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Sister Act Quotes

Sister Act is a television show that debuted in 1970 . Sister Act stopped airing in 1970.

It features Marc Shaiman in charge of musical score, and Adam Greenberg (cinematographer) as head of cinematography.

Sister Act is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Sister Act is 100 minutes long. Sister Act is distributed by Buena Vista Pictures Distribution.

The cast includes: Whoopi Goldberg as Delores, Toni Kalem as Nun, Isis Carmen Jones as Little Delores, Charlotte Crossley as Tina, Joseph Maher as Monsignor O'Hara, Maggie Smith as Reverend Mother, Harvey Keitel as Vince, Richard Portnow as Willy, Robert Miranda as Joey, Bill Nunn as Eddie, Mary Wickes as Sister Mary Lazarus, Wendy Makkena as Sister Mary Robert, Kathy Najimy as Sister Mary Patrick, Whoopi Goldberg as Dolores, Whoopi Goldberg as Sister Mary Clarence, Mary Wickes as Mary Lazarus, Jenifer Lewis as Michelle, Michael Durrell as Larry, Jim Beaver as Det. Clarkson, and Guy Boyd as Det. Tate.

Sister Act Quotes

Whoopi Goldberg as Sister Mary Clarence

  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Well obviously Mr. LaRocca feels he can win me back by sending me this absolutely fabulous coat."
  • (Jenifer Lewis) "Put it on, put it on."
  • (Charlotte Crossley) "It's beautiful."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "You see, some girls would fall for this but not me. I think I'll make him wait a while before I let him know that I --"
  • (Jenifer Lewis) "What?"
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Connie LaRocca. It's his wife's coat. The man gave me his wife's coat."
  • (Jenifer Lewis) "I don't believe this."
  • (Charlotte Crossley) "Put it back on. It's yours now, you deserve it."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "No, I don't deserve it, I haven't earned it. You don't earn other peoples wife's fur coats, okay? I think it's time to just go upstairs, give it back to him and get the hell out of this dump."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Oh, no. No, no, no. I can't do this. I'm sorry. This is fine for covering a little bulge, but now I've got holster hips."
  • (Maggie Smith) "People wish to kill you. Anyone who's met you I imagine. A disguise is necessary to protect us all. While you are here, you will conduct yourself as a nun. Only I will know who and what you truly are. You will draw no attention to yourself whatsoever."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "But look at me. I'm a nun. I'm a; I'm a penguin."
  • (Maggie Smith) "As from now and until you leave, you are Sister Mary Clarence."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Mary Clarence? Like Clarence Williams III from The Mod Squad?"
  • (Maggie Smith) "Mary is in deference to our Holy Mother. The Clarence is in honor of Saint Clarence of Concordia. There are 3 vows every nun must accept: The vow of poverty."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Mmm."
  • (Maggie Smith) "The vow of obedience."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Mm-Hmm."
  • (Maggie Smith) "And the vow of chastity."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "I am outta here with that."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Good night, ladies and gentlemen."
  • (Charlotte Crossley) "Heat wave."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "You don't give a s***."
  • (Charlotte Crossley) "Heat wave."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Let's get the hell outta here."
  • (Charlotte Crossley) "Heat wave."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Bless us, oh Lord, for these Thy gifts which we are about to receive. And yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of no food, I will fear no hunger. We want you to give us this day, our daily bread. And to the republic for which it stands, and by the power invested in me, I pronounce us ready to eat. Amen."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Ugh. Ugh. Gee, what are you people? A Pridikin order? This stuff is terrible. it tastes like shh --"
  • (Maggie Smith) "Sisters, we shall spend the rest of the day in silence."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Well, why?"
  • (Maggie Smith) "Only when we are silent may our prayers TRULY be answered."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Then you don't have to eat this food."
  • (Maggie Smith) "Silence begins now -- And ends at sundown."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "How can you eat this stuff? It's terrible."
  • (Maggie Smith) "Mary Clarence, I think you might enjoy a ritual fast."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "A ritual f? No. No, no. I don't think I would. I'll put a little salt in it, and it'll be fine. Look, I'm gonna -- Somebody pass me the salt over there."
  • (Maggie Smith) "A fast. To remind you of those who have to endure without food."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "No, I don't want you to -- I don't want you to take my plate."
  • (Maggie Smith) "And silence."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Young man, take your foot down off of that stool."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "What are you gonna do? Stick me in a bag and bury me? Forget it."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Don't worry, we will always be together."
  • (Mary Wickes) "That's what Diana Ross said."
  • (Biker #2) "Wanna dance, sister?"
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Why? You don't have any rhythm."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "What am I gonna do here? I'm gonna go crazy. There's nothing but a lot of white women dressed as nuns. What am I gonna do here?"
  • (Bill Nunn) "Pray."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Pray?"
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "You still haven't told me what she said?"
  • (Harvey Keitel) "What who said?"
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "What who said. The one with the moustache, the one you're married to."
  • (Harvey Keitel) "You are so damn hot."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "And you are so full of it. You didn't tell her, did you? I knew it. I knew you weren't gonna tell her. I knew it."

