America's Sweethearts Quotes

America's Sweethearts is a television show that debuted in 1970 . America's Sweethearts ended its run in 1970.

It features Susan Arnold; Billy Crystal, and Donna Arkoff Roth as producer, James Newton Howard in charge of musical score, and Phedon Papamichael Jr. as head of cinematography.

America's Sweethearts is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of America's Sweethearts is 103 minutes long. America's Sweethearts is distributed by Columbia Pictures.

The cast includes: Billy Crystal as Lee, Julia Roberts as Kiki, Catherine Zeta-Jones as Gwen, Stanley Tucci as Kingman, Scot Zeller as Davis, Seth Green as Danny, Christopher Walken as Hal Weidmann, Keri Lynn Pratt as Leaf Weidmann, Hank Azaria as Hector, Stanley Tucci as Dave, and John Cusack as Eddie.

America's Sweethearts Quotes

John Cusack as Eddie

• (John Cusack) "I tried to walk away, but the guy just kept pushing. So I hit him in the tray with my face."

• (John Cusack) "That's a nice necklace."
• (Julia Roberts) "It's not really mine."
• (John Cusack) "I know."
• (Julia Roberts) "It's Gwen's."
• (John Cusack) "I know."
• (Julia Roberts) "She gave it to me."
• (John Cusack) "And I gave it to her."
• (Julia Roberts) "I know."

• (John Cusack) "Read from the top line Sasha."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "I-L-O-V-E-Y-O -- Oh."
• (John Cusack) "You."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Doctor Martin."

• (Wellness Guide) "This letter, Edward, is a very important part of the healing process. By writing to your mother, you afford yourself the opportunity to thank her, or forgive her, or to ask her why she did the things she did. Now we don't mail the letter, but the simple act of putting it on paper frees you, allows you to let go. Now -- what did you say to your mother?"
• (John Cusack) ""Dear Mom, f*** you.""
• (Wellness Guide) "Okay. We'll try the letter some other time."

• (Wellness Guide) "We have a saying, Edward: "Meck-a-leck-a-hala-vabeem-sala-beem"."
• (John Cusack) "What is that? Bean salad?"
• (Wellness Guide) ""Meck-a-leck-a-hala-vabeem-sala-beem"."
• (John Cusack) "What does that mean?"
• (Wellness Guide) "I don't know what it means, it's very old."

• (John Cusack) "She gets a cottage and I get the s***ty little suite?"
• (Billy Crystal) "She has an entourage."
• (John Cusack) "What about me?"
• (Billy Crystal) "You have an entourage?"
• (John Cusack) "I'm a paranoid schizophrenic. I am my own entourage."

• (John Cusack) "I am grateful for you. In all the world, thing I am most grateful for is you."
• (Julia Roberts) "If that's a line from one of your movies --"
• (John Cusack) "No, that one's mine."

• (John Cusack) "This is Kishtonga Root."

• (John Cusack) "You probably read in People Magazine that I'm on Zoloft."

• (John Cusack) "What are you thinking right now?"
• (Julia Roberts) "I am thinking about something that I shouldn't be thinking about."
• (John Cusack) "Me too. What were you thinking about?"
• (Julia Roberts) "I was thinking about eating that breadstick."

• (Wellness Guide) "Are you comfortable speaking about Gwen?"
• (John Cusack) "Think I should?"
• (Wellness Guide) "There's no "should"."
• (John Cusack) "Think I can?"
• (Wellness Guide) "What is "can"?"

• (John Cusack) "Is Kiki here?"
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "I doubt it."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Kiki. Kiki. I don't know where that girl is."

• (John Cusack) "I'm grateful for the earth -- I'm grateful for the stars and the sky --"

• (John Cusack) "Look, Byron, I want to be honest with you. Before I came down from the room, I took a half a pound of Vicodin, so I'm going to be really comfortable until about late March."

Julia Roberts as Kiki

• (Julia Roberts) "You know the expression, "falling off the wagon", Lee? This is what it looks like."
• (Billy Crystal) "Yeah, but you got twenty or thirty pounds of food to break your fall. What the hell happened?"
• (Julia Roberts) "Bad morning. Preceded by thirty three bad years."
• (Billy Crystal) "Does this have something to do with Gwen?"

