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Peter's Friends Quotes

Peter's Friends is a television show that debuted in 1970 . Peter's Friends ended its run in 1970.

It features Kenneth Branagh as producer, and Roger Lanser as head of cinematography.

Peter's Friends is recorded in English and originally aired in United Kingdom. Each episode of Peter's Friends is 101 minutes long. Peter's Friends is distributed by The Samuel Goldwyn Company.

The cast includes: Rita Rudner as Carol, Emma Thompson as Maggie, Kenneth Branagh as Andrew, Alphonsia Emmanuel as Sarah, Stephen Fry as Peter, Imelda Staunton as Mary Charleston, and Hugh Laurie as Roger.

Peter's Friends Quotes

Rita Rudner as Carol

  • (Rita Rudner) "Look at this armoire. Is it real?"
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "No, its imaginary."
  • (Rita Rudner) "Maggie, you are a very pretty girl."
  • (Emma Thompson) "No, I'm not."
  • (Rita Rudner) "Yes, you are."
  • (Emma Thompson) "No, I'm not."
  • (Rita Rudner) "Yes. But you make Mother Teresa look like a hooker."
  • (Rita Rudner) "If this was my house, I'd want the best room too."
  • (Rita Rudner) "Andrew, bags."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "She's fine when she's asleep"
  • (Rita Rudner) "I heard that."
  • (Rita Rudner) "Why don't you do me a baked potato, steam me a few carrots and grill me a piece of chicken without the skin?"
  • (Vera, Paul's Mom) "Why don't you go down to the shops, buy whatever you want and cook it yourself?"
  • (Rita Rudner) "Did you never see "Upstairs, Downstairs"?"
  • (Rita Rudner) "I could FEEL the cellulite building up on me on the plane. I wonder if any airlines have planes with gyms ON them."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "It's funny. I was gonna suggest we flew Gym Air, but I thought you'd prefer a plane with a seat."
  • (Rita Rudner) "I think a gym on a plane is a GOOD idea."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "And that's what makes you, you, darling."
  • (Rita Rudner) "Now, you promised you'd be nicer to me on this trip."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "That's cuz I thought we'd be getting away from it all. I didn't realize you were gonna bring it all with you."
  • (Rita Rudner) "You'd love me less if I were fat."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "I think I'll take a walk."

Stephen Fry as Peter

  • (Stephen Fry) "There are some friends you will have for the rest of your life. You're welded together by love, trust, respect, or loss. Or in our case, simple embarrassment."
  • (Stephen Fry) "Did you bring a surfboard?"
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "No, that's just Carol."
  • (Stephen Fry) "Look, look, it's two minutes to midnight -- can we please just try to be nice to each other?"
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Yeah, yeah, let's try to be nice to each other. Cause it's New Year's f***ing Eve, isn't it? New Year's f***ing Eve, in Peter's f***ing mansion, where Peter gets to be the lord of the manor, and I get to regret ever leaving England."
  • (Stephen Fry) "Andrew I know this isn't you speaking, this is 'drunk you'."
  • (Stephen Fry) "We've only got the three days, Maggie. It would be nice to make it into the house at some stage."
  • (Stephen Fry) "We went on after the Fabulous Poodles."
  • (Brian, Sarah's Escort) "The Fabulous Poodles. Now there was a band. Whatever happened to them?"
  • (Emma Thompson) "I don't know, but we were on after them, and Peter was in the middle of his opening monologue when someone threw a glass, and Peter said --"
  • (Hugh Laurie) "If that happens again, we're going straight home."
  • (Stephen Fry) "Do you really want to know why I brought you here?"
  • (Stephen Fry) "Oh, how can I put this delicately? It's just that I'm not really in the vagina business."
  • (Stephen Fry) "I do wish you'd please try as a personal favour to me not to be quite so -- Gothic to my friends."
  • (Stephen Fry) "How long have you been married now?"
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Almost three years."
  • (Stephen Fry) "Quite a long time for Hollywood, isn't it?"
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Yeah."
  • (Stephen Fry) "Don't you get some kind of a plaque?"
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Yes. We stay together five years I get a free hair transplant and she gets a new set of breasts."
  • (Stephen Fry) "What, so she'll have four?"
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Yes, but her agent gets one."
  • (Stephen Fry) "And you know, when you think about it, that's exactly what happens to us when we're born. We're dropped down a random chimney and we have to get on with the strangers we find there. Typical Chesterton there to describe a chimney as a kind of uterus."
  • (Stephen Fry) "I believe I am what is commonly termed bisexual, which is by the by because actually I no longer sleep with men or women. But if I did, I promise you, you'd be right up there on my wish list, together with Michelle Pfeiffer and -- River Phoenix."

