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The Longest Yard (2005 film) Quotes

The Longest Yard (2005 film) is a TV show that appeared on TV in 1970 . The Longest Yard completed its run in 1970.

It features Jack Giarraputo as producer, Teddy Castellucci in charge of musical score, and Dean Semler as head of cinematography.

The Longest Yard (2005 film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Longest Yard (2005 film) is 113 minutes long. The Longest Yard (2005 film) is distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The cast includes: Bob Sapp as Switowski, Adam Sandler as Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe, Chris Rock as Caretaker, Nicholas Turturro as Brucie, Terry Crews as Cheeseburger Eddy, Stone Cold Steve Austin as Guard Dunham, Nelly as Earl Megget, Burt Reynolds as Coach Nate Scarborough, Michael Irvin as Deacon Moss, Bill Romanowski as Guard Lambert, Rob Schneider as Punky, Bill Goldberg as Joey Battle, James Cromwell as Warden Hazen, Patrick Bristow as Walt, Kevin Nash as Guard Engleheart, The Great Khali as Turley, Christopher Neiman as Big Ears Cop, Joey Diaz as Big Tony, Eddie Bunker as Skitchy Rivers, Steve Reevis as Baby Face Bob, Courteney Cox as Lena, Tracy Morgan as Ms. Tucker, David Patrick Kelly as Unger, and Marc S. Ganis as Lorenzo.

The Longest Yard (2005 film) Quotes

Joey Diaz as Big Tony

  • (Joey Diaz) "Foot -- ball -- tree -- outs. What the hell's a tree-out?"
  • (Nicholas Turturro) "try-out, you half a meatball."

Chris Rock as Caretaker

  • (Chris Rock) "Yo man, that's my flyer, man. I worked hard on that. You see he ran like a little bitch right? You saw that right."
  • (Chris Rock) "Yo, the team needs you. Team needs you. You should come to the tree-outs."
  • (Chris Rock) "Stop the violence. Can't we all just get along?"
  • (Chris Rock) "He could catch a cold in the desert."
  • (Chris Rock) "Look in your toilet, I left you a surprise."
  • (Adam Sandler) "You took a s*** in my toilet?"
  • (Chris Rock) "No, that's what I left in Brucey's toilet."
  • (Chris Rock) "This is our chance to get a free shot at the guards."
  • (Joey Diaz) "And how are we going to do that?"
  • (Chris Rock) "Just show up at the tree-outs you big dumb bitch."
  • (Chris Rock) "Well, we didn't get the whole chocolate bar, but we got a Hershey's kiss."
  • (Chris Rock) "Ain't you guys glad you got a black man for a friend?"
  • (Chris Rock) "Don't give me that s***. O.J. Chopped his wife's head off and still got some ass."
  • (Chris Rock) "That boy's got slave feet."
  • (Chris Rock) "Run, Forest, run."
  • (Chris Rock) "That boy got slave feet."

Bill Goldberg as Joey Battle

  • (Bill Goldberg) "Wow no bulls***. Real football, against the guards?"
  • (Burt Reynolds) "Full contact."
  • (Bill Goldberg) "Captain Knauer is the quarterback?"
  • (Chris Rock) "Yep."
  • (Bill Goldberg) "So I get to tackle him?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "Yeah, you can either tackle him or you can hit him over the head with that hammer."
  • (Bill Goldberg) "I wanna hurt him, not kill him."
  • (Chris Rock) "Lets get outta here before that thing bites someone."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Alright we'll see you and your pet iguana at practice."
  • (Bill Goldberg) "Wow, no bulls***. Football, against the guards?"
  • (Burt Reynolds) "Yep, full contact."
  • (Bill Goldberg) "Captain Knauer is the quarterback?"
  • (Chris Rock) "Yep."
  • (Bill Goldberg) "So I get to tackle him?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "Yeah, either that you can hit him over the head with that hammer."
  • (Bill Goldberg) "I wanna hurt him, not kill him."
  • (Chris Rock) "Lets get outta here before that thing bites someone."

