Whose Line Is It Anyway? (U.S. TV series) Quotes

Whose Line Is It Anyway? is a Television comedy that appeared on TV in 1998 on American Broadcasting Company, ABC Family, and The CW. Whose Line Is It Anyway? stopped airing in 1970.

Whose Line Is It Anyway? lasted 14 seasons and 327 episodes. Whose Line Is It Anyway? is created by Dan Patterson, and Mark Leveson.

Whose Line Is It Anyway? is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Whose Line Is It Anyway? is 22 minutes long. Whose Line Is It Anyway? is produced by Hat Trick Productions; Warner Bros. Television, Angst Productions, and Warner Horizon Television and distributed by Warner Bros. Television.

Whose Line Is It Anyway? Quotes

• (Drew Carey) "Worlds worst subject for an interpretive dance."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Diarrhea, flows like a river."
• (Robin Williams) "Impotence is a horrifying thing."

• (Drew Carey) "The other Spice Girls."
• (Brad Sherwood) "I'm Velcro Spice."
• (Kathy Kinney) "I'm Gravy Spice."
• (Colin Mochrie) "I'm Old Spice."
• (Ryan Stiles) "I'm Cilantro."

• (Drew Carey) "Welcome to 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?', the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like Canada."

• (Wayne Brady) "As usual, if you or any of your team are caught or killed we will disavow any knowledge and laugh atcha'ass."

• (Drew Carey) "Strange items to ask a neighbor to borrow."
• (Kathy Griffin) "Suzanne, I need to borrow your husband."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Hi, I need some monkey testicles and a cola."

• (Colin Mochrie) "One of my personal favorite artists is the wonderful artist named Cher. And although I love much of her late stuff, her early stuff is the stuff that I really, really love."
• (Ryan Stiles) "It was good stuff."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Let's not say "stuff" anymore."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Okay."

• (Chip Esten) "Bachelor number two, if I were a drink I believe I would be a margarita because I am tall -- and -- salty -- and I -- always have Tequila in me."

• (Colin Mochrie) "Here's your first question. Viagra --"
• (Ryan Stiles) "Oh. I spent my honeymoon there."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Well there goes the first question."

• (Drew Carey) "I'm Drew Carey, and just like the Muppets, I've got someone's hand up my butt."

• (Wayne Brady) "And today's Friday/it's the best day of all/because you get to have, a little spaghetti/and two big meatba-"

• (Colin Mochrie) "Get out of town and take a bus."

• (Ryan Stiles) "How does the partner feel about this?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "Well, he is a little worried, since he relies on me for most of the income --"
• (Colin Mochrie) "I'm not sure, I may want to rephrase that later."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Yes?"
• (Brad Sherwood) "You might want to rephrase that now."

• (Colin Mochrie) "Oh, those frustrating banana peels. How do you get them off."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Oh, those frustrating Gerbil Skins --"

• (Drew Carey) "Regular viewer are wondering why I didn't pick the cute girl like usual. While, Chip and Wayne, you are going to sing to Derrik who works with diesel in the style of The Village People."

• (Drew Carey) "Bad topics to open a conversation with."
• (Colin Mochrie) "What color's your poo first thing in the morning?"

• (Ryan Stiles) "Only two good things come from Ohio: Stadium mustard and Drew Carey."

• (Brad Sherwood) "You are so effervescent, Your lightbulb is fluorescent, And I am out of rhymes."

• (Ryan Stiles) "Hey, what time is it?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "I believe it's 3 o'clock."
• (Ryan Stiles) "And that means it's time to shop, shop, shop."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Hello, everyone. I'm Jimmy."
• (Colin Mochrie) "I'm -- not."
• (Ryan Stiles) "And it's time to shop, shop, shop. Hey, can some of you see us out there?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "How many of you are laying on the floor drunk right now?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "It is time to stop. You and your liver need some help."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Give your liver a break. Liver let die."
• (Ryan Stiles) "I think a lot of people would stop drinking if they knew what they looked like when they were drunk."
• (Colin Mochrie) "I think you're absolutely correct, Ryan."
• (Ryan Stiles) "But it's not always easy to find a mirror when you're drunk. Sometimes it's impossible. But, that's why we have this handy little device."
• (Ryan Stiles) "You simply make a photo copy of your head -- and paste it on this."
• (Ryan Stiles) "This is what you look like sober."
• (Ryan Stiles) "This is what you look like drunk."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Which would you rather be?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "Of course -- of course, this is what you look like drunk in an earthquake."

• (Drew Carey) "Ryan, you are looking for a virgin to sacrifice to appease the gods. If you come near me, I'll kill you."

• (Drew Carey) "It's like,B-7 -- PORNO."

• (Drew Carey) "Welcome to 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?', the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like the plot in 'Mission: Impossible 2'."

• (Ryan Stiles) "Anybody wanna have- wanna have a- go to the bathroom, come back in --"
• (Ryan Stiles) "I'm faced out. I can't do s***."
• (Drew Carey) "I've got one."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Why don't you come over here and do one."
• (Drew Carey) "I went on a date last night, it didn't really end well. She said she wouldn't kiss me cause I had a weird smell. I said come on baby, why don't you have a heart, sure I may have B.O. but at least I didn't fart."

• (Ryan Stiles) "Let's face it, without hillbillies we wouldn't have Jerry Springer."

• (Drew Carey) "Bad segues following tragic news stories."
• (Chip Esten) "-- and everyone died. Speaking of dying, I've been dying to see that new Bruce Willis flick."
• (Wayne Brady) "It was a big, big loss. Speaking of big, right after this, "The Drew Carey Show.""
• (Drew Carey) "You are all gonna pay."

• (Wayne Brady) "Order Colin Mochrie's guide to dialect in other countries now. You get French-"Helloo.", Spanish-"Helloo.", Indonesian-"HELLOO.""
• (Colin Mochrie) "The Wayne Brady surfboard with a bump big enough to sit on."

• (Colin Mochrie) "Are you tired of people giving you bananas, mistaking you for a chimp? I am."

• (Brad Sherwood) "Drew, get out of my closet."

• (Kathryn Greenwood) "There's a bright light coming from within."
• (Ryan Stiles) "It's a cop."