• (Julia Roberts) "Eddie, Eddie, are you okay?"
• (John Cusack) "I can feel my nose in the back of my throat, is that bad?"

• (Julia Roberts) "I bet you've never read a book in your life."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Ha. I read all four of the Harry Potter books."

• (Julia Roberts) "Are you okay now?"
• (John Cusack) "If you would have asked me a couple of hours ago, I would have said no. But something happened tonight that was really incredible. I was out walking by the cottages, and it was like Gwen was drawing me to her. And I just look over this wall, and there she was. She was standing by the pool, all dressed in white, like an angel in the desert. I thought to myself: "That's why you're here. You're supposed to win her back." No way she's gonna stay with Hector. I mean, there's no way. That's the woman I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with."
• (Julia Roberts) "Really? The -- The -- The woman by the pool?"
• (John Cusack) "Gwen."

• (Julia Roberts) "Lee, you know, I love you. You know, I'd do anything for you. You're just asking an awful lot -- Well, a press junket with Eddie isn't high on Gwen's list of priorities -- Oh, no lillies. Take them out -- Yes. I understand -- Yes, excuse me, hold on --"
• (Julia Roberts) "Could you please put that out? Please, please, please. Could you please put that out. Please, please."

• (Julia Roberts) "Look -- I'm tired of making excuses. I'm done picking up dirty clothes. I'm done pretending that your life is my whole life. I'm just -- I'm done."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "So what you're really worried about is you."
• (Julia Roberts) "Yes."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Well, I -- guess you're fired."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Honey. You know all I care about is your happiness. You know that, right?"
• (Julia Roberts) "Wow. Thank you, Gwen, that's very --"
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "So don't worry about me, everybody. I'll be fine."
• (John Cusack) "You're unbelievable."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Shut up."

• (Julia Roberts) "Good morning. How do you feel?"
• (John Cusack) "I feel good. I mean -- I feel weird, but I feel good. You?"
• (Julia Roberts) "Yeah, I feel something along those lines. Good, weird. Weird, good."

• (Julia Roberts) "You really need to go to this junket."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "No."
• (Julia Roberts) "Why not?"
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "I'm afraid."
• (Julia Roberts) "Of?"
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "That I'll see Eddie and he'll be this destroyed, pathetic mess and I'll feel guilty. And I'm tired of feeling guilty, Kiki, I really am."
• (Julia Roberts) "I know."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "I'm always thinking about other people."
• (Julia Roberts) "I know you are."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "It's awful when you're the only person who cares about other people's feelings. If they see Eddie and he's down and depressed, they're going to pity him and blame me."
• (Julia Roberts) "So, what you're really worried about is you."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Of course."

• (Julia Roberts) ""Oh, Kiki, my butter has touched another food. I need new butter." "Anything you want, honey." That's the way it goes, Lee. Right? You're a publicist, you know. Anything they want, right? She's got a green dress. Looks like crap on her. Brings out the circles under her eyes, she knows it, I know it. She gave it to me. It actually looks pretty nice on me. Then she said, well, maybe she wanted it back, you know? She doesn't want it, she just doesn't want me to have it. That's the truth."

• (Julia Roberts) "Kiki? Kiki-kins? Who's smoking? I smell smoke. Is someone smoking within a six mile radius of where I'm standing? Stop them, Kiki, stop them."

• (Julia Roberts) "Well, that's fascinating. "Not technically" -- hmm. That's, uh, that's sad, really. That's, uh -- that's a shame."
• (Julia Roberts) "Here are your eggs, my darling sister, I hope that's runny enough for you. And you, you son of a bitch."
• (Julia Roberts) "Here are your eggs. There you go."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "What the hell is wrong with you, Kiki?"
• (Julia Roberts) "A lot, actually, and you know, I cannot believe that it's taken me this long to figure it out. And -- and -- and I'm going to go for a long walk now, just to simmer down. But before I do, I would just like to cut through the bulls***. You see, sister, the reason why he's not technically seeing anyone is because he's still technically hung up on you."
• (Julia Roberts) "And you, you -- moron. The only reason she's here, besides trying to salvage her precious career, is to serve you with divorce papers. There, I've said it. I've done all I can do here. I'm going for a walk because that's, you know -- leaving is just something that I've really perfected over the years. And so, once more, with feeling."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "She was so much more fun when she was fat."

