The Departed Quotes

The Departed is a TV program that debuted in 1970 . The Departed ended its run in 1970.

It features Brad Pitt; Brad Grey; Graham King as producer, Howard Shore in charge of musical score, and Michael Ballhaus as head of cinematography.

The Departed is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Departed is 151 minutes long. The Departed is distributed by Warner Bros..

The cast includes: Mark Wahlberg as Dignam, Robert Wahlberg as Lazio, Alec Baldwin as Ellerby, Vera Farmiga as Madolyn, Leonardo DiCaprio as Billy Costigan, Jack Nicholson as Frank Costello, David O'Hara as Fitzy, Ray Winstone as Mr. French, Martin Sheen as Oliver Queenan, Matt Damon as Colin Sullivan, Kristen Dalton as Gwen, Mark Rolston as Delahunt, Anthony Anderson as Brown, Kevin Corrigan as Cousin Sean, and James Badge Dale as Barrigan.

The Departed Quotes

Jack Nicholson as Frank Costello

• (Jack Nicholson) "What?"
• (Matt Damon) "Yeah, you got a tail. Two cars, not very subtle. They're not gonna be very subtle from now on. That's what I've been trying to tell you."
• (Jack Nicholson) "So get rid of 'em."
• (Matt Damon) "There's no need to go yourself, Frank."
• (Jack Nicholson) "GET RID OF THE f***ING TAIL."
• (Matt Damon) "All right."

• (Jack Nicholson) "What we generally do; in this country -- is one guy brings the items and the other guy pays him. No tickee, no laundry."

• (Jack Nicholson) "I got this rat, this gnawing, cheese eating f***in' rat and it brings up questions -- You know, see, Bill, like you're the new guy. Girlfriend -- Why don't you stay in the bar that night I got your numbers. Social Security numbers. Everybody's f***in' numbers."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Is there something that you just wanna go ahead and ask me? 'Cause I'll give you the f***in' answer, all right? Frank, look at me. Look at me. I'm not the f***in' rat. Okay? I'm not the f***in' rat."

• (Jack Nicholson) "Good day, father."
• (Older Priest) "Good day, Francis."
• (Jack Nicholson) "You recall our chat? Little boys. Sucking on their peckers, etc -- and so forth. I am as God made me. Is that your rationale? May I remind you; in this archdiocese, God don't run the bingo."
• (Unnamed) "May I remind you; that pride comes before the fall."
• (Jack Nicholson) "How's Sister Mary Teresa doing? Had a tasty relationship before she took her vows."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Enjoy your clams, cocksuckers."

• (Jack Nicholson) "One of us had to die. With me, it tends to be the other guy."

• (Jack Nicholson) "Was that that shrink c*** that answered the phone?"
• (Matt Damon) "Remember I told you that we were gonna -- she was gonna move in?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Yeah."
• (Matt Damon) "She moved in."
• (Jack Nicholson) "You better get organized, quick."
• (Matt Damon) "Hey, last time I checked, I tipped you off and you're not in jail."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Are you listening to me?"
• (Matt Damon) "Yeah."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Do you like Little Miss Thing suckin' on your cock?"
• (Matt Damon) "Yes. Yes, I do."
• (Jack Nicholson) "So earn it. I'm getting the feeling we got a cop in my crew."
• (Matt Damon) "Yeah, I know. I'm kinda getting that feeling too."
• (Jack Nicholson) "He's one of yours. Inside. Have you seen anything?"
• (Matt Damon) "Frank, I got no access to Queenan's undercover files. He and Dignam run the snitches. I'm doing my best --"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Your best? What do you think we're in, the f***in' haberdashery business?"
• (Matt Damon) "Look, Frank, if you don't relax, if you don't relax, I can't relax. All right? Now what I need you to do is you get me information on the people who were with you last night. Your crew. Get me Social Security numbers, get me --"

• (Jack Nicholson) "Jeez. She fell funny."
• (Ray Winstone) "Francis, you really should see somebody."

• (Jack Nicholson) "What the f*** is it with and your phone? Uh?"
• (Matt Damon) "You know."

• (Jack Nicholson) "Do you trust him?"
• (Ray Winstone) "Well these days, who's reliable?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "His uncle Jackie was. Yeah, you can't trust a guy acts like he's got nothing to lose."
• (Ray Winstone) "I'm reliable."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Arnold, you're one in a million."
• (Ray Winstone) "Ten. Ten million."
• (Jack Nicholson) "What about your wife, Arnold?"
• (Ray Winstone) "Well, I thought she was."
• (Jack Nicholson) "She wasn't."
• (Ray Winstone) "Well, she got reliable."