• (Drew Carey) "Things that make the audience boo."
• (Ryan Stiles) "What color's your poo in the morning"
• (Jeff Bryan Davis) "Okay so we have our potatoes simmering. Now after we filet the baby seal."
• (Ryan Stiles) "You simply wait for traffic, then you push the old lady. Push the old lady."
• (Ryan Stiles) "I wasn't looking for applause on that one. I was looking for --"
• (Jeff Bryan Davis) "And the award for the best actor goes to; Keanu Reeves."

• (Wayne Brady) "I feel so dirty."

• (Drew Carey) "If entertainers worked funerals."
• (Wayne Brady) "Please gather around the body. Whooof."
• (Wayne Brady) "He's not there anymore. Huh? Thank you."
• (Robin Williams) "Is this the loved one? Alright start the truck Johnny. WOW, LOOK AT HIM MOVE. Isn't that incredible, ladies and gentlemen? With just 6 volts, you can make your relatives dance again."
• (Colin Mochrie) "A dog."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Well, Harry and I would like to thank you all for coming by, wouldn't we Harry? --"

• (Ryan Stiles) "I said to Colin."
• (Ryan Stiles) "I said to Colin, did you know that was me? He goes, yeah. I go, how did you know? He goes, I know your lips."

• (Wayne Brady) "So that's where poo comes from."

• (Colin Mochrie) "The difference between continents and countries."

• (Colin Mochrie) "About the Village People I have a lot of facts. / Did you know they made a movie? Yes, they axe."
• (Colin Mochrie) "It really is quite wonderful, I can't believe my eyes, / If you laid them end to end, I wouldn't be surprised."

• (Colin Mochrie) "THE CAT."

• (Ryan Stiles) "Phyllis, did you hear the question hunny?"
• (Wayne Brady) "Oh yeah, I love money. Everybody loves money. One time I had relations with 45 men at one time."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Those were Germans, hunny. We're in different times now."

• (Colin Mochrie) "I'm gonna use the giant tea pot we brought."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Really."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Don't ask me."

• (Drew Carey) "Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway? where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right. The points are like the thongs section in the Big & Tall store. They just don't matter."

• (Drew Carey) "Things you can see from outer space besides the Great Wall of China."
• (Kathryn Greenwood) "Look, those are Ryan's shoes."

• (Drew Carey) "Welcome to 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?', the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like the salad bar at a strip club."

• (Drew Carey) "I'd like to give a plug for Colin's new movie; er; television show, actually. It's a combination between "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?" and "Hair." It's called "Where in the World is My Hair?""

• (Brad Sherwood) "I just wanna stand here and stare at my privates."

• (Ryan Stiles) "My mouth's on fire. I put about 30 of them in."
• (Drew Carey) "You know, these mints are curiously strong when you pop all of them in your mouth at once."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Wow."
• (Wayne Brady) "He's gonna have great breath for, like, 20 years."
• (Brad Sherwood) "Finally."
• (Drew Carey) "Now the poor stage guy's gotta pick them all up --"

• (Colin Mochrie) "We're gonna have to blow it."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Blow the door? Are you out of your mind?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "No, I mean blow it up."

• (Colin Mochrie) "A featherduster."
• (Chip Esten) "Yes, I was dusting earlier --"
• (Colin Mochrie) "A featherduster made by a Norwegian. It's all starting to make sense."
• (Chip Esten) "No, it's not."

• (Drew Carey) "Bad names for perfume."
• (Wayne Brady) "I call it -- "Like Ass.""
• (Ryan Stiles) "You know you're good when you're wearing "Eau Du Pork.""
• (Colin Mochrie) ""Nice Pants", the smell of corduroy."

• (Drew Carey) "Wayne, you're a redneck trying to hold on to his title at a greased pig competition. And Ryan --"
• (Ryan Stiles) "-- Please don't say I'm the greased pig."
• (Drew Carey) "No, you're a first time mother going from conception to birth."

• (Ryan Stiles) "I wanna make a call, so I'll have to use a life line. I wanna call the mother of my baby, my sister Alicia. Are ya' there baby?"
• (Kathryn Greenwood) "Yeah, I'm here, y'know I was just about to call you, my frilly underwear's missin' again."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Well, I ain't wearin' it."
• (Kathryn Greenwood) "Yeah, like hell y'ain't wearin' it. What d'ya want?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "Is it A, C, D, or D?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "No, you stupid"
• (Colin Mochrie) ", it's A, B, C, or D."
• (Kathryn Greenwood) "Well, I don't know which of them numbers it is, I'd say "C"."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Is that yer favorite number?"
• (Kathryn Greenwood) "Yeah, baby, C's an all right number."

• (Colin Mochrie) "You know what? That was wonderful, that was so good, that's a rap. You see what I did? THAT WAS ACTING. WHAT YOU DID WAS CRAP."

• (Colin Mochrie) "I hope it's me with my clothes on."

• (Drew Carey) "Hi, I'm your host, Drew Carey, come on down, and let's have some fun."

• (Wayne Brady) "So who's the slightly effeminate one, that's me --"
• (Brad Sherwood) "Who dropped the soap -- who dropped the soap --"
• (Ryan Stiles) "Jim's escaping through the hole in the wall, the hole in the wall, the hole in the wall --"
• (Colin Mochrie) "With the wig -- you remind me -- of Julia --"

• (Drew Carey) "How's your back, really?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "Fine."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Yeah, cause I saw you going"
• (Ryan Stiles) "No actually I was saying "Get the f*** off. Get the f*** off.' I don't know if we can air that but that's what I said."

• (Colin Mochrie) "You know, for as long as I can remember, I've had memories."

• (Colin Mochrie) "What are you doing with that violin?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "Thought I'd -- play a lil' tune."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Ooooh, I'm gonna shoot you once I get a gunnnn."

• (Colin Mochrie) "Hey, Ryan. What amazing gizmo is that?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "After you fix your face, you're gonna want to fix other areas of your body."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Exactly, because a good face, blah blah blah."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Well we don't want to look like this."
• (Ryan Stiles) "We want to look like this."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Woah. If knew that was going to happen I really would have fired those."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Anyway, that was just another product launch."

• (Drew Carey) "That was Ringling Bros. they want their shoes back."

• (Drew Carey) "Welcome to 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?', the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like tasteful shoes to Ryan Stiles."