• (Julia Roberts) "Nobody hates you."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Oh yes, they do. I was in a store the other day, you know that great store on Melrose? And there was a baby in a stroller and he was looking up at me and he was judging me. The whole world is judging me for what I did to Eddie."

• (Julia Roberts) "You know what this is? This is high school all over again. Nothing has changed. You wanted to break up with one of your boyfriends in high school, did you do it? No. You made me do it."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "I did not."
• (Julia Roberts) "Oh, please. Let's just refresh your memory. Robert Mancuta?"
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Eww."
• (Julia Roberts) "Kyle Hassler?"
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Oh, God --"
• (Julia Roberts) "Toby Franks? Half the lacrosse team? Ring a bell? Huh? By the end of the year, I was the most hated girl in school."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "That's not true."
• (Julia Roberts) "My quote in the yearbook was, "Hey, we have to talk." I was despised."

• (Julia Roberts) "What was that?"
• (John Cusack) "Another stupid thing."

Hank Azaria as Hector

• (Hank Azaria) "He's gonna be a p***** pancake."

• (Hank Azaria) "Maybe you want to take a swing at me? Huh? Tall boy. Come on. Please, come on."
• (John Cusack) "What are you? What is that?"
• (Hank Azaria) "Let's go. Please. Please, make my day."

• (Hank Azaria) "I'm with Gwen now. We're a couple. So we're gonna go to the "hhhunket" together."

• (Hank Azaria) "Ooh, p***** boy gonna splat."

• (Hank Azaria) "What? I'm not invited to the "hunket?""
• (Billy Crystal) "I'm thorry, it wath the thudio'th dethithion."

• (Nevada Anchorman) "Is this a scene from their new movie, "Time Over Time"? No. That's Gwen Harrison and Eddie Thomas dancing in the moonlight for real. Hard to believe that America's Sweethearts are like we never thought we'd see them again --"
• (Hank Azaria) "What the hell is going on?"
• (Nevada Anchorman) "-- in a passionate embrace."
• (Hank Azaria) "god**** it."

• (Hank Azaria) "Can I just say something please? Excuse me. What was said about my penis on the screen -- that is completely false. Completely. I am extremely well hung. I will submit to a physical inspection right now."

• (Hank Azaria) "I really want to play a character like the Terminator, you know, because I think the Hispanic people are crying out to see a deadly, destructive, killing machine that they can embrace as their own, you know, that they can relate to --"

• (Hank Azaria) "I will kick your ass. Okay? Understand that."
• (Christopher Walken) "Who are you?"
• (Hank Azaria) "Who am I? I am de ass kicker of you."

• (Hank Azaria) "Who is this?"
• (Billy Crystal) "Hi, Hector, I'm Lee Phillips, press agent for "Time Over Time." Just in case you thought I was some guy coming to sweep her off her feet."
• (Hank Azaria) "No, no. You're too old."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Oh. Hector, honey, be good. I'm sorry, Lee, he's Spanish."
• (Billy Crystal) "No problem. I was Spanish once myself."

Billy Crystal as Lee

• (Billy Crystal) "Why am I here? I'm just confused. I mean, after all, you did fire me last week, so why am I here?"
• (Stanley Tucci) "I brought you here to see the new Hal Weidmann film."

• (Billy Crystal) "It's him. On the phone."
• (Stanley Tucci) "Who?"
• (Billy Crystal) "Hal."
• (Stanley Tucci) "I'll kill him. That sick son-of-a-bitch bastard. Put him on the speaker."
• (Stanley Tucci) "Hi, Hal. How are you, darling? You're in my thoughts. I want to send you a basket."

• (Billy Crystal) "Did you cut this yourself?"
• (Seth Green) "Well, no, Chad in Marketing --"
• (Billy Crystal) "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Always take credit. That is survival rule number one."
• (Seth Green) "Okay, yes, I did it on my Mac."
• (Billy Crystal) "Rule number two: Don't take credit until someone actually says they like what you did. It's not bad."