The Great Khali as Turley

  • (The Great Khali) "I'm glad you're back, now I don't have to stab you."

Kevin Nash as Guard Engleheart

  • (Kevin Nash) "Stop booing, people. Both teams are trying very hard."
  • (Stone Cold Steve Austin) "What the hell's wrong with you? Stop acting like a damn cheerleader."
  • (Kevin Nash) "Sportsmanship. Try it."
  • (Kevin Nash) "If you have to cry, it's okay. I'll cry with you."
  • (Kevin Nash) "Why are you yelling at me? All I did was care."
  • (Kevin Nash) "Bet you'd like to hit us, huh?"
  • (Nelly) "Hit you, sir? Nah. Y'all my friends."

Tracy Morgan as Ms. Tucker

  • (Tracy Morgan) "You wish I'd kiss you 'cos your breath smells like eight cans of shark s***."
  • (Tracy Morgan) "Paul -- Paul I wanted to let you know that I am your biggest fan and that I'll will be cheering my jailhouse boobies off for you on gameday."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Ok I appreciate that."
  • (Tracy Morgan) "Paul I appreciate you."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Ok."
  • (Nicholas Turturro) "All right are you done now?"
  • (Tracy Morgan) "What are you just jealous because I don't cheer for you anymore?"
  • (Nicholas Turturro) "Yea I don't know what you're talking about."
  • (Tracy Morgan) "Whatever back freckle."
  • (Tracy Morgan) "Do the girls get to play?"
  • (Chris Rock) "No, we're playing football, not balls-balls"

Adam Sandler as Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe

  • (Adam Sandler) "Why are there 2 glasses?"
  • (Chris Rock) "Shut up and pour me a drink, bitch."
  • (Adam Sandler) "People have said that we look alike, so I just wanted to see for myself."
  • (Adam Sandler) "I'm gonna go take a piss."
  • (Adam Sandler) "I think Papajohn's their safety."
  • (The Great Khali) "I'll play."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Now, listen here, Mr. Frodo, don't get short with me."
  • (Adam Sandler) "I'll tell you what bothers me the most warden. That you're not coming to be out there on that field with us, gettin' what you got coming to you."
  • (James Cromwell) "Only thing coming to me is victory."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Battle, you're a psycho. Tony, you're a fat s***. Hut."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Huddle up. Look, I'm sure you already know this, but I've never said it out loud. I did throw that game. I did it. I was in a bad way with some worse people. After I did it, I felt so s***ty, I wish I would have just let them kill me instead. Now the warden wants to pin Caretaker's murder on me if I don't throw this game. So it looks like I'm going to get to know you guys a lot better because I aint doing that twice in a lifetime. We got a little time left. We can still do this. I'm begging you. Put your hands in here. Ok, thank you. Who are we?"
  • (The Great Khali) "I'm glad you're back. Now I don't have to stab you."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Do you assholes remember that play we practiced in the mud?"
  • (Michael Irvin) "What are you talking about? That was some schoolyard bulls***."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Yeah, let's try some schoolyard bulls***."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Oh, man, here come the party poopers --"
  • (Adam Sandler) "Hey, let's have a maniacal pillow fight tonight. That should boost your rating."
  • (Eddie Bunker) "Yeah, and we can sell it to Pay-Per-View; Superstar vs. Half-a-Star."
  • (Captain Knauer) "Stand up Crewe. You think you can do anything don't you -- well you're no different than any other piece of s*** that calls this place home --"
  • (Adam Sandler) "Really they all think you're a dumb redneck too?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "You should really start cutting that s*** out it's gettin old --"
  • (Captain Knauer) "That's gonna cost ya --"
  • (Adam Sandler) "Looking forward to it --"
  • (Adam Sandler) "I will be your coach, your captain, your quarterback --"
  • (Nicholas Turturro) "You haven't played in years. Why can't I be quarterback?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "You're right; let's see what you got."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Hit me; I'm open."
  • (Adam Sandler) "That's why, now sit down and shut up."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Hey, Lena, I think we should start seeing other people."
  • (Patrick Bristow) "I think I'm in love."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Hey, you can finish that one -- I've got five more. Take care guys."
  • (Adam Sandler) "You're as maniacal as a box of kittens."

