(Article is below...)

The Tao of Steve Quotes

The Tao of Steve is a television show that first aired in 1970 . The Tao of Steve completed its run in 1970.

It features Anthony Bregman as producer, and Joe Delia in charge of musical score.

Each episode of The Tao of Steve is 87 min long. The Tao of Steve is distributed by Sony Pictures Classics.

The cast includes: Donal Logue as Dex, James 'Kimo' Wills as Dave, David Aaron Baker as Rick, Greer Goodman as Syd, and Nina Jaroslaw as Maggie.

The Tao of Steve Quotes

Donal Logue as Dex

  • (Donal Logue) "And this takes us to the second rule of Being Steve: You have to do something excellent in her presence, thus demonstrating your sexual worthiness."
  • (Donal Logue) "Awwww, dude, there's a certain order you're supposed to do things in, and telling someone you love them is definitely last in that order."
  • (James 'Kimo' Wills) "Well, when are you supposed to tell 'em?"
  • (Donal Logue) "I dunno. Maybe your 40th wedding anniversary or something?"
  • (Donal Logue) "I'm serious. If you're hanging out with women as friends, your doing your research in the wrong library."
  • (James 'Kimo' Wills) "What's wrong with being friends with women?"
  • (Donal Logue) "Nothing, but getting out of that category of 'friend' is harder than like getting out of Alcatraz."
  • (Donal Logue) "Steve is the prototypical cool American male. Y'know, I'm talking about Steve McGarrett, alright? Steve Austin, Steve McQueen. Y'know, he's the guy on his horse, the guy alone. He has his own code of honor, his own code of ethics, his own rules of living, man. He never, ever tries to impress the women but he always gets the girl."
  • (Julie) "You have so many great books."
  • (Donal Logue) "The better to seduce you with."
  • (Julie) "What?"
  • (Donal Logue) "The better to deduce the truth with."
  • (Donal Logue) "Both men and women want to have sex. It's natural, except we're on different timetables. Women want to have sex, like, y'know, fifteen minutes after us, so alright, if you hold out for twenty she'll be chasing you for five."
  • (Doctor) "Do you smoke?"
  • (Donal Logue) "I have the occasional pack a day."
  • (Donal Logue) "The Tao of Steve isn't about picking up lots of women. It's about being the best person you can be, and I'm not."
  • (Donal Logue) "And that takes us to Part III of the Tao of Steve, okay? Alright, after you've eliminated your desire, and after you've been excellent in her presence, then you must retreat. Okay?"
  • (Donal Logue) "You couldn't resist my powerful penetrating stare, could you?"
  • (Greer Goodman) "No, I wanted to tell you, you had a huge glob of guacamole on your shirt."
  • (Donal Logue) "You think it's more honest to pretend to listen to a woman when you're just thinking about getting laid."
  • (James 'Kimo' Wills) "I think it's more honest than pretending I don't wanna get laid, ya know?"
  • (Donal Logue) "That's the whole point. Don't pretend, man. Just really let go of your desire."
  • (Donal Logue) "How can you not love a British rock band consisting of four teenage bumble bees."
  • (Donal Logue) "Quit looking at me like that. You're acting like a co-dependant girlfriend."
  • (Donal Logue) "Doing stuff is overrated. Like Hitler. He did a lot. But don't we all wish he woulda just stayed home and gotten stoned?"
  • (Greer Goodman) "Oh, I see. So you're only options are to get stoned or commit genocide?"
  • (Donal Logue) "Y'know, no one ever says, "Hey, God, how was your day? What can I do for you, God?" Or, "Hey, God, did you catch Letterman last night?""
  • (Greer Goodman) "Oh, and I suppose you talk to God like that?"
  • (Donal Logue) "Always. All the time."
  • (Greer Goodman) "And what does God say?"
  • (Donal Logue) "He says, "You know what? I saw Letterman and it sucked.""
  • (Donal Logue) "You think all Buddhist monks are like the Dalai Lama? I mean, you don't there are guys in Nepal, right, who are like, "What should I do? Should I carry packs of heavy s*** for Westerners up to the top of the base camp on Mt. Everest, or should I stay down here in Katmandu and maybe just chant all day and check out chicks and pretend to be holy?""
  • (Donal Logue) "Dating's so tricky, that's all. And you're really cool. You have a great personality. I just don't wanna -- I just don't wanna mess up our friendship."
  • (Julie) "Friendship? We just met."
  • (Donal Logue) "Do you want to have sex with this woman?"
  • (James 'Kimo' Wills) "Definitely."
  • (Donal Logue) "Okay, then you're violating the first rule of being Steve."
  • (James 'Kimo' Wills) "Who?"
  • (Donal Logue) "You must learn to eliminate your desire."
  • (David Aaron Baker) "It's Buddhist."
  • (Donal Logue) "I think the Taoists said it first."
  • (David Aaron Baker) "Hey, are we gonna have a seminar or are we gonna play golf?"
  • (Donal Logue) "Just a short seminar on the elimination of desire, okay? If you're out with this girl and even THINKING about getting laid, you're finished, cuz women can smell an agenda like s*** on a shoe."
  • (Donal Logue) "What are you excellent at?"
  • (James 'Kimo' Wills) "I'm an excellent camper."
  • (Donal Logue) "Ok, but you can't camp in front of a woman."
  • (Donal Logue) "But I think seriously that most people want a composite of the opposite sex. Ya know, cuz you gals aren't ever going to find Antonio Banderas with the personality of Fred MacMurray. And I'm never going to get Rachel Welch with the personality of Lucille Ball."
  • (Greer Goodman) "What's wrong with just Lucille Ball?"
  • (David Aaron Baker) "What's wrong with just Rachel Welch?"
  • (Donal Logue) "Amen. I mean my biggest fear is that I'm gonna marry the woman that I want to hang out with and talk to in my golden years and then die in a fiery car crash when I'm forty and I miss all those years of having sex."

