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Waiting... (film) Quotes

Waiting... (film) is a television show that debuted in 1970 . Waiting... ended in 1970.

It features Robert O. Green as producer, Adam Gorgoni in charge of musical score, and Matthew Irving as head of cinematography.

Waiting... (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Waiting... (film) is 94 minutes long. Waiting... (film) is distributed by Lionsgate Films.

The cast includes: John Francis Daley as Mitch, Ryan Reynolds as Monty, Dane Cook as Floyd, Luis Guzmán as Raddimus, David Koechner as Dan, Alanna Ubach as Naomi, Chi McBride as Bishop, Rob Benedict as Calvin, Vanessa Lengies as Natasha, Justin Long as Dean, Anna Faris as Serena, Max Kasch as T-Dog, Kaitlin Doubleday as Amy, Andy Milonakis as Nick, Emmanuelle Chriqui as Tyla, and Jordan Ladd as Danielle.

Waiting... (film) Quotes

Ryan Reynolds as Monty

  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Everyone knows that I'm orally fixated and you can't deny that I played your vagina like a violin."
  • (Anna Faris) "As if that somehow negates the fact that once we moved past foreplay you turned into the little engine that couldn't hold it's load?"
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "You see I don't, I don't work with any exact boundaries of the law because I wasn't consulted when the god damn laws were made. No, instead nameless, faceless politicians, the so called protectors of the moral majority decide what is right and what is wrong. I mean come on. I govern my life around my own personal code of ethics, and I suggest that you do the same. That way if, within the constructs of my own morality, I were to do something that is considered illegal, so be it. I feel no guilt whatsoever and furthermore, if I were to buckle under the social weight of the system by adhering to laws that I do not truly believe in then I would be extinguishing the very fire of patriotism and individuality. So in sense, by having sex with Natasha, I'd be preserving the rights our four fathers fought and died for, right."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Okay, baby doll, you're definitely coming, right?"
  • (Vanessa Lengies) "If you do everything right, I will."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Oh god, Natasha, you're gonna have to stop that. You're making it hard -- I mean difficult."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "We have our first official beyotch of the day."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Correct me if I'm wrong, but haven't I been inside you?"
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "So are you going to talk to her or are you just gonna hope you're never forced to make an actual decision?"
  • (Justin Long) "I'm going with option B."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "That's my boy."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Take whatever advice that she gives you with a big grain of salt."
  • (Anna Faris) "Yeah and take anything that he gives you with a shot of penicillin."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Mitch, you picked a f***ed up night to start working here."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "There are few things in this world more unsettling than going in the back to grab some condiments and end up staring at a huge, steaming pile of cock."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "That's right, birds of a feather flock to-vagina."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Okay, Mitch, you see what Dean just did there? Don't ever do that."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "With women, there are really only two options. Either she doesn't sleep with you and there's really no reason to ever call her again. Or she does sleep with you -- and there's really no reason to ever call her again."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Okay, so how would you like your steak prepared?"
  • (Unnamed) "Oh, let's see -- Medium -- medium-rare -- Well, I want a hot, pink center."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Don't we all?"
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Did you see the tits at table 12?"
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "So, what do you think of Natasha?"
  • (Justin Long) "I think she's illegal."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Yeah, I've made peace with that. Seriously, look at her. You know she has that Scooby-Doo tongue."
  • (Justin Long) "Ratutory rape."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Hey there, Natasha, how's my favorite minor doing today?"
  • (Vanessa Lengies) "Hung over, I got so s*** faced last night."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "On a school night? Kids today."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "But, um, if you wanna work here,"
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "in this restaurant,"
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "I really think that you need to asky yourself one simple question."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "How do you feel about frontal male nudity?"
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Those guys should be sterilized. And I'm not kidding at all."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Women troubles Amy?"
  • (Kaitlin Doubleday) "I just don't understand what would compel a person to be such a bitch to a total stranger."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Maybe she was abused when she was a child."
  • (Kaitlin Doubleday) "Oh God, I f***ing hope so."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "So far I've made 15% of jack s***."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "I must say there's nothing more attractive than tainted youth. Yes, I am indeed a pervert. Does that offend you?"
  • (Vanessa Lengies) "Nope, I think most tainted youths end up being perverts."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Good f***ing answer."
  • (Vanessa Lengies) "Oh and Monty, just so you know, I'm only a minor for another week. I turn eighteen on Wednesday."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Well, then I guess I better hurry up then. I don't have much time."

