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Batman Returns Quotes

Batman Returns is a TV program that first aired in 1970 . Batman Returns ended in 1970.

It features Denise Di Novi, and Tim Burton as producer, Danny Elfman in charge of musical score, and Stefan Czapsky as head of cinematography.

Batman Returns is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Batman Returns is 126 minutes long. Batman Returns is distributed by Warner Bros..

The cast includes: Diane Salinger as The Penguin, Michael Gough as Alfred, Diane Salinger as Jen, and Cristi Conaway as Ice Princess.

Batman Returns Quotes

Michael Gough as Alfred

  • (Michael Gough) "Well, come what may. Merry Christmas, Mister Wayne."
  • (Bruce Wayne) "Merry Christmas, Alfred. Good will toward men -- and women."
  • (Michael Gough) "Why are you still out? Are you concerned about that strange, heroic Penguin person?"
  • (Batman) "I think he knows who his parents are. There's something else."
  • (Bruce Wayne) "Cold."
  • (Michael Gough) "It's vichyssoise."
  • (Michael Gough) "It's supposed to be cold."
  • (Michael Gough) "Sir, shall we change the channel to a program with some dignity and class? The Love Connection, perhaps?"
  • (Bruce Wayne) "Here's what I want you to do -- tell Selina; tell Miss Kyle in there; tell her, uh, tell her I had to go out of town, a big business deal came up or some -- no, you know what? Tell her, you know, not in some dumb, "be my girlfriend" kind of way --"
  • (Michael Gough) "I will relay the message."
  • (Bruce Wayne) "Great."
  • (Michael Gough) "Miss Kyle --"
  • (Selina Kyle) "Alfred, hi."
  • (Michael Gough) "Mr. Wayne told me to tell you --"
  • (Selina Kyle) "Mr. Wayne? Oh, Bruce. Yes. Um, would you tell him for me that, uh, I've been going through a lot of changes, and -- no. Um, just that this is not a rejection, my abruptly leaving. In fact, he makes me feel the way I hope I really am -- no. Could you just make up a sonnet or something? A dirty limerick?"
  • (Michael Gough) "One has just sprung to mind."
  • (Selina Kyle) "Thanks."
  • (Michael Gough) "Let's not forget about repairing the Batmobile. There's certain security to consider. It's not as though we can take it to any old "Joe's bodyshop," is it, sir?"
  • (Bruce Wayne) "Security? Who let Vicki Vale into the Batcave? I'm sitting there working and I turn around, there she is. "Oh hi, Vick; come on in.""
  • (Michael Gough) "Why are you now determined to prove that this Penguin is not what he seems? Must you be the only lonely man-beast in town?"

