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Beetlejuice Quotes

Beetlejuice is a television show that debuted in 1970 . Beetlejuice ended in 1970.

It features Michael Bender, Larry Wilson, and Richard Hashimoto as producer, Danny Elfman in charge of musical score, and Thomas E. Ackerman as head of cinematography.

Beetlejuice is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Beetlejuice is 92 minutes long. Beetlejuice is distributed by Warner Bros. Pictures.

The cast includes: Alec Baldwin as Adam, Michael Keaton as Beetlejuice, Winona Ryder as Lydia, Geena Davis as Barbara, Sylvia Sidney as Juno, Catherine O'Hara as Delia, Dick Cavett as Bernard, Glenn Shadix as Otho, Adelle Lutz as Beryl, Jeffrey Jones as Charles, Patrice Martinez as Receptionist, Tony Cox as Preacher, Carmen Filpi as Messenger, Simmy Bow as Janitor, Douglas Turner as Char Man, and Annie McEnroe as Jane Butterfield.

Beetlejuice Quotes

Jeffrey Jones as Charles

  • (Jeffrey Jones) "Nice building -- bad roof -- goooood parking."
  • (Jeffrey Jones) "This thing reads like stereo instructions."
  • (Jeffrey Jones) "Oh, sounds like Lydia got an "A" on the math test."
  • (Jeffrey Jones) "Jeez."
  • (Catherine O'Hara) "He likes it."
  • (Jeffrey Jones) "Delia Deetz, welcome home."
  • (Catherine O'Hara) "Charles --"
  • (Jeffrey Jones) "It's okay, there's no damage. See? It's okay. A good sturdy comfy craftsmanship. And look at that kitchen. You're finally gonna be able to cook a decent meal."

Alec Baldwin as Adam

  • (Alec Baldwin) "Cabin fever, hon?"
  • (Geena Davis) "Well, I can't clean anything properly. The vacuum's out in the garage and we can't leave the house. Why don't they tell us something? I mean, where are all the other dead people in the world? Why is it just you and me?"
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Maybe this is heaven."
  • (Geena Davis) "In heaven there wouldn't be dust on everything."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "'Handbook of the Recently Diseased'."
  • (Geena Davis) "-- deceased."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Deceased?"
  • (Geena Davis) "I don't know where it came from. Look at the publisher."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "'Handbook for the Recently Deceased Press'."
  • (Geena Davis) "You know what? I don't think we survived the crash."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "BEH --"
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Let's watch them scatter."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Any minute now they're gonna' come running out of that door screaming."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Any minute now."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "It's the first day of our vacation, and you haven't been out of the kitchen since five a.m."
  • (Geena Davis) "I always make the flag cake."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Fifty stars, thirteen stripes. Did you get it right this year?"
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Now that's a big fella."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Whoa."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "You can see us without the sheets?"
  • (Winona Ryder) "Of course I can see you."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Well, how is it you see us and nobody else can?"
  • (Winona Ryder) "Well, I've read through that handbook for the recently deceased. It says: 'live people ignore the strange and unusual". I myself am strange and unusual."
  • (Geena Davis) "You look like a regular girl to me."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "How is it that you can see us but nobody else can?"
  • (Winona Ryder) "Well, I read in that "Handbook For The Recently Deceased". It says, "Live people ignore the strange and unusual." I, myself, am strange and unusual."
  • (Geena Davis) "You look like a regular girl to me."