Kenneth Branagh as Andrew

  • (Kenneth Branagh) "I am an absolute dribbling arsehole. I'm sorry, everybody. I'm sorry, Peter. Oh, Peter."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "I was just sitting here trying to work out exactly how I ruined my life."
  • (Alphonsia Emmanuel) "You think you're in trouble? I just tried to f*** a six-year-old."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "You know, it's like; kindergarten, school, university, Black Hole."
  • (Alphonsia Emmanuel) "It's not that bad."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Oh, yes, it is. In fact, it's SLIGHTLY worse than that."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "I will not have my ex-wife -- future ex-wife talked about like that."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "That's still a good joke."
  • (Stephen Fry) "What is?"
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "I've never fallen in love. I've stepped in it a few times."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Now I don't know what this is about, but if I have something unfortunate hanging out of my nose and no one's told me, you're in big trouble."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Why the f*** did you invite me eh? You know, why the f*** any of us? Why this year, not any other bloody year? Is it because all our f***ing lives are in such an optimum f***ing mess that it needs Peter the Saviour to send us out on the world on New Year's Day, resurrected and directed? Because I'm here to tell you if that's your aim, my old fruit, from bitter f***ing experience it hasn't worked."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "So, how's the world of publishing?"
  • (Emma Thompson) "Fine. Very busy."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Any news on the boyfriend front?"
  • (Emma Thompson) "I was kind of seeing someone. An author."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "And what happened?"
  • (Emma Thompson) "He committed suicide."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't --"
  • (Emma Thompson) "It's alright. Honestly. Really. I didn't really like him very much. I liked him even LESS after he committed suicide."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "How did he do it?"
  • (Emma Thompson) "Threw himself off a building."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Eek."
  • (Emma Thompson) "Couldn't even do that properly. It was only a three-story building. He would have survived, only a car ran him over."
  • (Emma Thompson) "It's not funny."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Oh, it is slightly funny, Maggie."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "What the f*** have you got in here? Weights?"
  • (Rita Rudner) "Yes."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "I can't believe Sarah. She seems to exist on a diet of fresh air and bonking."
  • (Rita Rudner) "You should know."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Carol will be down in a minute. She's just gluing her hair on."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "I think adults are just children who owe money."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "We went down about as well as a turd souffle."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "It's s*** with a capital "sh"."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Oh, the f***ing underground song. What a piece of s***. Who wrote that?"
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Guilty."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "I've always loved that song."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "If there is a God, he takes a lot of long lunches."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "And what's all this then?"
  • (Stephen Fry) "It's called a pot-belly, Andrew. We have those in England, along with culture."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Ah."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Hello. just coming to see if you're doing it properly."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Oh, no, you're doing it all wrong; I'll have to help you."
  • (Stephen Fry) "Do you have wood in Los Angeles?"
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Well, we have Hollywood."
  • (Stephen Fry) "Now, I don't want to have to tell you again, stop it, stop it now."

Hugh Laurie as Roger

  • (Hugh Laurie) "Just one of those audience that enjoy it later, you know. They'll get home and think 'yes, I rather enjoyed it'."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Oh will they? Well should we give them our individual telephone numbers then?"
  • (Stephen Fry) "I for one should expect dozens of phone calls that said I looked bored s***less throughout the evening, that in reflection, Roger was right. I had a fantastic time."
  • (Hugh Laurie) "You two are so cynical."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "I think we should hire a lawyer and sue that audience."

Imelda Staunton as Mary Charleston

  • (Imelda Staunton) "Ben's fine."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Oh, can't you let one f***ing hour go by without ringing the f***ing baby sitter?"
  • (Hugh Laurie) "She's concerned about our child, Andrew. No need to be aggressive."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Was that Roger the jingle writer? Did she speak?"
  • (Hugh Laurie) "I'd rather be Roger the jingle writer than Andrew the miserable bastard. I've never understood you. You'd like to think it was Hollywood but you were like this ten years ago."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Like what?"
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Self-loathing."

Alphonsia Emmanuel as Sarah

  • (Alphonsia Emmanuel) "It could have been worse."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Yes, Sarah. It could have been worse. They could have attached electrodes to our genitals."
  • (Alphonsia Emmanuel) "You'll probably be stuck with that Joan Collins impersonator for the rest of your life."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "You're talking about the woman I almost love."
  • (Alphonsia Emmanuel) "God, I've never seen anyone wear more makeup. How does she take it off? With a chisel?"
  • (Alphonsia Emmanuel) "We can't all have our lives figured out as well as you do."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "I didn't say I had my life figured out, I said I had YOUR life figured out, love."
  • (Alphonsia Emmanuel) "Hi, guys."
  • (Stephen Fry) "Now, that's what I call an extremely long dick."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Well, if it isn't Sarah, is it us?"
  • (Emma Thompson) "It can only be Roger and Mary."
  • (Stephen Fry) "I assume they must have resolved their differences last night."
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "This is the acid test"
  • (Kenneth Branagh) "Darlings."
  • (Stephen Fry) "Well, if you'll excuse me, I better go."

Emma Thompson as Maggie

  • (Emma Thompson) "How's Ben?"
  • (Imelda Staunton) "My name is Mary, I'm an overprotective mother, and I've only phoned twice, today, and he's fine."
  • (Emma Thompson) "Fill me with your little babies."
  • (Emma Thompson) "I went upstairs and threw my clothes off."
  • (Rita Rudner) "That's direct. What'd he say?"
  • (Emma Thompson) "He said he wasn't in the vagina business."
  • (Rita Rudner) "That's direct too -- Has Peter ever been in the vagina business?"
  • (Emma Thompson) "Yes. He slept with Sarah."
  • (Rita Rudner) "Oh, there's a surprise. Was she engaged to Peter too?"
  • (Emma Thompson) "No, they just had a brief affair."
  • (Emma Thompson) "What are you doing?"
  • (Rita Rudner) "Donkey kicks. I've eaten every thing in the place, and I'm trying to work it off before morning. I used to be bulimic. A year ago, I'd be in the bathroom throwing it all up. I'm much healthier now."

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