold (Firefly) Quotes | The Message (Firefly) Quotes | Trash (Firefly) Quotes |