• (Colin Mochrie) "He had a face only a mother could love -- if she was blind in one eye and had that sorta milky film over the other. But still, he was my identical twin brother."

• (Ryan Stiles) "You see this badge? That means I'm the sheriff."
• (Wayne Brady) "Change."
• (Ryan Stiles) "You see this thong? --"
• (Wayne Brady) "Change."
• (Ryan Stiles) "You see these sandals? That means someone stole my boots."

• (Ryan Stiles) "Damn rolling black-outs."
• (Ryan Stiles) "No, not that kind."

• (Ryan Stiles) "I'll have a cheeseburger, two large fries and a COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE."
• (Ryan Stiles) "You forgot my COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Where the hell is my COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE?"

• (Drew Carey) "What holds you to the Earth?"
• (Greg Proops) "Why, my love for you, Drew."

• (Colin Mochrie) "There's blood in my stool."

• (Colin Mochrie) "As he cut my artery I knew something was wrong."

• (Ryan Stiles) "You -- and your constipation."

• (Brad Sherwood) "I would like you to meet Stephen Hawking."

• (Drew Carey) "Things that will get 'bleeped' by the censors."
• (Wayne Brady) "En espanol, I am "El Grande Ricardo", but you can call me "Big Dick"."
• (Greg Proops) "I'm George Bush and I'm a f***ing indigimimite."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Here, p*****."
• (Drew Carey) "Bloopers from the first 100 episodes."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Here, p*****."
• (Greg Proops) "He's -- uh --"
• (Wayne Brady) "Hi, welcome to Whose Line it an- Oh, gosh I'm so stupid."
• (Colin Mochrie) "H-O-R-W-A-R-D."

• (Drew Carey) "What Drew Carey thinks about before he drifts to sleep."
• (Wayne Brady) "Ah. Money."
• (Ryan Stiles) "He's so tall."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Maybe tomorrow I'll lick his head."

• (Colin Mochrie) "I need a hammer."
• (Ryan Stiles) "I knew he needed a hammer. He also needed a couple of nails and a good screw."

• (Colin Mochrie) "An infinite number of monkeys have just come up with the Fox fall line-up."

• (Colin Mochrie) "Look at the beauty of what's going on here. The sheer BEAUTY."

• (Drew Carey) "Ryan "Anything for Laughs" Stiles."
• (Ryan Stiles) "That's how I got the job in the other show, remember?"

• (Drew Carey) "I smell a spinoff --"

• (Colin Mochrie) "Meeeooooow."

• (Drew Carey) "Welcome Back to Whose Line is it Anyway, where you can never be too rich, or too gay."
• (Drew Carey) "I've never heard of a married gay guy before --"

• (Chip Esten) "Men can be quite mean / Men can be quite bad / I'll bet you had a boyfriend / I'll bet he was a cad / I don't really like men myself / That I can tell / But my friend Ryan? / Well he thinks they're swell."

• (Colin Mochrie) "I believe it was Shakespeare who said, "All the world's a stage, and you're crap.""

• (Colin Mochrie) "Today, well-known mob hitman Johnny Two-Shoes admitted that he was once hired to kill a cow in a rice field using only two small porcelain figurines. Police reports indicate that this is the only known incident of a Knick-Knack Paddy Whack."

• (Ryan Stiles) "Excuse me, I'm tapped into your cable. Would you mind changing it to channel 8?"

• (Ryan Stiles) "Look, I'll go over here in the corner so you and Giselle can say goodbye."
• (Colin Mochrie) "I thought we had something special Giselle."
• (Unnamed) ""You're uglier than him.""

• (Chip Esten) "Well, I knew Colin's mother / And let me tell you the truth / When she was nursing Colin / Her milk was 90 proof / She tried to kick the habit / She didn't know what to do / But if your baby looked like that / Then you'd be drinking too."

• (Ryan Stiles) "Here's my number. My fax number. A picture of me with my clothes off."

• (Wayne Brady) "Oh I got married about a year ago. I'm as happy as can be, I think you all should know. But my wife, I'm glad I did marry. Except in the morning, she looks like Drew Carey."
• (Drew Carey) "Well, Wayne gets worried about his little wife, cause she is the love of his life. But every night, just about three, Oh, Wayne, She's out with me."

• (Drew Carey) "So if you want to be on "Whose Line it is Anyway?" send a naked Polaroid of yourself to the care of 'Whose Line' Po Box: 175."
• (Chip Esten) "That's how I got on."

• (Colin Mochrie) "You are dead to me, nothing but scum. When I look in your eyes I get inflammation of the bum. You make me feel putrid, I hate the --"

• (Colin Mochrie) "I think it was Tennessee Williams who said, Y'all are crap."

• (Colin Mochrie) "You're a very angry personal fashion advisor."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Who needs decaf."
• (Drew Carey) "What do they call them? They give them a special name."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Yeah, they do, don't they?"

• (Colin Mochrie) "The other day I stole something, it really was a sin / It was a little revolver made of gelatin / It was a really bad idea, something I should have slept on/ 'Cause I was arrested for carrying a congealed weapon."

• (Brad Sherwood) "What about all the people you'll disappoint?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "Screw them."

• (Wayne Brady) "I've got a fig ol' futt."

• (Ryan Stiles) "I'm a bird flyin' through the air/come near me if you dare/my feathers are white and my beak is flat/I hit your windshield and go SPLAT."
• (Colin Mochrie) "I don't have a ryhme, boo-hoo."
• (Wayne Brady) "I thought he was a bird/but that ain't that/'cause everybody know's Canadians can't rap."

• (Wayne Brady) "I feel ten pounds lighter and just a little dirty."

• (Drew Carey) "Colin, Colin, another hundred dollars for you, buddy."
• (Ryan Stiles) "That's just dirty money now."
• (Drew Carey) "How bad you want it, Mochrie? Come on, get your dirty money."
• (Wayne Brady) "He kissed really nice -- For a dude."
• (Ryan Stiles) "I don't think the tongue was necessary, but I think --"
• (Wayne Brady) "I'm in love with a Canadian man --"
• (Drew Carey) "Just when you thought "Will & Grace" was the gayest show on TV, along comes "Whose Line Is It Anyway"."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Hey, uh --"

• (Drew Carey) "Things you don't expect to hear when you put your ear to a seashell."
• (Ryan Stiles) "I'm Spartacus."
• (Wayne Brady) "Put me down."
• (Robin Williams) "Who's your daddy?"

