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Men in Black II Quotes

Men in Black II is a television program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Men in Black II ended its run in 1970.

It features Walter F. Parkes; Laurie MacDonald as producer, Danny Elfman in charge of musical score, and Greg Gardiner as head of cinematography.

Men in Black II is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Men in Black II is 88 minutes long. Men in Black II is distributed by Sony Pictures Releasing.

The cast includes: Will Smith as Agent J, Tommy Lee Jones as Agent Kay, Rosario Dawson as Laura, Tommy Lee Jones as Agent K, David Cross as Newton, Colombe Jacobsen as Hailey, Lara Flynn Boyle as Serleena, Tony Shalhoub as Jeebs, Tommy Lee Jones as Agent, Rip Torn as Zed, Brad Abrell as Worms, Nick Cannon as MIB Autopsy Agent, Patrick Warburton as Agent T, Tony Shalhoub as Jack Jeebs, Nick Cannon as MIB Customs Agent, Johnny Knoxville as Scrad, John Alexander as Jarra, Jeremy Howard as Tiny Alien, Jack Kehler as Ben, and Brad Abrell as Worm.

Men in Black II Quotes

Jeremy Howard as Tiny Alien

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Tommy Lee Jones as Agent K

  • (Frank the Pug) "Got kids?"
  • (Tommy Lee Jones) "No."
  • (Frank the Pug) "Want 'em?"
  • (Tommy Lee Jones) "When you get sad, it rains."
  • (Rosario Dawson) "Lots of people get sad when it rains."
  • (Tommy Lee Jones) "It rains because you're sad, baby."
  • (Unnamed) "Damn decent of you."
  • (Tommy Lee Jones) "Don't mention it --"
  • (Tommy Lee Jones) "You're just as beautiful as your mother --"
  • (Tommy Lee Jones) "Thanks for bringing me back, slick --"
  • (Will Smith) "No problem."
  • (Tommy Lee Jones) "You did not see a room full of shiny weapons, you did not see four alien night crawlers. You will love and cherish each other for the rest of your life."
  • (Will Smith) "Which could be the next 27 or 28 minutes, so y'all should get to lovin' and cherishin'. Oh, and she gets to stay up as late as she wants and have candy and cookies and cake and junk and stuff --"