• (Jack Nicholson) "Arm."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Arm? What f***in' arm?"
• (Ray Winstone) "Show me your arm. Flip it. mmhmmm, mmhmmm --"
• (Jack Nicholson) "It makes me curious to see you in this neighborhood. And if I can slander my own environment, it makes me sad. This, uh, regression. Plus, I don't know if it's beyond some f***ing cop prick like Queenan to pull you out of the Staties and send you gift-wrapped to me. I just can't know. I wonder what they do in that particular department, anyway."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Are you still a cop?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "No."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Swear on your mother's grave you're still not a cop?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "I'm not a f***ing cop."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Are you going to stop doing coke deals with your jerk-off f***ing cousin?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Yes, yes, yes."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Alright, alright. You're okay, you'll be alright. Get your hand taken care of."
• (Jack Nicholson) "I'm sorry, but it was necessary. As for our problem with Providence; let's not cry over some spilled guineas."

• (Jack Nicholson) "If these chinks wanna nuke Taiwan anytime in this century, they better shape up and show me $1 million dollars. What we generally do; in this country; is one guy brings the items, and the other guy pays him. "No tickee, no laundry"."

• (Jack Nicholson) "I'm concerned about a Chinaman who thinks it's wise to come to a business transaction with automatic weapons."
• (Jack Nicholson) "For his own good, tell Bruce Lee and the Karate Kids none of us are carrying automatic weapons. Because here; in this country -- it don't add inches to your dick. You get a life sentence for it."

• (Jack Nicholson) "There is no need to remind you that if you don't find that cheese eating rat bastard in your department -- it won't be me who suffers for it."
• (Matt Damon) "What I be any good at my job if I didn't f***ing already know that?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Just get him and smoke him the f*** out."
• (Matt Damon) "I'll get the rat -- you just gotta let me do it my way, Frank."

• (Jack Nicholson) "You get your period yet, Carmen?"

• (Jack Nicholson) "You do well in school?"
• (Young Colin) "Yeah"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Good. So did I. They call that a paradox."

• (Jack Nicholson) "I'm going to have my associate search you."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "No, no one's f***ing searching me. Searching me for what?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Contra-f***ing-band. Take your shoes off."
• (Ray Winstone) "Shoes."
• (Jack Nicholson) "I knew your father."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Yeah? You know he's dead?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Oh, sorry. How'd he go?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "He didn't complain."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Yeah, that was his problem."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Who said he had a problem?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "I just said he had a f***ing problem. There's a man who could have been anything."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Are you trying to say he was nothing?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "I'm saying he worked at the airport."

• (Jack Nicholson) "When you decide to be something, you can be it. That's what they don't tell you in the church. When I was your age they would say we can become cops, or criminals. Today, what I'm saying to you is this: when you're facing a loaded gun, what's the difference?"

• (Jack Nicholson) "Who let this IRA motherf***er in my bar?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Only kidding. How's your mother?"
• (Man in Costello's Bar) "Oh -- I'm afraid she's on her way out."
• (Jack Nicholson) "We all are. Act accordingly."

• (Jack Nicholson) "You want some coke? There it is. Don't move till you're numb."

• (Jack Nicholson) "You know what I like about restaurants?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "The f***ing food. I don't know, what?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "You can learn a lot, watching things eat."

• (Jack Nicholson) "Have a seat, Bill."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Do you know John Lennon?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Yeah, sure, he was the president before Lincoln."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Lennon said, "I'm an artist. You give me a f***ing tuba, I'll get you something out of it.""
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Well I tell you Mr. Costello, I'd like to squeeze some f***ing money out of it."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Smart mouth. Too bad. If you'll indulge me --"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Now what?"
• (Kristen Dalton) "Choir practice."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Choir practice."
• (Jack Nicholson) "The point I'm making with John Lennon is; a man could look at anything, and make something out of it. For instance, I look at you and I think "what could I use you for?""

• (Jack Nicholson) "Now whenever you make a call ask for Mikey, MIKEY --. huh -- you ask for a Mikey 'cause there is no Mikey."

• (Jack Nicholson) "Church wants you on your place. Kneel, stand, kneel, stand. If you go for that sort of thing, I don't know what to do for you. A man makes his own way. No one gives it to you. You have to take it. "Non serviam.""
• (Young Colin) "James Joyce."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Smart, Colin. Guineas from the north and down Providence try to tell me what to do. And, uh, something maybe happen to them. Maybe, uh, like that."

• (Jack Nicholson) "Sweetheart, you're giving me a hard-on."
• (Kristen Dalton) "Are you sure it's me? Not all that talk about whiffing and crawling up asses?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Watch your f***in' mouth."
• (Kristen Dalton) "No, you watch it. Let me straighten you out."

