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Kingpin (1996 film) Quotes

Kingpin (1996 film) is a television program that first aired in 1970 . Kingpin stopped airing in 1970.

It features Brad Krevoy as producer, Freedy Johnston in charge of musical score, and Mark Irwin as head of cinematography.

Kingpin (1996 film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Kingpin (1996 film) is 114 minutes long. Kingpin (1996 film) is distributed by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

The cast includes: Woody Harrelson as Roy, Randy Quaid as Ishmael, Bill Murray as Ernie McCracken, and Vanessa Angel as Claudia.

Kingpin (1996 film) Quotes

Bill Murray as Ernie McCracken

  • (Bill Murray) "It all comes down to this roll. Roy Munson, a man-child, with a dream to topple bowling giant Ernie McCracken. If he strikes, he's the 1979 Odor-Eaters Champion. He's got one foot in the frying pan and one in the pressure cooker. Believe me, as a bowler, I know that right about now, your bladder feels like an overstuffed vacuum cleaner bag and your butt is kinda like an about-to-explode bratwurst."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Hey. Do you mind? I wasn't talking when you were bowling."
  • (Bill Murray) "Was I talking out loud? Was I? Sorry. Good luck."
  • (Bill Murray) "It's a small world when you've got unbelievable tits Roy."
  • (Bill Murray) "You're on a gravy train with biscuit wheels."
  • (Bill Murray) "Jonathan, run a fly pattern all the way to the goal line."
  • (Bill Murray) "Tennessee. Kentucky. Find the meat. Uh, deeper, Jonathan."
  • (1979 Waitress) "Tanqueray and Tab."
  • (Bill Murray) "Keep 'em comin', sweets, I got a long drive. Do me a favor, will you? Would you mind washing off that perfume before you come back to our table?"
  • (Bowling Priest) "You see, bowling for money -- that's my only vice."
  • (Cocktail Waitress) "Here's your drink."
  • (Bowling Priest) "Thanks sugar"
  • (Bowling Priest) ". Okay, two vices."
  • (Bill Murray) "That's still very good."
  • (Bill Murray) "One more time, sweetness."
  • (Bill Murray) "Sometimes a bowler just has to face the music."
  • (Bill Murray) "The Munson."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Big Ern. Long time."
  • (Bill Murray) "I'll say. Probably a year for every topping on the table. I heard a horrible rumor --"
  • (Bill Murray) "Oh, creepy. I'm sorry. You know, for the first couple years, I felt responsible. How you been otherwise?"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "You know, in the last 17 years, a day hasn't gone by that I haven't thought about what I'd say to you if I ever ran into you again."
  • (Bill Murray) "I bet."
  • (Bill Murray) "Hello."
  • (Bill Murray) "I don't know. It's fun though, isn't it?"
  • (Bill Murray) "Hi -- not you -- hi."

Vanessa Angel as Claudia

  • (Vanessa Angel) "Your act is about as fresh as a Foghat concert."
  • (Vanessa Angel) "He said handSOME, not handLESS."
  • (Vanessa Angel) "Ishmael likes me."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "I promise you, you're not his type."
  • (Vanessa Angel) "Oh, I'm his type. I'm every guy's type."
  • (Vanessa Angel) "It must be hard to spank your monkey."
  • (Randy Quaid) "You have a monkey?"