Will Smith as Agent J

  • (Will Smith) "You're pointing at something."
  • (Will Smith) "That astronaut."
  • (Will Smith) "He like, he like."
  • (Will Smith) "Who would stack pizza boxes like this, its a pizza box stacker who's not stacking pizza boxes. He's leaving clues, it's an arrow."
  • (Tommy Lee Jones) "Um, J?"
  • (Will Smith) "You're slowing me down slick. Whatever we're looking for is in these cabinets."
  • (Will Smith) "Anchovy fillets in virgin olive oil."
  • (Tommy Lee Jones) "I hope I'm not slowing you down, partner --"
  • (Kevin Brown/K) "Does that come standard?"
  • (Will Smith) "Actually it came with a black dude, but he kept getting pulled over."
  • (Will Smith) "Didn't your mother ever give you a Gameboy?"
  • (Kevin Brown/K) "WHAT is a Gameboy?"
  • (Frank the Pug) "And now you're back from outer space, / I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face, / I should've changed that stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key, / If I'd have known for just one second you'd be back to bother me. / Go on, now go. Walk out the door --"
  • (Will Smith) "Frank. Move your head inside this window, before I roll it up in there."
  • (Frank the Pug) "Got it."
  • (Will Smith) "Frank."
  • (Frank the Pug) "J. Wait up. I appreciate this shot man. Thought I'd never get out of that mailroom."
  • (Will Smith) "Lose the suit."
  • (Frank the Pug) "Sure thing partner. No problemo. Just going for the look. But if I say so myself, I do find the overall effect very slimming."
  • (Will Smith) "You don't remember me, but we used to work together --"
  • (Kevin Brown/K) "I never worked in a funeral home."
  • (Will Smith) "You're back."
  • (Kevin Brown/K) "No."
  • (Will Smith) "Then how did you know that his head would grow back?"
  • (Kevin Brown/K) "It grows back?"
  • (Will Smith) "Could I have your attention, please?"
  • (Will Smith) "Thank you for participating in our drill. Had this been an actual emergency, y'all would have been EATEN. 'Cause you don't listen. You're ignorant. How's a man gonna come crashin' through the back of a subway win; that's the problem with all y'all New Yorkers. "Oh no, we've seen it all." "Oh no, a 600 foot worm, save us Mr. Black Man." I ask you nicely to move forward to the next car, y'all just sit there like --"
  • (Will Smith) "The City of New York would like to thank you for participating in our drill. Hopefully you enjoyed our smaller, more energy-efficient subway cars. Watch your step, you all have a nice evening."
  • (Will Smith) "And you look like crap."
  • (Will Smith) "I take that back -- HE looks like crap."
  • (Kevin Brown/K) "Look at that, weird huh?"
  • (Will Smith) "Yeah, you're smiling."
  • (Will Smith) "Here's my communicator. You'll be safe here."
  • (Brad Abrell) "Whooooh."
  • (Will Smith) "Uh -- just -- watch out for Neeble."
  • (Rosario Dawson) "Which one's Neeble?"
  • (Will Smith) "Um -- err -- which one o' y'all's Neeble?"
  • (Neeble) "Yo, mama."
  • (Will Smith) "Ah, there ya go. And -- uh -- don't fall asleep."
  • (Brad Abrell) "Twister."
  • (Will Smith) "Sweet dreams, big boy."
  • (Will Smith) "Whoo. Sweet --"
  • (Will Smith) "dreeeeeeaaaaaaams --"
  • (Will Smith) "-- big boy. Transit authority people. Please move to the forward car, we got a bug in the electrical system."
  • (Will Smith) "Yo. People. We got a bug in the electrical system."
  • (Will Smith) "Yeah, now y'all runnin'. Now y'all- no, no, no, come on, sit down, sit down. It's only a 600 foot worm."
  • (Kevin Brown/K) "How ya doing?"
  • (Will Smith) "Good."
  • (Kevin Brown/K) "Listen, we've all been there. The girl is gone and it hurts. Wanna talk about it?"
  • (Will Smith) "No."
  • (Kevin Brown/K) "I can help."
  • (Will Smith) "No."
  • (Rip Torn) "Still sulking?"
  • (Kevin Brown/K) "Yeah."
  • (Will Smith) "No."
  • (Rip Torn) "You miss her, it happens to all of us. There was this young, hot thing I knew once. When our bodies were intwined, in the positions of the Kamasutra --"
  • (Will Smith) "Zed."
  • (Will Smith) "Come on, man. Damn."
  • (Frank the Pug) "I'll tell you about dames. They say they wanna be scratched behind the ears, but what they REALLY want is --"
  • (Will Smith) "Hey. Come on --"
  • (Frank the Pug) "What? Still sitting shiva? Want my advice?"
  • (Will Smith) "No."
  • (Will Smith) "No advice --"
  • (Will Smith) "-- no talking --"
  • (Will Smith) "Let's put it on."
  • (Kevin Brown/K) "What?"
  • (Will Smith) "The last suit you'll ever wear -- again."
  • (MIB Guard) "Don't you ever go home?"
  • (Will Smith) "Nope."
  • (MIB Guard) "I see you neuralized another partner."
  • (Will Smith) "No., No advice --"
  • (Will Smith) "No talking --"
  • (Will Smith) "-- Hell no."
  • (Will Smith) "Worms. Give me some cover fire."
  • (Brad Abrell) "Too scared, can't move."
  • (Will Smith) "Wait, what are you doing?"
  • (Kevin Brown/K) "I always do the driving."
  • (Will Smith) "Oh, no --"
  • (Kevin Brown/K) "I remember that."