• (Billy Crystal) "So, do you want to arrive first or second?"
• (John Cusack) "Second."
• (Billy Crystal) "Be right back."
• (Billy Crystal) "He wants to go second."
• (Julia Roberts) "Let him go second."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "He can go second. No, wait a minute. He should go first. I don't want to look like his opening act. I want to go second."
• (Julia Roberts) "She wants to go second."
• (Billy Crystal) "Second it is."
• (Billy Crystal) "She wants to go second."
• (John Cusack) "Fine, let her come second. I don't care. Let her come behind me. That way she'll be able to see the knife she stuck in my back."
• (Billy Crystal) "Thank you."
• (Billy Crystal) "Second? We're all set."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Who cares?"
• (Julia Roberts) "She doesn't care."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Yes, I do. I'm going first."
• (John Cusack) "I don't care. I don't care. Why is this an issue?"
• (Billy Crystal) "I'm just trying to facilitate the --"
• (John Cusack) "I don't care. Can we just get to the hotel?"
• (Billy Crystal) "You're going second."
• (John Cusack) "I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care."
• (Billy Crystal) "You're going second. Eddie? You're going second."
• (John Cusack) "I don't care."
• (Billy Crystal) "Okay. Thank you."

• (Billy Crystal) "Come on, you've gotta confront her. Get it over with. She fell in love with another guy, alright? It happens."

• (Billy Crystal) "Will you please go talk to your sister? You're the only one she'll pretend to listen to."
• (Julia Roberts) "Where is she?"
• (Billy Crystal) "Grazing."

• (Billy Crystal) "Okay, Siegfried and Roy just left the building. They're heading for the pool deck."
• (Seth Green) "Siegfried and Roy are here?"
• (Billy Crystal) "No, not the real Siegfri -- It's a code. You wanted to play this game, you little schmuck."

• (Billy Crystal) "Can I explain why I didn't call?"

• (Billy Crystal) "They liked the movie. The press actually liked this crazy movie. They're calling it the "Blair Bitch Project"."

• (Billy Crystal) "Eddie, the next time you try to kill yourself, just take a hairdryer into the bathtub."

• (Billy Crystal) "Gwen, your dog just swallowed your window washer."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Puppy."
• (Billy Crystal) "Puppy? It's a raptor."
• (Julia Roberts) "Time for Prozac. Excuse me."
• (Billy Crystal) "She's on Prozac?"
• (Julia Roberts) "If only. The dog."

• (Billy Crystal) "So what is it? You're in love with Eddie?"
• (Julia Roberts) "Wouldn't that be stupid?"
• (Billy Crystal) "Kiki, I've done every one of their movies. I've never seen him look at her the way he's been looking at you. And if you're in love, you should just go for it -- the way you went for this breakfast."

• (Billy Crystal) "Hello, darling, can I get Holly Golightly's cottage, please? Thank you."
• (Seth Green) "Who's Holly Golightly?"
• (Billy Crystal) "It's Gwen's code name. It's from "Breakfast at Tiffany's"."
• (Seth Green) "Oh. What's that?"
• (Billy Crystal) "It's a movie, a great movie. Hepburn?"
• (Seth Green) "Right. Katharine."
• (Billy Crystal) "Let me tell you something. Don't tell anyone you're in the movie business. Okay? Thank you."

• (Billy Crystal) "Eddie is not demented. It was a one-time incident. This is a forgive-and-forget kind of thing."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "He tried to kill me, Lee. Am I the only person who remembers that? Attempted murder doesn't get people's attention anymore?"

• (Billy Crystal) "Now, we have to keep the press entertained and on the go. The best junkets are the ones where the press thinks it's a weekend not about the movie, but about them. So we have to program the s*** out of them: cocktail parties, hayrides, circle jerks. Whatever you have to do to keep them from remembering they haven't seen the movie they're there to review. What are we doing for gifts?"
• (Seth Green) "Oh, uh, the movie's about a cop traveling through time, so l did a gun."
• (Billy Crystal) "You're giving members of the press a gun?"
• (Seth Green) "Well, no, it's not real --"
• (Billy Crystal) "We'll do a bag, a really nice bag. Call Sol, the bag man. Diamond earrings for the ladies, money clips for the men. Move it, Gail. Chocolate truffles, the best perfume."