• (Drew Carey) "Hey, Ryan, how many fingers am I holding up?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "Uhh, 4? How about me?"

• (Drew Carey) "Baby Drew's first words."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Colin's Bald."
• (Wayne Brady) "Hey Nurse, come on."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Pizza."
• (Brad Sherwood) "Show me them boobs. Come on."

• (Colin Mochrie) "What's New p*****cat?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "I've got a feeling"
• (Colin Mochrie) "Feelings?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "One."
• (Colin Mochrie) "What's the buzz, tell me what's a happening."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Nowhere, man."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Really, that sucks."
• (Wayne Brady) "Really that sucks, really that sucks --"

• (Drew Carey) "We're gonna miss you Lewis."

• (Drew Carey) "Christmas is a holiday that I really hate / There are just too many things that I can't relate / So every December twenty fifth I just kick off my shoes / And go down to the deli to hang out with the Jews"

• (Colin Mochrie) "But when you cut off a guys dead, roll up his body in a rug, and burn it -- you better make sure he's dead."

• (Ryan Stiles) "What's the mattter with roadkill? What's the matter with roadKILL."
• (Colin Mochrie) "How does food become poo? I'll tell you."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Whyyyyyyy do dogs lick themselves?"

• (Colin Mochrie) "Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah."
• (Wayne Brady) "Change."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Oklahoma."

• (Ryan Stiles) "I'll distract them by making a noise like a duck."
• (Unnamed) "Quack quack quack quack quack."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Yeah, that wasn't just one duck, that was a whole flock of ducks."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Okay. Then, I'll make a noise like an elephant."
• (Unnamed) "Quack quack quack quack quack."

• (Ryan Stiles) "You're -- the -- best I can get --"
• (Colin Mochrie) "You seem real easy and willing to put out, so roll in the cream cheese, roll in the cream cheese."

• (Drew Carey) "For my next trick I'll need a female form the audience in about twenty minutes."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Twenty minutes."
• (Chip Esten) "Female."

• (Drew Carey) ""Things that will cause a Drew Carey spit take.""

• (Ryan Stiles) "Hey, Colin?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "Yes, Ryan."
• (Ryan Stiles) "How many songs are on this 2D CD set? 2D CC 2D CD set."
• (Colin Mochrie) "I mentioned it earlier. If you weren't listening, tough."

• (Colin Mochrie) "hmm -- say 10 Hail Mary's and the Gilligan's Island theme"
• (Ryan Stiles) "Today i'm going to be delivering the sermon as John Wayne."
• (Ryan Stiles) "And in the beginning --"

• (Colin Mochrie) "Every song a hit, and every hit a smack."

• (Colin Mochrie) "I can't believe I'm missing bald jokes."

• (Colin Mochrie) "I bet you're wondering what part of Mexico I'm from. I was educated in Oxford."
• (Ryan Stiles) "You must come back with me, you have commited many crimes. Apparently I'm from the same neighborhood"

• (Colin Mochrie) "One of my favorite alternative bands is Green Day. They're from your hometown, aren't they?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "I don't know, where am I from?"

• (Drew Carey) "Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway, where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like everything else when you own a Porsche."
• (Ryan Stiles) "None of us would know, Drew --"

• (Drew Carey) "WOOOOOO. Welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway, the show where everything's made up, and the points don't matter."
• (Ryan Stiles) "We just came back from a commercial, and "WOOOO.""

• (Drew Carey) ""Strange things for a doctor to say after 'Turn your head and cough'"."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Would you like to go out to dinner sometime?"
• (Brad Sherwood) "Do you smell bacon?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "Alright, now bend over and sneeze"
• (Ryan Stiles) "Now, here's how you throw a curve."
• (Brad Sherwood) "Maybe I should turn up the heat in here --"

• (Jeff Bryan Davis) "Well, frankly, my dear, I don't give a Spam."

• (Drew Carey) "I'd like to give a plug for Ryan's new show. It's a combination of "What's Happening," "Hangin' With Mr. Cooper," "The Outer Limits" and "The PJs." It's called "What's that Hangin' Out of Your PJs?""
• (Ryan Stiles) "Watch for it."

• (Ryan Stiles) "Colin, can you keep us abreast of what's going on out here?"

• (Colin Mochrie) "And if you order now, you will recieve the CD yesterday by a process we don't quite understand yet. It's very hush hush."

• (Chip Esten) "What's your name again?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "Keep the change."

• (Ryan Stiles) "Songs of the chiropractor go back many a many years."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Do they?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "Yes, they were."

• (Drew Carey) "Naked photos you wouldn't want to see on the internet"
• (Wayne Brady) "Hi, I'm Bea Arthur."
• (Ryan Stiles) "C-A-R-E-Y. Hmmm."
• (Drew Carey) "Careful what you wish for Buddy --"

• (Ryan Stiles) "Hey, Colin."
• (Colin Mochrie) "What, Ryan?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "How much money would you pay for a 2-CD set like this?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "Oh, I don't know -- 39 dollars?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "Unfortunately, it's $69.95."
• (Colin Mochrie) "But I was talking $39.00 in a foreign currency that doesn't quite --"

• (Drew Carey) "Things to say that will always start a fight."
• (Ryan Stiles) "You guys wanna fight?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "Hey, Clinton, what's with the fat broad?"

• (Brad Sherwood) "Wayne was either the Wicked Witch of the West, or Barbara Bush."

• (Brad Sherwood) "All right men, we're going into battle tomorrow. Before we do, I think we shall all take a shower."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Ehh, I don't want my freedom."

• (Drew Carey) "What penguins are really thinking?"
• (Wayne Brady) "Does this tux make me look fat?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "Geez -- it's cold."
• (Colin Mochrie) "One day I'll get that Batman."

• (Ryan Stiles) "I'd like to give you the weather for the next 50 years. Sun in L.A., rain in Seattle."

• (Colin Mochrie) "Y'now one time I saw a strong man bend a car at a circus-waitaminute. Bend a car. PAT BENATAR."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Okay, you've proved your point."
• (Colin Mochrie) "You're not the only master of segues."