  • (Will Smith) "No, what you remember is that you used to drive that old busted jawn. See, I drive the new hotness."
  • (Will Smith) "Old and busted."
  • (Will Smith) "New hotness."
  • (Will Smith) "Old, busted hotness --"
  • (Will Smith) "Your favorite weapon."
  • (Tommy Lee Jones) "That?"
  • (Will Smith) "Jarra, you are under arrest for being that ugly, and for making that many copies."
  • (Will Smith) "K, he's a Balchinian."
  • (Tommy Lee Jones) "Oh."
  • (Kevin Brown/K) "Why don't you go get me some coffee?"
  • (Will Smith) "Oh, yeah sure, How do ya take it? Black? Couple cubes of kiss-my-ass?"
  • (Will Smith) "All hail J. All hail J."
  • (Will Smith) "Why did you put them rats in my locker, man?"
  • (Tommy Lee Jones) "I thought it would put things in perspective for you."
  • (Will Smith) "No, K, it's actually kind of sad, really. We need to let them out of there. I mean, they need to know that the world is bigger than that."
  • (Tommy Lee Jones) "Still a rookie."
  • (Will Smith) "Why did you join MiB?"
  • (Patrick Warburton) "Six years in the Marines. Love to serve, love the action."
  • (Will Smith) "You wanted to play hero. Well, you joined the wrong organization. You ever hear of James Edwards?"
  • (Patrick Warburton) "No."
  • (Will Smith) "Well, he saved the lives of fifteen people tonight. But nobody knows he exists. And if nobody knows he exists, how can anybody love him?"
  • (Will Smith) "The Deneuralizer. In a few moments, transverse magneto energy will surge through your brain, unlocking information hidden deep and dormant that could hold the key to Earth's very survival."
  • (Kevin Brown/K) "Okay."
  • (Kevin Brown/K) "What's that thing?"
  • (Will Smith) "We're running out of time, K, where is the Light?"
  • (Tommy Lee Jones) "Right here."
  • (Will Smith) "Just about everybody who works in this post office is an alien."
  • (Kevin Brown/K) "No smoking."
  • (Will Smith) "Am I supposed to take advice on love from a dude that chases his own ass?"
  • (Frank the Pug) "Easy, pal. That's canine profiling, and I resent it."
  • (Will Smith) "Do you have kids?"
  • (Central Park Agent) "No --"
  • (Will Smith) "Do you WANT them?"
  • (Will Smith) "Would somebody PLEASE explain to me why I have a dead Tricranosloth going through Passport Control?"
  • (Nick Cannon) "That would be my fault, sir. I'm very sorry, sir. Please don't neuralize me, sir."
  • (Will Smith) "Wha' the hell's that supposed to mean?"
  • (Will Smith) "So Laura is Princess Laurana's daughter --"
  • (Will Smith) "Did y'all --"
  • (Tommy Lee Jones) "MiB's a mess. Come on, let's go."
  • (Will Smith) "I need a containment crew at the subway station at 81st Street. Revoke Jeff's movement privileges immediately. Have a team escort him back to the subway. And would someone PLEASE check the expiration date on the Unipod worm tranquilizers?"
  • (Will Smith) "Get married, have a bunch of kids."
  • (Patrick Warburton) "Okay."
  • (Will Smith) "Hey, listen. My buddy's kind of shy, but he thinks you are HOT."
  • (Will Smith) "I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to --"
  • (Rosario Dawson) "kill me?"
  • (Will Smith) "No, just as little flash and everything goes back to the way it was."
  • (Rosario Dawson) "After you flash me, if I see you again will I know it's you?"
  • (Will Smith) "I'll see you, but you won't see me."
  • (Rosario Dawson) "Must be hard. Must be very lonely."
  • (Will Smith) "Jeff, excuse my partner, he's new and --"
  • (Will Smith) "-- kind of stupid."
  • (Will Smith) "Jeff, don't make me have to do this."
  • (Will Smith) "Kid? While you were off licking stamps I saved the world from a Crelon invasion."
  • (Kevin Brown/K) "The Crelons are the Backstreet Boys of the universe. What'd they do, throw snowballs at you?"
  • (Will Smith) "So what was it like on the outside?"
  • (Tommy Lee Jones) "It was nice. Sleep late on the weekends, watch the Weather Channel."
  • (Will Smith) "I'm about to lay the smackdown on your candy-ass."
  • (Will Smith) "Might I suggest a bigger gun?"
  • (Captain Larry Bridgewater, The Motorman) "You people clear out of here before I start knocking heads together."
  • (Will Smith) "You get back in that cabin, and you put the hammer down on this thing."
  • (Captain Larry Bridgewater, The Motorman) "I'm Captain Larry Bridgewater, and I decide what happens on this train."
  • (Will Smith) "Oh, you decide? Okay, come on --"
  • (Will Smith) "Larry, this my man Jeff."
  • (Captain Larry Bridgewater, The Motorman) "Larry just made a decision."
  • (Will Smith) "Yeah, Larry needs to get his ass back in that cabin."
  • (Captain Larry Bridgewater, The Motorman) "Yeah --"
  • (Will Smith) "You never sent it off the planet. It's still here."
  • (Will Smith) "Jeff, I am SO not in a mood for you. Get back in the subway. Right now."
  • (Tommy Lee Jones) "That's not good --"
  • (Will Smith) "Why didn't you tell me?"
  • (Tommy Lee Jones) "Would you have let her go?"