Michael Keaton as Beetlejuice

  • (Michael Keaton) "Don't you hate it when that happens?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "I'm tellin' ya, honey, she meant nothin' to me. Nothin' at all."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Because if I tell you, you'll tell your friends, your friends are callin' me on the horn all the time, I gotta show up at shopping centers for openings and sign autographs and s*** like that and it makes my life a hell. Okay? A living hell."
  • (Michael Keaton) "You want to get somebody out of your house. I want to get somebody out of your house."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Not so fast, round boy. We're gonna have some laughs."
  • (Michael Keaton) "We've come for your daughter Chuck."
  • (Michael Keaton) "I gotta card around here, somewhere. Here, here. Who do I have to kill? Here hold that for me, would ya?"
  • (Geena Davis) "Whoa. AHH."
  • (Michael Keaton) "There. There ya go."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "You don't have to kill anybody."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Ah, possession. Good."
  • (Geena Davis) "Learn to throw your voice. Fool your friends. Fun at parties."
  • (Michael Keaton) "I'm feeling a little, ooh, anxious if you know what I mean. It's been about six hundred years after all. I wonder where a guy, an everyday Joe like myself, can find a little action --"
  • (Michael Keaton) "Hey Adam, nice move."
  • (Geena Davis) "Adam, why did you build that?"
  • (Alec Baldwin) "I didn't."
  • (Sylvia Sidney) "The whorehouse was my idea. I want you to get Beetlejuice out of the picture."
  • (Michael Keaton) "And remember --"
  • (Michael Keaton) "I'll eat anything you want me to eat. I'll swallow anything you want me to swallow. But, come on down and I'll -- chew on a dog. Arroooo."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Pardon me. Did you do that?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "That's very nice work. Let me ask you something. How do you get them so sma -- Hey, there goes Elvis. Yo, King."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Well, looks like I'm next. Good thing, too. I gotta do a photo shoot for GQ in about an hour and a half. Yeah, they've been after me for months. Doin' some underwear deal. I don't know what --"
  • (Michael Keaton) "Whoa, hey. What are you doing? Hey, stop it. Hey, you're messing up my hair. C'mon. Whoa. Whoa. Stop it. Whoa. Hey, this might be a good look for me."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
  • (Michael Keaton) "You know, you look like somebody I can relate to. Maybe you could help me get out of here, you know, because I got to tell you, this dead thing -- it's just too creepy. See, here's my problem. I got these friends I said I'd meet, and it's the kind of thing where I have to be there in person, so could you help me get out of here?"
  • (Winona Ryder) "I want to get in."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Why? -- You know, hey, you probably got your reasons. I can't do anything from here. If you could get me out, then maybe we could talk or something."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Hey. Hey, you. Hey, come here."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Got something good for ya -- Here, boy. Wanna come on over? Have a bite?Want something to nosh?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "Come here."
  • (Unnamed) "Help me. Help me. Help meeeee."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Let's see, business section."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Ooh la la. What do we got here? The Maitlands, uh? Cute couple. Look nice and stupid, too."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Mom, Dad. I just want you two to know, you're welcome at our house anytime you want to come over. In the meantime, the dowry's on me, dad."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Oh, yeah. Here I am come, baby."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Hi. How are ya' ?"
  • (Winona Ryder) "Ah B-Beetle."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Yes. Now for part two --"
  • (Winona Ryder) "Beetle -- Breakfast -- Orange -- Liquid -- Beetle Juice?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "Yes. You said it."
  • (Winona Ryder) "Your name's "Beetle Juice"?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "You said it two times, come on. Say it one more time."
  • (Winona Ryder) "It was you."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Me?"
  • (Winona Ryder) "The snake."
  • (Michael Keaton) "No, what snake? You kids and your imaginations -- Look, just say it."
  • (Winona Ryder) "No -- I want to talk to Barbara."
  • (Michael Keaton) "No, you don't need to talk to Barbara. JUST SAY IT."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Let's turn on the juice and see what shakes loose."
  • (Michael Keaton) "It's showtime."
  • (Michael Keaton) "I'm just doin' my job, besides, I thought we had a deal. Hey, it's OK. You know why? I don't wanna do business with you dead-beats anyway. The only one I think I can deal with is Edgar Allan Poe's daughter. I think she understands me."
  • (Michael Keaton) "No, you don't need to talk to Barbara. Just SAY IT."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Go ahead, make my millennium."

