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Are You Being Served? Quotes

Are You Being Served? is a Sitcom that first aired in 1970 on BBC One. Are You Being Served? ended its run in 1985.

Are You Being Served? lasted 70 episodes. It features David Croft, Harold Snoad, Bob Spiers, and Martin Shardlow as producer, and Ronnie Hazlehurst as theme composer. Are You Being Served? is executive produced by David Croft (TV producer). Are You Being Served? is created by Jeremy Lloyd & David Croft (TV producer).

Are You Being Served? is recorded in English and originally aired in United Kingdom. Each episode of Are You Being Served? is 30 minutes long. Are You Being Served? is produced by BBC and distributed by BBC Worldwide.

Are You Being Served? Quotes

  • (Captain Peacock) "We're all outside, sir."
  • (Mr. Rumbold) "People who knock usually are."
  • (Captain Peacock) "Did you notice that I was clicking my fingers, clearing my throat and banging my spoon on the table?"
  • (Canteen Manageress) "I did notice it, yeah."
  • (Captain Peacock) "And what message do those actions convey to you?"
  • (Canteen Manageress) "Well, when my two-year-old does it, it usually means he needs to go to the potty."
  • (Captain Peacock) "Your truculent behavior has not gone unnoticed and will be reported."
  • (Canteen Manageress) "Good. That's what I hoped. Then perhaps the management will realise that sacking my waiting staff is more trouble than it's worth because I ain't serving."
  • (Canteen Manageress) "You'll have to make do with a set menu."
  • (Captain Peacock) "Well, then, may I ask you what is on this set menu, or are you not programmed to give an intelligent response?"
  • (Mr. Grainger) "Mrs. Slocombe. I suggest you take your underwear down at once."
  • (Mr. Lucas) "Same goes for Miss Brahms."
  • (Mr. Grainger) "Don't worry if the sleeves are too long, you'll find they'll ride up with wear."
  • (Mrs. Slocombe) "What about this fog. My p*****'s been gasping all night."
  • (Mrs. Slocombe) "Captain Peacock. Captain Peacock."
  • (Captain Peacock) "Mrs. Slocombe, you will return to your post. When I turn around, you will raise your arm. I will ask, "What is, Mrs. Slocombe?" You will ask me, "Are you free?" If I nod, you may then approach me."
  • (Mrs. Slocombe) "-- and I am unanimous in this."
  • (Mr. Humphries) "Glass of water for Mr. Grainger."
  • (Mr. Lucas) "Glass of water coming up."
  • (Captain Peacock) "This one is unsigned, and suggests that you do something physically impossible with the suggestion box."
  • (Mrs. Slocombe) "Yes."
  • (Mrs. Slocombe) "Yes."
  • (Mrs. Slocombe) "I will."
  • (Mrs. Slocombe) "Captain Peacock?"
  • (Captain Peacock) "Yes?"
  • (Mrs. Slocombe) "Apparently Miss Belfridge is in one of the fitting rooms, and Mr. Rumbold requires her in his office."
  • (Miss Brahms) "She must have got in early."
  • (Mrs. Slocombe) "She's no right to be there without my permission."
  • (Captain Peacock) "Or mine. Get her out of there, Miss Brahms, I shall speak to her most severely about this."
  • (Miss Brahms) "Here. Captain Peacock wants you out here, at the double."
  • (Miss Belfridge) "You wanted to see me, Stephen?"
  • (Captain Peacock) "You should really ask for my permission to be on the floor, but I'll overlook it this time."
  • (Mrs. Slocombe) "It's the only thing he has overlooked."
  • (Miss Brahms) "I want some excitement, I want to do something with my life. I'm looking for Dallas and all I'm getting is Coronation Street."
  • (Mr. Humphries) "You're lucky. All I'm getting is Jackanory."
  • (Mr. Grace's Nurse) "I've got a surprise for you, Mr. Grace. You've been doing it on your own the last five minutes."
  • (Old Mr. Grace) "You get used to that sort of thing at my time of life."
  • (Mrs. Slocombe) "Captain Peacock, I do not respond to any man's finger."
  • (Mr. Rumbold) "Let's try to keep it light and gay."
  • (Mr. Lucas) "I'll handle the "light" part."
  • (Mrs. Slocombe) "Are you free, Captain Peacock?"
  • (Captain Peacock) "At the moment."
  • (Mrs. Slocombe) "I can't believe this is our last morning coffee together."
  • (Miss Brahms) "Coffee? I thought this was tea."
  • (Mr. Bert Spooner) "No, the tea's the one with the froth on top."
  • (Mr. Humphries) "I had just bent down to tighten my nuts, and there was a double yellow line, see? And next thing I knew, there was policeman behind me. He put a sticker on my helmet and tried to clamp me."
  • (Mrs. Slocombe) "You know, I always keep a couple of pound notes tucked away in me knickers, just for emergencies. Unfortunately, last week, I had an emergency."
  • (Mr. Humphries) "Ooh, what happened?"
  • (Mrs. Slocombe) "The elastic broke and I dropped one in the Haymarket and it blew off down the street. Two seconds later, the other one followed it."
  • (Captain Peacock) "Are you free, Mr Humphries?"
  • (Mr. Humphries) "I'm free."
  • (Young Mr. Grace) "You've all done very well."

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