Kathy Najimy as Sister Mary Patrick

  • (Kathy Najimy) "Why would anyone kidnap a nun?"
  • (Mary Wickes) "Were they Catholics?"
  • (Kathy Najimy) "Hi, excuse me, sorry. Has anyone seen a nun? A Carmelite nun? No? Sure? OK, thanks."
  • (Kathy Najimy) "I can't believe the Pope is coming. This is better than ice cream."
  • (Wendy Makkena) "It's better than springtime."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "It's better than sex. No, I mean; I've heard."

Harvey Keitel as Vince

  • (Harvey Keitel) "Hey babe."
  • (Mary Wickes) "Yes, sweetheart?"
  • (Harvey Keitel) "Is it done?"
  • (Richard Portnow) "Not completely."
  • (Harvey Keitel) "What do you mean?"
  • (Robert Miranda) "Vince, we can't waste a nun."
  • (Harvey Keitel) "What are you two nuts talking about? It's Delores, in a costume."
  • (Richard Portnow) "How do you know she didn't sign up and become one of them when she was there? Things like this happen."
  • (Harvey Keitel) "Because I know this woman. In the biblical sense and she ain't no nun."
  • (Harvey Keitel) "Joey, do it."
  • (Robert Miranda) "I can't, Vince. She's still a nun."
  • (Harvey Keitel) "She's a broad. Y'got it? Just a broad."
  • (Maggie Smith) "I guarantee you she is no broad. She is Sister Mary Clarence of St. Katherine's Convent. She's a model of generosity, virtue, and love. You have my word for it, gentlemen, she is a nun."
  • (Richard Portnow) "Ya hear that? Now, aren't you glad we didn't shoot her?"
  • (Harvey Keitel) "I know they're trying to get something on me, Ernie, but so far they've come up with bubkas. They call Willy and Joey in there, and they're out in 20 minutes. What are you doing there for three hours, Ernie?"
  • (Harvey Keitel) "How can you let them grill me there for six hours?"
  • (Michael Durrell) "I can't control how long they're gonna question you."
  • (Harvey Keitel) "Did you go to law school, Harry?"
  • (Michael Durrell) "Yeah, I went to law school, Vince."
  • (Harvey Keitel) "Did you graduate?"
  • (Michael Durrell) "Hey, I'm a lawyer, of course I graduated."

Maggie Smith as Reverend Mother

  • (Maggie Smith) "Brace yourself, sisters. Spread out and look for Mary Clarence. Try to blend in."
  • (Maggie Smith) "She isn't a nun. Her real name is Delores van Cartier. She witnessed a vicious murder and has been hiding in our convent"
  • (Choir Nun) "She -- she lied to us?"
  • (Kathy Najimy) "She wasn't a nun?"
  • (Wendy Makkena) "But she made us sing so perfectly."
  • (Kathy Najimy) "Now that should have tipped us --"
  • (Maggie Smith) "Girl groups? Boogie-woogie on the piano? What were you thinking?"
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "I was thinkin' more like Vegas, y'know, get some butts in the seats."
  • (Maggie Smith) "And what next? Popcorn? Curtain calls? This is not a theater or a casino."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Yeah, but that's the problem. See, people like going to theaters, and they like going to casinos, but they don't like coming to church. Why? Because it's a drag. But we could change all that, see? We could pack this joint."
  • (Maggie Smith) "Through blasphemy? You have corrupted the entire choir."
  • (Joseph Maher) "Excuse me."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "How can you say that? I worked my butt off with these women. They've given up their free time to do this, and they're GOOD. I mean, sister, we could, we could ROCK this place."
  • (Maggie Smith) "OUT of the question. As of tomorrow, Mary Lazarus resumes her leadership of the choir."
  • (Maggie Smith) "COME IN."
  • (Maggie Smith) "That is not a person you can hide. That is a conspicuous person designed to stick out."
  • (Maggie Smith) "I shall ask Monsignor O'Hara and Lt. Souther to find a safer, and more suitable situation for you."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Oh, no. Come on. Don't send me away. Really. I mean, I'm just startin' to get the hang of this. I mean, look. I'm not gonna endanger anyone or anything else. I swear. What about forgiveness? Isn't that what you preach? There's gotta be something around here I can do that's not gonna chip my nails or annoy anybody."
  • (Maggie Smith) "You're right, Mary Clarence. To err is human, to forgive divine. You may stay. But I shall restrict your activities to a single task."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "What's that?"
  • (Maggie Smith) "Singing. You will join the choir."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Choir? No."
  • (Maggie Smith) "You will sleep and you will sing. That will be your task until you leave."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "No. The choir? I mean, have you heard them?"
  • (Maggie Smith) "The choir, Mary Clarence."