Tony Cox as Preacher

  • (Tony Cox) "And you, do you Lydia, take this man?"
  • (Winona Ryder) "No. Beetle --"
  • (Michael Keaton) "She's a little bit nervous. Uh, maybe I should answer for her, okay?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "I'm Lydia Deetz and I'm of sound mind. The man next to me is the one I want. You asked me, I'm answering. Yes, I love that man of mine."

Glenn Shadix as Otho

  • (Glenn Shadix) "I have a feeling there's something very interesting behind that door."
  • (Catherine O'Hara) "Yeah. Ghosts. The people who died in this house and they want us OUT of here. Well, let's do them a favor --"
  • (Glenn Shadix) "Oh, you family types, you got other things to worry about. Maxie Dean's coming up here tonight. You got to figure out a way to sell these ghosts. I can only do so much."
  • (Jeffrey Jones) "What are you gonna do, Otho, viciously rearrange their enviroment?"
  • (Glenn Shadix) "I know just as much about the supernatural as I do about interior design."
  • (Glenn Shadix) "Ugh. Deliver me from L.L. Bean."
  • (Glenn Shadix) "Fabulous. 'Otho Fenlock's Locked Door Ghosts' Probably committed suicide up there. I'm totally enchanted."
  • (Catherine O'Hara) "They're in there? They must live like animals."
  • (Jeffrey Jones) "It's locked. How'd they get in?"
  • (Catherine O'Hara) "Open this door, you dead people, or we'll bust it down and we'll drag you out by the ropes you hang yourselves with."
  • (Winona Ryder) "Shh. They didn't commit suicide."
  • (Catherine O'Hara) "It doesn't matter. Lydia, I have a chance to teach you something here: you have got to take the upper hand in all situations or people, whether they're dead or alive, will walk all over you."

Geena Davis as Barbara

  • (Geena Davis) "Oh, Adam -- What is this?"
  • (Simmy Bow) "That's the lost souls room; a room for ghosts that have been exorcised. The poor devils. That's death for the dead. It's all in the handbook."
  • (Simmy Bow) "Keep moving."
  • (Geena Davis) "Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse."
  • (Geena Davis) "Adam, is this what happens when you die?"
  • (Patrice Martinez) "This is what happens when you die."
  • (Patrice Martinez) "That is what happens when he dies."
  • (Patrice Martinez) "And that is what happens when they die. It's all very personal. And I'll tell you something: if I knew then what I know now --"
  • (Patrice Martinez) "-- I wouldn't have had my little accident."
  • (Geena Davis) "What's wrong?"
  • (Winona Ryder) "Beetle --"
  • (Geena Davis) "Shhh."
  • (Winona Ryder) "HE told me that if I could let him out, he would take me to the other side to find you."
  • (Geena Davis) "Lydia, we're dead."
  • (Winona Ryder) "Well, I want to be dead too."
  • (Geena Davis) "No. Lydia, being dead really doesn't make things any easier."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Listen to her on this, Lydia, this is something we know a lot about."
  • (Geena Davis) "She didn't see you, right?"
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Uh-uh."
  • (Geena Davis) "In the book: "Rule Number Two: the living usually won't see the dead"."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "'Won't' or 'can't'?"
  • (Geena Davis) "It just says 'won't'. God, this book is so stupid. I can't understand anything in it."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Barb, honey -- we're dead. I don't think we have very much to worry about anymore."
  • (Geena Davis) "Is this a punishment or something? What are we gonna do?"
  • (Alec Baldwin) "We're not completely helpless, Barbara. I've been reading that book and there's a word for people in our situation: ghosts."
  • (Geena Davis) "Oh, Adam. We're trapped in this house with those people."
  • (Geena Davis) "What about that guy in the flyer, you know Betel --"
  • (Sylvia Sidney) "Shhh. Don't even say his name. You don't want his help."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "We might."
  • (Sylvia Sidney) "No, you don't. He does not work well with others."
  • (Geena Davis) "What do you mean?"
  • (Sylvia Sidney) "I didn't want to bring it up, but rather than have you stumble on to it and make another mistake, I'll tell you. He was my assistant, but he was a troublemaker. Went out on his own as a freelance bio-exorcist. Claimed he could get rid of the living. Got into more trouble. In fact, I believe he's been sleazing around your cemetery lately. The only way he can be brought back is by calling his name three times. But I strongly suggest you get the Deetzes out by yourselves."
  • (Geena Davis) "Lydia's trying, but they don't believe her."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "She's got photos, Barbara."
  • (Geena Davis) "Adam, you had a photo of Big Foot."
  • (Geena Davis) "I'll go see who that is. You start counting."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Maine. New Hampshire. Vermont. Massachusetts. Connecticut."
  • (Geena Davis) "I hate this. Just- can you give me the basics?"
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Well, this book isn't arranged that way. What do you wanna know?"
  • (Geena Davis) "Well, why did you disappear when you stepped off the porch? Are we halfway to heaven? Are we halfway to hell? And -- how long is this gonna last?"
  • (Alec Baldwin) "I don't see anything about heaven OR hell. This book reads like stereo instructions. Listen to this: "Geographical and temporal perimeters. Functional perimeters vary from manifestation to manifestation."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Oh, this is gonna take some time, honey."