Tony Shalhoub as Jeebs

  • (Tony Shalhoub) "Oh, great, right in the pie-hole -- now nothing's gonna taste right."
  • (Tony Shalhoub) "Perfect."
  • (Tony Shalhoub) "You remember me?"
  • (Kevin Brown/K) "Can't say I do. I'm pretty good with faces,"
  • (Kevin Brown/K) "I think I'd remember that."
  • (Tony Shalhoub) "The great K is a neutral."
  • (Kevin Brown/K) "You're standing between me and my memories, pal. You have this deneuralyzer thing or not?"
  • (Tony Shalhoub) "Mmm, no. Brushed out."
  • (Tony Shalhoub) "Can't help you."
  • (Tony Shalhoub) "Don't got it --"
  • (Tony Shalhoub) "Even if I did -- If it doesn't work, K dies, you blow my head off. If it does work, I brought back K who, just for the fun of it, blows my head off. So, what's MY incentive?"
  • (Tony Shalhoub) "Okay homey, I keep it downstairs next to the snowblower."
  • (Tony Shalhoub) "If I could have your attention while we go over the safety procedures. Please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times, and if at any point you become disoriented, there's nothin' we can do about it."
  • (Tony Shalhoub) "Now, have you removed all of your jewellery?"
  • (Tony Shalhoub) "Are you allergic to shellfish?"
  • (Will Smith) "Jeebs."
  • (Tony Shalhoub) "Right then. Smoke 'em if you got 'em."
  • (Will Smith) "You ever used this thing before?"
  • (Tony Shalhoub) "I used the exhaust once to make some hot-air popcorn, that's about it."
  • (Tony Shalhoub) "OK. Let's make it happen, Cap'n."

Rosario Dawson as Laura

  • (Rosario Dawson) "It's not fair."
  • (Will Smith) "Nothing ever is --"
  • (Rosario Dawson) "When we're kids, before we're taught how to think or what to believe, our hearts tell us there is something else out there. I know what I saw. You tell me what I'm supposed to believe."

Lara Flynn Boyle as Serleena

  • (Lara Flynn Boyle) "Oh, so feisty."
  • (Lara Flynn Boyle) "Oops -- teeth."
  • (Lara Flynn Boyle) "Oh, yummy. Somebody I need to eat."
  • (Lara Flynn Boyle) "Silly little planet. Anyone could take over the place with the right set of mammary glands."
  • (Creepy) "Hey, pretty lady."
  • (Creepy) "You taste good."
  • (Lara Flynn Boyle) "Yeah, you too."