• (Jack Nicholson) "You know, if your father were alive, and saw you here sitting with me, let's say he would have a word with me about this. In fact, he'd kill seven guys just to cut my throat, and he could do it. That's maybe something you don't know about William Costigan, Sr."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "So he never? I mean, never?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "No. He kept his own counsel. He never wanted money. You can't do anything with a man like that. You're Uncle Jackie; he also would kill my entire f***ing family if he saw me here with you. And I think about this."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "So what the f*** are we talking about here?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Did you ever think about going back to school?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "School?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "All due respect Mr. Costello, school is out."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Maybe someday you'll wake the f*** up."

• (Jack Nicholson) "Get you? Give you? Who the f*** do you work for? What?"
• (Matt Damon) "All right, all right. Frank, Frank, Frank, I'm sorry, Frank. If you could, please. What I need are SS numbers, DOBs, just all the pedigree information so I can run it on my end and we can ID the prick. If you can just get me that information, what I can do is I can just; I; I; we're gonna handle it. I; I; I can handle it."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Colin, calm down, or you'll shoot in your pants."
• (Jack Nicholson) "I'll get you the records and what not. But listen to me, son. Don't disappoint me on this or some other guy will be putting their fat cock up little Miss Freud's ass."

Matt Damon as Colin Sullivan

• (Matt Damon) "Frank? What the f*** is wrong with you?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "See anything you like, Colin?"
• (Matt Damon) "I almost f***ing shot you."
• (Jack Nicholson) "You're not indulging in self-abuse, are you? I hope you're not turning into one of them sob sisters who wants to get caught. You're not cracking up, are you?"
• (Matt Damon) "I don't crack up."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Picking a place like this, where any cop can see you. Jesus."
• (Matt Damon) "If it was such a f***ing bad idea, why'd you show up?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "I own the place."
• (Matt Damon) "Why am I not f***ing surprised? Look, I gotta tell you --"
• (Jack Nicholson) "You're getting re-assigned. I know."
• (Matt Damon) "How the f*** do you know that?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Where'd they put you?"
• (Matt Damon) "Hey Frank, I gotta find myself."
• (Jack Nicholson) "You're telling me, sonny boy."
• (Matt Damon) "I gotta find the guy you got in the department."
• (Jack Nicholson) "With everybody looking up their own ass, and you looking for yourself, I'd put my money on nobody finds nothing."
• (Matt Damon) "I know, but Frank; look, for me, you gotta lay low. Right now."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Colin, laying low is not what I do."
• (Matt Damon) "Okay, f***ing big daddy Frank. f***ing perfect. But what good am I to you if you don't listen to me?"

• (Matt Damon) "Hey, now why do you work for the state?"
• (Vera Farmiga) "Why not? You do."
• (Matt Damon) "No, what you do, the degrees and everything you got, you're hot s***. So why do you make as much as a guidance counselor?"
• (Vera Farmiga) "Because -- I believe in public service."
• (Matt Damon) "So now you're gonna f*** with me?"
• (Matt Damon) "Now you're gonna be ridiculous?"

• (Matt Damon) "I can get the rat. You just gotta let me do it my way, Frank."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Okay."
• (Jack Nicholson) "But Colin; I hope I don't have to remind you that if you don't find that cheese-eating rat bastard in your department, most likely it won't be me who suffers for it."
• (Matt Damon) "Now why would you have to remind me of that? Would I be any good at what I do if I didn't f***ing already know that? Frank, you gotta trust me. Alright, just trust me Frank. Hey, it f***ing involves lying and I'm pretty f***ing good at that. Right?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Maybe because it's always been so easy for me to get c***, that I never understood jacking off in a theater."

• (Matt Damon) "I can't wait to see you explain this one to a f***ing Suffolk County jury you f***ing cocksucker. This is gonna be f***ing fun."

• (Matt Damon) "Problem?"
• (Mark Wahlberg) "Yeah, I got a problem. I run rat f***s like you, okay? I don't like 'em."
• (Matt Damon) "The day you wouldn't take a promotion, let me know. And if you'd taken care of this, I wouldn't even be here."
• (Mark Wahlberg) "f*** yourself, you piece of s***."
• (Matt Damon) "And I'm gonna need the identity of your undercovers."
• (Mark Wahlberg) "Blow me, all right? But not literally, though. Unfortunately, there's no promotion involved for you."
• (Matt Damon) "f***ing prick."

• (Matt Damon) "Okay."

• (Matt Damon) "Now Mrs. Kennefick, I knew your son. I knew Miles. Now he was a little younger than me but he was behind me in school. I wanna get these people who did this to him. Would you like to help us? You wanna help us catch the people who forced your son to do a robbery and then killed him?"
• (Mrs. Kennefick) "Allegedly."
• (Matt Damon) "-- "Allegedly"."
• (Mrs. Kennefick) "If he was killed, he probably did something wrong."
• (Matt Damon) "But not the robbery. That's not wrong. He do something else wrong?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Wave to your girlfriend, honey."
• (Mrs. Kennefick) "I mean, f*** yourself."
• (Matt Damon) "Did you get that?"
• (James Badge Dale) ""Allegedly" or "f*** yourself"?"
• (Matt Damon) "Welcome to the neighborhood."