• (Drew Carey) "If celebrities had been the first people to walk on the moon."
• (Brad Sherwood) "One small step for man, one giant leap for me, Brad Sherwood. How are ya?"
• (Drew Carey) "Sorry, I said -- I said, "celebrities.""
• (Brad Sherwood) "Oh, I'm sorry."
• (Brad Sherwood) "That was mean."
• (Wayne Brady) "Hooo."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Where's my car?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "Well this is dry and barren as I am."

• (Drew Carey) "A lot of people forget that on the Drew Carey show, Ryan and I have been totally naked."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Of course, some of us needed a wide angle lens."
• (Drew Carey) "And some of us needed a zoom."

• (Drew Carey) "Welcome to 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?', the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like Angelina Jolie's breakfast."

• (Brad Sherwood) "Are you my mommy?"

• (Ryan Stiles) "Hi, I'm Drew Carey, and I'm going to teach you how to walk backwards. First you --"

• (Colin Mochrie) "The Beatles. Rolling Stones. Barbra Streisand. Bruce Springsteen. These are just some of the people who threatened to sue if we used their songs."

• (Ryan Stiles) "Hey, Col."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Yeah, Ry?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "Here's a little riddle for you."
• (Colin Mochrie) "All right."
• (Ryan Stiles) "What kind of bird always says the name of our next band?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "Oh, I guess -- a -- tern? An arctic tern?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "And what sound does an arctic tern make?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "Backstreet Boys?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "No, Colin. That's wrong."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Why don't you tell us what's right?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "I was thinking of an owl, that goes Hoo, Hoo. The Who is the next band on our CD set --"

• (Colin Mochrie) "What's this? That's my banana seat. My banana seat."
• (Ryan Stiles) "I'm going to get my gun."
• (Colin Mochrie) "As he was going for his gun, several emotions ran across my face: Fear, happiness, sadness. I knew I was going for an Emmy and yet would never get one. Damn."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Hey, what do you think you're doing with that?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "I want the seat back and I want the seat back now."
• (Colin Mochrie) "What do you want with it?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "I'll hold it."
• (Ryan Stiles) "He asked me what I wanted with it. And although I didn't know, at this point I thought, "Maybe I shouldn't have given him the gun -- ""
• (Colin Mochrie) "I want you to assemble my bike the way you found it."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Oh, yeah, it's assembled, but wait until he rides it."
• (Colin Mochrie) "These are Firestone tires."

• (Drew Carey) "Hey, welcome back to Whose Line. I'm Drew Carey, or as Hannibal Lecter calls me, dinner for two."

• (Ryan Stiles) "Friends. Can't stop watching Friends."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Ah, somebody turn off the Michael Bolton music."
• (Ryan Stiles) "So this is how you got two shows."

• (Colin Mochrie) "I thought we were out of the spy buisiness?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "We're never out of the spy buisiness, Colin, not as long as tapes keep coming to the door."
• (Greg Proops) "How would you like to make money in Real Estate?"
• (Greg Proops) "Good morning, gentlemen."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Good morning."
• (Greg Proops) "How are you today?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "Fine."
• (Ryan Stiles) "How's your cold, Ryan?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "It's cleared up."
• (Greg Proops) "Well all right then --"
• (Colin Mochrie) "Like what am I, nothing?"
• (Greg Proops) "I'd love to chat but I'm busy being on the --"
• (Greg Proops) "Today's mission is of the greatest importance. The Meer of Grufunkastan, a small Middle Eastern Nation is coming to visit the President. He'll be arriving in Washington D.C., however, his flight has been delayed and his burnoose is dirty. Your mission is to go to his hotel, The George C. Clark hotel, you don't know it nevermind, and clean a new bernoose for the Meer of Grufunkastan. This tape will self destruct as soon as you throw it out the --"
• (Greg Proops) "BOOM."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Thank God we picked window."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Yes. Well, we've got a mission lets get to it."
• (Ryan Stiles) "I can't remember where the hotel is you got your Thomas Guide? E5 it's gonna be tough. Oh my God, my car's in the shop."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Well, luckily they've marked every street and town with big numbers and letters."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Wait a minute we're at E4 already."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Quick, E5."
• (Ryan Stiles) "I didn't know we lived so close to the hotel."
• (Colin Mochrie) "No kidding, we only look out the windows to throw burning tapes."

• (Ryan Stiles) "Our director, he really is the boss / For yelling and screaming, he's never at a loss. / He's the meanest guy that you will ever see / He should sprout a mustache and move to Germany."

• (Ryan Stiles) "Hi, mind if I put on some Michael Bolton?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "Hi, I'm Michael Bolton."

• (Drew Carey) "Hoedowns about magicians are really hard to do/ Hard to think of one verse, let alone even two/ Let me tell you somethin' that'll give you a little laugh/"
• (Drew Carey) "If you take my rhyme again I'm gonna saw your ass in half."

• (Drew Carey) "Wow, would you look at all the viewers we have. Friends must be a rerun."
• (Robin Williams) "Hahaha."
• (Drew Carey) "You scared me."

• (Drew Carey) "Okay. Let's start out with --"
• (Drew Carey) "No -- no."
• (Drew Carey) ""Bad choices for pets.""
• (Brad Sherwood) "Here velocipraptor. Here velo-"
• (Ryan Stiles) "Where's my little tapeworm? Huh?"
• (Drew Carey) "Okay."
• (Drew Carey) ""Strange things to find in your bed.""
• (Wayne Brady) "Colin?"
• (Wayne Brady) "Ahhhhhhh."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Teach me how to sing like you."
• (Ryan Stiles) "What's his problem?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "I don't know."
• (Drew Carey) "Oh, okay. Uh, "dangerous things to do while you are naked.""
• (Brad Sherwood) "Honey, bring out the steaks. I'm gonna light the barbeque."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Okay."
• (Ryan Stiles) "5 minutes, Mr. President."
• (Drew Carey) "Okay."
• (Drew Carey) "Oh, boy. "Baby names that will someday get your child's ass kicked.""
• (Ryan Stiles) "Oh, is Kick-My-Ass Hungry?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "Come here -- Colin."
• (Drew Carey) "Okay. "Little known facts about our host, Drew Carey.""
• (Ryan Stiles) "What kind of middle name is "Alison?""
• (Drew Carey) ""Things you wished you hadn't said to the president.""
• (Colin Mochrie) "Sure, I'll be your intern."
• (Brad Sherwood) "Cigarette? Cigar? Anyone?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "I do."
• (Drew Carey) "Hey. Don't go away. There'll be lots of more Whose Line right after this."

