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Short Circuit (1986 film) Quotes

Short Circuit (1986 film) is a TV show that debuted in 1970 . Short Circuit completed its run in 1970.

It features David Shire in charge of musical score, and Nick McLean as head of cinematography.

Short Circuit (1986 film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Short Circuit (1986 film) is 98 minutes long. Short Circuit (1986 film) is distributed by TriStar Pictures.

The cast includes: Jack Angel as Number 5, Fisher Stevens as Ben Jabituya, Ally Sheedy as Stephanie Speck, Steve Guttenberg as Newton Crosby, Austin Pendleton as Howard Marner, Marvin J. McIntyre as Duke, G. W. Bailey as Skroeder, Brian McNamara as Frank, Vernon Weddle as General Washburne, and Barbara Tarbuck as Senator Mills.

Short Circuit (1986 film) Quotes

Austin Pendleton as Howard Marner

  • (Austin Pendleton) "Crosby, we're going to have to ask you to surrender the robot."
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "Stat?"
  • (Austin Pendleton) "Stat."
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "What does that mean, anyway?"
  • (Austin Pendleton) "I don't know. But that's not the point."
  • (Austin Pendleton) "No, I'm sure we'll all agree that Dr Crosby has designed a weapon which will keep our world safe for all time."
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "Howard, what's so safe about blowing people up?"
  • (Austin Pendleton) "What if it goes out and melts down a bus load of nuns? How would you like to write the headline on that one?"
  • (Benjamin Jabituya) "Nun soup?"
  • (Austin Pendleton) "Don't tell me its laser is still armed."
  • (Fisher Stevens) "Bimbo."
  • (Austin Pendleton) "Where is he? I need him. Stat."
  • (Fisher Stevens) "Excuse me, sir? Crosby? He is hiding in the toilet, sir."
  • (Austin Pendleton) "Public relations is everybody's job."
  • (Fisher Stevens) "He's saying that the crowds, they are making him dog sick, sir --"
  • (Austin Pendleton) "Look, he's supposed to be here, I want him here, I pay him to be here."
  • (Fisher Stevens) "Well, the last time I'm seeing him, he is busy womiting, sir."
  • (Austin Pendleton) "Well, clean him up and send him out, to hobnob. Stat."
  • (Austin Pendleton) "Hey. Who told you you could take Number One?"
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "Howard, logically, if we need protection from Number Five; this is the best weapon we could have."
  • (Austin Pendleton) "Great. Great. So, instead of 11 million dollars on the loose; we're gonna have twenty-two."
  • (Fisher Stevens) "And plus, we are needing gas money."

Fisher Stevens as Ben Jabituya

  • (Fisher Stevens) "I don't know about you, but I am planning to scream and run."
  • (Fisher Stevens) "Ooh. Her pants are blazing for you, Newton Crosby."
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "Will you grow up?"
  • (Fisher Stevens) "Looks like you have created another Frankfurter's monster."
  • (Fisher Stevens) "With excitement like this, who is needing enemas?"
  • (Fisher Stevens) "Newton, we are wasting valueless time here."
  • (Fisher Stevens) "I am standing here beside myself."
  • (Fisher Stevens) "Bye-bye, goofy woman. I enjoyed repeatedly throwing you to the ground."
  • (Fisher Stevens) "Oh, bull dyke. You cannot hold your water with that story, girl."
  • (Fisher Stevens) "Please wait for me. I need to go and use the jack."
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "It's the "john.""
  • (Fisher Stevens) "Newton, you know what is out there in the great outdoors? Girls. Mmmmm. With brassieres and legs; mmm. You have a working knowledge of girls?"
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "No, but I read about 'em."
  • (Fisher Stevens) "Oh, then -- maybe I can furnish you with some schematic drawings?"
  • (Fisher Stevens) "I am sporting a tremendous woody."
  • (Fisher Stevens) "I am thinking she is a virgin. Or at least she used to be."
  • (Fisher Stevens) "Did she stick her tongue down your throat?"
  • (Fisher Stevens) "Do you know what most people are liking at night?"
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "No, what?"
  • (Fisher Stevens) "Headlights."
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "Oh, yeah -- that's a lot better. Thanks."

Marvin J. McIntyre as Duke

  • (Marvin J. McIntyre) "Dr. Warmonger; I mean, Dr. Marner."
  • (Marvin J. McIntyre) "Will he kill me if I stop?"
  • (Fisher Stevens) "Who is to say?"
  • (Marvin J. McIntyre) "Will he kill me if I don't stop?"
  • (Fisher Stevens) "Again I am shrugging."
  • (Marvin J. McIntyre) "I'm stopping."
  • (Fisher Stevens) "Good choice."

