The Two Ronnies Quotes

The Two Ronnies is a TV show that was first aired in 1971 on BBC One. The Two Ronnies stopped airing in 1987.

The Two Ronnies lasted 93 episodes. The Two Ronnies is created by Bill Cotton.

The Two Ronnies is recorded in English and originally aired in United Kingdom. Each episode of The Two Ronnies is 40-58 minutes long. The Two Ronnies is produced by BBC and distributed by BBC Worldwide. Spinoffs for this show include The Two Ronnies Sketchbook.

The Two Ronnies Quotes

• (Ronnie Barker) "This kitchen appliance completely replaces the milkman, unless you're the woman at 14 Catbury Drive with the green door."

• (Ronnie Barker) "And Solomon F. Potts, America's most persistent practical joker, was buried today. He's not dead, it's just the neighbours getting their own back."

• (Ronnie Corbett) "My wife and I had a bit of a fight, there was some high-spirited name calling, and I had stormed upstairs to fetch my birth certificate."

• (Ronnie Barker) "I say, Humphrey."
• (Ronnie Corbett) "What is it, Godfrey?"
• (Ronnie Barker) "Who was that terrible woman you were with today?"
• (Ronnie Corbett) "That was my sister."
• (Ronnie Barker) "Oh, yes. Of course. I should have noticed the resemblance. Just got married, hasn't she?"
• (Ronnie Corbett) "Yes. Yes. And do you know, she's married a man who, invariably, people take an instant dislike to."
• (Ronnie Barker) "Oh? Why is that, do you think?"
• (Ronnie Corbett) "It saves time. She's just moved to Cheltenham. She loves Cheltenham. She says, in Cheltenham, breeding is everything."
• (Ronnie Barker) "Yes, well, we enjoy it in Kensington as well, but we're not fanatical about it."
• (Ronnie Corbett) "Funny thing is, though, although he's a bully, an idler and a drunk, she intends to have seventeen children by him."
• (Ronnie Barker) "Good grief. Why on earth would she want to do that?"
• (Ronnie Corbett) "She says she's hoping to lose him in the crowd."

• (Ronnie Corbett) "This is rather a special evening, because it is exactly ten years ago tonight when she sad, 'I do'. Which certainly surprised me, because I didn't think she did."

• (Ronnie Corbett) "Good evening. It's wonderful to be back with you again, isn't it, Ronnie?"
• (Ronnie Barker) "Indeed it is. And in a packed programme tonight, I shall be having a word with a man who goes in for meditation, because he thinks it's better than sitting around doing nothing."
• (Ronnie Corbett) "And we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with The Hatchback of Notre Dame."
• (Ronnie Barker) "And we had hoped to have been bringing you Arthur the Human Chameleon, but this afternoon, he crawled across a tartan rug and died of exhaustion. But first, the news: The House of Commons was sealed off today after police chased an escaped lunatic through the front door during Prime Minister's question time. A spokesman at Scotland Yard said it was like looking for a needle in a haystack."
• (Ronnie Corbett) "West Mersea police announced tonight that they wish to interview a man wearing high heels and frilly knickers, but the Chief Constable said they must wear their normal uniforms."
• (Ronnie Barker) "Many old music hall fans were present at the funeral today of Fred "Chuckles" Jenkins, Britain's oldest and unfunniest comedian. In tribute, the vicar read out one of Fred's jokes, and the congregation had two minutes silence."
• (Ronnie Corbett) "Latest on the bullion robbery: At Wansforth Police Station, a man who's as deaf as a post, and doesn't speak english, with a terrible stutter, bad breath and squeaky shoes, is not helping the police with their inquiries one little bit."
• (Ronnie Barker) "At London's Heathrow, senior customs officer Seaforth Mumbly retired today. He shook hands with passengers passing through the customs, and confiscated a gold watch for himself."
• (Ronnie Corbett) "There was a fire at the main Inland Revenue office in London today, but it was put out before any serious good was done."
• (Ronnie Barker) "The search for the man who terrorizes nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on. Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow."
• (Ronnie Corbett) "Finally, it was revealed in a government survey published today that the Prime Minister is doing the work of two men. Laurel and Hardy."
• (Ronnie Barker) "And now a sketch, featuring Mr Ronnie Corbett, whose wife tries not to bring out the beast in him, because she's afraid of mice."

• (Ronnie Corbett) "And now, it's goodnight from me --"
• (Ronnie Barker) "-- and it's goodnight from him."

• (Ronnie Corbett) "L.O."
• (Ronnie Barker) "L.O."
• (Ronnie Corbett) "R.U.B.C?"
• (Ronnie Barker) "S.V.R.B.C."
• (Various Characters) "L.O."
• (Ronnie Barker) "L.O."
• (Ronnie Corbett) "L.O."
• (Ronnie Corbett) "F.U.N.E.X?"
• (Ronnie Barker) "S.V.F.X."
• (Ronnie Corbett) "F.U.N.E.M?"
• (Ronnie Barker) "9."
• (Ronnie Corbett) "I.F.C.D.M."
• (Ronnie Barker) "V.F.N.10.E.M."
• (Various Characters) "A. V.F.M."
• (Ronnie Corbett) "R."
• (Ronnie Corbett) "O."
• (Various Characters) "C. D.M."
• (Ronnie Barker) "O.S. V.F.M."
• (Ronnie Corbett) "O.K. M.N.X."
• (Ronnie Barker) "M.N.X."
• (Ronnie Corbett) "F.U.N.E.T?"
• (Ronnie Barker) "1 T."
• (Ronnie Corbett) "1 T."
• (Ronnie Barker) "O.K. M.X.N.T."
• (Ronnie Barker) "M.X.N.T.4.1."

• (Ronnie Corbett) "-- in this wretched, dreadful old husk of a town; absolutely nowhere near Watford; I must make that clear, I wouldn't want people ringing in complaining. No, no, it's true -- some of them are on the telephone now."

• (Ronnie Barker) "And now a sketch featuring Ronnie Corbett whose wife thinks he's the salt of the earth. That's why she keeps him in the cellar."

• (Ronnie Corbett) "You know your doctor said you were only allowed two pints a day"
• (Ronnie Barker) "That's right, yeah"
• (Ronnie Corbett) "Well, your missus tells me that you have half a dozen pints."
• (Ronnie Barker) "That's right, yeah."
• (Ronnie Corbett) "How come?"
• (Ronnie Barker) "Well, I went to two other doctors and they allowed me two pints."

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