• (Ryan Stiles) "I went to the beach one day, and the water was cold/ I went in because I thought that I was bold/ When I jumped in, it was colder than I feared/that was the day that my penis disappeared."

• (Ryan Stiles) "Have you ever heard of a place called Moosejaw, Saskatchewan?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "Isn't that right beside Left -- Noob?"

• (Wayne Brady) "Hey, Miss America, what's up? I'm T.K."
• (Wayne Brady) "I'm B.J."
• (Wayne Brady) "I'm J.J."
• (Wayne Brady) "And I'm O.K."

• (Greg Proops) "Ve vill dominate you."
• (Colin Mochrie) "You've yet to win a war."
• (Greg Proops) "And yet you drive a BMW."
• (Greg Proops) "Ve von. La-la la-la la-la la."

• (Drew Carey) ""People you wish would just shut up -- ""
• (Wayne Brady) "People you wish would just shut up --"
• (Greg Proops) "I'm Alex Trebek, and this is Jeopardy."
• (Greg Proops) "Oh, I'm sorry, that buzz was too late."
• (Greg Proops) "I had an idea for a show. Four women with different viewpoints. Maybe too different."

• (Drew Carey) "Welcome to 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?', the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like street signs to a cab driver."

• (Drew Carey) "Welcome to 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?', the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like deodorant to a cab driver."

• (Ryan Stiles) "I just heard that Vegas just went broke./Apparently it all happened cause of one single bloke./I never thought that they'd ever see this day -- / -- but that's what happens when Drew Carey eats buffet."

• (Colin Mochrie) "Oh, we're gonna have to call a fireman to put you out."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Mercury's rising."

• (Colin Mochrie) "I can't wait to get home to my wife."

• (Colin Mochrie) "You notice why the floor's clean? It's because you all suck."

• (Colin Mochrie) "My mother drinks a lot, I know that isn't strange/But her behavior gets very strange./She acts like she's from somewhere else, maybe like Venus./Oh, by the way, Chip has a little penis."

• (Colin Mochrie) "Man, maybe you shouldn't have broken up, cause you're gonna need all the loving you can get, or maybe you can just buy hookers. You are a millionaire."

• (Colin Mochrie) "Hey Ryan"
• (Ryan Stiles) "Yeah, Colin?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "What sound does a Blackbird make?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "I have no idea"
• (Colin Mochrie) "O-per-a."
• (Ryan Stiles) "O-Per-a."
• (Colin Mochrie) "O-per-a."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Wait a minute. Opera's a song style."

• (Drew Carey) "That's right the points are like if N'sync and the Backstreet Boys traded guys. It doesn't matter."

• (Unnamed) "Crick, crick, crick, crick, crick --"
• (Ryan Stiles) "I've got a crick."

• (Ryan Stiles) "Well, it; it's; it's full of flaws. Look, this; this army's attacking Hawaii."
• (Wayne Brady) "Change."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Why; why the Salvation Army's attacking the restaurant here."
• (Wayne Brady) "Change."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Why uh -- this is me, going after Richard Simmons."

• (Richard Simmons) "You have the most beautiful teeth."

• (Drew Carey) "Confusing battle cries."
• (Wayne Brady) "Hurt you."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Don't shoot until you see the whites."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Give me liberty, or a bran muffin."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Get my brown pants."
• (Wayne Brady) "Every last one of us will defend the alamo, right?"
• (Wayne Brady) "What the hell?"

• (Drew Carey) "Now, we need two unlikely roommates."
• (Unnamed) "Bill Cosby and Hitler."
• (Drew Carey) "Bill Cosby and Hitler. Bill Cosby and Hitler certainly unlikely roomates"
• (Unnamed) "Hold Please."
• (Drew Carey) "You've got to be kidding me."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Not that Hitler"
• (Brad Sherwood) "We meant RUDOLPH Hitler."
• (Wayne Brady) "Would you like some Jello -- Hitler?"
• (Drew Carey) "Somebody over there. Gimme a profession"
• (Unnamed) "Insurance Salesman"
• (Drew Carey) "Insurance Salesman. Brad and Wayne, you're going to be singing Bill Cosby and the Insurance Salesman. Pretty f***ing funny isn't it?"

• (Drew Carey) "Gifts the three wise men considered"
• (Wayne Brady) "Mary, I give to you, a Playstation 2 for the child."
• (Kathryn Greenwood) "It's a Chia Pet."
• (Ryan Stiles) "You can't give them a pork roast."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Water Skis."
• (Wayne Brady) "With these modivational tapes by Jack Robbins, your child will soar --"
• (Ryan Stiles) "They call it -- a thong."

• (Wayne Brady) "I'm gonna get married. I'm gonna find myself a guy --"
• (Brad Sherwood) "The band's had a little too much to drink."

• (Greg Proops) "In a world full of poop, there's just one prooper. I'm Greg Proops, the pooper scooper."

• (Drew Carey) "Announcements made over Hell's PA system."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Attention. Will the owner of a Pinto, lisencse plate number --"
• (Wayne Brady) "Tickets for Yanni, on sale in the lobby. Tickets for Yanni."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Clean up on aisle five."

• (Drew Carey) "Bad times to smoke a cigarette."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Fire."
• (Jeff Bryan Davis) "All right, push, Mrs. Johnson."
• (Colin Mochrie) "I can't believe I broke my old record of six burritos."

• (Colin Mochrie) "Y'now, in Canada, they don't have beds, they have cots with filly paper on them-wait a second. Bed cot filly paper? RED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS."
• (Ryan Stiles) "They don't get it"
• (Colin Mochrie) "Bed, cot, filly, paper, red, hot, chilli, peppers."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Oh."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Yeah, like it made sense before."

• (Colin Mochrie) "Hey come on, make fun of the bald guy."
• (Colin Mochrie) "I'll be your lighting rod of hate."

• (Drew Carey) "The points don't matter just like Jerry Springer's final thought."

• (Drew Carey) "Welcome to 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?', the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like Blair Witch 2."

