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Maybe Baby (2000 film) Quotes

Maybe Baby (2000 film) is a TV program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Maybe Baby ended in 1970.

It features Phil McIntyre as producer, and Colin Towns in charge of musical score.

Maybe Baby (2000 film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United Kingdom. Each episode of Maybe Baby (2000 film) is 104 minutes long. Maybe Baby (2000 film) is distributed by Redbus Film Distribution.

The cast includes: Joely Richardson as Lucy Bell, Joanna Lumley as Sheila, Tom Hollander as Ewan Proclaimer, Hugh Laurie as Sam Bell, Adrian Lester as George, Rowan Atkinson as Mr. James, Kelly Reilly as Nimnh, James Purefoy as Carl Phipps, Emma Thompson as Druscilla, and Matthew Macfadyen as Nigel.

Maybe Baby (2000 film) Quotes

Rowan Atkinson as Mr. James

  • (Rowan Atkinson) "You are what is medically known as non-specifically infertile. Or to give it its full scientific description, we do not have a bloody clue."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "Try to relax if you can, Lucy."
  • (Joely Richardson) "Stick a traffic cone up your arse mate and see if you can relax."
  • (Joely Richardson) "I will try."

Tom Hollander as Ewan Proclaimer

  • (Tom Hollander) "This stuff is great -- but it occurs to me that we might be missing out on some comedy. What if Rachel's fertility meds gets mixed in with Colin's drug stash and she injects that instead?"
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Yes, that would be good, except, damn. Colin doesn't take drugs."
  • (Tom Hollander) ""Sick Junkie" is a comedy about a group of normal, ordinary kids; all heroin addicts, of course. Possibly Welsh, maybe Irish, probably Scottish. We see a week in their ordinary, mundane lives. They inject heroin into their eyeballs. They have babies in toilets. They get AIDS. They try and raise veins on their private parts in order to inject more heroin. They kill a social worker. They have anal sex in exchange for heroin, which turns out to be cut with bleach, and kills them. They have abortions. They're raped by gangs of English policemen."
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Excuse me. Um, I just want to make sure I'm following this -- This is a comedy we're discussing, is it?"
  • (Tom Hollander) "It's total comedy. But real comedy about what's actually happening to kids today. Not escapist English crap."
  • (Tom Hollander) "Isn't that amazing? Grown men and women that have to be taught how to use a hypodermic needle. It's extraordinary."

Joely Richardson as Lucy Bell

  • (Joely Richardson) "Conclusion --"
  • (Hugh Laurie) "I've got slack, stupid sperm. That's the bloody conclusion. The stuff's been dawdling back up my dick all these years, bumping into each other, getting their abnormal tails tangled."
  • (Joely Richardson) "Carl Phipps came into work today all brooding and Byronic. He looked like the dispossessed lord of a bleak Mooreland estate. I swear his aftershave smelled of heather."
  • (Joely Richardson) "Samuel Bell: sperm test. 30% sluggish."
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Sluggish? Is that the word they use?"
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Well, couldn't they have found a nicer way of putting it? Like relaxed or unhurried? Relaxed, laid back sperm I can handle, but sluggish?"
  • (Joely Richardson) "Motility poor."
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Oh, that is just an outrageous slur."
  • (Joely Richardson) "41% swimming in the wrong direction."
  • (Hugh Laurie) "They're in a plastic pot. How are they supposed to know what the right direction is?"
  • (Joely Richardson) "I hope Dick and Debbie know what I'm going through for them."
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Well, you can tell them some day."
  • (Joely Richardson) "There's only a one in five chance."
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Lucy, any child of yours would be one in a million."

Hugh Laurie as Sam Bell

  • (Hugh Laurie) "Lucy and I have to have a post-coital compatability test. Which means having it off and having a doctor look at the aftermath."
  • (Adrian Lester) "Why would you imagine I would want to know that?"
  • (Unnamed) "I am in a hurry. I have some very important meetings."
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Yeah, well I've got some sperm up my arse and it's dying."
  • (Hugh Laurie) "I've my sperm test tomorrow and my pot is on the shelf. I've got my sperm test tomorrow and my pot is on the shelf. I'm gonna have to go in, sit down, and abuse myself."
  • (Hugh Laurie) "You look wonderful."
  • (Joely Richardson) "You look like Rasputin."
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Lucy, if I have to serve a life sentence for what I did, can't I at least serve it with you?"
  • (Joely Richardson) "Is that a line from your new screen play?"
  • (Hugh Laurie) "No -- well yes, but I still mean it."

Adrian Lester as George

  • (Adrian Lester) "Sam, sperm is like flatulence. It's different when it's your own."

Kelly Reilly as Nimnh

  • (Kelly Reilly) "You're lucky, you don't even want children."
  • (James Purefoy) "Not children in the abstract sense, no. But as a part of you, as an expression and extension of our love, I want that more than I can say. And if we don't have one, well then that's all right too, because our love will be no less whole."

Joanna Lumley as Sheila

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Matthew Macfadyen as Nigel

  • (Matthew Macfadyen) "Wooly thinking is for sheep; the fox gets the cream."

Emma Thompson as Druscilla

  • (Emma Thompson) "Womb, womb. Stop laughing. Flow, flow."

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