John Alexander as Jarra

  • (John Alexander) "They caught me siphoning ozone from their atmosphere to sell on the black market. They're very touchy about this global warming thing."
  • (John Alexander) "Hello, Jay. Been a long time."
  • (Will Smith) "Jarra. Hey, man, you look great. What's it been? Five years?"
  • (John Alexander) "And forty-two days, thanks to you. You count every one when you're locked away like a primate."

Jack Kehler as Ben

  • (Jack Kehler) "You want some mini-pizzas? It's just -- mini-bagels with pizza stuff on them. You want some cheese on them? She can put a little Fontina on it. She has Palsy and ends up putting a whole lot on --"
  • (Jack Kehler) "No, thanks, we're cool."

David Cross as Newton

  • (David Cross) "There's a huge rat in the toilet, it's all stopped up so you're gonna have to pee in the sink --"
  • (David Cross) "Gentlemen. Seen any -- aliens lately?"
  • (Tommy Lee Jones) "Son, you need professional help."
  • (Colombe Jacobsen) "He's getting it, it's not working."
  • (Unnamed) "Newton. What are you doing up there?"
  • (David Cross) "I'm up in my room with some friends, Mom."
  • (Colombe Jacobsen) "I want to have your baby."
  • (David Cross) "Guys, before we start the tape, one more thing; what's up with anal probing? I mean, do they really come billions of light years just to --"
  • (Will Smith) "Boy, MOVE."
  • (David Cross) "A neuralize --"
  • (Will Smith) "Ok. First, get some contact lenses, cause those jaunts look like they could pick up cable. Second, take her to Cambodia, get her a lobster dinner. Pay more than a dollar. Third, the second y'all get back from Cambodia, move your bum ass outta your mom's house. Boy, you like forty years old."
  • (Kevin Brown/K) "Agent J?"
  • (Will Smith) "Aight. Oh, and there ain't no such thing as aliens or Men in Black."
  • (Colombe Jacobsen) "You wanna go to Cambodia?"
  • (Colombe Jacobsen) "Yeah."
  • (David Cross) "Hey, Mom?"

Rip Torn as Zed

  • (Undercover alien intelligence officer) "Zed, the Drolecks are gone and the treaty is signed."
  • (Rip Torn) "Good work."
  • (Undercover alien intelligence officer) "Zed, what about that position you promised me in Men In Black?"
  • (Rip Torn) "Still working on the Alien Affirmative Action Program. I'll keep you posted."
  • (Undercover alien intelligence officer) "Wait a minute. That's not what you promised me."
  • (Rip Torn) "You're breaking up, can't hear you."
  • (Undercover alien intelligence officer) "Zed. Hello? Zed?"
  • (Rip Torn) "I'll call you back --"
  • (Undercover alien intelligence officer) "I could be Agent M."
  • (Rip Torn) "You didn't neuralize another one?"
  • (Will Smith) "What's that supposed to mean? Okay, you can't count A, and L really wanted to go back to that morgue --"

Brad Abrell as Worm

  • (Brad Abrell) "K, you're back, they told us you were dead, you look good."
  • (Brad Abrell) "Once you've had worm, it's what you'll yearn."
  • (Will Smith) "Ahahahaha."
  • (Will Smith) "They're just, you know --"
  • (Rosario Dawson) "I've dated worse --"

Patrick Warburton as Agent T

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Nick Cannon as MIB Customs Agent

  • (Nick Cannon) "Purpose of visit?"
  • (Lara Flynn Boyle) "Education. I really want to learn how to be an underwear model. They say I've got real potential."
  • (Nick Cannon) "Any fruit or vegetables?"
  • (Lara Flynn Boyle) "Yeah, two heads of cabbage."

Johnny Knoxville as Scrad

  • (Johnny Knoxville) "Got NOTHIN' out of him, now we don't know if it's on Earth or not."
  • (Lara Flynn Boyle) "He said "third planet", it's here, you idiot."
  • (Charlie) "Third Rock From the Sun."
  • (Johnny Knoxville) "I never got that till now."

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