Patrice Martinez as Receptionist

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Dick Cavett as Bernard

  • (Dick Cavett) "Otho, I didn't realize you were into the supernatural."
  • (Glenn Shadix) "Well, of course. You remember, after my stint with the Living Theatre. I was one of New York City's leading paranormal researchers, until the bottom dropped out in '72."
  • (Adelle Lutz) "Paranormal; is that what they're calling your kind these days?"
  • (Glenn Shadix) "Don't mind her. She's still upset, because somebody dropped a house on her sister."

Catherine O'Hara as Delia

  • (Catherine O'Hara) "If you tell me what you do, I'll tell you why my husband will fire you."
  • (Catherine O'Hara) "Kids. You know, I love them."
  • (Catherine O'Hara) "A little gasoline -- blowtorch -- no problem."
  • (Catherine O'Hara) "This was not a hallucination. This was real. We all just experienced a super-powerful, paranormal experience, and it was real."
  • (Dick Cavett) "Delia, you are a flake. You have always been a flake. If you insist on frightening people, do it with your sculpture."
  • (Jeffrey Jones) "Drive carefully."
  • (Catherine O'Hara) "I'm dead."
  • (Catherine O'Hara) "Charles, I will not stop living and breathing art just because you need to relax."
  • (Jeffrey Jones) "Ha."
  • (Catherine O'Hara) "I'm here with you. I will live with you in this hellhole, but I must express myself. If you don't let me gut out this house and make it my own, I will go insane, and I will take you with me."
  • (Jeffrey Jones) "Yeah, well you know, maybe the house could use a little remodeling. Uh -- But, why don't you just leave this room alone, okay?"
  • (Catherine O'Hara) "Okay."
  • (Geena Davis) "I'm gonna get her."