• (Matt Damon) "You're an FBI informant? Are you f***ing kidding me?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Grow up."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Of course I talked to the FBI."
• (Matt Damon) "Do they know who I am?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "I -- I never gave up anybody -- who wasn't going down anyway. Nobody knows nothin'."
• (Matt Damon) "Frank -- Frank. Do they know about me?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "I know about you, Colin. You know I'd never give you up. You're like a --"
• (Matt Damon) "What, like a son? To you? Is that what this is about? All that murderin' -- and f***in' -- and no sons?"

• (Matt Damon) "You got a nice suit at home or do you like coming to work everyday dressed like you're goin' to invade Poland?"

• (Matt Damon) "If we're not gonna make it, it's gotta be you that gets out, cause I'm not capable. I'm f***ing Irish, I'll deal with something being wrong for the rest of my life."

• (Matt Damon) "f*** you, f***in' queers. Firemen gettin' p***** for the first time in the history of fire or p*****. Hey go save a kitten in a tree, you f***ing homos."

• (Matt Damon) "I need those passwords."
• (Alec Baldwin) "No, you want those passwords."

• (Matt Damon) "I think you better call your mother, and tell her you won't be home for supper."
• (Matt Damon) "Look it, f***-stick, you don't have to trust me. Just listen to what I am saying to you."

Martin Sheen as Oliver Queenan

• (Martin Sheen) "Congratulations on passing the detectives' exam, and welcome to the Special Investigation Unit."
• (Mark Wahlberg) "Whoop-de-f***in'-do."

• (Martin Sheen) "Okay, kid. Let's do this. Come on, spread 'em."
• (Mark Wahlberg) "Hey, what do you think you can pop somebody and there's a special card to play? That guy, Jimmy Bags whose jaw you broke happens to work undercover for the Boston Police Department."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "I'm going f***ing nuts, man. I can't be someone else every f***in' day. It's been a year of this. I've had enough of this s***."
• (Mark Wahlberg) "Calm down, alright? Most people in the world do it every day. What's the big deal?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Well, I'm not them, alright? I'm not f***ing them, okay?"
• (Mark Wahlberg) "Exactly. You're nobody. You signed the papers, remember? Now we're the only two people on the face of this earth that even know you're a cop. How about we just erase your file, huh? How 'bout that? How about we erase your file and then bang, you're just another soldier for Costello open to arrest for I don't know how many felonies. Huh? What do you say we do that, Captain?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "How about I f***ing kill you, huh? How about I f***ing kill you."
• (Martin Sheen) "That was a joke. Come on."
• (Mark Wahlberg) "That wasn't a joke. Just because you play a tough guy, doesn't mean you are one you lace-curtain, Irish f***ing p*****."
• (Martin Sheen) "Hey, hey. Stop it. Break it up. Stop it."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "f*** you, motherf***er."
• (Martin Sheen) "god**** it, stop it. That's an order."
• (Martin Sheen) "For chrissake, be smart. If anybody's watching us now, how are we not supposed to arrest you? Come on, get in the car. Both of you, get in the car."

• (Martin Sheen) "Do you know what we do here? My section?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Sir, yes, sir. I have an idea --"
• (Mark Wahlberg) "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's say you have no idea and leave it at that, okay? No idea. Zip. None. If you had an idea of what we do, we would not be good at what we do, now would we? We would be c***s. Are you calling us c***s?"
• (Martin Sheen) "Staff Sergeant Dignam has a style of his own. I'm afraid we all have to get used to it."

• (Martin Sheen) "All cell phone signals are under surveillance, due to the courtesy of our Federal friends over there."
• (Alec Baldwin) "Patriot Act, Patriot Act. I love it, I love it, I love it."

• (Martin Sheen) "One of you mugs got a light."
• (David O'Hara) "Where's your boy?"
• (Martin Sheen) "He's studying law at Notre Dame."
• (David O'Hara) "Where's your f***ing boy?"
• (David O'Hara) "god**** motherf***er. Now where's your f***ing boy?"

• (Martin Sheen) "We deal in deception here. What we do not deal with is self-deception."

