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The Apartment Quotes

The Apartment is a TV show that appeared on TV in 1970 . The Apartment ended its run in 1970.

It features Billy Wilder as producer, Adolph Deutsch in charge of musical score, and Joseph LaShelle as head of cinematography.

The Apartment is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Apartment is 125 minutes long. The Apartment is distributed by United Artists.

The cast includes: Shirley MacLaine as Fran Kubelik, Hope Holiday as Margie MacDougall, Fred MacMurray as J.D. Sheldrake, David Lewis as Kirkeby, Joan Shawlee as Sylvia, Jack Kruschen as Dr. Dreyfuss, and Fred MacMurray as Mrs. Sheldrake.

The Apartment Quotes

Hope Holiday as Margie MacDougall

  • (Hope Holiday) "You married?"
  • (C.C. Baxter) "Nope."
  • (Hope Holiday) "Family?"
  • (C.C. Baxter) "Nope."
  • (Hope Holiday) "Night like this, sorta spooks you walking home to an empty apartment."
  • (C.C. Baxter) "I said I had no family, I didn't say I had an empty apartment."
  • (Hope Holiday) "'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring -- nothin' -- no action -- dullsville."
  • (Hope Holiday) "Where do we go, my place or yours?"
  • (C.C. Baxter) "Might as well go to my place. Everyone else does."
  • (C.C. Baxter) "Mrs. MacDougall, I think it is only fair to warn you that you are now alone with a notorious sexpot."
  • (Hope Holiday) "No kidding."

Shirley MacLaine as Fran Kubelik

  • (C.C. Baxter) "You hear what I said, Miss Kubelik? I absolutely adore you."
  • (Shirley MacLaine) "Shut up and deal --"
  • (Shirley MacLaine) "Just because I wear a uniform doesn't make me a girl scout."
  • (Shirley MacLaine) "I never catch colds."
  • (C.C. Baxter) "Really? I was reading some figures from the Sickness and Accident Claims Division. You know that the average New Yorker between the ages of twenty and fifty has two and a half colds a year?"
  • (Shirley MacLaine) "That makes me feel just terrible."
  • (C.C. Baxter) "Why?"
  • (Shirley MacLaine) "Well, to make the figures come out even, if I have no colds a year, some poor slob must have five colds a year."
  • (C.C. Baxter) "Yeah -- it's me."
  • (Shirley MacLaine) "Why do people have to love people anyway?"
  • (Shirley MacLaine) "Would you mind opening the window?"
  • (C.C. Baxter) "Now don't go getting any ideas, Miss Kubelik."
  • (Shirley MacLaine) "I just want some fresh air."
  • (C.C. Baxter) "It's only one story down. The best you can do is break a leg."
  • (Shirley MacLaine) "So they'll shoot me; like a horse."
  • (C.C. Baxter) "Please, Miss Kubelik, you got to promise me you won't do anything foolish."
  • (Shirley MacLaine) "Who'd care?"
  • (C.C. Baxter) "I would."
  • (Shirley MacLaine) "Why can't I ever fall in love with someone nice like you?"
  • (Shirley MacLaine) "I was jinxed from the word go. The first time I was ever kissed was in a cemetery."
  • (Shirley MacLaine) "What's a tennis racket doing in the kitchen?"
  • (C.C. Baxter) "Tennis racket? Oh, I remember, I was cooking myself an Italian dinner."
  • (C.C. Baxter) "I use it to strain the spaghetti."
  • (Shirley MacLaine) "When you're in love with a married man, you shouldn't wear mascara."

David Lewis as Kirkeby

  • (David Lewis) "Premium-wise and billing-wise, we are eighteen percent ahead of last year, October-wise."

Fred MacMurray as J.D. Sheldrake

  • (Fred MacMurray) "Ya know, you see a girl a couple of times a week, just for laughs, and right away they think you're gonna divorce your wife. Now I ask you, is that fair?"
  • (C.C. Baxter) "No, sir, it's very unfair -- Especially to your wife."
  • (Fred MacMurray) "What is it, Jeff? Who's on the phone?"
  • (Fred MacMurray) "One of our employees had an accident. I don't know why they bother me with these things on Christmas day."
  • (Fred MacMurray) "Here's a hundred bucks, Fran. Buy yourself something nice."
  • (C.C. Baxter) "Sorry, Mr. Sheldrake."
  • (Fred MacMurray) "What do you mean, sorry?"
  • (C.C. Baxter) "You're not going to bring anybody to my apartment."
  • (Fred MacMurray) "I'm not just bringing anybody; I'm bringing Miss Kubelik."
  • (C.C. Baxter) "Especially not Miss Kubelik."
  • (Fred MacMurray) "How's that again?"
  • (C.C. Baxter) "No key."
  • (Fred MacMurray) "Baxter, I picked you for my team because I thought you were a very bright young man. Do you realize what you're doing? Not to me, but to yourself? Normally, it takes years to work your way up to the twenty-seventh floor. But it only takes thirty seconds to be out on the street again. You dig?"
  • (C.C. Baxter) "I dig."
  • (Fred MacMurray) "So what's it going to be?"
  • (Fred MacMurray) "Now you're being bright."
  • (C.C. Baxter) "Thank you, sir."
  • (Fred MacMurray) "Say, Baxter, you gave me the wrong key."
  • (C.C. Baxter) "No, I didn't."
  • (Fred MacMurray) "But this is the key to the executive washroom."
  • (C.C. Baxter) "That's right, Mr. Sheldrake. I won't be needing it because I'm all washed up around here."
  • (Fred MacMurray) "What's gotten into you, Baxter?"
  • (C.C. Baxter) "Just following doctor's orders. I've decided to become a "mensch". You know what that means? A human being."
  • (Fred MacMurray) "Now, hold on, Baxter --"
  • (C.C. Baxter) "Save it. The old payola won't work anymore. Goodbye, Mr. Sheldrake."

Joan Shawlee as Sylvia

  • (Joan Shawlee) "You mean you bring other girls up here?"
  • (David Lewis) "Certainly not. I'm a happily married man."

Jack Kruschen as Dr. Dreyfuss

  • (Jack Kruschen) "Nice veins."
  • (Jack Kruschen) "Mildred. He's at it again."
  • (Jack Kruschen) "I don't know what you did to that girl in there; and don't tell me; but it was bound to happen, the way you carry on. Live now, pay later. Diner's Club. Why don't you grow up, Baxter? Be a mensch. You know what that means?"
  • (C.C. Baxter) "I'm not sure."
  • (Jack Kruschen) "A mensch; a human being. So you got off easy this time. so you were lucky."
  • (C.C. Baxter) "Yeah, wasn't I?"

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