Winona Ryder as Lydia

  • (Winona Ryder) "Mr. and Mrs. Maitland? Hello? Where are you?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "Dead. Dead, dead, deadski."
  • (Winona Ryder) "Of course they're dead. They're ghosts."
  • (Michael Keaton) "No, I mean they're gone, split, out of here, afterlife kids, deceased-ahh."
  • (Winona Ryder) "Are you a ghost too?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "I'm a ghost with the most, babe."
  • (Winona Ryder) "Wait -- what am I worried about, Otho, you can't even change a tire."
  • (Winona Ryder) "I was just trying to open the door. Mrs. Butterfield brought over a skeleton key."
  • (Jeffrey Jones) "Let me have it."
  • (Winona Ryder) "But it doesn't work."
  • (Jeffrey Jones) "Skeleton keys never work. Anyway, this can wait. We'll get a crowbar later. Where's your mother?"
  • (Winona Ryder) "Stepmother."
  • (Jeffrey Jones) "I'm going down to relax. I want a noise-free zone. Do you understand? Noise-free."
  • (Winona Ryder) "Dad?"
  • (Jeffrey Jones) "What?"
  • (Winona Ryder) "I'm lonely."
  • (Jeffrey Jones) "What?"
  • (Winona Ryder) "Nothing."
  • (Winona Ryder) "God how can you stand that woman --"
  • (Winona Ryder) "Delia hates it."
  • (Winona Ryder) "I could live here."
  • (Winona Ryder) "I plan to have a stroke from the amount of MSG that's in this food."
  • (Winona Ryder) "They don't wanna come down."
  • (Catherine O'Hara) "Charles --"
  • (Glenn Shadix) "Why not?"
  • (Winona Ryder) "I think the reason is, is that they were trying to scare you away, and you didn't get scared."
  • (Catherine O'Hara) "Please, they're dead. It's a little late to be neurotic."
  • (Winona Ryder) "I am alone."
  • (Winona Ryder) "I am utterly alone."
  • (Winona Ryder) "If you are real ghosts, you guys better get another routine because those sheets, they don't work."

Sylvia Sidney as Juno

  • (Sylvia Sidney) "You two have really screwed up. I received word that you allowed yourselves to be photographed, and you let Betelgeuse out and didn't put him back, and you let Otho get hold of the handbook."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Handbook? When?"
  • (Sylvia Sidney) "Never trust the living. We cannot have a routine haunting like yours provide proof that there is existence beyond death."
  • (Sylvia Sidney) "What's wrong?"
  • (Geena Davis) "We're very unhappy."
  • (Sylvia Sidney) "What did you expect? You're dead."
  • (Sylvia Sidney) "Okay, have you been studying the manual?"
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Well, we tried."
  • (Sylvia Sidney) "The intermediate interface chapter on haunting says it all: get them out yourselves, it's your house. Haunted houses aren't easy to come by."
  • (Geena Davis) "Well, we don't quite get it."
  • (Sylvia Sidney) "I heard. Tore your faces right off. It obviously doesn't do any good to pull your heads off in front of people if they can't see you."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "We should start more simply then?"
  • (Sylvia Sidney) "Start simply, do what you know, use your talents, practice. You should have been studying those lessons since day one."
  • (Very Dumb Football Player) "Coach?"
  • (Sylvia Sidney) "What?"
  • (Very Dumb Football Player) "I don't think we survived that crash."
  • (Sylvia Sidney) "How did you guess?"
  • (Dumb Football Player) "Coach. Coach, where's the men's room?"
  • (Sylvia Sidney) "I'm not your coach. He survived."
  • (Dumb Football Player #2) "Wait, coach, let me get something straight. What's our curfew around here?"
  • (Sylvia Sidney) "Will you get out of here. Go on, get downstairs. "'Men's room." Are you kidding? Can't you read signs?"
  • (Sylvia Sidney) "Things seem pretty quiet. Thank God you didn't die in Italy."

Carmen Filpi as Messenger

  • (Carmen Filpi) "How do I look? There are no mirrors on this side."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Fine, you look fine."
  • (Carmen Filpi) "Yeah?"
  • (Geena Davis) "Fine."
  • (Carmen Filpi) "Thanks, I've been feeling a little flat."

Annie McEnroe as Jane Butterfield

  • (Annie McEnroe) "This house is so big. It really ought to belong to people who have children."

Douglas Turner as Char Man

  • (Douglas Turner) "Want a cigarette?"
  • (Alec Baldwin) "No, thank you."
  • (Douglas Turner) "I'm trying to cut down myself."

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