• (Ryan Stiles) "What do I look like?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "I'll tell you what you look like: A big stick with a big nose."

• (Ryan Stiles) "This year, I do all the stuffing."

• (Greg Proops) "GONDOR NEED WOMAN."

• (Drew Carey) "Oh, I hate radio today. They ain't got nothing good to play all. / All they play is junk. They are in a rut, I wish they'd take the Backstreet Boys / and shove'um their butt."

• (Drew Carey) "Welcome to 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?', the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like a hat in an orgy."

• (Ryan Stiles) "I just saved your life."

• (Ryan Stiles) "Honey, I think we should name the baby Bill."
• (Drew Carey) "Change."
• (Ryan Stiles) "I think we should name the baby Drew."
• (Drew Carey) "Change."
• (Ryan Stiles) "I think we should name it C-3PO."

• (Greg Proops) "Hi, I'm bill from the NRA, and it's gun safety wee --"

• (Colin Mochrie) "Bad pick-up lines."
• (Drew Carey) "Hey, wanna see a picture of my penis?"
• (Ryan Stiles) "Hey, wanna see a picture of Drew Carey's penis?"

• (Ryan Stiles) "How much would you pay for a 5-CD set like this? Or even a 50-CD set like this?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "Why, I'd pay up to $50,000 -- but I'm an idiot."
• (Ryan Stiles) "And you're from Canada, so with the exchange --"
• (Colin Mochrie) "I'm still an idiot."

• (Wayne Brady) "Damn. Baby got backdraft."

• (Drew Carey) "Take it away, Laura, whenever you're ready. The ugly hoedown."
• (Wayne Brady) "Let me tell you something that happened just the other day/My date was so ugly I almost ran away/She was just horrific, where can I begin?/When that heffer was born her mama should have pushed her back in."
• (Wayne Brady) "Ugly."
• (Drew Carey) "I met a girl at a nightclub/It was pretty dark/Thought I'd take her home just for a lark/But when I saw her in the light I ran a mile/Cause she looked just like Ryan Stiles."
• (Colin Mochrie) "I'm an ugly woman/Yes, it is not fair/I have an ugly face and I have no hair/What can I do? That's the way the fates went/The only person who'll sleep with me is the president."
• (Ryan Stiles) "I am so ugly that I'll never have a lover/When I leave the house all the dogs run for cover/I'm big and white and round and my back is so hairy/Yes you guessed it, my name is Drew Carey"

• (Drew Carey) "Bad causes to raise money for."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Give Drew Carey a third show? Anyone?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "Bathe the whales."

• (Colin Mochrie) "Here is your question. Your transvestite lover and you, are invited to a black tie affair. Do you: A, pass her off as your wife. B, pass her off as your brother. C, pass her off as your husband. D, tell to lose the chaps."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Wow, I don't know nothing about vampires --"
• (Colin Mochrie) "Transvestites, not Transylvanians you moron. Transvestites."

• (Drew Carey) "Let me tell you about Wayne, Colin, and Ryan's -- and Brad's newest movie, they all have a movie coming out, it's a combination of Coyote Ugly, Scary Movie, and X-Men. It's called 'It's Scary How Ugly Those Men Are'."

• (Colin Mochrie) "Yo, I'm the doctor in this place/I'm the best doctor in outer space/for me this disaster will be a real tes/waitaminute I think there's something in my chest."

• (Colin Mochrie) "Now, to make sure the bad breath is going away, use the bad breath indicator. Ryan, breathe."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Oh."
• (Colin Mochrie) "If it doesn't turn colors, your breath smells great. If it turns black, get help right away."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Hey, we'll even throw in this, Colin, I'm pregnant."

• (Drew Carey) "Things in Drew Carey's planner."
• (Wayne Brady) "7:00: count my money. 8:00: count my money."
• (Ryan Stiles) "9:00- Blow up"
• (Ryan Stiles) "Pick up date."

• (Brad Sherwood) "Hello and welcome to the six o'clock news. Veteran rock musicians Roger Daltrey, Keith Moon, Pete Townsend, and John Entwistle broke into an animal hospital today and set free all of the doberman pinschers. The police said they that they now have proof that The Who let the dogs out."

• (Drew Carey) "I love the Village People, they give me confidence / Even though I'm not too bright, I am rather dense / I have a fat, white body, and I don't have a tan / But when I put on leather pants, I am a Macho Man."

• (Colin Mochrie) "I'm going to stick my nose in there, and make sure I get every bit of it."

• (Colin Mochrie) "I let him think for a while 'cause I knew he had the answer. I knew it was a good answer, and he was going to tell it to me. 'Cause when you ask a question, you expect an answer. That's the way it works -- question, answer, answer, question. If he gave the answer, I'd have to come up with the question. That would be Jeopardy. That's wrong."

• (Drew Carey) ""World's worst catchphrases.""
• (Colin Mochrie) "Nieieieeieieiiice pants."

• (Drew Carey) "Heh heh. Th-things bald men are sick of hearing."
• (Wayne Brady) "We need your head to bounce a laser of off to communicate with the satellite."
• (Ryan Stiles) "You're my only friend on this island."
• (Wayne Brady) "No, I just had one. I don't wanna say anymore."
• (Colin Mochrie) "No, go on, it's comedy."
• (Wayne Brady) "Okay. Will Johnny take me to the prom?"
• (Drew Carey) "I'll stop it now for you."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Oh, thanks. Just in time."
• (Drew Carey) "I was just; suggestion there you know --"
• (Drew Carey) "Yeah, stop at 10 I say."
• (Drew Carey) "It's not me."

• (Colin Mochrie) "This all started with a badly timed bald joke."

• (Drew Carey) "Inappropriate anecdotes on a celebrity talk show."
• (Wayne Brady) "-- no, so I left the body in the trunk, and everyone is like, "Ooh, what's that smell"?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "-- so, things are tough, I'm a big ho. And --"
• (Colin Mochrie) "I'm s --"
• (Robin Williams) "-- so I said: "Get off me grandma, I'm done"."
• (Wayne Brady) "-- so, I'm looking through the window, and there's Robin and his grandmother, and I'm like --"
• (Ryan Stiles) "So -- anyway, long story short,"
• (Ryan Stiles) "this is the stone I passed."

