Scary Movie Quotes

Scary Movie is a television show that first aired in 1970 . Scary Movie stopped airing in 1970.

It features David Kitay in charge of musical score, and Francis Kenny as head of cinematography.

Scary Movie is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Scary Movie is 88 minutes long. Scary Movie is distributed by Dimension Films.

The cast includes: Shannon Elizabeth as Buffy Gilmore, Rick Ducommun as Cindy Campbell, Jon Abrahams as Bobby, Shawn Wayans as Ray, Marlon Wayans as Shorty, Cheri Oteri as Gail Hailstorm, Lochlyn Munro as Greg, Carmen Electra as Drew Decker, Andrea Nemeth as Heather, Kelly Coffield Park as Teacher, Jayne Trcka as Miss Mann, and Kurt Fuller as Sheriff.

Scary Movie Quotes

Carmen Electra as Drew Decker

• (The Killer) "Nice breasts --"
• (Carmen Electra) "What do you want?"
• (The Killer) "I wanna see what your insides look like."
• (Carmen Electra) "Then turn to page 54."

• (The Killer) "What's your favorite scary movie?"
• (Carmen Electra) "Kazaam. You know, the one where Shaq plays a genie."
• (The Killer) "That's not a horror movie."
• (Carmen Electra) "Yeah, well, you've never seen Shaq act."

• (Carmen Electra) "Or else my boyfriend is gonna be here any minute. He's black and he'll kick your ass."
• (The Killer) "You mean the one who wears makeup and dresses like a woman?"
• (Carmen Electra) "How did you know?"
• (The Killer) "Turn the porch lights on."
• (Carmen Electra) "That's not my boyfriend. I mean, I f***ed him a couple of times, but that's it."
• (Carmen Electra) "Look, I'm calling the cops."
• (The Killer) "Go ahead, call the cops. But you might wanna check the back door first. You forgot to lock it."

Cheri Oteri as Gail Hailstorm

• (Cheri Oteri) "What can you tell us about the victim?"
• (Marlon Wayans) "Well, she had a phat ass. It was like BANG."

• (Cheri Oteri) "Kenny, I know you're probably crappin' in a bag right now, but when I say 'quick', I want you to interpret that to mean 'move your plasma packin', I.V. draggin', bed-sore havin' fat ass -- NOW."

• (Cheri Oteri) "I'm Gail Hailstorm, author of "You're Dead, I'm Rich"."

• (Cheri Oteri) "Is that drool?"
• (Deputy Doofy) "Yeah, I forgot to swallow."
• (Cheri Oteri) "Don't worry, because I never forget."

• (Cheri Oteri) "Cindy. Cindy. Your butt looks FAT."

• (Cheri Oteri) "Chubzilla. Listen up."

• (Cheri Oteri) "Isn't Cindy Campbell's father a suspect?"
• (Kurt Fuller) "That is classified information, where did you get this?"
• (Cheri Oteri) "Sorry, but my information is strictly confidential s***."
• (Deputy Doofy) "Hi Gail -- Gail swallows."

• (Cheri Oteri) "I'm going to try and get a glimpse of Cindy Campbell, the young girl who was attacked earlier this evening -- You're on my foot, fat s***."
• (Cameraman Kenny) "Sorry, G --"
• (Cheri Oteri) "What did I say?"
• (Cameraman Kenny) "Don't ever step on Gail's shoes."
• (Cheri Oteri) "Why not?"
• (Cameraman Kenny) "Because Gail wears Prada shoes."
• (Cheri Oteri) "You idiot."
• (Cameraman Kenny) "I'm a bad man."

• (Cheri Oteri) "Heather, has it ever crossed your little mind that your boyfriend was probably murdered, and you're about to be slaughtered next?"
• (Andrea Nemeth) "Really? No Way."
• (Cheri Oteri) "Way."

Rick Ducommun as Cindy Campbell

• (Rick Ducommun) "Someone murdered my friends."
• (Cindy's Dad) "Yeah. And the sick bastard planted drugs all over the house."

• (Rick Ducommun) "I thought you loved me."
• (Jon Abrahams) "Oh, I did, baby, I did. But being in abstinence makes you wonder new things about yourself. That's right Cindy, I'm gay. And in case you haven't noticed, so is Ray."
• (Shawn Wayans) "What? I ain't gay."
• (Jon Abrahams) "What are you talking about? You took me to that club."
• (Shawn Wayans) "So? They play good music."
• (Jon Abrahams) "What about our trip to San Francisco?"
• (Shawn Wayans) "I wanted to go shopping."
• (Jon Abrahams) "But -- you made love to me."
• (Shawn Wayans) "First of all, you sucked my --"
• (Jon Abrahams) "Whatever."