Greer Goodman as Syd

  • (Greer Goodman) "Okay, so, if you're falling in love with me, then why are you with all these other women?"
  • (Donal Logue) "Oh, come on. Am I supposed to remain celibate while I bask in like the warm glow of your annihilating contempt?"
  • (Greer Goodman) "Would you describe this as a typical morning for you?"
  • (Donal Logue) "Hell no. Usually I spend this time cross-training."
  • (Greer Goodman) "I made a schedule on my computer."
  • (Donal Logue) "How Marcia Brady of you."

Nina Jaroslaw as Maggie

  • (Nina Jaroslaw) "But you've never been happy with any women you've dated."
  • (Donal Logue) "Well, that's Male Insanity Syndrome. Ya know, that is just you're with a woman and no matter how cool she is, you're always thinking "Maybe I could do a little better or I could trade up somehow."
  • (Greer Goodman) ""Trade up?""

David Aaron Baker as Rick

  • (David Aaron Baker) "Dex is just bitter because he's never been in love."
  • (Donal Logue) "I love my dog."
  • (David Aaron Baker) "Can I talk to you second?"
  • (Donal Logue) "I'm blanching the butter."
  • (David Aaron Baker) "Okay, Martha Stewart. When you're done?"
  • (David Aaron Baker) "There'll be walking."
  • (Donal Logue) "Yeah?"
  • (David Aaron Baker) "And climbing."
  • (Donal Logue) "I know."
  • (David Aaron Baker) "Outdoors."
  • (Donal Logue) "Shut the f*** up."

James 'Kimo' Wills as Dave

  • (James 'Kimo' Wills) ""Be desireless. Be excellent. Be gone.""
  • (James 'Kimo' Wills) "I'M A TAOIST."
  • (James 'Kimo' Wills) "Okay, so if I'm not a Steve, then what am I?"
  • (Donal Logue) "You -- You're -- a Stu."
  • (James 'Kimo' Wills) "f*** you, man. You're all Steve's and I'm Gomer f***ing Pyle, man? f*** that. Screw you guys."
  • (James 'Kimo' Wills) "I'm not looking for enlightenment, Dex. I'm looking for a girlfriend."

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.

Additional Film and TV Quotes

Time of Favor Quotes | Modern Problems Quotes | Vengeance Is Mine (1979 film) Quotes | Sins of the Father (2002 film) Quotes | Boudu Saved from Drowning Quotes | The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford Quotes | Verbotene Liebe Quotes | Monkeybone Quotes | Frankenstein Unbound Quotes | This Week in Baseball Quotes | Emma (1996 theatrical film) Quotes | Medic (TV series) Quotes | Big Business (1988 film) Quotes | The White Shadow (TV series) Quotes | Dying Young Quotes | Cow Days Quotes | The Drowning Pool (film) Quotes | Dressed to Kill (1941 film) Quotes | Disclosure (film) Quotes | Dad (film) Quotes | The Untold Story Quotes | The Collaborator (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) Quotes | From Method to Madness Quotes | Something in the Air (TV series) Quotes | The Enemy Within the Gates Quotes |