• (Billy Crystal) "Nazi bastard."

• (Billy Crystal) "You look fabulous."
• (Julia Roberts) "Thank you."
• (Billy Crystal) "Look at you. What did you do? Is it your hair? What is it?"
• (Julia Roberts) "It's my hair, and, err -- I had a little sun."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "She lost sixty pounds."
• (Julia Roberts) "And -- And -- And I lost a little weight."
• (Billy Crystal) "I see that. Yeah. You look terrific."
• (Julia Roberts) "Thank you."
• (Billy Crystal) "Sixty pounds?"
• (Julia Roberts) "Yeah."
• (Billy Crystal) "That's a Backstreet Boy."

• (Billy Crystal) "Survival rule number three, kid: You're not here to love anyone. You're here to promote a movie. That's it. Period. Say you're here and you get word that your mother died. You know, like, hit by a bus or something. You go downstairs, you shed a tear, and you say, "It's a shame. She would have loved this movie.""

• (Billy Crystal) "Ladies and gentlemen, here they are -- Eddie and Gwen, together again. America's Sweethearts."

• (Billy Crystal) "Hello? Hey, Gwen, it's Lee. Listen, I'm at the restaurant, and guess what? You're not. Are you okay? -- Oh, that's too bad -- No, no, Eddie's fine. He's with Kiki, and she looks unbelievable. It may be a little "hello, young lovers" for me, and I may have some fires to put out later, but hey, that's my problem, isn't it? -- Have a nice night. Feel better. Okay. Bye."
• (Billy Crystal) "Five minutes."
• (Seth Green) "You're amazing."
• (Billy Crystal) "Take notes, kid."

Catherine Zeta-Jones as Gwen

• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Your pillow's better than mine."

• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Kiki? What was that movie called?"
• (Julia Roberts) "I don't give a s***."
• (John Cusack) "No, that wasn't it."

• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Just smile and shut up."

• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "It's just not fair. There's all this pressure on me, and none whatsoever on Eddie, is there? He's probably all Summer having the time of his life."

• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "I smell smoke. Is somebody smoking?"
• (Julia Roberts) "I don't know."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "It's probably Larry. How many heart attacks has he had?"

• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Oh, Eddie, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I know you'll never forgive me, but please, please take me back. Oh -- that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
• (John Cusack) "Actually, it's a gun."

• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "I tell you, he's hot. Handsome. He can go for hours. I just wish he had a bigger, you know -- thingy. It's like a roll of quarters."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "It's like this."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Well -- maybe like this."

• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Are you seeing anybody?"
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Are you seeing anybody?"
• (John Cusack) "Let me think about how I answer that? Um, not -- you know --"
• (John Cusack) "-- Not technically, no."
• (Julia Roberts) "What?"
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "He said "not technically"."

• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Everyone hates me, everyone wants a piece of me. My therapist is out of the country, I wasn't nominated for a Golden Globe this year. Leave me alone."

• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "You love me."
• (John Cusack) "Yes, I do. I do love you. I love that beautiful, bright, sexy woman up on the screen --"
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "See? He loves me."
• (John Cusack) "Yeah, the girl I used to make movies with. But that's not the real you. That's you pretending to be real, which you're really good at. So when I'm with you in real life, I think I'm going to be with the real you, but I'm not. I'm with the real you that's with me right now, not the real you from the movies, and I don't want to be with -- you."

• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "I hate Larry King. Why did I do his stupid show?"
• (Julia Roberts) "Just breathe."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "I don't want to breathe. "Your last two movies crashed and burned" -- I wanted to choke him to death with those stupid suspenders. Everyone hates me."
• (Julia Roberts) "That's not true. The lighting was great. Everyone said you looked great."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Who?"
• (Larry King Producer) "You looked great."
• (Julia Roberts) "See?"
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Thanks."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "As if she really knows."

• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "I'm on pain medication that makes me say things I'd never say otherwise. To set the record perfectly straight, Eddie and I never had any plans to reconcile."
• (Hank Azaria) "And?"
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Oh, and Hector is very well-endowed."
• (Hank Azaria) "Almost too well-endowed. I've had complaints. Literally."

• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Eddie's really good -- and he's my pillar of strength, you know. It's like Sodom and Gomorrah"

• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "I slept with him."
• (Julia Roberts) "Hector? Are you in love with him?"
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "Come on. It's not always about love. Sometimes you just need to get laid."

Seth Green as Danny

• (Seth Green) "Felix, this is Oscar. The monkey is in daycare. Repeat, the monkey is in daycare."

• (Seth Green) "How will you get Eddy and Gwen there?"
• (Billy Crystal) "Don't worry. I know somebody."

Stanley Tucci as Kingman

• (Stanley Tucci) "I want only one thing: if people think that Eddie and Gwen are going to get back together again, they will go see this movie. I need you to make that happen."
• (Billy Crystal) "Oh, that'll be easy."
• (Stanley Tucci) "Well, look, just make it look like maybe it could happen --"
• (Billy Crystal) "Dave, she has a restraining order against him, and he flipped out, he's nuts. He's living in some nut hut up in the mountains or something."
• (Stanley Tucci) "So what? I don't care. I need Eddie and Gwen back together again, smiling and happy. We can sell the s*** out of that, Lee."
• (Billy Crystal) "What about the Spaniard?"
• (Stanley Tucci) "Unless I get a script called "I Shtupped Castro", I don't know what to do with him."

• (Stanley Tucci) "Well, Lee, I have to say, you have completely outdone yourself. In twenty-four hours, you've given us a walk in the woods, a romantic dinner, and a fist fight. I can't wait to see what happens next."
• (Billy Crystal) "Maybe I can get him to commit suicide. Would you like that?"
• (Stanley Tucci) "I don't know. Let me think about it."
• (Billy Crystal) "Oh, yeah. I mean, it won't help the initial release, but it'll rent like crazy when it goes to video. We can do a box like a coffin, maybe wrap it in a little black ribbon."
• (Stanley Tucci) "Ooh, yeah. No, that's good. No, no, wait -- imagine if he killed himself at the premiere."
• (Stanley Tucci) "I'm joking -- I mean, I'm -- thinking out loud, or whatever you call it."

• (Stanley Tucci) "All right, look -- if you won't do it for me, do it for my father, okay? You guys worked together a long time. You had a real bond."
• (Billy Crystal) "Your father was a psychotic."
• (Stanley Tucci) "You spoke at his funeral."
• (Billy Crystal) "I loved him. You I can't stand."

• (Stanley Tucci) "I spent eighty-six million dollars of the studio's money on twenty seconds of titles. That's all he sent me, the titles. And a note: "Dave, we could also do these in blue.""
• (Stanley Tucci) "We had to make a Hal Weidmann picture."
• (Scot Zeller) "The man's won three Oscars. He's a genius."
• (Stanley Tucci) "No. There's only been one genius in this business, and that was Señor Wences. A little lipstick, some hair, and his hand, and the guy had a career for eighty-five years."

• (Stanley Tucci) "Ooh. This is good. Hit him. Hit him."
• (Billy Crystal) "Who?"
• (Stanley Tucci) "Anybody."

Keri Lynn Pratt as Leaf Weidmann

• (Keri Lynn Pratt) "Can I defend my father's work?"
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "No, you cannot. Who's her father?"
• (Billy Crystal) "Hal."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "No, you cannot."
• (Keri Lynn Pratt) "Well, at least let me defend Hector. I only slept with him once, but I know his penis is bigger than a roll of quarters."
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "You slept with her?"
• (Hank Azaria) "No. I did not --"
• (Catherine Zeta-Jones) "You slept with her."
• (Hank Azaria) "No. No, she is lying."
• (Hank Azaria) "Except for the part about my penis. That's true. It's bigger than coins."

Christopher Walken as Hal Weidmann

• (Christopher Walken) "Love is a bridge built between two people. We want what exists between them to be real. My name is Hal Weidmann. The film you are about to see is Time Over Time, or is it? The details are unimportant. Simply put, the script was s***. I tossed it. I instead decided to let the camera capture real life. I filmed my actors without their knowledge. I let the camera run after takes. I placed hidden cameras around the set. The end result is a story far more involving than anything manufactured by actors and writers. This is real life. The juice. The stink. The glory."

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.