• (Cindy's Dad) "Oh you are my little girl, I love you so much that I left you a little something in the coffee can. But you have to remember to step on it before you sell it. Now, what are you going to cut it with?"
• (Rick Ducommun) "Um -- baking --"
• (Cindy's Dad) "Baking soda. Not baking powder. Because baking powder guys will have muffins growing out of their noses."
• (Cindy's Dad) "You love that joke, honey. You've loved it since you were two years old."

• (Cindy's Dad) "I thought I heard screaming in here."
• (Rick Ducommun) "No, no daddy."
• (Cindy's Dad) "No, Maybe it could have been the crack I smoked earlier."

• (Rick Ducommun) "Why are you doing this?"
• (Jon Abrahams) "Why? Why? You hear that, Ray. I think she wants a motive."
• (Jon Abrahams) "Did Scream have a plot?"
• (Shawn Wayans) "No."
• (Jon Abrahams) "Did I Know What You Did Last Summer make any sense? Don't think so. And what about the sequel? What the hell was with that fat, white Jamaican kid?"
• (Shawn Wayans) "Oh, I want to kill that motherf***er."
• (Rick Ducommun) "It was bad casting, Bobby."

• (Rick Ducommun) "What's wrong? Bobby, she's gone and she's not coming back."
• (Jon Abrahams) "It's been over a year now, Cindy."
• (Rick Ducommun) "But Ginger was such an important part of the Spice Girls."

• (Rick Ducommun) "You guys are psychos. You've watched too many TV shows."
• (Shawn Wayans) "No. Watching TV shows doesn't create psycho killers. Canceling TV shows does."
• (Shawn Wayans) "I mean the Wayans Brothers was a good show, man. It was a good show, but we've never even got a final episode."

• (Rick Ducommun) "Ray, if you see Bobby, will you tell him that I love him?"
• (Shawn Wayans) "Okay, if I see Bobby, I'll tell him I love him."

• (The Killer) "Do you know where I am?"
• (Rick Ducommun) "Um, you're behind the couch, I can see your feet."
• (The Killer) "D'oh."
• (The Killer) "Okay,okay close your eyes."
• (The Killer) "Now do you know where I am?"

• (Rick Ducommun) "We have to call the police."
• (Shawn Wayans) "No way. I ain't going to jail."
• (Lochlyn Munro) "He's right. Cindy, do you know what they do to young boys in prison? All of those sex-starved convicts just waiting for a fresh piece of meat?"
• (Shawn Wayans) "Hey, Cindy's right. Maybe we should call the police."

• (Rick Ducommun) "Greg, you're not the only one who got one."
• (Lochlyn Munro) "What do you mean, Bobby's got a baby-dick too?"
• (Rick Ducommun) "No, the note."

• (Rick Ducommun) "Don't you think we should check his wallet first?"
• (Shannon Elizabeth) "For what?"
• (Brenda) "s***, he might have some money."
• (Brenda) "Well, we already committed murder, we might as well rob his ass."

Kelly Coffield Park as Teacher

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Marlon Wayans as Shorty

• (Marlon Wayans) "Yo, man. It's like I seen all this s*** before."
• (Rick Ducommun) "They had a killer at you high school, Shorty?"
• (Marlon Wayans) "No, it was in that movie- Scream. Same dialogue everything. That s*** is ill."

• (Brenda) "Shorty, why you have to be so loud? And make sure you take your behind to class this time."
• (Marlon Wayans) "I do be going to class."
• (Brenda) "Lunch is not a class, Shorty."
• (Marlon Wayans) "It is when you got the munchies."
• (Brenda) "You a dumbass."
• (Marlon Wayans) "Your Mother."
• (Brenda) "You my Brother, that makes her your Mother too, jackass."
• (Marlon Wayans) "Oh, well then your Father's stupid."
• (Brenda) "So? I don't know him."
• (Marlon Wayans) "Yeah, me either."

• (The Killer) "I'm gonna slash and gash, cut another hole in your ass. I spill blood on the walls, then play tennis with your balls. If the phone rings, don't answer the call. Gonna slit your throat, f*** you like a goat, peel your foreskin off and make a winter coat. Peace."
• (Marlon Wayans) "Yo. That was the illest rhyme I ever seen."