Woody Harrelson as Roy

  • (Woody Harrelson) "WHO YOU CALLIN' A PSYCHO?"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "I know what you're thinking, but let me explain --"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Mommy. You must have a really wide foot because you got both of them"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Yeah, sure, Thomas can raise a barn, but can he pick up a 7-10 split?"
  • (Randy Quaid) "God blessed my brother to be a good carpenter. It's okay."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Yeah, well, he blessed you, too, and I'll give you a clue what it is. It's round, it has three holes, and you stick your fingers into it."
  • (Randy Quaid) "You leave Rebecca out of this, mister."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "I'm talking about bowling. Your future."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Hey, I hope you don't mind, I got up a little early, so I took the liberty of milking your cow for you. Yeah, it took a little while to get her warmed up, she sure is a stubborn one. Then, POW, all at once."
  • (Mr. Boorg) "We don't have a cow. We have a bull."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "I'll brush my teeth."
  • (Mr. Boorg) "How many children do you have, Brother Hezekiah?"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Uh, none that I know of."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "What I mean to say is, I was, uh, wee, I'm unable to have children. Nasty cheese gratin' accident as a young man."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Some of the dresses ya' got, ya' need two hairdos to wear."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "What about a gross of fluorescent condoms for the the novelty machine in the men's room? I mean, those are fun even when you're alone."
  • (Lancaster Bowl Manager) "Yeah."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "You get it?"
  • (Lancaster Bowl Manager) "Yeah."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "This is like the hula hoop of the nineties. People go nuts."
  • (Lancaster Bowl Manager) "No. Look, we don't even have a novelty machine in the men's room anymore."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "And you call this a bowling alley?"
  • (McKnight Bowl Bartender) "So, you two are dictionary salesmen?"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "You would be punctilious in assuming that.""
  • (Unnamed) "Come on, boy. Bowl."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "The name's not boy. It's Roy."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Roy Munson."
  • (Unnamed) "So Roy, where have you been for the last fifteen years?"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Well, I uh, well, ya see, I uh -- Drinking. Lot a drinking."
  • (Unnamed) "I see. Well, are you still drinking?"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "No. I uh -- I put -- uh -- Why, you buying?"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Can you believe this? Me, on a professional bowling tour?"
  • (Calvert Munson) "It's your calling, son. One day, when people say the name Munson, they're gonna think "winner." Just like DiMaggio is to baseball or, or Unitas is to football, that's what Munson will be to bowling."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Just be quiet."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Ooh. I think I tore my sac."
  • (Randy Quaid) "Are you okay, Mr. Munson?"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Shh. What did I just say?"
  • (Randy Quaid) "Uh, "I think I tore my sac"?"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Just because you're familiar with the missionary position doesn't make you a missionary."
  • (Vanessa Angel) "Look, Mr. Munster, you're not exactly the smartest guy I ever ran across."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Oh yeah? And who are you, Alfred Einstein?"
  • (Unnamed) "Roy, can you get sick drinkin' piss?"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "I think you can."
  • (Unnamed) "Even if it's your own?"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "The world can really kick your ass. I only have a VAGUE recollection of when it wasn't kickin' mine."

Randy Quaid as Ishmael

  • (Randy Quaid) "Okay, you want to bowl for some big money, eh? But I'll lose my entire bonus check because I'm so bombed."
  • (McKnight Bowl Bartender) "You get that way from ginger ale?"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Nah, he was sniffing glue in the parking lot."
  • (Randy Quaid) "Some corn stalks were broken and I tried to fix them."
  • (Randy Quaid) "Ten frames?"
  • (Randy Quaid) "That's for Quakers."
  • (Randy Quaid) "Hey everybody there's a s*** cloud coming. Run for your lives."
  • (Randy Quaid) "No way. Uh-huh. There's no way I can bet. It's against my religion. I was raised to not be a gambler. There's no way I'm going to bet."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Hey, hey, Ish. Ish. Ish."
  • (Randy Quaid) "No. No. No way."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Hey. Listen, you stupid banana head. You don't have to bet. I'll bet for you."
  • (Randy Quaid) "Oh, that's cool. I mean, what's the worst that can happen?"
  • (Randy Quaid) "Whatcha doin', Mr. Munson?"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Flossin'."
  • (Randy Quaid) "Flossin? Where'd I get "Munson" from?"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "The name is Munson, what I'm doin' is flossin', this is called floss, cleans your teeth, you oughta try it sometime."
  • (Randy Quaid) "Hi Mr. Skidmark."
  • (Randy Quaid) "I didn't want to be the one to tell him, but with those narrow hips, that girl couldn't have more than 6 or 7 children."
  • (Randy Quaid) "I don't drink coffee."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Why not?"
  • (Randy Quaid) "Because it's a stimulant."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "What the hell do you think cigarettes are?"
  • (Randy Quaid) "They are?"
  • (Randy Quaid) "All right, make it an extra large, two sugars, lots of cream. Lots of cream."
  • (Randy Quaid) "You been drinking, Mr. Munson?"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "I don't puke when I drink. I puke when I don't."
  • (Randy Quaid) "You really should try to quit, Mr. Munson. They say it's bad for your heart, your lungs. It quickens the aging process."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Is that right. Who's done more research on the subject than the good people at the American Tobacco Industry? They say it's harmless. Why would they lie? If you're dead, you can't smoke."
  • (Randy Quaid) "I don't know who the heck you think you are, but if you don't wiggle those child-bearing hips out that door in 5 seconds, you're gonna find your nose sniffing my big Amish ass."

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