• (Ryan Stiles) "I knew he wasn't here for a haircut. Though, if he was, it wasn't going to take that long."

• (Drew Carey) "Welcome to 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?', the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like underwear to Sharon Stone."

• (Drew Carey) "What the f*** was that?"
• (Drew Carey) "MORE ALE WENCH."

• (Drew Carey) "Welcome to 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?', the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like the police department in Colombia."

• (Ryan Stiles) "You know, nail biting can be cured by simple products that you can get at the drug store, but why go that way, when you can buy our complicated product?"

• (Colin Mochrie) "Wow. The Prime Minister of Eat-all-you-can."
• (Ryan Stiles) "We have a picture of him on our wall."

• (Ryan Stiles) "Where did all the toilet paper go?"

• (Ryan Stiles) "Watch the Drew Carey Show Wednesdays at 9. Wait -- there's more. Give the tall guy more lines."

• (Drew Carey) "Boy, Wayne sure has a tickly butt, huh?"

• (Colin Mochrie) "The Canadians are coming. The Canadians are coming."

• (Colin Mochrie) "He had the kind of face only a mother could love. If that mother was blind in one eye and had that sort of milky film over the other one. You know? You know what I mean? But still, he was my identical twin. It had taken me eight years to track him down to this gas station."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Jed? It's me, Phil."
• (Ryan Stiles) "I recognize the voice."
• (Ryan Stiles) "As I was looking right up his dress, I knew who it was."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Long time, no see."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Yeah. Last time I saw him, he tried to murder me. But when you kill someone by chopping off their head, rolling them up in a carpet, and burning it, you'd better make sure they're dead."
• (Ryan Stiles) "What brings you by?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "I came by for my part of the inheritance. Nice gas station you opened up."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Thanks."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Apparently he'd forgotten why he was kicked out of town in the first place. The sheriff caught him giving his wife a lube job in late November. I wasn't going to bring it up again, I knew it was a touchy subject for him."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Haven't seen you since the lube job."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Hey. Come on. What the hell? Never mention that again."

• (Ryan Stiles) "We're all going to die."

• (Colin Mochrie) "-So then my colon is lying on my chest. I wake up in the middle of the surgery, I acidentally swallow half of it. How did that happen, I'm wondering. Well then all of a sudden, that's when the laxative hits. So I'm LYING there, wondering how the heck am I gonna get out of this? --"

• (Ryan Stiles) "We wouve you Walla Walla, Washington. We wouve you Walla Walla, Washington"
• (Colin Mochrie) "Proud citizens of Dog-Lick --"
• (Wayne Brady) "Our arms are wide open at Muscelahoochehella Alabama, Muscelahoochehella Alabama --"
• (Ryan Stiles) "We call it Butte- Not Butt- Montana."
• (Jeff Bryan Davis) "Who wants an Oxnard, I do, I do."
• (Ryan Stiles) "What's the matter with Weed?"

• (Ryan Stiles) "I will not accept this reward until they tear down the wall that separates Germany."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Thank you."

• (Drew Carey) "Welcome to 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?', the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like when I say 'I love you' when I'm drunk."
• (Wayne Brady) "No."

• (Drew Carey) "If you've never seen the show before, what's going to happen is these four performers are going to come out here and make everything up for you, right off the top of their heads. At the end of every game, I give them points, I don't know why. It's just a little gag to hold the show together. And then, at the end of the night, we choose a winner, and the winner gets to do a little something special with me."

• (Ryan Stiles) "What's New, p*****cat?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "When you Wish Upon a Star"
• (Ryan Stiles) "Blue Suede Shoes"
• (Colin Mochrie) "Nice pants."

• (Drew Carey) "Welcome to 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?', the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like the nutrition facts on a Happy Meal."

• (Wayne Brady) "Thank you for saving my husband."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Oh -- you two are married?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "It's nothing permanent."

• (Drew Carey) "Two thousand points to Kathy Greenwood for kissing Ryan."
• (Kathryn Greenwood) "Yeah."
• (Colin Mochrie) "I never get two thousand points for kissing him."
• (Drew Carey) "That's 'cause you like to kiss him."
• (Ryan Stiles) "It's got to be on the show."

• (Ryan Stiles) "Who is it?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "Beauty."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Beauty Smith."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Oh, Beauty come in."

• (Colin Mochrie) "And out of great boredom comes great songs."

• (Wayne Brady) "Well, she's a dog and she's so fine / She's the canine that's on my mind / She's Lassie."

• (Colin Mochrie) "Hey, do you look like you've been hit by a bus three times?"
• (Colin Mochrie) "You started it."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Well, if you do, we've got the solution for you."
• (Colin Mochrie) "That's right, are you tired of paying doctors, are you tired of paying doctors to have a face lift that could end up like this?"

• (Drew Carey) "Man, what a rough night I had. My inflatable girlfriend ran off with my air mattress."

• (Drew Carey) "If songs were written about life's most embarrassing moments."
• (Ryan Stiles) "Where did all the toilet paper gooo?"
• (Kathryn Greenwood) "I love you sooooo much- oops I farted."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Hey. That's me with the booger in my nose. Booger in my nose."
• (Wayne Brady) "We made love at 5:06. I was done by 5:07."
• (Colin Mochrie) "Hey I didn't mean to cook your dog. But hey, those things just happen. My was just standin' there, and his little toes they started tapping. So I cut his throat, let go kick a goat, and then I put him on the barbeque."
• (Drew Carey) "And I put him on the barbecue."

• (Ryan Stiles) "What are we fighting for Grenada for? I don't even want this country."

• (Kathryn Greenwood) "So like I got this job doing like the news or something, and like, what is that anyway? Like politics or wars or something? I just wanna chill, and y'know sometimes I just wish I was a goat y'know? How easy would life be then y'know, you wouldn't even have to read things or understand things or -- hey, why's everybody staring at me?"

• (Greg Proops) "This message will self-destruct -- now; BOOM."

• (Brad Sherwood) "I'd like you all to meet my running mate."

• (Wayne Brady) "Drew doesn't do a damn thing."

• (Drew Carey) "Trying to look cool while doing uncool things."

• (Ryan Stiles) "Just cut one brake line and you could be sitting behind that desk --"

• (Drew Carey) "Occupations where breaking into song is discouraged."
• (Ryan Stile

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