Diane Salinger as The Penguin

  • (Catwoman) "You said you were going to scare the Ice Princess."
  • (Diane Salinger) "She looked pretty scared to me."
  • (Diane Salinger) "So where are all the children?"
  • (Diane Salinger) ""Dear Penguin. The children regret they are unable to attend; Batman.""
  • (Diane Salinger) "Burn baby, burn."
  • (Diane Salinger) "My babies. Did you miss me?"
  • (Diane Salinger) "Did you miss me?"
  • (Unnamed) "Great speech, Oswald."
  • (Diane Salinger) "My name is not Oswald. It's Penguin. I am not a human being. I am an animal. Cold-blooded."
  • (Catwoman) "It's chilly in here."
  • (Diane Salinger) "I'll warm you."
  • (Diane Salinger) "They wouldn't put me on a pedestal, so I'm layin' 'em on a slab."
  • (Diane Salinger) "What you hide, I discover. What you put in your toilet, I place on my mantle. Get the picture?"
  • (Maximillian 'Max' Shreck) "What is that supposed to do? Hypnotize me?"
  • (Diane Salinger) "No, just give you a splitting headache."
  • (Maximillian 'Max' Shreck) "Well, it's not working."
  • (Diane Salinger) "Ah, you big baby. Just blanks."
  • (Diane Salinger) "Just relax. I'll take care of the squealing, wretched, pinhead puppets of Gotham."
  • (Diane Salinger) "Ah, s*** -- I picked a cute one."
  • (Diane Salinger) "The heat's getting to me. I'll murder you momentarily. But first, I need a cold drink of ice water."
  • (Diane Salinger) "You're just jealous, because I'm a genuine freak and you have to wear a mask."
  • (Batman) "You might be right."
  • (Diane Salinger) "Just the p***** I've been lookin' for."
  • (Catwoman) "We need to talk. You see, you and I have something in common."
  • (Diane Salinger) "Sounds familiar. Appetite for destruction? Contempt for the czars of fashion? Wait, don't tell me --"
  • (Diane Salinger) "naked sexual charisma."
  • (Catwoman) "Batman. The thorn in both our sides. The fly in our ointment."
  • (Diane Salinger) "Ointment."
  • (Diane Salinger) "Scented or unscented?"
  • (Catwoman) "I'll come back later."
  • (Diane Salinger) "Maybe this is a bad time to mention this, but my license has expired."
  • (Diane Salinger) "Say cheese."
  • (Cristi Conaway) "Cheese."
  • (Diane Salinger) "I'd like to fill her void."
  • (Diane Salinger) "Actually, this is all just a bad dream. You're at home, in bed, heavily sedated, resting comfortably, dying from the carcinogens you personally spewed in a lifetime of profiteering. Tragic irony or poetic justice, you tell me."
  • (Diane Salinger) "Touring the riot scene. Gravely assessing the devastation. Upstanding mayor stuff."
  • (Batman) "You're not the mayor."
  • (Diane Salinger) "Things change."
  • (Diane Salinger) "By the way, how's Fred Atkins, your old partner?"
  • (Maximillian 'Max' Shreck) "Fred? Fred's actually -- I believe he's on extended vacation. He's-he's good."
  • (Diane Salinger) "Good?"
  • (Diane Salinger) "Hi, Max. Remember me? I'm Fred's hand. You wanna greet any other body parts? Remember, Max. You flush it. I flaunt it."
  • (Maximillian 'Max' Shreck) "I wish I could hand out World Peace and Unconditional Love, wrapped in a big bow."
  • (Diane Salinger) "Oh, but you can. Oh, but you will."
  • (Diane Salinger) "My dear penguins, we stand on a great threshold. It's okay to be scared; many of you won't be coming back. Thanks to Batman, the time has come to punish all God's children. 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th-born. Why be biased? Male and female. Hell, the sexes are equal with their erogenous zones blown sky high. Forward march. The liberation of Gotham has begun."
  • (Diane Salinger) "But when it comes down to it, who's holding the umbrella?"
  • (Catwoman) "Not even in office yet and already an enemies list, hmm?"
  • (Diane Salinger) "Those names are not for prying eyes. Hey, why should I trust some cat-broad, anyway? Maybe you're just a screwed-up sorority chick who's gettin' back at her daddy for not buying her that pony when she turned sweet sixteen."
  • (Volunteer Bimbo) "You are the coolest role-model a young person could have."
  • (Diane Salinger) "And you're the hottest young person a role-model could have."
  • (Diane Salinger) "I believe the word you're looking for is "Aaahh"."
  • (Diane Salinger) "I could really get into this mayor stuff. It's not about power, it's about reaching out to people; touching people; groping people."
  • (Catwoman) "Batman napalmed my arm, he knocked me off a building just when I was starting to feel good about myself. I wanna play an integral part in his degradation."
  • (Diane Salinger) "A plan is forming."
  • (Catwoman) "I want in. The thought of busting Batman makes me feel all -- dirty. Maybe I'll just give myself a bath right here."
  • (Diane Salinger) "You're coming with me, ya great white dope, to die way down in the sewer."
  • (Maximillian 'Max' Shreck) "Not Chip. If you have an iota of human feeling, take me instead."
  • (Diane Salinger) "I don't, so no."
  • (Maximillian 'Max' Shreck) "I'm the one you want. Ask yourself. Isn't it Max Shreck who manipulated and betrayed you, eh? Isn't it Max, not Chip, who you wanna see immersed up to his eyeballs in raw sewage?"
  • (Diane Salinger) "Okay, you got a point. I'll let the little prince live."
  • (Diane Salinger) "You lousy minx. I oughta have you spayed."
  • (Diane Salinger) "Goodbye, my unintended; go to Heaven."
  • (Diane Salinger) "True. I was their number one son, and they treated me like number two."
  • (Fat Clown) "Penguin -- I mean, killing sleeping children. Isn't it that a little, uh --"
  • (Diane Salinger) "No. It's a lot "uh"."
  • (Diane Salinger) "I may have saved the mayor's baby, but I refuse to save a mayor who stood by helpless as a baby, while Gotham City was ravaged by a disease that turned eagle scouts into crazed clowns and happy homemakers into catwomen."
  • (Diane Salinger) "Our research tells us that voters like fingers."
  • (Diane Salinger) "Why is there always someone who brings eggs and tomatoes to a speech?"
  • (Diane Salinger) "You're Beauty and the Beast in one luscious Christmas gift pack."
  • (Diane Salinger) "Don't adjust your sets. Welcome to the Oswald Cobblepot school of driving. Gentlemen, start your screaming."

Cristi Conaway as Ice Princess

  • (Cristi Conaway) "The tree lights up, and then I push the button. No-no, wait, wait, wait, wait. I press the button and then the tree lights up --"

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