Mark Wahlberg as Dignam

• (Mark Wahlberg) "Why don't we just meet up sweetheart? Let me buy you an ice cream."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "I'm getting on a plane unless you put Queenan on the phone."
• (Mark Wahlberg) "Queenan had a funeral to go to, okay? This is my shift. Just calm down."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Meet up? Meet; you actually want me dead? Look, there is a RAT in your unit, that is a FACT. Alright? Where's Queenan?"
• (Mark Wahlberg) "He's not here."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "They knew you had cameras in the building. They knew EVERYTHING, alright? There is a leak from the inside. It's real, man, smoke him out."
• (Mark Wahlberg) "Yeah, how do we do that Mr. f***ing Genius who didn't even graduate from the academy?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Let it slip through SIU that you have a sealed wiretap warrant for Costello's apartment. Don't tell ANYONE in our division, but tell SIU. Flush it down the pipe and see if it comes out on my end, alright? That's what we do first, we narrow it down. Where is Queenan?"
• (Mark Wahlberg) "He's not here. You want to meet up or you got something real, call me back."

• (Mark Wahlberg) "This is unbelievable. Who put the f***in' cameras in this place?"
• (Police Camera Tech) "Who the f*** are you?"
• (Mark Wahlberg) "I'm the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy."

• (Mark Wahlberg) "My theory on Feds is that they're like mushrooms, feed 'em s*** and keep 'em in the dark"

• (Mark Wahlberg) "I can't wait to wipe that f***ing smirk right off of your face."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Wouldn't you rather wipe my ass for me?"

• (Mark Wahlberg) "Your f***in' family's dug into the Southie projects like ticks. Three-decker men at best. You, however, grew up on the North Shore, huh? Well, la-di-f***in'-da. You were kind of a double kid, I bet, right? Huh? One kid with your old man, one kid with your mother. You're upper-middle class during the weeks, then you're droppin' your "R"s and you're hangin' in the big, bad Southie projects with your daddy, the f***in' donkey on the weekends. I got that right?"
• (Mark Wahlberg) "Yup. You have different accents? You did, didn't you? You little f***in' snake. You were like different people."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "You a psychiatrist?"
• (Mark Wahlberg) "Well, if I was I'd ask you why you're a Statie making 30 grand a year. And I think if I was Sigmund f***in' Freud I wouldn't get an answer. So tell me, what's a lace-curtain motherf***er like you doing in the Staties?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Families are always rising or falling in America, am I right?"
• (Martin Sheen) "Who said that?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Hawthorne."
• (Mark Wahlberg) "What's the matter, smartass, you don't know any f***in' Shakespeare?"

Ray Winstone as Mr. French

• (Bookie Harassed by French) "I'm in the hole, I pay him two grand a week. There's no profit, I pay him two grand a week."
• (Ray Winstone) "Well make more f***in' money. This is America. You don't make money, then you're a f***in' douchebag."
• (Ray Winstone) "Now what you ganna do?"
• (Bookie Harassed by French) "I'll make more money."
• (Ray Winstone) "That's the spirit."

• (Ray Winstone) "In the future, I tell ya to do a thing, you f***ing do it, you got that?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "I got it, okay?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Excuse me, uh, French, I forgot my --"
• (Ray Winstone) "Okay, Francis."
• (Jack Nicholson) "-- cigarette."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Eat something."

• (Ray Winstone) "Ah, f*** it."

Alec Baldwin as Ellerby

• (Alec Baldwin) "I'm gonna go have a smoke right now. You want a smoke? You don't smoke, do ya, right? What are ya, one of those fitness freaks, huh? Go f*** yourself."

• (Alec Baldwin) "Our target: microprocessors. Yes, those. I don't know what they are, you don't know what they are, who gives a f***?"

• (Alec Baldwin) "Cui Bono, who benefits?"
• (Matt Damon) "Cui gives a s***. It's got a freakin' bow on it."

• (Alec Baldwin) "So do you know why Queenan went into that building?"
• (Matt Damon) "No."
• (Mark Wahlberg) "Well, a better question is why the f*** were your guys following him?"
• (Matt Damon) "I told Internal Investigations to follow Captain Queenan."
• (Mark Wahlberg) "Why?"
• (Matt Damon) "That's Internal Investigations' business."
• (Mark Wahlberg) "f***ing piece of s***."
• (Matt Damon) "Cocksucker. I don't have to f***ing explain anything to anybody. I can f***ing investigate anybody I f***ing want to."
• (Mark Wahlberg) "Let him go, come on."
• (Matt Damon) "I don't give a f*** what you think. Captain, I've got reason to believe that Queenan got killed by his own f***ing undercover."
• (Mark Wahlberg) "That's a f***ing lie."
• (Matt Damon) "He has f***ing information in a locked file, as did Captain Queenan. I need access to those files."
• (Mark Wahlberg) "Hey, I forgot the password, but if you'd like to come down to the garage with me, I'd be happy to give it to you."
• (Matt Damon) "That's a f***ing lie."
• (Mark Wahlberg) "Nobody calls me a liar."