G. W. Bailey as Skroeder

  • (G. W. Bailey) "-- and I'm going to need some Hueys."
  • (Austin Pendleton) "Some what?"
  • (G. W. Bailey) "HELICOPTERS, Howard. Jesus Christ."
  • (Austin Pendleton) "I thought they were choppers."
  • (G. W. Bailey) "Well, now they're called Hueys."
  • (Austin Pendleton) "Well, why wasn't I notified?"
  • (G. W. Bailey) "What the hell is the matter with you, you four-eyed idiot?"
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "What an asshole."
  • (G. W. Bailey) "I heard that."
  • (G. W. Bailey) "What the hell does it need input for?"
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "I don't know; I guess it can't triangulate its position."
  • (Austin Pendleton) "That's a simple function."
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "Can you triangulate YOUR position, Howard?"
  • (Austin Pendleton) "No."
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "Well, then; there you go."

Jack Angel as Number 5

  • (Jack Angel) "Hey, laser lips, your mama was a snow blower."
  • (Jack Angel) "Benjamin Jabituya, delete."
  • (Benjamin Jabituya) "No, wait. Rethink yourself."
  • (Jack Angel) "Exit. Depart. Leave."
  • (Benjamin Jabituya) "Eat my dust, Newton Crosby. Let us break wind."
  • (Jack Angel) "Newton Crosby, no run, no talk, drive."
  • (Jack Angel) "Today, Crosby. Today."
  • (Jack Angel) "Number 5 stupid name -- want to be Kevin or Dave."
  • (Jack Angel) ""Escaped Robot Fights for His Life. Film at Eleven.""
  • (Jack Angel) "Frankie, you broke the unwritten law. You ratted on your friends. When you do that Frankie, your enemies don't respect you. You got no friends no more. You got nobody, Frankie."
  • (Jack Angel) "Fish. Salmon. Sushi."
  • (Jack Angel) "Not malfunction Stephanie. Number 5 is alive."
  • (Jack Angel) "Drinking glass -- Pasta, spaghetti."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "Very good --"
  • (Jack Angel) "Liquid, spaghetti sauce --"
  • (Ally Sheedy) "Look. This may be funny from where you come from. But on this planet, it's considered rude."
  • (Jack Angel) "Oooo -- Baskets -- fruit."
  • (Jack Angel) "Oranges, Apples, Lemons, Limes --"
  • (Ally Sheedy) "Why great. Thanks a lot."
  • (Jack Angel) "Stephanie -- change color."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "Uh --"
  • (Jack Angel) "Attractive. Nice software."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "You sure don't talk like a machine --"
  • (Jack Angel) "Many fragments. Some large, some small."
  • (Jack Angel) "Error. Grasshopper disassembled -- Re-assemble."
  • (Jack Angel) "Malfunction. Need input."
  • (Jack Angel) "Well, if you gotta go, don't squeeze the Charmin."
  • (Jack Angel) "Okay, to make these golden fluffy pancakes -- add flour, milk and eggs -- Mix thoroughly --"
  • (Jack Angel) "Ooooo -- Still lumpy."
  • (Jack Angel) "Bird. Raven. Nevermore."
  • (Jack Angel) "Number 5 is alive."
  • (Jack Angel) "Well, I guess that waps you up, you wascally wobot; huhgh-huhgh-huhgh-huhgh-huhgh-huhgh-huhgh-huhgh-huhgh."

Ally Sheedy as Stephanie Speck

  • (Ally Sheedy) "So; what are these guys used for, anyway?"
  • (Fisher Stevens) "It's top-secret crap."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "That's what I figured."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "Yes, I'd like to speak to one of your head warmongers, please."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "-- You know you lose IQ points the longer you watch. There've been actual studies."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "Oh -- I'm sorry, I; but I just -- I have to draw the line at SNAKES. Yeah, I'm sure it would make a wonderful pet; but -- Wait, isn't there a home for cobras somewhere?"
  • (Ally Sheedy) "I thought you were alive, Number 5. I let you tear my house to shreds and you're a ROBOT. You're a machine from that dumb war lab place. God, I'm so stupid."
  • (Jack Angel) "Stupid; foolish, gullible, doltish, dumbell --"
  • (Ally Sheedy) "Life is NOT a malfunction."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "-- Where're you taking him?"
  • (Fisher Stevens) "This is not being a HIM. It's only being wires and several mechanisms and other such machine-type apparatus, for the Pete of sake; the sate of Peeckle --"
  • (Ally Sheedy) "Boy am I the jerk of the world."
  • (Jack Angel) "Jerk of the world: Turkey, idiot, pain in the ass."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "-- never mind, go back to your nuclear warheads."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "This may be hilarious where you come from, but on this planet it's considered rude."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "What planet is this guy from?"

