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The Hebrew Hammer Quotes

The Hebrew Hammer is a television show that first aired in 1970 . The Hebrew Hammer stopped airing in 1970.

It features Lisa Fragner as producer, Michael Cohen in charge of musical score, and Kurt Brabbee as head of cinematography.

The Hebrew Hammer is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Hebrew Hammer is 85 minutes long. The Hebrew Hammer is distributed by Comedy Central (TV).

The cast includes: Adam Goldberg as Mordechai Jefferson Carver, Andy Dick as Damian Claus, Nora Dunn as Mrs. Carver, Mario Van Peebles as Mohammed Ali Paula Abdul Rahim, Judy Greer as Esther, Annie McEnroe as Mrs. Highsmith, Peter Coyote as JJL Chief Bloomenbergensteinenthal, and Sean Whalen as Tiny Tim.

The Hebrew Hammer Quotes

Adam Goldberg as Mordechai Jefferson Carver

  • (Adam Goldberg) "Baruch atah adonoi -- I don't know what the hell I'm saying."
  • (Mario Van Peebles) "What you doing?"
  • (Adam Goldberg) "I'm prayin' to God we don't kill ourselves gettin' over this wall."
  • (Adam Goldberg) "Shabbat shalom, motherf***ers."
  • (Adam Goldberg) "I need you to get in contact with the Worldwide Jewish Media Conspiracy and mass-produce every holiday movie that has a Jewish protagonist who is depicted in a positive light."
  • (Peter Coyote) "So you want me to mass produce "Yentl," "Fiddler on the Roof," and Chaim Potok's "The Chosen"?"
  • (Adam Goldberg) "Right."
  • (Adam Goldberg) "Now, the key of undercover work -- is to blend in, OK? You act as a gentile would."
  • (Judy Greer) "Right."
  • (Samples Woman) "Could I interest you in a free-sample bacon cheeseburger?"
  • (Adam Goldberg) "Um, well, I thank you, gentile friend, for your generous offer of that -- deliciously unkosher snack. I -- sadly have to decline -- for I already stuffed myself full of milk and meat products at a previous lunch engagement."
  • (Judy Greer) "You're good."
  • (Adam Goldberg) "Let's dance the hora."
  • (Andy Dick) "You're a hora."

Andy Dick as Damian Claus

  • (Andy Dick) "OH, LOOK. A bowl of matzoh-ball soup."
  • (Adam Goldberg) "Yum."
  • (Andy Dick) "Watch it with the f***ing cane."
  • (Andy Dick) "You numb-nutted, gimpy little bitch."

Nora Dunn as Mrs. Carver

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Annie McEnroe as Mrs. Highsmith

  • (Annie McEnroe) "I hope you've all learned a very important lesson today. Just because Mordechai's people are different from us, and just because they may appear strange to us with their furry hats, beady eyes, and long sideburns, not to mention their bizarre customs and unnecessarily guttural funny-sounding names; just because they control ALL of the world's money, yet they are too cheap to buy their children anything better than spinning tops for presents, does not mean that we can't learn to love and respect them as our equals. Happy Chanuyakah day seven, Mordy."

Peter Coyote as JJL Chief Bloomenbergensteinenthal

  • (Peter Coyote) "G-dash-d dammit, Hammer."

Mario Van Peebles as Mohammed Ali Paula Abdul Rahim

  • (Mario Van Peebles) "Who brings in the dope?"
  • (Unnamed) "The white man."
  • (Mario Van Peebles) "Who brings in the guns?"
  • (Unnamed) "The white man."
  • (Mario Van Peebles) "Who brought in that disco?"
  • (Unnamed) "The white man."
  • (Mario Van Peebles) "Who brings in that naaaasty-aaaass Jheri curl?"
  • (Unnamed) "The white man."
  • (Mario Van Peebles) "And who tries to put they motherf***in' foot up Kwanzaa's ass?"
  • (Unnamed) "The white man."
  • (Mario Van Peebles) "That's right."
  • (Mario Van Peebles) "And who brought in Britney Spears?"
  • (Unnamed) "The white man."

Sean Whalen as Tiny Tim

  • (Sean Whalen) "My cane."
  • (Sean Whalen) "Give me back my cane. f***."

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