Justin Long as Dean

  • (Justin Long) "How many times can we have the exact same conversation?"
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "It's like we're stuck in a f***ing time paradox where neither our wisdom nor your virginity will ever escape."
  • (Justin Long) "She really is a little bad-ass though, and fun to hang out with. Laid back. Maintenance fees are really low. I like that."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Yeah, she's a cool chick, I'd do her. Hell, I'd probably even pay."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "I would."
  • (Justin Long) "Hey, Floyd, make sure there's no bacon on the chef salad. It's against their religion."
  • (Dane Cook) "Yes Masta. Right away, Masta. Ain't gon' be no, no bacon on the salad Masta."
  • (Dane Cook) "NO. AH. NO."
  • (Dane Cook) "Mm-hmm-hmm, no bacon on the salad."
  • (Justin Long) "No, wait a minute. You have to get the p***** before you can be whipped by it."
  • (Justin Long) "Here we are."
  • (Redneck) "Damn, what the hell took so long?"
  • (Justin Long) "Sir, you ordered two well done steaks. They take awhile to cook."
  • (Redneck) "Yeah, well, can you bring me some ketchup. Mmm. Mmm. Nothin' sets off the flavor of a steak like some ketchup."
  • (Justin Long) "Too late, you're f***ed."
  • (Justin Long) "Excuse me, sir. You forgot your change."
  • (Redneck) "No, that's for you, that's your tip."
  • (Justin Long) "Oh, no, no, no, I insist. You take it. You obviously need this more than I do."

Luis Guzmán as Raddimus

  • (Luis Guzmán) "A little floor spice makes everything nice, there you go."
  • (Luis Guzmán) "The brain."
  • (Luis Guzmán) "s*** -- this is gonna be that kind of a party that I'm gonna stick my dick in the mashed potato. Woah."
  • (Luis Guzmán) "Oops. How clumsy of me."
  • (Luis Guzmán) "Oh, man, look what I did. I'm all thumbs today."
  • (Luis Guzmán) "Come on, baby. It's nothin' like that."
  • (Jordan Ladd) "It's true. You just treat me like a piece of meat."
  • (Luis Guzmán) "Not just any piece of meat, baby. A prime rib."
  • (Luis Guzmán) "-- And that's the Abraham Lincoln, but remember, you gotta shave it so it looks like his beard, otherwise, it don't count."

Chi McBride as Bishop

  • (Chi McBride) "Psychosomatic auditory hallucinations. Most people have to pay for such a thing."
  • (Chi McBride) "So, when things in your life become stagnant; you know, you're no longer happy with what you're doing; then you figure out what's important to you. Then create your own penis-showing game."
  • (Chi McBride) "Mitch, I want you to do a couple things for me. First, I want you to observe very closely your surroundings, today. Take everything in. Leave no stone unturned. Can you do that for me? Then, I want you to think about what your life would be like, if you had been born blind."
  • (Chi McBride) "Nick, T-Dog. You guys are so one dimensional."
  • (Max Kasch) "Well f*** you, Whitey."
  • (Chi McBride) "You need to invent your own penis-showin' game."

John Francis Daley as Mitch

  • (John Francis Daley) "So you're the coolest guy at ShenaniganZ, big f***ing deal. That's like being the smartest person with Down Syndrome."
  • (John Francis Daley) "All Right. f*** this, I Quit"
  • (John Francis Daley) "You. You are the biggest piece of s*** at this entire restaurant. I hope you burn in hell."
  • (Dane Cook) "Me? What the f*** did I ever do to you? I mean seriously."

David Koechner as Dan

  • (David Koechner) "This is an exploding offer."
  • (David Koechner) "We need to seize the day. Be enthusiastic."
  • (Dane Cook) "Yeah. Carpe deez nuts. God I can't wait to quit this job."
  • (David Koechner) "The difference between ordinary and extraordinary, is that little extra."
  • (David Koechner) "Now I'm not gonna lie to you. The job comes with more responsibility, but it offers a lot more rewards."
  • (David Koechner) "You get full medical, dental,two-weeks' paid vacation, and I might add a hefty pay increase. I do pretty well."
  • (Justin Long) "Cool."
  • (David Koechner) "It is cool. And let's not forget the power."
  • (Justin Long) "Right."
  • (David Koechner) "Control. You tell people to do things, and they have to do it, or they get in trouble."
  • (David Koechner) "I mean, you're in the driver's seat here. Your finger's on the button.; Think about it."
  • (David Koechner) "Ma'am, I don't doubt the steak was over-cooked, but did you have to eat it all before you complained about it?"
  • (David Koechner) "Oh, uh, push the fish, it's about to turn."
  • (Redneck) "I should get a hat --"
  • (David Koechner) "Yes, sir."
  • (Redneck) "And a key chain --"
  • (David Koechner) "Yes, sir."
  • (Redneck) "And how about a couple of free sundaes?"
  • (David Koechner) "Yes, sir. I'll have Natasha take down your information and we'll have corporate headquarters send that right out."
  • (Redneck) "What, are you gonna' to mail me a sundae? I want it now god****it."