Patrick Bristow as Walt

  • (Patrick Bristow) "What happened?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "He locked me in the closet and left me to die."
  • (Patrick Bristow) "He's deranged."

Terry Crews as Cheeseburger Eddy

  • (Terry Crews) "I knew you couldn't resist my s***. I got the shakes that'll make you quake. I got the fries that'll cross your eyes. I got that burgers that'll -- I just got burgers."
  • (Terry Crews) "It ain't easy being cheesy."
  • (Terry Crews) "You acting like a real Mcasshole?"

Bob Sapp as Switowski

  • (Bob Sapp) "I'm sorry -- I brokeded your toy."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Oh, no, it's a good thing. you should share a victory hug with Caretaker."
  • (Chris Rock) "What?"
  • (Chris Rock) "Asshole."
  • (Bob Sapp) "I think he did it on purpose."
  • (Adam Sandler) "No, he didn't do it on puropse --"
  • (Adam Sandler) "Okay maybe he did."
  • (Bob Sapp) "Will you teach me to football?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "Sure, I'll teach you to football."
  • (Chris Rock) "I'll teach you anything. Just don't eat me."
  • (Bob Sapp) "I thought I was your friend, Paul."
  • (Adam Sandler) "You are my friend, Switowski, just, finish your coloring book and go to sleep."
  • (Bob Sapp) "OK."

Michael Irvin as Deacon Moss

  • (Michael Irvin) "The only game I'll play with you -- is slap the point shaving white boy, til he cries like a baby back bitch."
  • (Terry Crews) "baby back bitch, baby back bitch, baby back bitch, baby back bitch."
  • (Chris Rock) "That's a big ass robot"
  • (Michael Irvin) "This is baby-back bulls***."

Marc S. Ganis as Lorenzo

  • (Marc S. Ganis) "I love that dress."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Of course you do, Lorenzo, you made it."

Bill Romanowski as Guard Lambert

  • (Bill Romanowski) "Is that legal?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "Yes, it is."
  • (Bill Romanowski) "Is that a touchdown?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "Yes, it is."
  • (Bill Romanowski) "Oh, god**** it."
  • (Bill Romanowski) "Everybody stand for the warden."
  • (James Cromwell) "Anthony wow. You can sit down."
  • (Bill Goldberg) "Thank God."
  • (Bill Romanowski) "Crewe. I'll see you on the field."
  • (Burt Reynolds) "I think he's in love with you."

Nicholas Turturro as Brucie

  • (Nicholas Turturro) "Jesus Christ my saviour,if you help me out with this one I promise to stop cheating on my wife with black guys, Amen."
  • (Con Transvestite) "What's wrong with you? Jealous because I don't cheer for you anymore?"
  • (Nicholas Turturro) "I don't know what you're talking about, Freak show."
  • (Con Transvestite) "Whatever, back freckles."
  • (Nicholas Turturro) "How come I cant be kicker? I was all state."
  • (Adam Sandler) "All right let's see what you got."
  • (Adam Sandler) "-- that's why you dumbass."
  • (Nicholas Turturro) "I got a bird, his name is Ronnie."
  • (Chris Rock) "Well, tell Ronnie you got knocked the f*** out."

Rob Schneider as Punky

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Steve Reevis as Baby Face Bob

  • (Steve Reevis) "Remember Chris, criminals are people too --"
  • (Steve Reevis) "Now give me your wallet."
  • (Steve Reevis) "Just kidding."

Stone Cold Steve Austin as Guard Dunham

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Nelly as Earl Megget

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

David Patrick Kelly as Unger

  • (David Patrick Kelly) "The blood of the guards is gonna flow like the rivers of ancient Babylon."
  • (Adam Sandler) "That's good news."

Christopher Neiman as Big Ears Cop

  • (Christopher Neiman) "-- s*** happens."
  • (Adam Sandler) "s*** does happen. I mean, look what happened to your ears."

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