Bill Nunn as Eddie

  • (Bill Nunn) "Deloris, look. Vince knows you're here. We gotta get out now."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Oh, but I can't go. We're singin' for the Pope tomorrow."
  • (Bill Nunn) "Listen. You gonna be singin' for St. Peter if you don't get your ass outta here now."
  • (Bill Nunn) "Can I call you Dolores?"
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "You can call me anything you want as long as you keep me alive."
  • (Bill Nunn) "Where are you going?"
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "I'm going to the little nun's room, nosy."
  • (Bill Nunn) "Mrs. Van Cartier? You're Vince LaRocca's girlfriend, right?"
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Well you could -- sort of -- maybe -- it depends on how you look at it. I mean, the guy just tried to kill me so I don't think that cements our relationship."
  • (Bill Nunn) "You realize he's a major underworld figure, don't you?"
  • (Jim Beaver) "He's into drug dealing, money laundering."
  • (Guy Boyd) "We've been investigating Mr. LaRocca for the last 18 months. We've got videotapes, surveillance photos --"
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Am I -- am I in any of the -- videotapes?"
  • (Guy Boyd) "No, no, no, criminal activity."
  • (Bill Nunn) "Nice church, huh?"
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Yes, very nice. Look, what am I gonna be? Quasimodo in the belfry? What is this?"
  • (Bill Nunn) "I want you to stay here for a while."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Where?"
  • (Bill Nunn) "In the convent. It's the safest place in the world. You think Vince is gonna look for you in a convent?"
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Wh -- in the what?"
  • (Bill Nunn) "The convent."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "You must be out of your -- You know what? I'm gonna go back and work this out with Vince. You're a lunatic. I'm not gonna be in no damn convent with these people. These people don't even have sex."

Mary Wickes as Sister Mary Lazarus

  • (Mary Wickes) "This is a sin, it's a wicked indulgence. Didn't they have any butter pecan?"
  • (Mary Wickes) "Don't leave him bald and yowling in despair."
  • (Mary Wickes) "A progressive convent? Sounds awful. I liked my convent in Vancouver. Out in the woods. It wasn't all modern like some of these new-fangled convents. We didn't have electricity. Bare feet, cold water. They were nuns."
  • (Kathy Najimy) "Sounds wonderful."
  • (Mary Wickes) "It was hell on earth, I loved it. This place is a Hilton."

Charlotte Crossley as Tina

  • (Charlotte Crossley) "What's gonna happen to the act?"
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "What do you mean "what's gonna happen to the act"? You're gonna get somebody else, it's not a big loss."
  • (Charlotte Crossley) "But you pick all the music, you tell us where to stand and everything."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Yeah, I'm a real genius, I'm a real genius and that's why we're packing 'em in and don't you pack any more of my make-up in that bag, don't think I don't see what you're doing."

Richard Portnow as Willy

  • (Richard Portnow) "What is she doin'?"
  • (Robert Miranda) "Oh, my God. She's prayin'."
  • (Whoopi Goldberg) "Lord, I want you to forgive Willy and Joey, because they know not what they do. They're only doin' what Vince told 'em to do, because Vince is too chicken to do it himself. So he's called upon these 2 men to take care of his business. So I want you to forgive them, Lord. Espectum, espertum, cacoomb, toutu, eplubium. Amen."
  • (Robert Miranda) "Amen."

Wendy Makkena as Sister Mary Robert

  • (Wendy Makkena) "Reverend Mother, I know you and Mary Clarence didn't always agree but we have to help her. Please."
  • (Kathy Najimy) "We've gotta save her."
  • (Mary Wickes) "We can't leave it up to the feds."

Joseph Maher as Monsignor O'Hara

  • (Joseph Maher) "You took a vow of hospitality for all in need."
  • (Maggie Smith) "I lied."

Toni Kalem as Nun

  • (Toni Kalem) "Who can name all the apostles? Yes, Delores?"
  • (Isis Carmen Jones) "John, Paul, George -- and Ringo."
  • (Toni Kalem) "Delores Wilson, you are the most unruly, disobedient girl in this school. Now, I want you to march right up to that blackboard and write the names of all the apostles alphabetically."
  • (Toni Kalem) "This is enough. You are hopeless, and I wash my hands of you. Mark my words, Delores. If you continue on this disruptive track, it will lead straight to the devil. Have you any idea what girls like you become?"

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