• (Alec Baldwin) "Staff Sergeant Dignam is our liaison to the the undercover department, his undercover work is extensive. He's here to give us his report. Sergeant Dignam."
• (Mark Wahlberg) "Ok. My people are out there. They're like f***in' indians. You're not gonna see 'em you're not gonna hear about 'em except from me or Captain Queenan. You will not ever know the identity of undercover people. Unfortunately, this s***hole has more f***in' leaks than the Iraqi Navy."
• (Alec Baldwin) "f*** yourself."
• (Mark Wahlberg) "I'm tired from f***in' your wife."
• (Alec Baldwin) "How's your mother?"
• (Mark Wahlberg) "Good, she's tired from f***in' my father."

• (Alec Baldwin) "How is your wedding coming along?"
• (Matt Damon) "Great, great; she's a doctor."
• (Alec Baldwin) "That's outstanding."
• (Matt Damon) "Yeah."
• (Alec Baldwin) "Marriage is an important part of getting ahead: lets people know you're not a homo; married guy seems more stable; people see the ring, they think at least somebody can stand the son of a bitch; ladies see the ring, they know immediately you must have some cash or your cock must work."
• (Matt Damon) "Yeah, it's working -- Overtime."
• (Alec Baldwin) "I'm glad to hear that."
• (Matt Damon) "Yeah -- Thank you."

• (Alec Baldwin) "You have an immaculate record. Some guys don't trust an immaculate record. I do. I have an immaculate record."

• (Alec Baldwin) "We're not here to solve the case of the missing scumbag, we're here to nail Costello."

• (Alec Baldwin) "Normally, he's a very, uh, nice guy."
• (Alec Baldwin) "Don't judge him from this meeting alone."

• (Alec Baldwin) "Queenan is dead. I'm your boss now."
• (Mark Wahlberg) "I don't give a f***, I'd rather hand in my papers first."
• (Alec Baldwin) "World needs plenty of bartenders; two weeks, with pay."

• (Alec Baldwin) "This unit is new, and you are the newest members of it. You have been selected from the basis of intelligence and aptitude. This is an elite unit. Our job is to smash, or marginally disrupt, organized crime in the city by enhanced cooperation of the FBI, represented here today by Frank Lazio. And we will do it. By organized crime in the city, you know who we mean; that's Jackie Costigan, that's an old picture. Jackie met his demise. Last known photograph. Costello uses three key guys: that's Fitzy; off-the-boat psycho who lives with his mother, who's straight out of Going My Way. Delahunt; muscle. French; the number one. But of course the rock star; you know who. We've done a briefing. Books, so read up. I want any and all ideas so I can pass them off as my own. Word hard, you'll rise fast. You're in the best possible position in the department. Let's go to work."

Leonardo DiCaprio as Billy Costigan

• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "FREEZE."
• (Matt Damon) "Hey. Hey. Hey."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Put your f***ing hands up."
• (Matt Damon) "Put the f***ing gun down. Put the gun -- put the gun down, alright? I came here to talk some sense into you."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Hands."
• (Matt Damon) "Alright. Just act professional. I can get you your money."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "What'd you say?"
• (Matt Damon) "I can get you your MONEY."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "You didn't come here to talk, alright. You came here to get arrested."

• (Other Prisoner) "Hey, you Billy Costigan?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Yeah. Who wants to know?"
• (Other Prisoner) "I know a Sean Costigan, down on L Street."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Yeah that's my cousin."
• (Other Prisoner) "Connected. Not too bright."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "I know."
• (Other Prisoner) "I mean no offense."

• (Uncle Ed) "What's this I hear from Stephanie about you becoming a policeman?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "You mean Stephanie, who was the only one who came to my father's funeral? That Stephanie?"
• (Uncle Ed) "Yeah, that Stepanie."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Nothing much to it, Uncle Edward."
• (Uncle Ed) "Are you trying to prove something to the family?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "When you say "the family," who do you mean exactly? You?"
• (Uncle Ed) "You always have to question everything, don't you?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Maybe it would have done you some good to have some questions from time to time, you know? "Am I an asshole? Are my kids a mess? Is my wife a money-grubbing whore?" I mean, those are questions, right? "Have I ever been good to my dying sister or am I just now pretending to be?""
• (Uncle Ed) "Do you need some money for the funeral?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "When my mother dies, we don't have any more connection."

• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Frank, how many of these guys have been with you long enough to be disgruntled, huh? Think about it. You don't pay much, you know. It's almost a f***in' feudal enterprise. The question is, and this is the only question, who thinks that they can do what you do better than you?"
• (Jack Nicholson) "The only one that can do what I do is me. Lot of people had to die for me to be me. You wanna be me?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "I probably could be you, yeah. Yeah, I know that much. But I don't wanna be you, Frank. I don't wanna be you"
• (Jack Nicholson) "Heavy lies the crown -- sort of thing."

• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Cranberry juice."
• (Man Glassed in Bar) "It's a natural diuretic. My girlfriend drinks it when she's got her period. What, do you got your period?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Get your f***in' hands off me."
• (Ray Winstone) "Hey, hey, hey -- do you know me?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "No, no."
• (Ray Winstone) "Well, I'm the guy that tells you there are guys you can hit and there's guys you can't. Now, that's not quite a guy you can't hit, but it's almost a guy you can't hit. So I'm gonna make a f***in' ruling on this right now. You don't f***in' hit him. You understand?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Yeah, excellent. Fine, fine, fine."
• (Ray Winstone) "I f***ing know you. I know your family. You make one more drug deal with that idiot f***ing cop-magnet of a cousin of yours and I'll forget your grandmother was so nice to me. I'll cut your f***ing nuts off. You understand that?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Yeah, yeah, I do."
• (Ray Winstone) "What are you drinkin'?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "A cranberry juice."
• (Ray Winstone) "What is it, your period?"
• (Ray Winstone) "Get him a -- cranberry juice."
• (Ray Winstone) "Hey, f***head, that's Jackie's nephew."
• (Man Glassed in Bar) "Oh."
• (Ray Winstone) "What? "Oh" f***in' what?"
• (Ray Winstone) "Get the f*** outta here."

• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "You don't have any cats."
• (Vera Farmiga) "No."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "I like that."

• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Hey, you fellas come from Providence?"
• (Providence Gangster #2) "Isn't any of your business where we come from, is it, now?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "f***in' delivering cannolis or something?"

• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Listen, listen. I got like, like thirty thousand bucks, right? Insurance money. You know, after my mother passed and everything?"
• (Kevin Corrigan) "Yeah, yeah."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "In your line of work, if I gave you like what, ten thousand, what could I get back?"
• (Kevin Corrigan) "You know -- you know what you usually say at these moments?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "What? What?"
• (Kevin Corrigan) "C'mon, man."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Aw, come on, you f***ing moron. Come on. What, you want me to say it? Huh? I'm not a cop, alright? I'm your f***ing cousin."
• (Kevin Corrigan) "Yeah, you're bad. You corrupt f***, man. You must be my cousin."

• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "What would you do if your boyfriend was standing right there and he saw us? Huh?"
• (Vera Farmiga) "I would lie."

• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "There is no one more full of s*** than a cop except for a cop on TV."

• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "You sit there with a mass murderer. A mass murderer. Your heart rate is jacked, and your hand -- steady. That's one thing I figured out about myself in prison. My hand does not shake -- ever."

• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Is it to do some good to get somewhere personally or just for the f*** of it?"
• (Vera Farmiga) "Well I expect some people do it to keep things on an even keel"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "So you had a parent who was a drunk?"
• (Vera Farmiga) "Did you?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "No"
• (Vera Farmiga) "Let's keep it with you, talk about how you feel"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "There was a cop leaving when I came in, do you see cops?"
• (Vera Farmiga) "That's part of what I do I don't normally see cadets who've just been kicked out of the academy"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "You should get a better job"
• (Vera Farmiga) "Should I?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "So do all those cops come in here and "cry"?"
• (Vera Farmiga) "Sometimes they do, if they had trouble at home if they had to use their weapons"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Use their weapons? They signed up to use their weapons most of them but they watch enough TV so they know they have to weep there is no one more full of s*** than a cop, except for a cop on TV"

• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Do you lie?"
• (Vera Farmiga) "Why? Do you?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "No, I'm asking if you lie."
• (Vera Farmiga) "Honesty is not synonymous with truth."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Yeah, you lie. You lie."

• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "You're seventy f***ing years old. One of these guys is going to pop you. As for running drugs, what the f***. You don't need the pain in the ass, and they're going to catch you. And you don't need the money."
• (Jack Nicholson) "I haven't "needed the money" since I took Archie's milk money in the third grade. Tell you the truth, I don't need p***** any more either -- but I like it."

• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "When are you gonna take Costello, huh?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "I mean, what's wrong with taking him on any one of the"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "million f***ing felonies that you've seen him do, or I've seen him do? I mean, I mean, he murdered somebody, right? The guy f***ing murders somebody, and you don't f***ing take him. What are you waiting for, honestly? I mean, do you want him to chop me up and feed me to the poor? Is that what you guys want?"
• (Mark Wahlberg) "Yeah, well that might stick."
• (Martin Sheen) "Will you shut up?"

• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "There was a cop leaving when I came in."
• (Vera Farmiga) "How did you know he was a cop?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Know, bad haircut, no dress sense, and, you know, a slight air of scumbag entitlement."

Vera Farmiga as Madolyn

• (Vera Farmiga) "Why is the last patient of the day always the hardest?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Because you're tired and you don't give a s***. It's not super-natural."