Steve Guttenberg as Newton Crosby

  • (Steve Guttenberg) "Where are you from, anyway?"
  • (Fisher Stevens) "Bakersfield, originally."
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "No, I mean your ancestors."
  • (Fisher Stevens) "Oh, them. Pittsburgh."
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "Can you believe it's been five years since I've driven?"
  • (Fisher Stevens) "I would say ten."
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "Number 5, What do you make of this?"
  • (Jack Angel) "Hmmm -- Wood pulp, plant; vegetable; tomato, water, salt, monosodium glutamate --"
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "Okay, thank you. Now you're talking like a robot."
  • (Jack Angel) "-- and resemble; look like; butterfly, bird, maple leaf."
  • (Fisher Stevens) "Is that a 'yes' or the number of your intelligence quotient, uh?"
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "Are you sure you weren't doing any steering or anything like that?"
  • (Ally Sheedy) "Yeah, I like to drive off cliffs."
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "Let me tell you something. I don't like those NOVA guys any more than you do. In fact, I don't care if they ever get Number 5 back. But I wanna see it."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "If I show you where he is, do I have your word: You will not experiment on him, you will not flip the switches, and you will not take him apart?"
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "Absolutely. You have my word."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "Okay. He's out back. I'll take you to him."
  • (G. W. Bailey) "Well, while you're at it, young lady, you can take me, too."
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "Skroeder."
  • (G. W. Bailey) "Terrific job, Crosby. Thanks for the help."
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "No. I had nothing to do with this."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "You bastard. You're a liar."
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "OK. Listen closely. There's a priest, a minister, and a rabbi. They're out playing golf. They're deciding how much to give to charity. The priest says "We'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money in the air, and whatever lands inside the circle, we'll give to charity." The minister says "No, we'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money in the air, and whatever lands outside of the circle, that's what we'll give to charity." The rabbi says "No no no. We'll throw the money way up in the air, and whatever God wants, he keeps.""
  • (Jack Angel) "Hmmmm. Oh, I get it. Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho. Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee. Nyuk, nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "What's going on? Is he laughing?"
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "Yeah. Yeah. And the joke wasn't even that funny, and I think I screwed up the punchline. Ha ha ha ha."
  • (Jack Angel) ""Whatever God wants, he keeps.""
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "Originally I had non-military purposes in mind. I designed it as a marinal aid."
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "Why did you disobey your program?"
  • (Jack Angel) "Program say to kill, to disassemble, to make dead. Number 5 cannot."
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "Why "cannot"?"
  • (Jack Angel) "Is wrong. Newton Crosby, Ph.D not know this?"
  • (Steve Guttenberg) "Of course I know it's wrong to kill, but who told you?"
  • (Jack Angel) "I told me."

Vernon Weddle as General Washburne

  • (Vernon Weddle) "The only way to secure the peace, Senator, as I'm sure you know, is to be prepared. See, we can parachute these robot guys behind enemy lines. They hide out till the first strike blows over. Then each one is able to just carry a 25-megaton bomb right up the middle of Main Street Moscow; like the mailman bringing bad news. We call it Operation 'Gotcha LAST.'"
  • (Barbara Tarbuck) "That's what you call 'ENSURING PEACE'?"
  • (Vernon Weddle) "Oh, yeah. Just as you say: 'Ensuring peace'."

Brian McNamara as Frank

  • (Brian McNamara) "Listen, why don't you say we jump in my car and I'll take you home."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "Uh, tell him where home is."
  • (Brian McNamara) "Uh, home is NOVA."
  • (Jack Angel) "NOVA? NO. No disassemble."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "Run, Number 5, run."
  • (Jack Angel) "Come on, treads, don't fail me now."
  • (Brian McNamara) "You tricked me, you little bitch."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "Oh, does this mean I don't get my $5,000? Well, forget it. FORGET IT. He can run thirty miles an hour, you big stupid JERK."
  • (Brian McNamara) "Hey, I'll show you how stupid I am. Guess who's gonna help me catch him."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "No, I'd rather die first."
  • (Brian McNamara) "What the hell happened to my car?"
  • (Jack Angel) "Hi."
  • (Jack Angel) "Piece of cake."
  • (Brian McNamara) "Oh, my God. My car."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "Oh, way to go, Number 5."
  • (Brian McNamara) "How, robot. Me; friend."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "Talk computer, not Apache."

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