• (Marlon Wayans) "Theres blood, guts and asses everywhere, someone's gone all crazy, son."
• (Jon Abrahams) "We all go a little crazy sometimes."
• (Rick Ducommun) "Bobby, no."
• (Marlon Wayans) "Oh, Cindy he got me in the lung."
• (Marlon Wayans) "Wanna hit this s***?"

Shawn Wayans as Ray

• (Shawn Wayans) "Damn girl, I sure like to get in your pants --"
• (Brenda) "Really?"
• (Shawn Wayans) "Yeah, what size are these?"

Shannon Elizabeth as Buffy Gilmore

• (Beauty Pageant MC) "Here she is. Miss Teen, she's so fine. Such lovely tits --"
• (Shannon Elizabeth) "Give me my crown, bitch."
• (Beauty Pageant MC) "-- and a great behind. There she is, doggy style anytime. And I'll do her behind behind and behind. Oh, there she is. She loves 69 --"

• (Shannon Elizabeth) "Oh, is this the climax? Well, I hope you don't mind if I fake it."

• (Shannon Elizabeth) "Hey do you think the press is gonna wanna talk to us?"
• (Brenda) "Oh please. The press only wanna interview the most ignorant person they find."
• (Marlon Wayans) "I'm on T.V. Oh s***, first "Cops" now this. I'm gonna be a star, son."
• (Cheri Oteri) "So how close were you to the victim?"
• (Marlon Wayans) "Oh real close. Right 'til the roofies wore and she woke up. Then she was all talkin' 'bout pressing charges so I just pulled my tongue outta her ass and left."
• (Cheri Oteri) "If you could have spoken to her before she died what would your last words to her have been?"
• (Marlon Wayans) "Run bitch, run."

• (Deputy Doofy) "Mom said that when I wear this badge you're supposed to treat me like a man of the law."
• (Shannon Elizabeth) "Yeah, and Mom also said for you to stop sticking your dick in the vacuum cleaner."

• (Shannon Elizabeth) "Don't worry, Cindy. We'll pretend this never happened. You know, like the time we got drunk and went down on each other."

• (Shannon Elizabeth) "Oh, now I am gonna fall and break my leg."
• (Shannon Elizabeth) "Ow."

• (Shannon Elizabeth) "Oh, look at me. I'm all dead."

• (Shannon Elizabeth) "Oh my god, we hit a boot."
• (Lochlyn Munro) "Where's the foot?"

• (Homeless Man) "You got a dollar?"
• (Shannon Elizabeth) "Get away from me, you bum."
• (Rick Ducommun) "Buffy, can't you see he's hungry? Here you go, sir, a nice sandwich."
• (Homeless Man) "I said a dollar, bitch."

Jon Abrahams as Bobby

• (Jon Abrahams) "You hear? Drew got killed last night."
• (Shawn Wayans) "Wait, she had a brother right, Steve?"
• (Jon Abrahams) "Yeah."
• (Shawn Wayans) "Yeah? Long hair, pretty little mouth, perfect ass?"
• (Jon Abrahams) "Yep, that was her."
• (Shawn Wayans) "Nah, I'm talking about Steve. Whatever happened to him?"

• (Jon Abrahams) "That's very, uh, seventies of you."

Jayne Trcka as Miss Mann

• (Jayne Trcka) "Come in, dear. Have a seat. Take off your bra if you like."

• (Jayne Trcka) "The police have asked us to give you the following safety tips: Stay in well lit areas, never travel alone whenever possible, ALWAYS wipe front to back, and remember, never EVER believe someone when they tell you that shaving your pubic hair will rid you of crab infestation."

Kurt Fuller as Sheriff

• (Deputy Doofy) "I go poopie."
• (Kurt Fuller) "Did you just say you went "poopie"?"
• (Deputy Doofy) "Yeah, it was good."

• (Kurt Fuller) "How are you today Cindy?"
• (Rick Ducommun) "Good, officer, how are you?"
• (Kurt Fuller) "Bloated, constipated, got a boil on my ass the size of a walnut; you know, the usual."

Lochlyn Munro as Greg

• (Lochlyn Munro) "I'll grab one arm."
• (Jon Abrahams) "I'll grab the other arm."
• (Shawn Wayans) "I'll grab his ass."

Andrea Nemeth as Heather

• (Andrea Nemeth) "The First Amendment gives us the right to say what we want."
• (Kelly Coffield Park) "Oh, shut the f*** up."

• (Andrea Nemeth) "Gail, please help me. Gail, please."
• (Cheri Oteri) "I'd like to help you out, kid, but it's sweeps."

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