• (Vera Farmiga) "I'm not someone you have to see or they put you in jail if you're in distress I will help you here's my card and a prescription of medication that'll help you"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Is that enough to commit suicide?"
• (Vera Farmiga) "Maybe it is have I done my job to your God damn standards? Because according my standards you fit the model of drug seeking behavior too damn bad if you don't like my initial clinical reaction"

• (Vera Farmiga) "And I thought that I was the liar."

• (Vera Farmiga) "What do you expect coming in here?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "I have to come here."
• (Vera Farmiga) "I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "You want the truth? Valium."
• (Vera Farmiga) "You know if you lied, you would have an easier time getting what you wanted."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "What does that say about what you do for a living?"
• (Vera Farmiga) "I just think we should have a few more meetings before we even talk about prescriptions."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Look -- look, I'm having panic attacks, alright? The other night I thought I was having a f***ing heart attack. I puked in a trash barrel on the way over here. I haven't slept for f***ing weeks."
• (Vera Farmiga) "Is that true?"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Yeah, that's true. Alright? I said it was f***ing true. I want some f***ing pills and you're gonna what? You're gonna close my file? Is that what you're going to do?"
• (Vera Farmiga) "No, I didn't close your file. I --"
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "I thought I was supposed to tell the truth here, if only f***ing here."
• (Vera Farmiga) "You are. You are."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Christ. I mean, a guy comes in here against every, every instinct of privacy and self-reliance he has and what do you do? What do you do, huh? You send him off on the street to score smack, is that what you do? You're f***ing ridiculous."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Two pills? Great. Why don't you just give me a bottle of scotch and a handgun to blow my f***ing head off. Are we done here with this psychiatry bulls***?"
• (Vera Farmiga) "You know what? You can leave."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "What the f*** did I just put myself through? I'm f***ing out of here. And what if that was a legitimate threat? Think about it f***ing hotshot."

• (Vera Farmiga) "Here, this is my card."
• (Matt Damon) "Nah, I don't need that. I'm a detective. I'll find you."
• (Matt Damon) "No, I'm just kidding, I need the card."

Kevin Corrigan as Cousin Sean

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Robert Wahlberg as Lazio

• (Robert Wahlberg) "without asking too many questions do you have anyone in with Costello presently?"
• (Mark Wahlberg) "Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe f*** yourself."

David O'Hara as Fitzy

• (David O'Hara) "She didn't notice us, she must be a cop."
• (Mark Rolston) "Yeah, she's probably the f***ing Police Commissioner."

• (David O'Hara) "I don't believe it."
• (Ray Winstone) "What can't you believe?"
• (David O'Hara) "I spent all f***ing night dragging the poor bastard in there. Tell me how they find him so fast? Somebody walking a f***ing dog ? What f***ing size a dog is that? Has to be a big f***ing dog, man. I spent all night doing it man."
• (David O'Hara) "I'm embarrassed. I still don't believe he was a cop, I don't believe it."
• (Jack Nicholson) "The COPS -- are saying he's a cop -- so I won't look for the cop. Are you soft, Fitz? When I tell you -- to dump a body in the marsh, you dump him IN the marsh. Not where some guy from John Hancock goes every Thursday, TO GET A f***ING BLOWJOB."
• (Jack Nicholson) "Don't laugh. This ain't Reality TV."

Anthony Anderson as Brown

• (Anthony Anderson) "So she tells me, "You never finish anything. You finish the police course, you get taken care of again, baby." So after graduation, I get a blowjob again."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "That's great. Your mother sounds like a wonderful woman."
• (Anthony Anderson) "f*** yourself."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Look at it this way: You're a black guy in Boston. You don't need any help from me to be completely f***ed."

• (Anthony Anderson) "Put down the gun and step away from Sergeant Sullivan."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Look, I called you. You specifically. You know who I am. I'm not gonna shoot. I told you to meet me downstairs."
• (Matt Damon) "Help me."
• (Anthony Anderson) "PUT THE WEAPON ON THE DECK AND STEP AWAY FROM SERGEANT SULLIVAN."
• (Matt Damon) "Shoot the f***in' prick already."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Where's Dignam? I told you to bring Dignam."
• (Matt Damon) "Shoot the motherf***er."
• (Anthony Anderson) "Put the weapon on the ground and we'll discuss it."
• (Matt Damon) "SHOOT THE MOTHERf***ER."
• (Leonardo DiCaprio) "Look, I got boxes of tapes, evidence, all of that. I got proof. He's Costello's rat."
• (Anthony Anderson) "Maybe you do. But right now I need you to put the weapon on the deck and step away from Sergeant Sullivan."

James Badge Dale as Barrigan

• (James Badge Dale) "What? Look, forget about it. Your old man was a janitor and his son's only a cop."
• (Matt Damon) "f***ing firefighters are bunch of homos."
• (Matt Damon) "They are."

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