Anna Faris as Serena

  • (Anna Faris) "The only real pleasure I ever got from having sex with you came from making fun of it later with my friends. Tell him, Amy."
  • (Kaitlin Doubleday) "It's true, we laughed a lot at your expense."
  • (Anna Faris) "So you know how when your walking past a group of people, you hear them laughing, you sometimes get that paranoid self-conscious feeling? Maybe they're laughing about you when they're really not? Well, in your case, they really are."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "God, I love her."
  • (Anna Faris) "So -- you know how when you're walking by a group of people, and you hear them laughing, you sometimes get that paranod, self- conscious feeling that maybe they're laughing about you, when they're really not? Well in your case, they really are."

Alanna Ubach as Naomi

  • (Alanna Ubach) "You really want to know why?"
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Yes I really do."
  • (Alanna Ubach) "Ok Ill tell you why. Its because of THIS."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "OH. MY GOD."
  • (Alanna Ubach) "Yea. Bang. Pow. Pow. Pow."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Its so angry."
  • (Rob Benedict) "Oh GOD does that thing have its shots? Put it away. Just put iy away."
  • (Alanna Ubach) "Dinner is served."
  • (Rob Benedict) "Well its official, my penis is now just for show."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Mitch you picked a f***ED up night to start working here."
  • (Alanna Ubach) "I f***ING HATE FOREIGNERS."
  • (Alanna Ubach) "Ok I'll tell you why. It's because of THIS."
  • (Alanna Ubach) "I hate this f***ing place sometimes, you know. Why the f*** do we need four more people on at this time of day, man? Look at this place, it's f***ing dead. I swear, Dan needs to clean the s*** out of his f***ing brain sometimes, man. f***ing asshole. What are you looking at, f***-wad?"

Rob Benedict as Calvin

  • (Rob Benedict) "Quit starin' at my dick."
  • (Rob Benedict) "You guys suck."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Yes -- we do."
  • (Rob Benedict) "You really are an asshole"
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Shenaniganz"
  • (Rob Benedict) "Come on guys, this is bull crap. Where the hell's my chicken sandwich?"
  • (Dane Cook) "f*** you, bitch."
  • (Rob Benedict) "What the hell did I do to you, Floyd?"
  • (Dane Cook) "Eat at Shenaniganz, Enjoy your food. Eat at Shenaniganz, Calvin works here."
  • (Rob Benedict) "Oh, that's hardly sanitary."
  • (Rob Benedict) "Okay -- About three months ago I, uh, just finished my shift, and I really had to take a piss. So, uh, I go into the bathroom. And, uh, I'm at the urinal just waiting for the flow, minding my own business. When, ah, I notice out of my peripheral vision the guy standing next to me was looking straight at my dick. And he's just staring at it like they're old pals. I could practically hear what he was thinking. 'Whoa. That's a nice dick.' And that's it. Yeah, since that time, I haven't been able to use a public bathroom."
  • (Rob Benedict) "Take a look at the bat wing, Bitch."
  • (Luis Guzmán) "Oh, it's so veiny."
  • (Rob Benedict) "I never make -- how do you make a hundred dollars every night?"
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "You wanna know?"
  • (Rob Benedict) "Yeah."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "You really wanna know how I make a hundred dollars every night?"
  • (Rob Benedict) "Yes."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "It's all about that right there."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Yes."
  • (Luis Guzmán) "Yes."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Monty with the assist."
  • (Luis Guzmán) "I can't believe how many homos we got working in here."

Max Kasch as T-Dog

  • (Max Kasch) "How many time have I told you? My name is T-Dog, bitch."
  • (Max Kasch) "Two in the pink; one in the stink."

Dane Cook as Floyd

  • (Dane Cook) "Welcome to Thunderdome, Bitch."
  • (Dane Cook) "We almost had to move it up to the 10 second rule."

Vanessa Lengies as Natasha

  • (Vanessa Lengies) "Dean."
  • (Justin Long) "What?"
  • (Vanessa Lengies) "The old lady at Table 37 wants you to sing the birthday song for her grandson. His name is Timmy, and he's eight years old."
  • (Justin Long) "I need birthday singers."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Come on, people. We need birthday singers."
  • (Alanna Ubach) "f***."
  • (Justin Long) "There he is. There's the big winner."
  • (Ryan Reynolds) "Yeah."
  • (Justin Long) "All right. Attention, guests. Today's a very special occasion. It's Timmy's eighth birthday. Big round of applause."
  • (Justin Long) "He's earned it. He's got his whole life ahead of him. The sky's the limit."
  • (Justin Long) "I don't know but I've been told."
  • (Rob Benedict) "Someone here is getting old."
  • (Justin Long) "Good news is dessert is free."
  • (Rob Benedict) "Bad news is we sing off-key."
  • (Justin Long) "Happy birthday --"
  • (Rob Benedict) "TO YOU."
  • (Vanessa Lengies) "Look at the camera."
  • (Justin Long) "Picture time."
  • (Justin Long) "All right. All right. Cry it off."

Andy Milonakis as Nick

  • (Andy Milonakis) "While you're sitting at home livin' off ramen noodles, I'm in my Lexus finger bangin' poodles."
  • (Andy Milonakis) "Yo what makes you think I won't cut you?"

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